


The Pack Grows

by ItCouldAllBeForNothingTommorow



Series: Pack (A Walking Dead Alpha/Omega Story) [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alpha Shane Walsh, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Carl Doesn't Die, Characters Get Backstory, Good Friend Shane Walsh, Hurt Rick, Lots of character development, Multi, Non-Canon Relationship, Non-Canonical Character Death, Non-Canonical Sexuality, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Carl Grimes, Omega Rick Grimes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pack Dynamics, Pack Family, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Series Rewrite, Some Canon Character Deaths, Some People Live Who Don’t In Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-02-14 15:45:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 116,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13010985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItCouldAllBeForNothingTommorow/pseuds/ItCouldAllBeForNothingTommorow
Summary: This is the first part of a series rewrite in a universe with my take on Alphas and Omegas.  It starts with Rick getting shot then carries on through to Day 83 into the Walkers and the outbreak (end of season 2).  Things will continue on in part two.  For more information please see tags, series summary, and end of author’s notes in chapter one.There is very little sex in Part One.  What is there will come towards the end but it is minimal.  The focus of this story is on the characters and any smutt that happens is in service to their story so it isn’t just randomly sprinkled in.  At this point people have other things they are focused on.  So if you’re looking for smutt you’re going to have to wait for later parts.All of part one is written and just awaiting edit.





	1. Have To Live

**Author's Note:**

> See end for Author’s Notes that explain the rules for Alphas and Omegas in this universe, expected posting schedule, and a bit of background on this story.
> 
> No Beta. I am crap at spelling, have dyslexia, and mostly work on this story when sleep deprived and in pain… So there will be mistakes. Point them out in the comments and I’ll do my best to find and fix them expediently.

He was almost out of gas and there were still miles to go until he reached Atlanta. There was no choice but to leave his car and hope there was something left at the gas station up the road.

Rick still wasn’t used to seeing the destruction and the desolation of the world as it had become while he was sleeping. There weren’t people and what they left behind spoke of things he didn’t want to imagine because if he started he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from imagining his pack in the place of these strangers. 

He needed to press on. He needed to believe that Shane, Lori, and most of all Carl were still alive. Because if he let himself doubt the pain and grief would tear him apart and he wouldn’t be able to go on and there was no hope of reuniting with his pack if he didn’t press on. So he couldn’t think about what had happened as he passed burned out cars and abandoned toys and lifeless bodies left to rot in the vehicles he passed on this way to the pump. He just couldn’t.

For the time being he had to think of gas and getting to Atlanta.

‘No gas,” the sign read and Rick knew he shouldn’t be surprised even if it was a disappointment. Gas was always one of the first things to start running low in a disaster. He’d just have to hope he found what he needed somewhere further along the way. He wasn’t out yet so he’d go back to the car and keep moving. Things would have to work out because he was getting to Atlanta, no matter what.

There was a noise behind him. He reached for his gun and berated himself when he realized it was just a tarp caught by the breeze. Only, as the tarp settled, he could hear something else. He got down low and waited to see what was coming his way.

Little feet shuffled by in bunny slippers. The skin he saw was pale and dirtied but Rick couldn’t tell if it was fair, sickly, or dead. He tried taking in a deep breath but he couldn’t smell anything. Since he’d woken up, his sense of smell had been erratic going from dampened to muted to hyper sensitive with those moments of increased sensitivity being rare.

He waited, staying low, watching. His goal was Atlanta and his pack so he couldn’t be stupid or reckless. He couldn’t take risks. It was a miracle he was alive at all. He needed to make sure he stayed that way for his pack. They need him. They needed him alive and with them.

So he watched and waited until a little hand reached down to grab a teddybear. It didn’t even cross his mind that a walker could do that. All he could think was that this child was alive and alone and needed him. He rose to his feet revealing himself.

“Little girl,” he called out to the dirtied figure. “Little girl.”

She turned on him and there was no mistaking what he saw for a living thing.

It panicked him, seeing a child as one of those things. As a father facing the truth that sometimes children die was hard enough but to die like that, to become like that? It made him think those thought he couldn’t go thinking. Just for a second, just for a moment, he thought of Carl being one of those things and once he thought it he could see it clearly and what he saw in his head, his mind projected out on the world around him. It was no longer a little girl he was facing but instead Carl in her place. Carl, standing in front of him with a hug gash along his face, dead eyed, a corpse mocking the life of his boy.

Rick stumbled back unable to deal with what he was seeing. His hand faltered, lowering his python. The gun he didn’t remember drawing.

Carl started to move towards him, to reach out to him and make noises like one of those things and Rick… Rick couldn’t.

So he ran. He ran back to the car and away from those thoughts. He pushed on for Atlanta and pushed his fears down. He didn’t let himself think about what he’d seen or what he might find. He had a goal. He had a job to do, and he would do it.

 

\- Before - 

Rick could feel Shane’s eyes on him. He knew eventually Shane would get him to talk just as he know it would take Shane making him to find the will to talk about what had happened. He’d barely been able to bring himself to speak all morning. His father had always said, “Think before you speak.” At the moment it seemed all Rick could do was think. He didn’t know what would happen if he let what was going on in his head out into the world but there was something in him that screamed at him not to. It wasn’t rational, but feelings aren’t always rational things.

Shane had gone to get them lunch. Rick didn’t have to tell him what he wanted. He didn’t have to ask to dip his fries in the ketchup from Shane’s burger. He didn’t have to explain that his not talking had nothing to do with Shane. Shane would know without his having to say it. He would be able to tell the difference between Rick’s being upset with him and Rick’s being upset by other things. And even though Shane would know it wasn’t his fault, he’d tried to fix it. Rick didn’t need to ask questions with Shane. Shane just knew. Rick wondered yet again why Lori couldn’t understand him with such ease.

Shane had started his campaign by trying to cheer him up and get him talking about something lighter things before steering them into serious conversation.

He was going on about one of the girls he’d dated years back. It was an easy and familiar story. Rick knew where to fit himself into the telling of it and it was natural to speak up and make his jokes and commentary where needed.

Once he had Rick talking, once he’d drawn him out, Shane asked, “Something happen with Lori again?”

Rick took a breath and nodded.

Shane reached out to take hold Rick by the back of the neck in a long familiar gesture of comfort to just let him know he was there , that he had Rick, while Rick took the time to find his words.

“We didn’t have a great night,” Rick said sneering at his own choice of words. As if it was just as easy as that.

Shane waited but there didn’t seem to be move forthcoming. “I’m going to need a bit more than that,” he said putting a bit of tease in his voice, to keep things light.

“That’s what she went in on me for last night. I don’t talk enough,” he explained.

Shane looked at Rick with sympathy and massaged at the column of muscle under his hand in an attempt to get Rick to relax a little bit. “Was she trying to pick a fight again?”

Rick shrugged and pushed back into Shane’s hand. “Seemed that way to me…”

“But maybe I’m not being fair,” Rick added, wanting to give Lori the benefit of the doubt. He’d rather he was in the wrong than his wife had been looking to make trouble between them yet again.

Shane didn’t comment. Rick knew his policy on domestics was to not assign blame if he hadn’t been there. Unfortunately it was Rick and Lori who’d given him enough experience to learn to stick to that rule. So instead he asked, “Do you think you’re not being fair?”

Rick sighed and shrugged. “Lately, I get home and I just, claim up cause I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. Maybe that set things off last night. Maybe she felt that and it set things off.”

His face went hard. “Even if it was me last night, that wouldn’t have excuse her for this morning though,” Rick said his tone taking on base and growl.

Shane’s brow furrowed up knowing it must have taken something big for Rick to react this way. Rick was usually reserved in things. For him to show this much anger it meant someone had to have set him off good. “What happened?”

“… Last thing she said this morning, right in front of Carl… She said, ‘Sometimes I wonder if you even care about us at all.’” Rick couldn’t hold back the hurt and anger from his voice. He wasn’t even trying to, not with Shane.

Shane’s hand convulsed on his neck. “What,” he growled pure aggression and anger on Rick’s behalf. After all Lori hadn’t said it to him. He got to feel all the anger and affront without the hurt and the self doubt and wondering how his marriage got suck a low point.

Rick nodded. “How could she say that,” he asked the hurt overtaking the anger. Like Shane had leeched it out of him to fuel his own reaction. 

Shane didn’t get to say anything more. He didn’t get to offer him any comfort as they were interrupted by a call over the radio. There was work to do.

It wasn’t every day they got called out to a pursuit in progress. It was even less often they were called to go after someone who’d fired on and injured fellow police officers. It got the blood pumping but Shane and Rick knew how to handle that better then Leon Basset and others. As an Alpha and Omega they had received special trained and because there was every exception on them to know how to handle themselves they were relied upon to step up when volatile situations came up.

If you had asked Rick he would have said that you could never be completely prepared for a situation like they found themselves in. But though he’d imagined it, he hadn’t expected things to go down the way they had. He couldn’t think of how this had actually happened as he laid on the ground, shot, bleeding out for all he knew. How far out would help be? How much time did he have?

Shane was already falling apart above him but doing his best not to. Doing his best to stay on task. That was their training and his mother’s advice shining through. “Find something to focus on then find the next.” When something went wrong you had to focus on what needed doing. That had always been her advice.

Something had definitely gone wrong but Rick didn’t know what to focus on. What should he do?

The only thing he could that came to mind to do was comfort Shane. Shane was pack and in distress. He needed Rick. He needed comfort. 

Rick brought a hand up to wrap his fingers around Shane’s wrist where he was applying pressure to Rick’s wound. Shane sobbed a bit at that and Rick made a noise of distress not completely sure if it was due to the gun shout or because of Shane. Belated he realized it was probably both.

“Shh, shh, man I’ve got you. I’ve got you Rick.”

Shane leaned over him resting their foreheads together. Rick could smell blood but past the blood he could smell Shane and he calmed.

“That’s it, I’m here. I’m here Rick and you aren’t going anywhere, you hear me? You stay with me. You stay strong now. I can’t loose you man so you stay with me.”

Rick nodded weakly. That was right. That was what he had to focus on. He couldn’t leave Shane. He couldn’t leave Carl. He couldn’t leave his pack. He had to stay alive. They needed him.

Lori’s words from earlier played out in his head and rather than demoralizing him they bolstered him. Like hell he didn’t love his son. Like hell he didn’t love his boys. Like hell he didn’t love his pack. He was going to stay alive for them. He was going to stay alive because they needed him.

He wasn’t going to die because he couldn’t die. He had to be there for Carl. He had a son. He had a pack. He had to stay alive. He couldn’t leave everything to Shane. He couldn’t leave Shane alone to deal with everything as well as his death. Shane won’t be able to deal with loosing him. Rick knows it. He’s left letters with his will because he knows it. Shane’s lost so much over the years. Rick’s the one thing he’d been able to hold onto the longest. Rick’s considered that maybe it’s because of that Rick means more to him then anything else or maybe Shane’s kept him this long because Rick means more.

Shane’s father left when his mother couldn’t hide Shane’s dynamic from the man any longer. Shane’s mother was Cis and Shane’s father was Cis with no Alphas or Omegas anywhere in the family tree. Finding out that Shane was an Alpha was all the evidence his father needed that Shane wasn’t his. He confronted his wife about it and that confrontation quickly got violent. Shane hadn’t been able to stay out of it. His mother was his and his father was his but that didn’t mean his father could hurt his mother. Shane had stepped up to defend his mother and no one had been prepared for how fierce he would be in defending her. His father had ended up in the hospital with a story of his cheating wife and her crazed bastard son. He never came back to the house after and never had any interest in his wife or Shane again. He filed for divorce as word spread around town as to what had happened.

Shane’s mother insisted over and over again that she hadn’t strayed. Shane never got a different answer from her. He’d begged her to be honest with him but she couldn’t bring herself to. Whoever Shane’s biological father was she wouldn’t speak of him insisting she’d only ever been with her husband despite Shane being proof that wasn’t true. As far as Shane was concerned he had lost the only father he ever knew and lost any chance of knowing another thanks to his mothers silence.

Their relationship never fully recovered.

It was what had happened with Shane’s family that had brought Rick and him together the way they were. They had been school friends before that time but nothing more. After Shane’s dad left that changed. Rick’s father realized that Shane needed support from people like him and as an Alpha himself with Shane being Rick’s age he’d felt it was right to invite Shane into their pack. Shane was around regularly after that and it didn’t take long before Rick’s father got his way and Shane was pack. 

Eventually as they got older, things between Shane and his mother only grew worse. He spent just as many nights at Rick’s house as he did his own. Shane’s feelings toward his mother weren’t helped by Rick’s own parents feelings for her. They had no sympathy for Shane’s mother. They were willing to believe that she had in fact strayed and stayed silent and they judged her harshly for that. Their judgment fueled Shane’s own resentments towards her. It was only after Rick’s own mother died that Shane was able to push that resentment aside and try to make amends with his mom. It was only then that she was able to be a real part of his life again. They were never close though. Shane saw her once a month with those visits usually falling on holidays or important days like her birthday or his. She was usually one of the last to learn about big decisions in his life and he certainly didn’t consider her pack. It had been a long time since he’d felt that possessive sense that she was his and it never did come back.

A few years after Rick’s mother death, Rick’s father passed away taking from Shane his parental figure as well as the head of his pack. It was only the two of them after that. Only a pack of two but it was enough. They worked it out together, supported one another, and they did their best to make sure one another was okay despite what they’d lost so young. They’d been close before but somehow they became closer still. They joked that they should just bound and wed, start making babies and be done with it. They both meant it, just a bit but not enough to act on it. They both knew things weren’t right for it. The odds were against them and neither was willing to risk what would happen to them if things didn’t work out. Knowing that once they made that move there was no undoing it they both held back. As time went on the joke ad the day dream became painful, only showing up when they had a few drinks, plus a few more in their systems. Rick distracted himself by looking for someone he could settle down with without risking what he already had while Shane kept on hooking up with girls where for one reason or another there was always a reason there couldn’t be a future. 

Lori came into Rick’s awareness through the friend of the fiancee of someone he knew well enough to be invited along to celebrate their wedding shower. They’d met a few times before the shower but had never connected until the bride and groom to-be had introduced them joking that Rick and Lori were the only two there that wanted to get married as much as they did. That had set the tone for everything to come after. They didn’t take things slow. They didn’t keep things light. They dived right in the deep end from that day forward. They started in serious from the start discussing what they wanted from a marriage and why while surrounded by other party guests. 

They both wanted the same things. They wanted a marriage, a home, and to be parents. 

Lori wanted to be a wife and Rick wanted to be a husband. 

Lori wanted to be a mother and Rick was happy to be a father. Rick wanted a child and he didn’t care if he sired it or birthed it or adopted. He just wanted a child and a partner to help him raise that child so if Lori was willing to let him father children with her then he was happy. 

Rick wanted a committed monogamous relationship and as far as Lori was concerned that was the only way a relationship with her in it could work. They both wanted to start building the lives they’d envisioned for themselves and they didn’t want to wait. For Rick it was about getting for himself what his parents had and through that connecting back to them and the past. For Lori it was about getting what she never really had and proving to herself that she could have it. 

With the same goal in mind they fell together and started plowing ahead.

Lori wasn’t like Rick and Shane. She was Cis and didn’t have the same need or draw to pack as they did. But she was also the women Rick hoped to one day call wife so they made room for her between them. They let her in and Lori became pack, then she became Rick’s wife, and finally his mate, when she conceived and they finally got the child they’d both been longing for. 

Carl. Their boy. His boy. His son. His beautiful boy. He’d made their pack bigger and their lives richer for his being there. No matter what problems Rick and Lori had he was always able to forgive her because of that. She brought Carl into this world and that was a gift Rick could never stop being grateful for.

But Rick was an Omega and Carl was an omega and Lori wasn’t. In the end Rick thought that was the source of a lot of their problems. Lori couldn’t inherently empathize with either of them. At least not in the way one of their own could have. It shouldn’t have been a problem, especially after so many years. Even if it didn’t come naturally to her Lori should have been able to learn. But Lori didn’t learn and she didn’t always make the effort to be sensitive to the fact that they were different. She never denied what they were or called it wrong but it was like she chose to act ignorant of it.

Lori was pack but she was rarely a good pack mate. If she couldn’t handle being there for the day to day what kind of support would she be for Carl and Shane if Rick was gone. Rick knew the answer without having to think about it. He’d spent a long time not thinking about it because it wasn’t good but lying their shot it was all he could think about.

Rick fought for his life while thinking about the fact that Lori was the kind of woman, who despite all sense, would question whether he loved her and loved their son. No, not loved, cared. She was the type of woman to accuse him of not even caring for his mate and his son and she said it, said those exact words in front of their son. She sent them off on their days with in their heads. She’d said that knowing Carl would have to go to school after. She’d made that accusation knowing Rick was going off to work, to a job where he could be put into danger. A job where he had been put into danger. He had been shot and those were the last words she’d said to him. That would be the last memory Carl would have of his parents together if Rick didn’t survive. Rick couldn’t leave his son with that memory. He couldn’t leave Shane to try and hold them together when Lori didn’t step up because she wouldn’t step up, she wouldn’t have a clue where she was meant to step up to and she wouldn’t think to ask. 

She couldn’t be what the pack would need her to be if he was dead, he told himself. It wasn’t in her, he thought with certainty. It would all fall to Shane and he would be too busy taking care of one thing then the next, so busy trying to hold things together that he wouldn’t to take care of himself and he wouldn’t take the time to let himself grieve.

Some of their kind didn’t need pack but Shane and Rick were pack animals to their core. Maybe if they’d grown up differently they wouldn’t be but as it stood they needed their pack. They needed each other. They needed someone around to take care of them when they forgot to take care of themselves. They needed someone around who didn’t need them to speak in order to know what they needed but also knew how to get them talking when there were words that needed to be said. They needed someone who knew to get extra ketchup on the burger so there would be something to dip the damn fries into. Rick was that for Shane. Shane was that for Rick. Maybe because they were there for each other Lori had never needed to step up and learn. She would need to learn for Shane and Carl if Rick wasn’t there. Shane and Carl would need her to but Rick couldn’t find any trust in himself that she would. It broke him a bit to suddenly understand intrinsically that he did not trust his wife with their son, with his best friend, with his pack. How could he count someone as pack, as wife, when he couldn’t trust them with the most important parts of his life in his death?

That’s why Rick had to live. There was no one who could step up to take his place if he wasn’t there any longer. Carl was to young to be for Shane what he would need and even if he could he shouldn’t have to, not at his age but if Shane didn’t get the support he needed he would break. Then Carl would be left with just Lori and that wouldn’t be enough, not for Carl, not for an grieving Omega, not for his son having to figure out how to live without his father. Carl was so young. He wasn’t ready to have to stand on his own.

Rick railed at himself for not having been willing to see it earlier, He felt he should have really look at was happening to them, to his marriage, to his pack. He should have put in the effort. He should have forced Lori into couples therapy or family therapy instead of letting her agree only for it to never happen. He should have been pushing Lori harder. He should have been pushing back against her. Lori had been trying to get him to push back for years and it suddenly seemed to Rick that she was right to. He should have stood up. He should have put her in line instead of holding his silence.

He needed to live so he could fix that mistake. He needed to live. So he wasn’t going to die. He wasn’t. In Rick’s mind it was as simple and clear as that. He needed to survive so he could heal the damage his being shot would cause. Shane could hold it together for himself and Carl and Lori until Rick was better. Then Rick would help put heal the damage from the stress.  It's what they did, the two of them.  It's what being a pack meant to them.  They gave all that they had for one another but there was never a void left behind because they were given equally as they gave. Rick needed to be there or Shane would feed that void until he had nothing left.

Shane needed him. Carl needed him. He needed to live. He needed to make things right. He needed to make things okay. He needed to make them safe. He needed more time… He needed… He needed… They needed him.

“Rick,” Shane called to him, his voice distant and soft. Rick didn’t like it but he couldn’t think how to fix it, how to get Shane closer.

He wasn’t sure where they were. They weren’t on the grass, on the ground any longer and Rick didn’t remember when that had happened.

“Dad?” 

Carl. Carl was talking to him soft and just as distant as Shane and Rick liked that even less than he did with Shane. He needed his son close. He needed him. He needed his scent. He needed to feel Carl in his arms but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even rightly make out what his son was telling him.

He tried to remember what he’d been thinking about, what had been happening, before Carl came, but he couldn’t remember. Everything was confused and thick. Rick wasn’t sure if he was waking up from a dream or still in one.

He saw Shane leaning over him, his hands on Rick’s face, his head on Rick’s chest. He couldn’t feel Shane’s touch and he couldn’t smell him and that made him feel assured that it couldn’t be real. He became certain he was dreaming and so he stopped fighting to pay attention through the fog.

“I’m here Rick. Now you have to do you part. Come on man.”

Rick was tired. He didn’t care what a dream had to say. He cared about the real Shane. He felt he had better things to focus on then whatever his subconscious decided to whip up. Real things. The things that were found in the waking world. He needed to wake up. He needed…

His awareness returned. He opened his eyes feeling more awake, less confused, more sure of things. In those first moment he was sure it was the best thing to ever happen to him, after Carl. As far as Rick was concerned it was one of the best things because he wasn’t dead. He was alive. He could breath. He could move. Everything was blurred around the edges, his body was heavy, and his throat was parched but his heart was still beating and as long as he was alive he had a chance to make things right.

“Carl,” Rick tried but he could barely get the name out. “Shane.”

No one answered.

“Nurse,” he tried despite how it hurt to do so, thinking that perhaps someone had persuaded them to go home and rest. But still, no one answered.

He was on his own and Rick couldn’t understand how.

He tried to get up but fell to the floor.

He called out for the nurse again but no one answered.

He didn’t understand what was happening but he knew the implication of it was that he had to take care of himself. The problem was he didn’t know how to do that. He wasn’t sure of anything beyond the deep aching longing in him for his pack. He needed pack. He needed his pack. He needed Carl and Shane. He needed his best friend. He needed his little boy. He needed to smell them and hold them and feel them in his arms. He needed to keep them close and not let them go until they were sick of each other. He wanted his pack. He didn’t want to be alone. 

Rick let out a sob before he caught himself and forced the feeling back. He was spiraling and he couldn’t do that. He had to use his emotions instead of letting his emotions use him. He tried to settle in to meditate and work his way through the practices to get his meditation under control but when he tried to focus on his breath he realized he couldn’t smell anything. Not being able to smell was not a part of his life. It was only in dreams where he couldn’t scent so he thought he must be dreaming because there had to be scent, there was always scent but Rick couldn’t find it. Every breath was free of anything and Rick couldn’t handle the thought of still being caught in a dream.

His emotions started to get away on him again but he forced himself to stop and think. Medications and trauma could interfere with a persons sense of smell and Rick knew he’d experienced trauma and as a consequence of that probably medication as well. He forced himself to but scent aside and focus on other things then scent while he took deep measured breathes. He focused on what his body was feeling instead of what he could smell. He focused on the feel of the hard cold floor. He focused on the pain and weakness in his body. That was all too real to be a dream, he told himself.

Once he had his emotions under control he tried calling on the nurse again but got no response.

Find something. The long ingrained instruction passed through his thoughts. Find something to focus on and then move to the next.

His throat hurt. He needed water. Rick choice to focus on that. So he got himself up off the floor. When he tried to walk the tv held him back so with only the most primal level of problem solving for the matter he dealt with that by ripping away the bandage and taking the IV out. He didn’t think about the damage he might be doing or finding another way. He needed water which meant he needed to get to the bathroom. The IV was stopping him from getting to the bathroom so the IV had to be dealt with. The most efficient way to deal with the IV to his mind was to get rid of it. After, he applied pressure to stem the flow of blood as he moved to the bathroom and found water, water to sooth his throat and give him some of what his body was telling him he needed.

From there the next step was clear. He needed to find someone who could tell him where his people were and as no one had answered his call that meant going out to the halls without a thought for modesty or socks or anything between his feet and the cold floor.

Only there was no one in the halls. The only thing Rick found in the halls was destruction and a warning that spoke of the dead and bodies and more bodies. 

Rick wanted to be dreaming. He wished he hadn’t convinced himself so thoroughly that he wasn’t. He wanted it to be a dream because he didn’t understand what everything he was seeing could be if it wasn’t a dream. There was no deluding himself that it was a dream however when he came outside and suddenly his sense of smell returned just in time to take in the lot full of bodies before him. The smell. God, the smell. Suddenly all Rick could think about was getting away from that smell. He ran away as everything in Rick spoke against what that smell meant. Every instinct screamed, ‘Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.’ 

He saw the destruction of the hospital from the outside and the abandoned evidence of a military presence and pushed it aside. The new focus in his mind was to get away and none of that mattered to that goal. What mattered was getting away and there was only one place he wanted to go at the moment so he set his mind on home.

The pain of moving didn’t matter.

The… woman in the park didn’t matter.

Stealing a bike didn’t matter if it could get him home.

What matter was getting home and hopefully finding what he needed there.

But it wasn’t there. 

Rick screamed out for what he needed but there was no reply. “Carl! Shane! Carl!… Lori!”

There was no answer. Just as there had been no answer in the hospital. He kept on calling anyway while searching the entire house. He moved room to room till he came back to where he started but there was no sign of life.

“Shane,” he said, his voice breaking while tears ran down his face. What little control he’d kept on his emotions was gone. His emotions took him over, becoming white noise filling his head and guiding him.

“Carl,” he whispered staring off at nothing. 

If he couldn’t get what he needed he had to get whatever he could. His emotions guided him on back to Carl’s room. He fell to his knees besides Carl’s bed and shoved his face forward to into the mattress as Carl’s pillow was missing. He could catch only faded hints of Carl’s scent and with every breath he took he could smell it less and less. He whined out his displeased as he became even more desperate for the scent of his son for being given a hint of what wasn’t even close to enough for him.

He sobbed and cried into the mattress. He begged and prayed and questioned over and over again if this was real and if it was, was it hell? Was he in hell? Where was is son? Where was Shane? Where was everyone? What had happened?

He didn’t notice how loud he’d gotten. He didn’t have a care for the anguish he was howling out into the world.

He couldn’t be dead. He needed to be alive. Being dead wasn't an option.  Carl needed him and would need him all the more because Shane couldn’t do without him. Without Rick Shane wouldn't be able to be for Carl what his boy would need.  Rick needed to be alive.  He couldn't be dead.  The hell he was in couldn't be real.  He needed his pack.  He needed his son and Shane. He needed to wake up. He needed it all to be a dream.

“Please, please god,” he sobbed. 

‘Let me wake up,’ he thought as he gulped down another breath and screamed it out into the world.

...

Someone came. Someone found him there, crying and begging for his son, for Shane, for his pack. They tried to comfort him. They tried to hush him and keep him quiet but he couldn’t be quiet. He needed to be loud. He needed to wake up and he’d screamed himself awake before. And if waking up wasn’t an option, if it was all real then he needed to let his pack know he was there so they could come back to him because he didn’t know where to go to find them. 

The ones who had found him were worried though. They were worried about what else he might call down on them but Rick couldn’t care. He couldn’t stop. He shouted at them about his son, his pack, and how he needed to find them. He shouted and tried to make them understand. He begged them to tell him where his pack was.

In the end he left them no choice but to knock him out.

…

He woke up sometime later. He didn’t remember falling asleep but he felt better, more rested. The white noise of emotion in his head had receded leaving room for higher thought but it was still there, in his head, waiting for him to slip up and loose control again and when he did it would come forward. But while there were some situations where giving into primal drives could save you most of the time it was better to be able to think. So that’s what Rick did. He focused on his breathing, ignore his sense of smell and instead grounding himself as he had done on the hospital floor. He assured himself that it wasn’t a dream, that he wasn’t asleep. If he wasn’t asleep then there were things to do. He had to focus and think and figure out how he was going to find his pack. The first step to that was getting out of bed.

The sound of him working at the restraint tying him to the bed drew the two who had found him earlier. Rick could only barely remember them and what had happened until the man was in his face and the scent came to him. It was faint but it was enough to bring back some memories of the house and what had been happening and coming out of things just a bit only to be hushed back to sleep, to rest.

He learned that the man was named Morgan and that Morgan had a son named Duane. They’d heard his crying out and they couldn’t ignore the pain they heard in his cries. Morgan thought maybe he had been bit or someone he loved had been. He’d thought that the least he could do was to help put him out of his misery or to help him to put whoever he was loosing down. Rick hadn’t liked the sound of that. He’d asked Morgan what he meant and that was how they learned that Rick had no idea what was going on.

They told him about the dead that didn’t stay dead and how people ended up that way. How things had started and how they’d gotten to where they were, how the world had become the place Rick woke up with. It was hard for Rick to believe but when he looked out the slats in the window at them all out there, when he thought back to the woman in the park, he couldn’t think of another explanation that was easier to stomach.

Morgan and Duane explained things to him. They fed him. They tended to him. Together they hid and together they made it through the night. They went back with him to his house. They helped him to stay grounded to he could look around his house and think rather than feel. It was because he was using his head instead of being guided by his heart that he was able to spot the missing photos and then to check on the albums.

He told Morgan of his find.

Duane and Morgan told him Atlanta and the CDC. They gave him answers. They gave him the next step to focus on. If he was going to find his pack then Atlanta was where he would need to go and for that he would need supplies. When he thought of supplies he thought of guns and when he thought of guns he thought of the station. So that’s where they headed and that’s where they found what Rick would need before he set off on his journey. He got himself clean, he put on his uniform, and he gathered the guns. Having the familiar surroundings helped him to feel more sure of himself. It all helped him to get in the mindset of going to work and getting done what needed to be done. Instead of Rick the man he was Rick the cop and that was somehow easier to be.

Morgan was a good man, Duane was a good kid, and Rick was in their debt for all he had done for him but most of all for answering his call, for keeping him alive so he could press on, and for the lead they have given him.

Rick didn’t want to leave them behind. They’d done so much and he wanted to keep them near, to return the favor. He didn’t want to abandon them but Morgan insisted they would stay for awhile longer and Rick couldn’t put off the search. Rick needed his pack more than he needed to pay his debt. So Rick didn’t offer to stay with them until they were ready. He didn’t offer to wait. Instead Rick gave them what he could, guns and a way they could stay in touch. It was the least he could do.

They didn’t have a proper goodbye. Their last words to each other were not what Rick would have chosen. But Leon Basset had come to the fence. Or rather, the thing that had been Leon did and Rick couldn’t bare to leave it. The man may have been careless and dumb but he was someone Rick knew, a fellow officer on the force, and Rick couldn’t leave him like that. So he’d left Morgan to lead Duane to their car and went to put his former colleague down. After that there was no more time for words. The dead would be coming and they couldn’t afford to be there when they arrived.

He left town. He drove away. He thought about the woman in the park. He thought about going back to her, to put her down like he had Leon, but there wasn’t time for that. He had pack to find and he couldn’t let anything interfere with that.

His pack needed him. Carl needed him. Shane needed him. The burden of it weighed on his mind more than it ever had before. Rick didn’t actually recall his time in his coma, but while he may not have consciously remembered what he’d been thinking, what had gotten him through, it had made an imprint on him. For the first time in a very long time he didn’t think of Lori as pack.

Lori was far from his mind as he moved forward in pursuit of his goal.

 

+_+_+_+_+

 

First off: Since it’s the foundation of this universe’s differences from the show a bit about the Alpha’s and Omegas in this universe.

In this universe there are CisFemales, CisMales, TransFemales, TransMales, Intersex, Alpha Males, OmegaMales, AlphaFemales, and OmegaFemales, and Gender Queers. All are recognized by society. Cis is used to describe sex rather than gender (as it is in our world). “Cis” in this story is what we would think of as “Betas” in most other Alpha/Omega stories or “normal”. There are trans people in this world found amongst the cis, alphas, and omegas. It is actually seen as less of a big deal in most of the world given how complicated things already are for them when it comes to sexes. Same with Gender Queer. There are also intersex people amongst the cis just as there are in our world. There aren’t intersex among the Alpha/Omega but they have things of their own that come up.

In this story there used to be another humanoid race or class of human on earth. Over time they died out as pure breeds but their mixed decedents did not. They had bred with humans and in modern day Alphas and Omegas are the result of that interbreeding. This isn’t actually going to be important. They aren’t going to be talked about much at all the same way we don’t talk about cavemen much in everyday life unless its for jokes or analogies.

So here are some facts about the Alphas and Omegas in this story  
-Alphas and Omegas are considered human. Only a few rare nut jobs would say they are not and no one with sense would listen to them. They are not revered by society but they aren’t shunned either. There are however those who are ill informed or flat out ignorant and develop unfounded ideas and prejudice because of it. An Alpha/Omega wouldn’t appreciate the comparison but you can think of it like schizophrenia or another mental illness. You’ve almost definitely met someone that had it but it probably didn’t even come up in your interaction. You may know someone who has it but for you it’s an abstract thing you only have a vague idea about. Or it could be something you are intimately familiar with due to a close person in your life having to deal with it or because you put forth the effort to learn. There are different levels of awareness of Omega/Alpha through society with about 10% actually being Alpha/Omega.  
-Alphas and Omegas have an increased sense of smell which is important to them as scent, especially scent with pack is a cornerstone for their mental well being and social interactions. And yes, they do form packs. They don’t have to but they do. Those with strong enough noses can scent Alpha, omegas, or cis from a distance.  
-More “Animalistic” traits are known to show up in times of stress but that can be said of people in general  
-Alphas and Omegas are different from cis people in how they think and connect to others. Brain scans show a difference in brain chemistry but many might argue as to how much is nature driven or if nurture plays a bigger part in making them different. There are stereotypes about Alpha and Omega the same as there are for males and females in our world but a lot of those stereotypes are the result of culture and nurture which is proven by the fact that thoughts on alphas/omegas can differ greatly around the world especially in western and christian influenced cultures. The same way that trans and non-heterosexualism isn’t seen as a big deal in many cultures, there is a lot of the world with fewer hang ups about Alpha/Omegas. So while people might say “alphas are more dominate” it isn’t true across the board Same with omegas being meek or OmegaMales being effeminate. In the end Alphas and Omegas stand out from Cis individuals mostly for reproductive reasons.

The humanoid that race Alphas and Omegas get their traits from had two sexes. Alpha females and Omega males. Both were able to sire children and to carry them. This is how it plays out for the modern descendants.

AlphaMales - Alpha males have the cis male look and can only sire children. The “one major difference” between themselves and a CisMale is that their penis has a knot and they go into a time of heat/rut twice a year (calling it is rut is more a cultural thing that rose up out of a desire to make it seem more masculine in the cases of the AlphaMales than for the other dynamics).

It’s Omegas and Alpha Females where you see a big difference from the cis as they are the ones closer to their non-human ancestors in this way then AlphaMales.

Omega Males - Omega males look externally like alpha males. They have a cock and it knots and they lack the traditionally “female parts”. Omega’s however can get pregnant. They just can’t be impregnated. Originally I was just going to have their be no mpreg element to the omegas in this story but my problem isn’t omegas getting pregnant. My problem is with so called “butt babies” or omegas needing c-sections to give birth. So this was my solution. There are several species with protections in place in case there aren’t enough females or conversely males around to bring new life into the world. Omegas have a built in solution for that problem.  
Twice a year they go into heat and if the conditions are right they are capable of “Parthenogenesis” (or so google tells me it should be called). Essentially the Omega males body realizes that there is a need for children so it takes care of it creating life without the need of insemination by a partner. Over the course of the pregnancy the OmegaMale’s body will change to create a proper birthing cannel and “exit” for the baby and once the baby is born part of the healing process is that the cannel and exit are unmade. When this happens the child will only have one father. The one who carried it.

OmegaFemale - Like Alpha males they aren’t superficially all that different then their Cis counterparts. The “big difference” is in getting pregnant. Instead of a “monthly” Omega females go into heat twice a year just like OmegaMales and can only get pregnant then. During this time they may be impregnated or like OmegaMales they can go through parthenogenesis and have a child on their own with no father. 

AlphaFemales - AlphaFemales look superficially much the same as other Females with the “big difference” being that instead of a clit they have a fully functional penis with a knot and equally functional internal testes which they can use to impregnate others. However unlike AlphaMales an AlphaFemale is also able to be impregnated and carry a child the same as other Females. So like Omegas they can both “sow the seed” and serve as the “garden”.

Now that that’s out of the way.

This is not a fix-it fic. Death is still going to happen. Bad things will still happen. People having knots and heats will not make everything all sunshine and roses.

The idea for this was originally plot in the service of smut. Negan would show up “that night” only to find that Rick and his pack were a pack of omegas which had gotten past the noses of all the “betas” that worked for him. Negan as an alpha was much more interested in making the pack his then breaking them or trying to force them down. What would follow would be Negan trying to court himself a place in the pack. For the sake of the story Alphas and Omegas would be very sexual creatures who were big on sex positivity and sex in general. It was meant to just use the basic model of Alpha/Omega/Beta and be done with it. It was supposed to be fun and easy and simple.

This idea didn’t stay like that though because my plot bunnies are wicked and they don’t love me.

Instead of a quick, easy, filthy, self-indulgent story I got a wolf in sheep’s clothing because when I started thinking about it I had to work out how things would have been different in an Alpha/Omega world and I realized a lot would be different so I should probably flash forward to Negan then do a series rewrite. I intended for the first 6 series to take maybe a chapter to tell. Instead I’ve got two seasons in over 370 pages. Because once I looked back I found a different story to tell with my own model of Alpha/Omega and all these other twisty bits.

I took off the sheep skin and found a very beautiful, complicated, wolf.

This will be Part One of the story. It currently stands at 370 pages but I know if will get longer as I flush things out in the edit. I will be trying to post at least once a week but I’m not promising more than once. I will be adding tags as I go because if I try to remember them all from the start I will get overwhelmed. Tag suggestions and critique welcomed.

This fic is not a masterpiece. I won’t even say its well written. My focus here was writing the story down to share it with others. Not in taking the time to find the perfect words. I love the story. But the prose are lacking in places. I hope some people are still interested and can see past it.

Final note: This story as a whole or in parts is up for adoption. If something here inspires you? Go for it. If you have your own idea for where the story should go and want to write that? Go for it. If you want to take what I wrote but clean it up and write it in your own style? Go for it. All I ask is that you give a shout out saying where the ideas came from and leave a comment letting me know so I can go check it out. I know on AO3 inspired by is a thing. So if that’s all you do? That will work.

I am posting this in the hopes that someone will find it and get pleasure from it but the dream is that someone takes it and makes it magnificent. Next Chapter coming soon.

 

PS my notes were too long for the AO3 notes section. Sorry not sorry.


	2. Welcome To The Big City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick arrives in Atlanta and meets some new people (I’m sure you can guess who).

Rick never did find gas but he found a horse. He found a way to keep going and he took it. He road into town on horseback thinking he had things under control. Everything had been quiet at first. There were only a few dead and he was able to ride away from those without a problem.

But then Rick had seen it, a helicopter. He gave chase. It wasn’t a decision. It was an impulse. He didn’t think. He just charged on ahead and right into trouble.

It was only one bit of luck after another that saved him. Only luck that a walker didn’t bite into him when he was trying to flee. Only luck he thought to keep his eyes open when he raised the gun to his temple that let him see a way out and to not blow his brains out as all he could think in that moment was he couldn’t turn, he couldn’t turn and become one of those things. He couldn’t take the risk of what he would do if he was one of those things. He’d been ready to end himself but his eyes had been open so he’d moved up into the tank. 

It was only luck that anyone cared enough to help him out, to get him out.

He thinks Carl will forgive him for it but hearing “Hey you… Dumbs.” had beat out his son’s first words as the best thing he’d ever heard.

It seemed he was piling up the debts. First Morgan had helped him, a stranger, putting his son at risk. Then Glenn, another stranger, reaching out, taking the risk.

Glenn got him out and Rick followed without questioned.

He lead them up ladder, down stairs, through building, while calling others out to help clear the way. Rick caught the name Morales as they ran inside to what Rick hoped was safety.

He was starting to question if he should stop hoping for things all together as he was pulled and pushed and a gun was shoved in his face. First instinct was to check the gun, not the woman carrying it. He did his best not to show relief when he realized the safety was on. He wasn’t sure if the women knew the safety was on and putting on a bit of a show or if she was just ignorant so Rick played along not letting his relief show.

He watched and waited and didn’t have to fake his fear and apprehension. He had almost died and there was every chance he still could if luck didn’t continue to play out in his favor. Luck was in how the things you couldn’t control played out and the way things were there was a lot Rick couldn’t control.

Morales talked the women down and the gun was pulled free from Rick’s face without his having to say anything or get himself involved..

“We’re dead… all of us, because of you,” she told him with her eyes tearing.

“I don’t understand,” Rick admitted and Morales was happy to explain it to him.

They were trapped. They were trapped with dead pushing in and Rick didn’t feel the need to argue about whether or not he saw a helicopter because it wasn’t important. Finding out that there was no refuge center with his pack waiting was important. Being trapped was important. Until it wasn’t. Morales mentioned others all Rick could think about that others meant hope. If there were others they might be able to give him a new lead. It could be someone in their group know about his people. But even if they didn’t know anything he could still hope because if these people had survived maybe his pack had too.

Rick’s fear well away as he focused on what had to be done. They had to get out so he could go back with these people and look for leads on his pack.

A gun shot rang out from the roof followed by another. The rest ran towards the sounds of the gunfire.

“Come on,” Glenn told him not willing to leave him behind.

So Rick followed but he stayed out of things, staying watchful until he could understand what was going on.

He understood fine when the punches started getting thrown. Understood even better when the man drew his gun and started making a speech about who was in charge and playing games with everyone at gun point. Everyone but Rick. The man had forgotten about him. Probably hadn’t even realized he’d thrown a punch at someone he didn’t know.

Rick felt himself go cool, go cold. First step to getting out was to take care of this threat. 

His sense of smell had returned again with the same hyper sensitive intensity it had displayed at the hospital. It made everything feel more real, more clear, and made Rick so incredibly present in that moment. It made what he was about to do so easy.

He retrieved the rifle the man had abandoned and came up behind him. Omega. His heightened sense of smell supplied to him.

“Anybody else. Anybody,” the man asked knowing no one was going to object with a gun on them.

“Yeah,” Rick said drawing the Omegas attention around so he could hit him head on with the butt of the riffle. It was as good as a headbutt only better for sparing Rick’s his own pain and disorientation. The man went down and Rick didn’t hesitate to step on him, to manhandle him, to cuff him up. He kept touch to a minimum though. Touched only where he had to in order to subdue him. Old training said not to touch Alphas and Omegas and but more than that Rick didn’t want the mans scent on him any more than it already was. With his nose in hyperdrive he was keenly aware of what was already there and it twisted his heart to have the scent of a stranger on him when there was no pack scent there at all.

Rick had a feeling he’d have looked down on this omega even back before everything but under the circumstances he looked down on him even more for taking the risk especially given that the man had another’s scent on him. The scent of another omega. Maybe a mate, or family, but definitely pack for how layered the scents were with each other. Whoever this omega was he had someone, someone to live for and he was taking these risks? Wasting time on this shit? Rick couldn’t understand it and he resented the man through and through for showing so little respect for something to precious, something Rick couldn’t know that he’d ever find again even if he spend a life time hoping and searching.

“Who the hell are you man?”

Rick ignored him and focused on seeing to the gun the omega had lost when Rick put him down. When he was done brought it on Dixon’s head. “Do I have your attention,” Rick asked.

“You wouldn’t,” he said and Rick could see he really believed Rick wasn’t capable. “You’re a cop.”

Rick’s hand didn’t waver. “All I am anymore is a man looking for his child and his pack. Anyone who gets in the way of that is going to lose.”

He could see Merle evaluating him. He watched the other man’s nostrils flare as he took the time to scent Rick. Rick lowered the gun.

“I can smell you too,” Rick told him. “You’ve got someone waiting on you. So what’s it going to be. Are you going to stop acting like an inbred white trash fool? Or?”

Rick raised the gun back up to Merle’s head.

Merle’s eyes passed wearily between his gun and Rick.

“Screw you man,” was his response, defensive, acting out even when it wasn’t reasonable. Rick didn’t have the patience for dealing with unreasonable people at the moment. He had something to be seeing to and every second he wasted on the man was a second closer to those walkers getting in.

“Ought to be polite to the man with the gun. Only common sense,” he said throwing Merle’s taunt back at him.

He forced the gun under Merle’s chin to and used it to force Merle’s head all the way back. Rick loomed over him, pushing into his space without actually touching. HE made a point of catching Merle’s eye and held it. He let his soul bare for Merle through that contact. He let Merle in to see just how resolved Rick was.

“I am getting back to my family. I don’t want to put you down but if you get in the way of that I will,” he said meaning it with every bone in his body.

He watched Merle take that in and actually absorb it, to accept it as the new way of things. Rick retracted the gun and pulled out of Merle’s face. Merle used the freedom to shrink back from Rick, and roll his shoulders to deal with the strain of how Rick had forced his head back.

“Do we have an understanding,” Rick growled out.

Merle gave one jerk of a nod.

“Good,” Rick sneered and then started searching Merle’s pockets. He wasn’t surprised at all to find drugs.

He couldn’t help but rub it in Merle’s face. “You’ve got some on your nose there.”

Dixon lost the good sense he’d just shown and sneered back at him. “What are you going to do? Arrest me?”

Rick ignored him and moved to throw the drugs away, out onto the streets with the rest of the filth. Merle screamed and pitched a fit which just proved to Rick they had no business letting him loose until they knew they had a way out.

Morales approached him. “You’re not Atlanta PD. Where are you from?”

Rick couldn’t scent Morales. He didn’t know if that was the distance between them or his sense of smell fading again. He had to think if was his sense of smell fading as he’d clearly scented Merle from an almost equal distance. He didn’t want it to go away again. Everything felt wrong when he couldn’t scent.

“Not here,” Rick told Morales. He didn’t feel like talking. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to focus on getting out of there. He kept his focus on the streets looking out over the city hoping inspiration would strike.

“Well, Officer. Welcome to the big city.”

Rick didn’t respond. Rick ignored most of what was going on around him except for the big points he needed to know. 

There was no refugee center.

These people had others but they wouldn’t be able to help.

If they were getting out, they had to figure it out on their own.

Morales made a comment. A comment about the streets not being safe. Rick thought about it. Just because you ran out of gas… “What about under the streets,” he said with a vague idea of sewers in mind. 

Morales lit up. “Oh man.” He turned to Glenn asking him to check for manhole covers in the ally. They were out of luck there but one of the woman in the group had an idea about finding access in the building and from the way she was talking Rick had to assume she knew what she was talking about. Or she was a hell of a bullshit artist. Working for the city zoning office sounded plausible enough and they didn’t have any other leads so they headed back down. Rick’s side began was hurting badly after only a single flight. His only recently healed wound was not handling the strain well. He came in behind the others holding his side as they all gathered around a ladder that lead down into a black pit.

Glenn eyes him. “You okay man?”

Rick nodded. “Side sticker,” he excused while they joined the other and not wanting anyone to think he was bit. The last thing he needed was for them to get a look at his bandage and make assumptions before he could explain himself.

It was decided Glenn was going down. The woman who had pulled a gun on him, Andrea volunteered to go down with him but Glenn wasn’t having it.

Andrea took immediate affront. “Why not me? Think I can’t?”

Glenn faltered when confronted. “I wasn’t,” he defended, soft spoken as he shifted his weight. 

Rick figured he wouldn’t have spoken up without good reason so he encouraged him to speak his mind. They needed this to go right.

Glenn explained his reasoning still trying to be tactful and polite. He explained himself well and had a clear thought out plan. He looked relieved when no one thought to disagree with him.

Once he was assured that everyone would listen he headed down the way with Morales following behind him. Rick sent out a hope that this would give them what they needed. Then he remembered he wasn’t supposed to do that anymore. 

Andrea and Rick left Jacqui, the woman who gave us this lead, to keep watch on the two down below while they left to keep an eye on the walkers and the giving doors.

Rick’s emotions were heightening, fighting to reach that fever pitch they’d had when he’d first returned to his home. They were all so loud they had become like white noise again. He worked to push them down, fight them pack. He focused on his goal, on what he needed to do but it didn’t seem to help. A treacherous part of him whispered that he should just give in, fight his way out. He worked harder to push it back, push it down, and focus on his head not his heart. He needed to be able to think clearly if he was going to get through this.

He looked over to check on Andrea for a distraction.

“Sorry,” Andrea said, looking at him, needing to hear something other than the dead. “For putting the gun in your face.”

Andrea was looking nervous as his silence dragged out. Rick had to force himself to speak, to make conversation. He told himself it would be a good distraction. “People do things when they’re scared.”

Andrea nodded.

Rick’s eyes cut to her gun. “Your safety was engaged,” he warned her. “Still is.”

“What,” she asked confused and Rick couldn’t help but be a little amused.

“Your safety is on. Next time you’ll have to take it off if you’re actually planning on doing anything. It won’t shoot otherwise.”

“Oh,” she said looking down at her gun clearly embarrassed.

Rick took pity on her. He moved over to her side and showed her how to work the safety. She looked a little less pissed at him when he handed her gun back to her.

He went back to watching the doors until he heard her make a noise, a pleased one.

He looked back to see she was admiring a piece of jewelry that was on display. “See something you like?”

Andrea told him about her sister and her fascination with mermaids while she fingered a mermaid necklace that was on display. It made him think of Carl with his comics. He encouraged her to take it. It wasn’t like it could hurt anyone.

The first set of doors fell just as the others returned. Going under the streets was a bust so they had to return to the roof and hope inspiration would strike a second time. It did. They managed to piece together a plan. Or rather Rick did. None of the others liked it, but they didn’t disagree with him. They were running out of time and there were no other thoughts at the moment as to how they might survive it.

If smelling like walkers could get them out, get them going where they needed to be then that is what they would do.

They collected one of the walkers they’d put down from the ally and set about harvesting parts to camouflage themselves with. As Rick he went to bring the axe down on the corpse he hesitated at the last moment. It felt wrong to do what he intended to a corpse, but Carl…Shane. He focused on why he was doing it and brought the axe down.

It was easier on him then it was on Glenn and the others as his sense of smell was so heavily damped again. He had to check with the others that they really did smell enough like walker but he couldn’t fully trust it so he worked on getting something more to cover their scent. Rick took the hands and took the feet and tied them together so they could be worn around their necks along with the intestines the others had looped over them. Andre sent Glenn with her gun and Rick left the key to the cuffs with T-dog.

When they went into the ally Rick finally let go of the hold he’d had on his emotions. That moment wasn’t about thinking. It was about acting. He gave in to the cloud of white noise and just moved. All the emotions were so intense it presented him with an allusion of calm as he was feeling too much to feel any anxiety over what he was doing. He didn’t care that the walkers were close enough to take a nip of him if things went wrong. He thought about his pack and all the emotions that were tangle up in them and it left no room for hesitance or doubt.

The sky thundered above them. It had been doing that now and again since he’d gotten to the city. He’d stopped noticing it, stopped carrying. But when the first drops started to fall he cared. He bared his teeth and held back a snarl as things went wrong and his body geared up for a fight. They were getting to those vehicles at the construction sight and getting the others out. There was no other option. Glenn in hi panic tried to speak Rick cut him a look and it silenced him. It wouldn’t matter how they smelled if they made a show of being alive.

They kept moving, picking up the pace, but it was clear the walkers were quickly growing aware that there was something around even if they didn’t seem clear that it was Rick and Glenn.

The rain came in fast and down hard. The perfect kind of rain to wash things away. Things like blood and guts. The walkers were definitely taking interest in them specifically. It became clear that they weren’t protected any longer and it was time to fight, time to run. 

Rick moved into Glenn’s side. “Go,” he growled as he brought the axe down on the walkers head.

Glenn whined in distress but he listened. He took off. Faster than Rick. He avoided more walkers then he took out. He through his weapon over the fence to start climbing and when Rick caught up he followed that example.

Getting over the fence bought them some time. They took that time to strip away the coat they’d layered walker over and to soot down some of the dead that were pressing on the fence while Glenn got them a set of keys.

Once they were free Glenn started to really panic and when he panicked he got vocal. Rick silenced him and assured him there was a plan while that plan firmed up in his head. They’d mentioned a distraction on the roof and a distraction was just what they needed. He found Glenn a car, something loud and fast. He got it going and let the alarm blare. He sent Glenn ahead to draw the dead away while he came up behind with the box truck they’d taken from the lot to get the others. He’d told Glenn to tell them to get down and into place for when he got there. If the talkie was still working then that was where they should be.

He gave Glenn the time to draw the walkers away then moved in. He abandoned the wheel to get the back open. Once he saw the others had it in hand he returned to his place to get them out of there as soon as everyone was inside. He didn’t bother counting bodies. He didn’t look to see who was there. As soon as they told him to go that’s what he did, focusing on the road and the walkers and debris that clogged it up. It was only when they were clear that he stopped to look and really see that everyone was there. It was only then that he noticed who was missing.

“I dropped the damn key,” T-Dog explained when the questioning looks began getting thrown his way.

Rick swallowed and told himself he wasn’t going to feel guilty. Merle had made his bed. He put himself in a position to be left behind. He told himself to focus on the good. They were out. They were alive. There was still a chance of him finding his pack. He told himself that was what mattered.

“Where’s Glenn,” Andrea asked and Rick didn’t have an answers for her. They’d just have to wait and see that he made it to.

When they were free of the city Rick felt himself get shaky. After everything he’d been through he felt trapped in the truck with so many others. He tried to take some deep breathes to calm himself but that only made it worse. Normally Rick’s sense of smell could rival Shane’s. Whatever was going on made it feel like he was walking around half blend. Between that and everything else Rick was left feeling wrong footed and suddenly it was too much to ignore that he was in a car with others, knew they were their but someone couldn’t fully accept it because he couldn’t smell them. There was a conflict between what his senses were telling him and it was grating at his control.

He thought back to what had happened earlier. He’d run that horse straight into a crowd of walkers. That shouldn’t have been possible. He should have smelled them from mile off. He may have known intellectually that his sense of smell couldn’t be relied on but his body hadn’t gotten the messed. Since he couldn’t smell the dead he had acted as though there was no threat. He charged right in and it wasn’t until he could see the walkers that alarm bells started going off and going off so suddenly that he hand’t been able to think as a little part of his mind questioned if they were really there if he couldn’t smell them.

That could have gotten him killed. That could still get him killed if something like that happened again but what the hell could he do about it? If their was no refugee center where was he going to find a doctor who could he turn to for answers? He thought about the CDC. The others had mentioned the Refugee camp several times but nothing about the CDC.

Speaking of the others, they were continuing to work at further grinding down his stability just by being there. Trapped together as they were he should have been able to scent them. He should have been able to know at least some basics of who he was dealing with but he didn’t. It was just one more thing to add to the pile of shit that wasn’t right.

He thought about Merle trapped on the roof. The walkers had probably reached him by this point. That was definitely on the pile of shit that wasn’t right. Rick felt guilty for the fate that Merle would suffer. He knew Merle bore most of the blame but that didn’t help Rick to not feel sympathy for Merle and the person whose scent he’d picked up on Merle.

Rick had been to find surprised to find the man wasn’t an alpha. Rick knew generalizations never applied to everyone in a group, especially a group as diverse as omegas but it was generally found to be that Omegas got quiet under stress and Alphas got loud. Alpha’s got loud and thumped their chests and played who’s dick is biggest when threatened. Omegas went watchful. Alpha’s picked fights while Omegas waited to strike. He was taught that was usually how things payed out in high stress situations and most of what he’d seen in life supported it. But then, Merle was on drugs and had probably been for who knew how long. That would mess with the his head. Rick had no way of knowing how much of what he had seen that day was actually Merle Dixon and how much was years of damage to his brain chemistry.

The sound of car sirens came up behind them and Rick looked back in his review to see Glenn’s new Challenger and felt some of the bad feelings in him ease. At least Glenn was okay. Glenn had stuck his neck out for Rick. Rick was alive because of him. Where Merle Dixon had given in and caused chaos, Glenn had stepped up and shown himself to be a good man. Rick owed him and in a choice between Merle Dixon and Glenn Rhee, he’d mourn for Merle’s circumstance and be happy that Glenn was alive.

But Rick had never been the king of man who saw things as a life for a life. As happy as he was that Glenn and the others had made it out, it was a cold comfort.

Rick brought a hand up to his face, resting his fingers against his lips. “Who’s waiting for him,” Rick asked the others.

“What,” Morales asked climbing into the passenger seat.

“Who’s waiting for Merle back at camp?”

“His brother,” T-Dog said.

Brother. That was not a word Rick needed to be hearing right then. His hand flexed on the steering wheel as images of Shane played in his head. He imagined learning that Shane had been left like that or Shane having to be the one to hear that he had been. He tried to shake the thoughts away. He couldn’t think about things like that.

“I chained the door,” T-Dog confessed.

Rick stopped himself from turning around to look at him.

“The staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can press through there. It won’t be enough for them to break through it. Not that chain. Not that padlock.”

“What’s your point,” Morales asked.

“My point,” T-Dog said defensively. “Is that Dixon’s still alive.”

That hung in the air. Their imaginations dong the work to make them see what they’d left Merle to better than words ever could. Rick didn’t let himself imagine it though. Instead he focused on the road.

“Are we still going the right way,” he asked Morales.


	3. Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick arrives at camp and is reunited with his pack and wife. 
> 
> Here is where we start to lead away from canon.

Morales guided Rick back to their camp which was set up on the edge of an old quarry. It was far from the road and tucked away from the world. The others said it had been safe so far and Rick could understand why. If he’d had his pack with him it was the kind of place he’d be grateful to find but as it stood he know he was already bitting to get back on the road and continue his search. However he wouldn’t leave immediately. He would ask around, look for leads, take the night to rest up. Then, if no one at camp was able to tell him anything, he’d head back into the city in the morning. Already there were half formed plans in his head to go back to get the guns and get Merle while he was at it. Maybe Merle’s brother would be willing to come with. Rick knew there were safety in numbers but he couldn’t see many being eager to go back into the city to help a stranger search for his family. Rick thought maybe the Dixons could be of some help to him in exchange for his own help.

Rick pulled in and parked behind the Charger. He was glad to hear that someone had disabled the alarm.

“Come meet everyone,” Morales offered before getting out of the truck.

Rick watched others be reunited with their loved ones while taking a moment to orientate himself. He needed to be polite, he needed to be professional, and he needed to make a good first impression if he was going to get what he needed from these people. All of those things were not what Rick wanted to be doing at the moment. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to just be able to sit somewhere quiet and not think. The idea of dealing with anything more in that moment was daunting.

“Hey, Helicopter boy,” Morales called out. Rick could barely hear it but there was no pretending he hadn’t.

He forced himself to leave the truck behind, braced for introductions.

He looked up expecting to see a crowd of curious strangers but instead he saw a face, a familiar face. He blinked back tears and took half a step back. He wasn’t sure if what he was seeing was real.

“Shane,” he asked voice breaking. Shane didn’t say anything though. He just stared back and Rick shuddered certain he was hallucinating, certain it wasn’t real.

“Dad!”

Rick head snapped in the direction of that voice.

His son. That was his son, alive and whole and running towards him calling to him and hallucination or not Rick couldn’t hold back from going to him. His first few steps were stumbling but then he found his stride and he was moving. He fell to his knees when Carl was in reach, grabbing his son as he went down taking Carl off his feet. He clutched his son to him and curled his body over protectively. Desperately he held Carl on, burring his nose against his son’s skin desperate for his son’s scent. Carl felt real in his arms but none of it would be real without the scent. He was finally able to register the scent as faint as it was to his nose but it was there. It wasn’t a fantasy in his head. It was there and so Rick could let go and let himself believe it was real. It was Carl in his arms and that had been Shane he’d seen. He’d found his pack. It was real. He wasn’t dreaming.

Rick started to sob and once he started there was no stopping it. 

He wanted to look away. He wanted to find Shane and bring him in to join them but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from Carl. With his nose as weak as it was he’d lose the scent and he couldn’t bare that.

Carl was holding onto him just as tightly and desperately as his father held to him. He rubbed his nose across Rick's cheek and throat and hair, breathing him in, in deep gulps. He released an irritated kind of whine and Rick panicked wondering what was wrong until he remembered Merle Dixon’s scent on him. Carl wouldn’t like it, wouldn’t want that. Kids didn’t like their parents smelling of non-pack to start with but after all the stress it would be particularly upsetting to him in that moment that Rick didn’t smell of pack but did smell of Dixon. He wanted to get his own scent back on Rick. He wanted Rick to smell right and Dixon wouldn’t be smelling right. Rick knew the scent of the dead probably wasn’t helping matters. Rick brought his hand up to stroke Carl’s hair as his son hunted around for a spot that smelled solely of Rick.

With Carl moving Rick was able to look over his head to Shane who standing dead still just staring in their direction. Seeing Rick looking his way seemed to break Shane of his trance and he started stumbling over to Rick. He placed his gun down on the ground besides father and son and after hesitating a moment he draped himself along Rick’s back so his arms could be wrapped around Rick and Carl both. Rick grabbed onto Shane’s hand when it met his on Carl’s back.

Laughter missed Rick’s sobs. He had his pack. He was back with his pack. luck had fallen on his side long enough for a miracle. He couldn’t believe what was happening but he no longer wanted it to be a dream. He was no longer waiting to wake up.

He could feel both Carl and Shane crying and laughing along with him. He was sure they were going to be a mess the three of them, a mess of drool and snot and tears.

It was when he turned to burry his nose back in Carl’s hair that he spotted Lori.

She was still and staring as Shane had been. Her eyes were wide and held as much disbelief as Rick was feeling. Haltingly she made her way over, one and two steps at a time until she reached them. She lowered herself to the ground behind Carl giving Rick a look that clearly said ‘how are you here’.

Rick stared back not sure what to feel. He knew what he should be feeling but that wasn’t what he was feeling. In an abstract way he was glad Lori was alive, but it wasn’t for himself. It was for Carl. He was glad Carl didn’t have to live thinking he’d lost both his parents. He was glad that Shane didn’t have to deal with loosing Rick and then Lori and handling Carl all alone. But Rick wasn’t elated to see his wife. There was no sense of overwhelming relief. He wasn’t joyous in their reunion. He knew he should care and be relieved that she looked healthy and unharmed but he didn’t. She felt like something more, something extra that he didn’t need. She felt like a distraction and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like what it said about him as a man, a mate, a husband that he wasn’t just as happy to have found his wife as he was to have found his best friend and most of all his son.

When Lori raised a hand to touch his face Rick felt an instinctual, visceral reaction of ‘no’. No, he didn’t want her touching him. No, he didn’t want her inserting herself in that moment. No, he didn’t want her scent mixing in and clouding Carl’s and Shane’s even more then it already was. No, he didn’t want her. No, she wasn’t pack.

He bared it though doing his best not to react negatively to her touch. He couldn’t bring himself to fake a positive response however and instead turned his nose back to Carl’s hair. 

He told himself to act with his head not his heart. His heart had done enough to cause him trouble recently. He knew how he should be reacting and he knew this wasn’t Lori’s fault. It was the stress, he told himself. It was the fight before he was shot. It was on him. Trauma could fuck with a persons head and their instincts. He’d seen it enough times with victims in his line of work. Usually things went back to normal with time if people let it. He told himself he just had to keep things together until he could get his head on straight.

Lori had undoubtedly mourned him and missed him despite there troubles and been there for Carl and Shane as best she knew how. It wouldn’t be fair for him to reject her in that moment and it wouldn’t do to ruin the reunions he was actually happy for. So he ignored the feeling of Lori laying her head against his and instead focused on Carl and the feel of Shane at his back.

They stayed like for some time until Shane tried to nuzzle further into Rick only to make and unsatisfied noise and pull back.

“How’d you get Dixon stank on you,” he asked pulling away his voice still thick with crying. His nose was scrunching up and he wiped at his face with his arm. “And dead and… horse,” he added as an after thought. 

“Yeah Dad,” Carl teased, smiling with tears in his eyes. “You stink.” 

He was smiling but there were still tears rolling down his cheeks. Happy tears. Rick laughed as he wiped the tears away with his thumb. He kissed Carl’s head the scrubbed at his own face.

He looked around and realized there was a crowd of unfamiliar faces gathered around watching them. Apparently few had seen fit to give them privacy. Rick latched on to the excuse Shane and Carl had provided to get away and get some privacy with his pack.

“Yeah, I’m sure I do,” he told Carl as he ruffled his son’s hair. “I don’t suppose there’s anywhere to clean up?”

Shane stroked at Rick’s curls. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that,” he told him his voice a bit dreamy and his smile soft. Rick smiled at him and took Shane’s hand.

“I found you,” he whispered. “I’m here,” he said guessing Shane was wondering if this was too good to be real the same way he had.

“I’ll go get the soap and things,” Lori volunteered her voice coming out a bit flat. Rick reluctantly turned away from Shane and watched her get to her feet. She smiled stiffly at him before she walks away, her eyes teary with the emotions she was trying to hold back. A women with short grey hair gives her a smile as she passes which Lori returned but once she’s cleared of the gathered ring of spectators Rick sees her stop pull up the bottom of her shirt to wipe at her tears.

Rick feels like an ass for being relieved to have some distance between them.

Shane’s hand lands on his shoulder distracting him from Lori. He looks away from his wife’s retreating form and focuses on Rick and Carl.

Carls stuck his nose in again for a deep breath. “You really here,” he says with the same kind of awe and relief that Rick is feeling.

Rick smiled and brought his head down to Carl’s. “Yeah. I’m here.”

‘And you’re here,’ he thought and he couldn’t help but laugh, letting his joy out for his pack to hear.

“Come on man,” Shane offered. We’ll head down to the quarry. Your stuff in the truck?”

Rick shook behind. “It got left behind in the city,” he said standing and bringing Carl up with him. 

Shane made a face. Rick could see he was about to ask something but then his eyes slid around to the audience they’d gathered and he kept it to himself.

“This way man,” Shane told him.

Rick could only carry Carl until they came to the trees. As weak and tired as he was he didn’t trust himself on this terrain with Carl on his hip. Carl wasn’t so little anymore and Rick had to let him down even as he mourned for the days where he could go on carrying Carl for as long as his son would let him. He had to let Carl down but he kept him close as they followed along after Shane.

When they’d gone a ways from the others Shane came to a stop. He looked back to makes sure they weren’t followed then nodded for Rick. Rick had his own look then sighed, leaning back against one of the trees pulling Carl to him while Shane began to pace. Rick recognizes the body language and knew there was something Shane needed to say and it wasn’t welcome back. When Shane had finished his passing he stopped and grounded himself with his hands on his hips, his feet firmly planted, his head angled down and slightly to the side. Rick rarely saw him take that stance with him and it concerned in. He took in Shane’s face and recognized the guilt and the pain there but he’s never seen it look so bad.

“Shane,” Rick asked, concerned and confused.

Carl squeezed Rick’s hand looking back and forth between the two adults concerned as well.

Shane swallowed and shifted on his weight. His eyes cut away before coming back. He was struggling with whatever he had to say. He closed his eyes and took a breath and kept them shut as he spoke. Unable to face Rick for whatever he had to say which was making Rick’s unease grow.

“We thought you were dead,” Shane said, his voice raw with emotion. “We…”

Shane can’t go on.

Rick had suspected as much. He had assumed his family thought he died when the hospital fell.

He moved in to hug Shane, to give Shane the support he needs to say what he needed to say. Shane clung to him when they connected. Carl had followed him and when Rick looked down at him Carl was close to tears. Rick kept one arm around Shane and let the other move down to pet at Carl’s hair.

“The hospital… They were supposed to medivac you to Atlanta. I went to make sure they got you out before we went but it all went wrong. Everything fell apart so fast… I tried. Was going to get you out on my own but… They were slaughtering people in the hallway. Not just the dead. Not the bit. They gathered up the hospital staff and just put them down. There was no one who could help, the grunts had lost their damned minds, and the dead were pushing in.” 

Shane’s breathing is shaky and Rick can feel the trembles going through Shane’s body under his hand and against his front where they are pressed together. Rick tried to comfort him. He shushes and croons and tries to show he’s there, that he isn’t anger, but it just makes Shane react more harshly. His words come out quick and desperate, verging on hysteric.

“I didn’t know what to do. There was no one to help and I didn’t know what to do. Their was gunfire and you were hooked up to these damn machines and I just… I didn’t know what to do. I begged you to wake up and you didn’t. You weren’t moving at all and then, there was an explosion or some shit. Everything shook and the power went out and I took my ear to your chest looking for a pulse but I couldn’t hear one, and… and…”

He clung more desperately to Rick, his nails digging in painfully into Rick’s skin despite his shirt.

“I must of known. On some level I must have known,” he said with so much self hatred in his voice for the mistake he had made. Rick didn’t like to hear Shane laying guilt on himself for something like that. “I should have known. The monitor had been beeping away before the power went out. I should have known you were alive. But I couldn’t hear a heartbeat. Lori and Carl were waiting man and I couldn’t hear a heartbeat.”

Shane choked a bit. He shook his head back and forth against Rick’s shoulder in denial. Rick reached up, letting go of Carl because Shane needed him more. He tried to stop Shane’s violent movements by clamping one hand onto his neck and putting the other on the back of Shane’s head to hold him in place.

Next to them Carl was crying, hushed hiccuping sobs. He had wrapped his arms around both Shane and Rick and pressed his face into the crease between them.

Rick could imagine it, was imagining it, what must have happened that day. If things were the way Shane said they were, and Rick had no reason to think they weren’t then he could understand how it happened. Shane was probably right. On some subconscious level he’d probably known that even if he wasn’t hearing it, that Rick’s heart was still beating. His mind had probably tricked itself into thinking he was dead because it was easier. It was easier to do what he had to do if he believed Rick was dead because on a deeper level Shane would have known that Rick was a liability. He would known the odds of getting Rick out and keeping him alive. He would have known Rick was more likely to get him killed than to wake up and Shane couldn’t die for the same reasons that had pushed Rick on since he woke up. Shane would need to live for what was left of the pack, especially for Carl. The second a child was born into a pack they became the priority. In that moment, in his hospital room, Carl had out there waiting on Shane and in danger without Shane to protection him and as an Alpha Shane would have been driven to get back to him, to do whatever it took to stay alive and get back to him. But leaving Rick behind was something the man couldn’t accept. So his head had played a trick on him and now that the evidence of the lie was in front of him the allusion was unraveling and he was having to face up to the truth.

Rick didn’t blame Shane for leaving him behind. He knew if situations were reversed he would have done the same. He knew Shane would have forgiven him the same as Rick was going to forgive Shane.

“I’m sorry man. I’m so sorry. I did’t know. I didn’t know,” Shane repeated again and again sounding more distressed and hopeless and heart broken with every new repetition.

“Shane,” Rick interrupted. He pulled back and tried to get Shane to look at him but Shane wouldn’t let it happen. He kept holding tight and pushed himself harder into Rick’s shoulder until his legs gave out and he slid down to his knees. He didn’t let go of Rick though. He kept holding on tight, pushing his head into Rick’s stomach. Carl moved out of his way and once Shane was settled on his knees he moved in behind Shane to wrap him up in a hug from behind with his arms around Shane’s neck and his body draped over Shane’s back.

“I thought you were dead,” Shane said again. Rick wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince at this point. Rick, Carl, or himself. “I thought you were dead.” 

He finally looked up to Rick meeting his eyes, his desperation clear. “I never would have left you if I’d known. You have to believe me. You have to know.”

“I do,” Rick was quick to assure him. He grabbed Shane’s face with both hands to hold him in place and keep his gaze. He looked dead on into Shane’s eyes trying to share his certainty through that connect the same as he had done with Merle. “You wouldn’t have left me. Not even if I was begging you. I know that Shane. I know it.” 

“You thought I was dead,” Rick insisted nodding his agreement to the words. Shane picked up the gesture and nodded along.

“You thought I was dead,” Rick said more softly. Tears began to form in his eyes as he thought about Shane having to live with this, living believing that Rick, his best friend, his pack mate was dead and it was all his fault for failing to save him. He’d probably been trying to blame himself for the shooting as well and wasn’t that Rick’s fear? Wasn’t that way Rick had to get back? But he was there now. He’d fix this. He’d fix Shane. He’d found his pack and how he would be able to make things right.

Unable to maintain eye contact in the face of Rick’s sincerity and tears Shane let out a guttural whine and buried his head back in Rick’s stomach.

Rick let Shane hide himself away. Letting go of Shane’s face his hands traveled back through Shane’s hair then on to Carl’s to give him some comfort as well.

Carl pushed up into his hand then looked up at him, his head propped on Shane’s. “What happened Dad? How did you survive?”

Rick shook his head. “I don’t know. I just woke up… yesterday. It was just yesterday,” he said disbelieving that it had been such a short while ago when it felt like so much longer for the wear the time had on his heart and nerves.

Shane’s head jerked back startling Carl. He nearly head butted the boy with the quick move.

“Yesterday,” he said disbelieving and angry if Rick was reading his tone right. There were tear tracks down his face and his voice was still thick with pain. He was still clearly upset but the anger was pushing through it fast which was rather like Shane. Better to be angry. Better to react. It was comforting to Rick to see. It was comforting to see that Shane was the same man he knew and in truth Rick was easier on Rick too, seeing Shane angry rather than in pain.

“You woke up yesterday and… what? Set out for Atlanta on your own? How did you even know,” Shane went on. There probably would have been more but Rick stepped in before he could get his momentum going.

“I woke up in the hospital and I went to the house. A man and his son found me there. They took me in. They told me what was happening. Told me where you all had probably gone.”

“And they just let you go?! Out on your own,” Shane said as if it was some heinous crime.

Rick rolled his eyes. From tears and breakdowns to righteous fury. It was so typically Shane that he had to laugh. Shane scowled at his chuckle and Carl smiled at it relaxing across Shane’s back, knowing everything had to be okay if his Dad was laughing like that. Absentmindedly Shane tilted his head to the side to rub it against Carl’s where the boy had moved it to prop on Shane’s shoulder.

“No, they didn’t just let me go,” Rick corrected. “They kept me the night, saw to my wound-”

“Wound,” Shane interrupted. 

He reached back and put an arm under Carl then stood up. Carl gave a small ‘whoa’ of surprise but was quick from long practice to wrap his hands arms and legs around Shane to secure himself with a big smile spreading across his face. Rick was, as always, mildly jealous of the ease and grace with which Shane could still move Carl around.

“What wound,” Shane demanded scanning Rick over critically. Rick would have taken a bet that Shane was a second away from grabbing hold of Rick to turn him around.

“Nothing you don’t already know about,” Rick said bringing his hand up over his side.

Shane’s eyes widened with concern. “That ain’t healed yet?”

Rick could see the same look of concern on Carl’s face where he had his chin hooked over Shane’s shoulder. They were both staring at the spot where they knew Rick had been shot.

“Nah. It’s gotten a bit infected actually. Someone must-” Rick swat at Shane’s hand. At about the word ‘infected’ he’d moved to trying to pull Rick’s shirt up and away so he could get a look at the wound. Rick continued on. “Someone must of been taking care of me all this time. Someone that survived the shoot out. I survived and I only had this,” he ran a hand over his facial hair, “grown out this far when I woke up so someone gave me a shave at some point. There were lights still on in the halls too. Someone had to have been feeding the generators and looking after me up until a week ago when it must have been that something happened.”

“Still a miracle man,” Shane said the sadness and guilt coming out again. “A miracle that someone found you and gave a shit. People aren’t all that eager to lend a helping hand. We’re lucky someone was willing to. That they were able to keep you alive and nothing happened once they were gone. I don’t know how much you’ve seen if it's only been a day but the world what it is, all it takes is being helpless for a minute and suddenly… you’re just not here to be helpless anymore.”

Shane and Carl both had the same haunted look on their faces. Rick could have tried to offer more comfort but instead of a temporary balm he thought the best they could do for themselves was to get clean and settled down in a nest for awhile. What was on the cards was a good old pack pile. Nothing was going to feel right until they all smelled of each other. They’d been having to live without smelling properly of pack and it would go a long way to healing the damage the time apart had done.

“I actually had a shower this morning,” Rick commented looking down at about where the wound was. “Got a look at it then. First I’ve had of it but it’s looking good. Healing.”

“How’d you manage a shower,” Shane asked. He tapped Carl’s leg in warning than started moving. Rick fell into step besides him. It wasn’t long before they cleared the trees and started along down a gravel path to the quarry bellow.

As they walked he told them about going with Morgan and Duane to the station and how excited they had been for a hot shower. Carl made a sound of pleasure imagining it himself and both men smiled. Shane’s smile turned into a laugh and he said he could understand their enthusiasm. “Haven’t had a hot shower in a long time, huh bud,” he said jostling Carl.

“Uh-huh,” Carl said.

“I was plenty grateful myself,” Rick said.

“This guy. Morgan and his son. They didn’t come with you,” Shane asked. “Or?”

Rick shakes his head in denial of what Shane’s employing. “They were fine when I left them,” he says and then tells Shane about Morgan staying behind and the walkie they had agreed to use to stay in touch.

“Man. That sucks. It’s a shame you lost the bag. Could have used the guns and ammo here as well. We don’t have much in the way of that left anymore.”

Rick made a noncommittal noise. He could feel Shane’s eyes on him in response, no doubt suspicious due to knowing him too well but he kept his eyes on his footing over last few steps before the ground leveled out.

Lori was waiting for them with a jeep looking tense and unhappy. Rick felt all desire to talk leave him and did his best not to focus on daydreams of just taking Carl and Shane back around up the path, to the woods, and hiding away from the world with them. But when Lori spotted them her eyes didn’t narrow in anger. Instead her whole poster relaxed with relief and Rick was able to mostly relax in return. Her eyes cut to Shane and Carl before returning to and settling on Rick. Instead of waiting for them to make their way to her she got up off the bumper and made her way to them.

Rick knows her well enough that he anticipates her reaching for his hand long before she gets to him. That time is time of awareness enough of a grace period to remind himself to go with what he thinks rather than what he feels. What he feels, is that he wants to deny her this simple thing. What he knows, is that its easier and kinder to simply let her take his hand so he does. 

‘This is normal,’ he reminds himself as she pulls him in and places herself at his side as she falls in step with his stride. 

‘We’ve done this a thousand times,’ he told himself as he fought the urge to take his hand back. ‘Get over it.’ 

“I brought the toiletries and some clothes. Glenn said you don’t have any but we have some of yours so I brought them down for you,” she said her eyes cutting over to Carl.

“Scenting items,” Rick asked looking at his best friend and son as well. It wasn’t uncommon for their kind to keep items around that smelled like individuals in their pack or that smelled of their pack as a whole especially during times of stress or grief. Rick had wanted to take some from the house but everything was stale and faded which provided more distress then comfort especially with the problems he was having with his sense of smell. That is why scenting items that were being kept for a long period of time were usually sealed up. People had been known to keep items sealed away for years after someone died just to know they could scent it if they wanted, to know that the scent wasn’t completely gone from the world. Soldiers were sent sealed items regularly. Parents and packs usually nested with their babies things so the child could be surrounded with their scent at all times. It didn’t surprise him at all that his pack had worked to keep items with his scent on them. He knew it had probably started when he was shot and carried on as things got worse.

“It will be good to have them smell like you again,” Carl said his eyes distant. “They smell more like me and Shane now then you.”

“We’ll fix that,” Rick told him. Carl gave him a small smile.

“What about the nest,” Shane asked a slight edge to his voice that Rick didn’t understand.

He felt Lori tense next to him. “What about it?”

“Did you bring it down to wash?”

“No,” Lori said with an edge of her own edge to her voice. 

“Don’t you think that would have been a good idea,” Shane said with no real question in his tone. “A fresh start.”

“It’s not exactly easy to wash the bedding on my own,” Lori pointed out. “It wouldn’t have time to dry before bed besides.”

Shane made a noise of reluctant acceptance.

Rick looked between the two. He wondered what had been happening and how they’d been getting on if they couldn’t even put whatever was between them aside for the moment. He’d expected Lori wouldn’t be much help with him gone and assumed that was the reason for the tension he was seeing. He should have known that Shane would have worked to confront her about it instead of handling her the way Rick usually would.

Rick tried and failed not to think of all the problems that had come from how he handled his wife and their relationship in the past while Lori goes to fetch the things from the jeep. While Rick’s thinking and Lori is fetching the boys strip down to their boxers for their swim.

“Let’s see that wound,” Shane says. Rick gives into him with a sigh as Shane moves in to see to inspect. Rick’s not at all surprised he wants to see to it with his own too eyes and examine it with his own two hands. Its just who Shane is. It's actually more of a pack trait. If Carl was a few years older he’d probably be insisting he do it himself rather than standing near by looking anxious.

Lori arrived with a laundry basket filled with a washing board and soaps and things just in time to watch Rick keep his arm awkwardly to the side as Shane peeled away the bandage.

When Rick looked her brow was scrunched up, her jaw set, and her hands were on her hips. “It hasn’t healed yet?” Carl came up beside her and took one of her hands which she squeezed while keeping an eye on what Shane was doing.

Shane got the last of the bandage away. With a tender hand he traced the wound. “It’s not looking so bad,” he said relieved. “When you said infection I was scared it was something worse. We don’t have any doctors in camp and no meds either.”

Lori leaned around to get a good look while Carl started telling her about Rick waking up in the hospital then finding Morgan and Duane.

“A few more days, we treat it right, it will just be a scar,” Shane said stepping back reluctantly, having lingered over the wound until Carl finished the retelling.

Carl left his mother, moving in to take Shane’s place. He laid a hand next to the wound. He stared at it intently.

“Hey,” Rick said, cupping Carl’s jaw and bring his eyes away from it.

Carl gave him a small smile in apology but his eyes flickered down to Rick’s side.

“We should get washed up,” Rick said. “It’s getting late.”

Carl nodded and went to the laundry basket. He grabbed a bar of soap, some rags, and left the rest behind.

“Carl,” Lori chastised him lightly holding out a bottle of heavily perfumed shampoo. Rick didn’t blame him for leaving it behind. He could barely stand Lori using the stuff, let alone going around with it on his head all day. He pushed down his irritation that came with the thought that Lori should have known better and instead waded out into the water so he could start scrubbing away the scent of horse, Dixon, and dead from his skin.

The men waded out to the water so they could start washing up. The water was far from warm but the air had heat enough for Rick to enjoy it.

“You’re not joining us,” Shane called out.

Rick looked up and around and it was only then that he realized Lori had remained behind at the waters edge to start on the washing.

Lori didn’t both looking up. “I’ll wait for ladies only swim,” she called back.

Shane scowled at her. Rick didn’t want to deal with whatever was going between the two of them as it would likely make his dealings with Lori more strained.

“Leave her her modesty,” Rick told Shane. When he’d successfully gotten Shane to turn back to him he asked, “Wash my back,” hoping it would be enough to distract Shane from Lori.

Shane nodded and the moved into place behind Rick. Carl in turn held his rag out to his father and Rick took it to wash his back. They formed up a line. Oldest to youngest and got to it. Rick enjoyed this bit of how their pack chose to connect and express their bond. Grooming each other hadn’t been a ritual in his family before Shane but it had been something they’d discovered along the way and something that had lasted. 

“Your turn,” Rick told Shane when he was finished. Shane turned around but Carl stepped up to help forcing Shane to squat down so he could reach. Shane obliged him with nothing more than rolling his eyes. 

When they were done Carl insisted on washing his dad’s hair. They did not touch the shampoo and instead used the bar soap. Shane picked Carl up so he could reach Rick’s head then used it as an excuse to throw him off towards the deeper water. Carl screamed in delight and came up splashing and ready to play.

They went on playing and splashing and throwing Carl around until Carl had laughed and splashed himself out. He was shivering and pruney and more interested in cuddling then continuing to play around in the water by the time they were done.

“Hey Lori. Did you bring down a razor,” Shane called out as they moved back to shore.

Lori raised a hand to shield her eyes and nodded before going to fetch it from the basket.

“You going to shave me,” Rick asked skeptically as they settled in at the shore. Shaving was a bit much even for them. It was something he had only ever allowed Lori do for him and even then it had been on very rare occasions and not since the early days of their marriage. Shane hadn’t offered since they were kids and Rick kept nicking himself as he learned to Shave but Rick never taken him up on it. Of all the things Rick was comfortable having Shane do for him and doing in return shaving each other felt like it might be just too intimate. Something about it spoke of things beyond friendship and companionship to him. It spoke of things he’d let go of having with Shane a long time ago.

Shane shrugged. “I’d feel better if you looked like yourself. I haven’t see you with scruff since Carl was born.”

Rick chuckled and felt his face. “I always did say he’d grow a beard when I retired. Maybe I should grow it out.”

Shane raised an eyebrow at him, not impressed with the idea.

Lori didn’t look any happier about it, eyeing his new growth with something between speculation and distaste.

Carl took some steps back to get a wider view of him. He tilted his head and considered his father. Rick waited amused to hear his verdict. He even held out his hands as though to say,’what do you think?’

Carl nodded. “I think you’d look good with a beard,” he decided.

Shane snorted. “As long as you don’t go growing those curls out.”

Carl nodded in agreement with that.

“What’s wrong with my curls,” Rick prodded teasingly.

“Nothing man but if you're really going to grow a beard,” Shane face scrunched up in distaste, “you’ll look like a mountain man if you’re sporting long curly locks to.”

Rick looked to Carl for his opinion. “He’s right,” Carl said siding with Shane. He gave Rick his best solemn nod.

Rick laughed and reached up touching his face. The others looked at him expectantly. Rick had thought about shaving at the police station but he’d been distracted and simply skipped it in the end. It just didn’t seem important at the time. Not with so much more on his mind.

He sighed. “It is itchy as anything,” he confessed giving in.

“It goes then,” Shane asked seeming to eager for Rick’s liking.

“It goes,” Rick agreed. “…For now.”

Shane tried to take the razor from her but Lori wouldn’t let him have it. “I’ll do it,” she insisted. Shane looked surprised but didn’t put up a fuss. If anything, from Rick’s view, he seemed impressed with her for wanting to do it.

Rick held out a hand for the razor. “I can see to it myself,” he told them.

“You realize we don’t have a mirror out here right,” Shane pointed out teasingly. Rick new he’d never let go over all the trouble Rick had when he was first learning to shave.

“You’re the only on here who needs a mirror to shave,” Rick reminded him taking the razor from Lori. She looked a little disappointed at not being the one to do it. Rick assumed it was jealousy, that she wanted to take care of him after seeing Carl and Shane doing the same.

Still she gave him a smile when she handed him the shaving cream.

Shane was right about the shave. When Rick was once again clean shaven he felt more himself. It felt good, right, to be bristle free again. It felt more as things were supposed to be. He was clean, clean shaven, and he had his pack. Things weren’t perfect. But it was enough.

While Rick was shaving Shane saw to his own clothes which Lori had left lay, ignoring despite seeing to all Rick and Carl’s things with having to be asked. Rick thought she was probably trying to make a point about something. Shane didn’t say a word about it though. He didn’t even look her way. He simply grabbed a bar of chip of laundry soap and got started on them.

“So what happened,” Rick asked getting everyone’s attention. “After the shoot out.”

Neither Shane nor Lori seemed willing to speak so Carl spoke up instead. He told Rick his side of things. His story started from Lori telling him that Rick had been shot all the way along to the setting up of the quarry camp.

“Everyone’s okay,” Carl said shrugging as he put his shoes back on having already seen to dressing the rest of himself. Their was a frown on his face though. “Expect for Sophia’s dad.”

“And what’s wrong with Sophia’s dad,” Rick asked while looking at Shane. By Shane’s expression Rick took a guess that he was’t going to care for the man anymore than his son did.

“He’s a jerk,” Carl said with vehemence.

“Hey now,” Lori started to chastised. 

“No, hey now,” Shane shot back at her. “Carl didn’t misspeak. Man’s a Grade A jerk and a few other things to boot.”

“No matter your opinions Carl needs to know to treat people with respect,” Lori said, her tone decidedly testy as she loaded the wet laundry into the back. of the jeep.

Shane looked at her in disbelief. “Given even half the things he has said and done are you honestly gonna say that man deserves anyone’s respect?”

“What exactly has he been saying and doing,” Rick asked concerned, tossing his wet towel into the laundry to join the rest.

Shane was still looking hard at Lori but he answered Rick’s question all the same. “Man’s an alpha but you wouldn’t know it for how sexist he is. Man’s full of all kinds of backwards ideas about things and out right abusive as well. His wife tries to make excuses for him, ‘been raised by a cis daddy,’ but it’s no fucking excuse. You only stay that ignorant by choice,” Shane declared tossing his own towel in with a bit of violence to the action.

Lori was making a face at the words and the cuss in front of Carl but Rick didn’t care about those things at the moment.

“What kind of ignorant,” Rick asked already having a suspicion based off both Carl and Shane’s feelings towards the man.

“I don’t know if you got a taste of Dixon’s own brand of thinking,” Shane said finally looking to Rick. Rick’s face answered clearly for him as he thought of Merle’s speech. “Well I’d take Dixon, for all he is, over Ed any day. As hard as it may be to believe Ed’s definitely worse. Asshole doesn’t declare most of it what he’s thinking, not the way Dixon does, but he makes it known. Guy has ideas about color and sex and everything in between and beyond and most of them are so stupid you don’t even know how to argue against them.”

“Example,” Rick pressed.

Shane sighed and Carl took the chance to answer. “He thinks if you can get pregnant then you're a girl. No mater what.” Rick wished he sounded anger, that he was puffed up and defiant but he just looked tired as he curled in on himself.

“Ya,” Shane agreed. “As far as dear old Ed’s concerned, you’re a woman not matter what your dick or your head has to say about it.”

Lori shot a venomous glare for that more than what she’d already been sending his way for cussing in front of Carl but Shane didn’t even noticed, to caught up as he was.

“Thinks all omegas are actually women and should live as proper woman and because, shocker, the man’s one of those man should do the impregnating types, he believes that part of living properly is OmegaMales not being fathers and not taking a ‘male’ role or marrying a woman or another omega. Its twisted backwoods bullshit-”

“Shane,” Lori hissed interrupting.

Shane looked at her confused, then down to Carl and his expression turned apologetic.

“I think I get the picture,” Rick said.

Shane huffed. “Not half,” he grumbled.

Rick raised a brow incredulously. “There’s more.”

“The man has a daughter and a wife, both omegas. As far as I can tell he doesn’t raise a hand to the girl but he does to his wife. I reached out to her, offered to help her out but she wouldn’t take it. With things the way they are I can’t exactly force the issue.”

Rick doesn’t like the sound of someone like that around his boy.

“And Sophia,” he asks Carl. “She’s a friend?

Carl nods. “She’s not like her dad.”

That was something Rick was going to have to accept then. In a group this size ostracizing anyone would stir up trouble and the little girl didn’t deserve to suffer for her father’s way.

“Her mom’s nice too,” Carl added.

Lori appeared happy to move the conversation on from Ed and spoke up. “Carol is nice. She’s been a good friend to us.”

“What about everyone else in camp,” Rick asked as they pilled into the jeep with Shane taking the wheel, Rick taking the passenger seat, Carl taking his lap, and Lori climbing in behind them.

They didn’t have much to say about anyone else for the moment promising that for the most part people just wanted to get by and not cause trouble.

“And the Dixons,” Rick asked.

“They aren’t too much trouble usually. What happened with Merle anyway,” Shane asked. “Didn’t see him with the rest of you got back and Glenn made a comment about him to. Said the rest of you were okay but Merle not so much.”

Rick wondered what Glenn meant as he hadn’t known Merle got left behind when he came back but then he figured with what had happened on the roof Glenn had figured Merle wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses.

“Did he get bit,” Carl asked.

Rick sighed. “Not till we’re back at the tent,” he told them as they were now parked and people were looking at them.

Carl lead the way over to their tent. There was already a nest set up in the center of the floor made up of sleeping bags and blankets and pillows. Beyond that there wasn’t much to see. There was a cot off to the side that had obviously not been in use as it was filled up some bags and another laundry basket filled with clean clothes and a pile of dirty besides it. Rick shed his belt, holster, and boots and left them on the cot. Then stripped down to nothing at all before looking through the clean basket for a pair of Shane’s boxers to borrow as the only pair he’d warn while they were bathing. By the time he found a pair and got them on Carl and Shane were already stripped down as well and settling into the next. Lori had left to deal with the wet laundry Rick supposed as she’d said it needed to get on the line if it was going to dry before night.

Shane took the side closest to the door of the tent and Rick didn’t argue with him. Carl was already laying down besides him so Rick pressed in. He snagged a pillow from the pile which he recognized as his, from the pile of nesting materials they had kept at home. Once he was situated on his back he rolled Carl on top of him making room for Shane to move in on his side.

“We’re in the tent now,” Shane said.

Rick nodded and started telling them about leaving home to look for them in Atlanta. Lori returned as he was explaining about the horse he found. Rather than joining the pack pile she busied herself with collecting the dirty laundry from the floor and adding it to the now empty laundry basket she’d brought down to the quarry. Then she tidied their things on the cot. When Rick got to telling about running head long into a crowd of walkers she stopped her fussing, turning to give him her full attention as she stared horrified at him. When Carl whined in distress over what had nearly happened she left it all behind and joined them in the nest. Slipping off her shoes at the edge and leaving the rest of her clothes on. She grabbed a sheet from the pile and through it over the all of them then settled in against Rick’s free side to listen with her lips pressed to his bare arm which Rick ignored, focusing on telling the tale truthfully while filtering out what Carl didn’t need to know.

“Man,” Shane said once Rick was done. “It’s more of a miracle than I thought you being here.”

Rick nodded while Lori squeeze his hand in both of hers.

Shane sighed shaking his head. “Merle Dixon. Man was a racist and he liked to stir the pot but he had his uses. And Daryl ain’t gonna take it well, especially once he hears that Merle could be alive. We’re probably going to lose him when he finds out.”

“Lose him how,” Rick asked.

“He’ll probably go after his brother,” Carl said from where he was still laying on Rick’s chest. “It’s what we would do right? It’s what you do for pack?”

Rick nodded. It made the most sense. He’d been figuring on it after all.

“Yeah, he probably will. Probably get himself killed going in there alone and emotional,” Shane admitted

Rick shoulders locked up even as he tried to stay casually. “Than he shouldn’t have to go alone.” 

He felt Lori and Shane tense on either side of him and watched Carl lift his head up for a better look up at his dad.

“And what does that mean,” Shane asks a growl in his voice.

“There’s safety in numbers and there are other things in the city that got left behind. If Daryl’s going to go back anyway we should send a group with him. Get the bag of guns, get the walkie, see what else there is to get. The said they went in because supplies are low but from what I saw they didn’t get much,” Rick explained reasonably.

“What bag of guns? What Walkie,” Lori asked.

Rick turned to look at her and squeezed her hand. It was a purely manipulative move on his part but if it saved him a fight he didn’t care. He explained to her about the debt he owed Morgan and why he needed the walkie. She wasn’t happy.

What followed was an argument with both Lori and Shane coming at him from both the sides, literally, while all Carl said only the once that he didn’t want Rick to go. But in the end things were simple. Rick couldn’t leave Merle like that, they needed the guns, Rick needed the walkie, and no one else was likely to volunteer to go get them if Rick wasn’t going himself.

“I’ll go,” Shane said getting desperate.

Rick shook his head. “I don’t know this camp. I trust you to know how to handle things here. You’ll keep Carl and Lori safe until I get back.”

That did not settle matters however and the argument went on until but Rick and Carl were making faces, unhappy that this was interfering in and pushing them apart when they should have been enjoying coming back together.

“Enough,” Rick told them both. “I’m tired. I just want to spend this time together, enjoying this. We can argue about things in the morning. We have until Daryl gets back anyway.”

Reluctantly Shane and Lori both let it go for the moment.

“How’s Daryl likely to take things beyond going after his brother,” Rick asks.

“Not well,” Shane confesses. He runs a hand over his head. “From what I can tell they’re all the pack either of them has had for a long time. And Daryl, he defers to Merle in most things. Mimics him too.”

Shane goes on telling him what else he knows and suspects about Daryl and Merle Dixon. Rick’s relieved to know that at least Daryl doesn’t seem to use like Merle did which would make things easier on them. But hearing that Daryl was just as prone to posturing and aggression as his brother was something to worry about. ‘Later,’ he told himself.

When Shane finished silence takes over. There are other things they could talk about, will need to talk about, but nothing they want to talk about in the moment.

“Do you know what this reminds me of,” Rick asked half asleep. He chuckled. “Our camping trip.”

Shane chuckled along with him. He looked over at Lori and watched her smile drop as he met her eyes. He forced his smile to stay in place. He wasn’t any happier than Lori about the situation they found themselves in. Not that he’d change it in the least. Rick was back and no matter what he would be grateful for that. What they did when Rick hadn’t been there was going to be something they’d have to deal with but Rick was back and that should be what mattered above and beyond anything else. Rick was alive and seemed to be handling things well enough. Shane didn’t understand why Lori had to make this more difficult then it needed to be. Shane was hopeful that things would workout well for them all and every time Lori looked at him like that it made it harder for him to be hopeful.

He had resolved himself to just ignore her and enjoy the good while it lasted when he caught Rick eying them looking tense. Rick had enough to deal with and he was handling it better than they had any right to expect of him. He deserved better than for Shane and Lori to make things harder on him.

“We went camping,” Carl asked.

“You don’t remember,” Rick teased still half way to dream land.

“He was only three,” Shane said reaching out to pet Carl’s head.

They tell Carl about the trip keeping to their usual policy of being as honest as possible while protecting him from the things he didn’t need to know. They tell him about the obsession with the outdoors and camping he’d picked up from one of his favorite TV shows and how he loved camping in the backyard but always wanted to go to the real “out of doors.” They don’t mention they didn’t actually give in to him until just after Lori’s father passed away and they don’t say that the only did it to allow Lori a chance to get away from people and things. They tell him about going out into the woods while mom stayed back at camp and don’t tell him that it was because of all the times Lori just wanted to be left alone to grieve. They tell him about it raining and being trapped in the tent together. They don’t tell him that it was one of the first times Lori let them be there for her since the shock of her father’s death had worn off.

They never went camping again after that. They’d kept up those backyard campouts though. Kept those going for years. They’d always meant to go out on a real trip again without the cloud of Lori’s grief hanging over them but it never actually happened. Even when they made plans something inevitably went wrong. It was the only reason they had the tent and some of the other things they needed when left home and ended up at the quarry. The last times they’d made plans to take their tent beyond the backyard it had rained for two weeks straight and Carl was back to school before they could make new plans. They’d stoked up on supplied though. They’d been ready to go with the car fully loaded but the stuff never got used. It got put to use though when they’d come to the quarry.

Sleeping in the tent the first night they’d set up there had been heartbreaking for Shane as they’d finally gotten out again only Rick wasn’t there which meant nothing was right. Nothing was how it should be and that broke Shane’s heart. Now that was finally fixed. Now Rick was with them. Things weren’t right by any means. Shane didn’t think he could ever consider things right with the world as it had become. But Rick was with them and that made things more right than they had been even before the dead ahd started making nightmares of themselves. Shane felt as thought a hole had been filled in his heart that had been getting stretched wider and wider every time they came back to the tent that he was sure Rick would never sleep in again.

Rick was sleeping though. AS soon as there was a lull in conversation he was out. Carl followed not long after. Shane didn’t have as easy a time of it. He couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes. He wanted to take in his friend and pack and the moment. It had been a good day. Rick was alive and most everyone had made it back from Atlanta despite there being every chance they wouldn’t. It was a good day but there was every chance it could all go to hell when a new day dawned. It was just the world they lived in and if he couldn’t persuade Rick to stay behind then there was every chance they’d get him back just to lose him again.

He knew it didn’t speak to anything good in him but he was hoping Daryl never made it back from his hunt. Shane considered that maybe if he didn’t come back, if there was no pack to bring Merle back to, Rick could be persuaded to stay.

Shifting in the tent drew Shane’s attention out of his head. Lori was trying to quietly extract herself from the nest. He knew she knew he was awake and watching but she pointedly didn’t meet his eye as she got up and left. A big part of him wanted to follow on after but he’d only just resolved himself not to get caught up in her shit and he wasn’t going to go back on it so quick. He’d give her time, give her the night to pull herself together and give himself the time to enjoy having the three of them together even if it isn’t the entire pack. He would do his best not to resent Lori for holding things back from being a little moment of perfection. Lori had her own way of dealing with things and her own needs. She was cis and Shane needed to remember she wasn’t like them and he shouldn’t expect her to be. He couldn’t complain about her not putting in the effort with what they needed as Alpha and Omegas if he wasn’t willing to do the same.

Normally Shane could deal but that was because they always had to deal with Lori’s needs. They all always seemed to put in a lot of effort to make Lori comfortable but Lori didn’t often seem to bother returning the favor. If your in a country you should at least try to learn the lingo and customs. Lori had been with them long enough that she should know these things but it seemed she willfully chose to live as though she was ignorant, to force everyone around her to speak her language.

The resentment had been building in Shane since Rick was shot. Lori kept messing up with Carl. She was to focused on being “strong” and putting on a facade then dealing with the situation and being what her son needed as an omega in distress. It became too much after the hospital fell and any hope of security in Atlanta burned as the napalm dropped down onto the streets. When they’d first settled into the camp he and Lori and a big blow up about these things. Lori had defended that she was a good mother and Shane had told her that being good didn’t stop her from making mistakes and she was making them and she’d been making them for a long time. It wasn’t good enough anymore. Shane had been a bit desperate to make an impact on her and he was willing to admit that maybe he wanted to hurt her a bit so he hadn’t held back. He’d thrown it her face that the last conversation she’d had with Rick had been her picking a fight and saying hurtful things. He’d rubbed it in that Rick had been so hurt that even Shane hadn’t been able to help him deal with it. The same way Shane hadn’t been able to help him deal with all the shit Lori had been throwing at her for months. Shit Rick had to deal with and Carl too because of course he’d seen, of course he’d known and Carl had to live with that as his last memory of his parents together.

It had broken Lori a bit to hear that and while Shane was satisfied in having gotten some back for Rick he still cared about her so he’d gone softer on her after that. He wrapped her up in his arms and stroked her hair and told her she needed to put in a real effort to deal with things as they were than to resent that things weren’t what she wanted them to be. If they wanted to keep Carl alive and sane he needed Lori to step up.

It had worked. Lori had grown more in last couple of months then Shane had seen in her for years. She’d turned to Shane a lot and let him lead her in things so she could do better in the pack. She’d listened when he corrected her instead of fighting back or dismissing it. He’d seen her stop making the same mistakes over and over. They’d learned to communicate and rely on each other and it had been good between them.

Shane had a bad feeling that Rick being back was going to backslide her into old habits and he wasn’t going to let that stand for long. Rick may have been okay with letting Lori have her ways and stir up trouble but Shane wasn’t having it. They had enough trouble on their plates and Shane wasn’t having her borrow more. He knew well enough that Rick would no doubt be hunting down trouble for them

He remembered the early days, when things had just started. He remembered thinking he could save people and make a difference. He remembered all the stupid risks he’d taken before he’d stopped coming in to do his duty as a cop and focused on his duty to his pack instead. He could remember how different people dealt with things, rebelled agains the new reality and if Rick had only been awake a day he was still in that window. All Shane had to do was keep them all alive long enough for Rick to acclimate. That was going to be his job over the next couple of weeks. Shane was sure that until that time was passed Rick was going to make a lot of decisions he didn’t approve of but he would deal because having to deal with it was a small price to pay for having Rick back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to Ed’s prejudice: Ed’s feelings that omega males should live as women actually was inspired by stories I’ve heard from foreigners who live in Japan who have said that they’ve come across several people who out of ignorance believe that gay men actually are transexual and should just live as women so they can be with men. Ed honestly thinks that in trying to live as men they are being stupid and setting themselves and others up for issues.
> 
> In regards to Shane: So if it wasn’t obvious Shane isn’t the bad guy in this story. He isn’t going to be going against Rick not even for Lori’s affections. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect mister sunshine. He’s going to feel the strain of things and not always handle things well which I think tried to evidence by the fact that he wanted to cause Lori pain, knows it, and doesn’t feel bad about it. He’s spiteful and his people will always come first and he’s got a temper amongst other problems. Unlike canon Shane though this Shane’s got better self awareness and support and coping mechanisms in place. He also has a foundation, because of pack, where his first instinct is to work with his people not step out on his own. Also a better communicator. Instead of just being “Rick’s father” Mr Grimes was a big foundation in Shane’s life and that’s had an affect. I don’t know about Shane’s canon childhood but for the point of this fic assume Shane’s dad on the tv show never had proof his wife cheated so he just suspected and resented through all of Shane’s life. In this one he was eliminated from Shane’s life and that changed how he developed.
> 
> In regards to Lori: This is not meant to be a Lori bashing fic. Shane and Rick both are having issues with Lori and have had issues with Lori because Lori is flawed and in times of stress we don’t tend to handle other peoples shit or our own well. I think we see plenty of Lori’s flaws in canon but we also see strength and compassion and I’m trying to find a similar balance of that in this fic but since its being told (for the moment) from the perspective of two people who aren’t looking to see the good in her at the moment we are getting shown Lori in bad lighting. More of Lori’s back story is going to come out so we understand a bit of what she’s going through from both her perspective and Shane’s and Rick’s. But just know I as a writer haven’t decided to replace Shane for Lori as the villain. She’d not going to be trying to purposely hurt anyone or fuck anything up. In the end she is cares about being a good mother and a good wife and a good person but she doesn’t always see that the way she goes about things and that the things she does aren’t right. Things like excusing Ed’s behavior because she wants peace and not thinking that Carl, who knows his mother has some issues understanding non-cis might think she actually agrees with the man. Or things like leaving the nest and pack pile despite it being something really important to the pack with it being meant to provide comfort and reestablishing bounds.
> 
> Also: I seriously don’t get them doing the laundry in the quarry. For one thing I would be worried about walkers decaying in any water source I couldn’t see the bottom of. Even with creeks I would worry what was up steam and wells would bother me too because you just don’t know. I have anxiety though so I get everyone isn’t like me but you’d think someone at the camp would worry about bring up the fact that they don’t know what is in that water, especially if it is an old quarry. For another, I’m pretty sure that is the water they drink. I am hoping they maybe got their water from someplace else and that’s why Shane had to make a run for it…but somehow I doubt it. I get that visually it was a cool thing to do and lazy people wouldn’t want to shuck water for laundry and bathing but COME ON! You don’t do laundry or wash off walker blood in the water you drink! Still its canon that they did laundry in the quarry so I figured they must have washed there too especially as they didn’t seem concerned about playing in it when they were “frog hunting”. So even though I don’t like them doing it, they are doing it.  
> Also Also: When I say Carl grabs rags I mean wash clothes but I saw a thing once that said they weren’t commonly called that in Georgia but instead called rags. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I do know that there are plenty of areas where wash clothes aren’t commonly used all the time as part of a bathing routine and that things do pick up pick up different names so just in case I went with it.


	4. A Lazy Night In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and the pack get one quiet night at the quarry to reconnect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: I had a lot of trouble on this chapter and worked on it when I was very tired. Many things got moved around between this chapter and the next in the edit but also things were getting blurred in my mind. I couldn’t remember what was in the first draft that got taken out and what I left in and what needed to go in at this time and how to keep what I like from the first while making it work with the edit.  Things got fuzzy in my brain since life is taking up most of my headspace right now so if you spot a problem let me know.

Shane didn’t remember falling asleep but when he blinked his eyes open it’s clear to him thats what happened.

It was Carl that had woken him up by stroking and tugging gently on his hair. He was still laid out over Rick’s chest while his father slept on. While he stretched Shane looked around the tent and saw Lori wasn’t back. He looked to Carl to se what he needed.

‘Hungry,’ the boy mouthed then looked down at his dad. Rick had his arms tight around Carl. There would be no sneaking him out without waking Rick and neither Carl nor Shane wanted to do that. Rick deserved rest and to be with his pack.

Shane reached out to ruffle Carl’s hair and nodded getting to his feet.

Rick made a discontented noise in his sleep turning in the direction where Shane had been. Shane grabbed his pillow and brought it closer to Rick. Rick about smothered himself pressing his nose into it before he settled. Shane felt a stab of guilt that Rick was seemingly that desperate for his scent. He ran a hand through Rick’s hair and brought a blanket over both father and son.

“Be back,” he whispered in Carl’s ear and Carl nodded in acceptance. 

Shane got himself dressed and headed to the hub of camp.

Dale was up on watch while some of the women worked to pull their resources to make dinner. Others loitered or puttered about at different tasks on the outskirts of thing. Shane headed towards Dale watching as people took noticed him. There was a tension in the air that hadn’t been there that morning and Shane could only assume it had to do with Rick being back. His jaw tensed, his head buzzing with resentment that even with the world gone to shit people still loved gossip and drama.

It wasn’t until he was talking with Dale did he begin to suspect that something more might be going on. While they spoke Dale’s eyes repeated skipped away to the others who were seeing to dinner. Shane followed Dale’s gaze but all he could see was Lori and some of the others seeing to various pots and bags of goods. Shane couldn’t understand what would make Dale fidgety until he spotted Ed near by the group clearly saying going on about something even if the others weren’t responding.

Shane wrapped up his conversation and made a point of saying that he was going to go talk to Lori. Dale’s got a facial twitch and his eyes cut back to the group.

“That might not be the best idea son,” he told Shane.

Shane crossed his arms. “And why might that be,” he asked keeping his tone friendly enough but not so friendly as to stop Dale from eyeing him wearily.

When the man continued to study him rather than speaking Shane looked around for the two men in camp Shane could most trust not to keep a secret from him. T-dog and Glenn. He called over to them and they answered the call without a fuss. Dale sighed.

T-dog and Glenn were both good men in Shane’s opinion. They had come to camp together with Glenn singing T-Dog’s praises for saving his ass. The way T-Dog told it Glenn probably would have gotten out on his own. He just gave the kid a ride. Both were an asset to camp and neither had given Shane any trouble besides Glenn driving that car up to their doorstep wailing away and plausibly drawing in trouble.

T-Dog generally didn’t care for drama, did his fair share of the work, and didn’t look to get involved in other peoples business which were all things Shane could respect. Glenn conversely seemed to get involved in everyone’s business but he still had Shane’s respect. 

Glenn was a good kid who was eager to please and eager to help, taking on more than his fair share of work and risk for them. Shane had heard Glenn say he’d been on his own for awhile. His family lived out of state and he had no pack. Shane really couldn’t understand the last part. Glenn was an Omega and obviously a pack animal. Shane didn’t know how it didn’t eat a guy like Glenn up being on his own. Glenn had mentioned going to some of the socializing groups designed to help people find new packs and packs to find new people but said it never really worked out for him. There had been hurt in him when he said it but he played it off saying he had Cis friends who helped to give him what he needed. Shane didn’t really believe it but he wasn’t sure what the truth was. Glenn had obviously been craving pack something fierce. He needed pack more than just about anyone Shane had ever met. Shane needed his pack, his people, not just people in general. Glenn though, needed people and their approval and there were those in camp that took advantage of that. Shane was one of that number. He knew it wasn’t right sending Glenn into the city on his own but they needed the supplies and he always came back. Shane thought it was better to let him go and risk only the one man then to risk more. Shane knew it made him a dick but his pack was his priority and Glenn wasn’t pack. It didn’t make him expendable but it did mean that Shane wasn’t going to talk him out of something he was willing to do.

“What’s up,” T-Dog asked while Glenn looked back and forth between the Shane and Dale weary of the atmosphere between them.

“Dale doesn’t feel I should be heading over talk to Lori. Any idea why that is?”

Both men looked between the various points of interest involved in that question. Namely Dale, Shane, and the group gathered round making dinner.

“I’m sure you have things to talk about, which are none of my business,” Dale was quick to add at Shane’s look. “I’m not trying to interfere with you and Lori.”

“Nah,” T-Dog interrupted. “It’s just that Ed’s been running his mouth and if you go over there Dale’s worried he might say shit to you then there’s gonna be another cracker besides Dixon getting his ass handed to him today by a cop.”

Shane looked at T-Dog hard before turning to level an expectant look on Glenn.

“It’s just his usual stuff. Ed’s shit so he says shit things,” Glenn said with a shrug not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“And if its just his usual stuff than why exactly shouldn’t I be going over.”

Glenn cut a look over at T-Dog but T just looked back at him not willing to take this one.

Glenn sighed and took his hat from his head. “It’s just his usual stuff but he’s saying it about Rick…”

Shane’s jaw and fists clenched.

“And Carl,” Glenn added not able to meet his eye again.

“What exactly is he saying,” Shane ground out.

“Basically,” T-Dog took over again. “He’s talking about how sorry he feels for Lori and bullshit about Rick maybe leaving her when he realizes he needs a man in his life and doesn’t that worry her and wasn’t she happier when it was you and her. Then he started going on about how and why omega men aren’t really men and how she’s got to see it having lived with one for so long. Then said some shit about it being good Carl’s spending time with his girl and maybe it will help him see they are the same. Said some shit too about Rick never getting shot if he knew his place and was being a good wife to someone instead of trying to play at being a man and working on the force.”

“And you all have let him keep talking,” Shane growled.

T-Dog shrugged. “Man it’s not like Lori’s really saying anything to him. We figured it was her marriage, her husband, her kid. If she felt it was better not to be making a big deal about it none of the rest of us should.”

Shane ran a hand aggressively through his hair. Hecaught the look on Glenn’s face and it just made him angrier. “But this isn’t just about Lori. This is also about Glenn and Daryl and Merle and Carol and every other omega we got in this camp! You let him say shit like that about Rick and you accept it then you’re as good as telling them he’s right, that you don’t disagree with it. Which is why Lori and all the rest of you should know better and speak up!”

Shane turned and left them heading over to Lori at the fire but not before catching a glimpse of look T-dog was sending Glenn’s way and the fact that Glenn still wasn’t meeting anyone’s eye. “That true man,” Shane heard T-Dog say as he walked away only able to catch a few more words before the distance was to much. “You think…”

Shane didn’t know why but as he approached it appeared that Ed found the good sense to shut his mouth.

Amy and some of the others gave him a smile as he approached.

“Evening,” Shane greeted.

“Hey Shane,” Amy returned the greeting. Shane figured she’d gotten over what had happened earlier when they thought Andrea wasn’t coming back. 

Amy held out a small bucket to him. “You mind checking these for me?”

Shane took the bucket and absently investigated the mushrooms inside finding nothing that was going to do anyone any harm.

“You're learning,” Shane told her returning the bucket. She rolled her eyes but there was some pride in her smile.

“Something we can do for you,” Lori asked crisply from her place. Her face is blank like there is no emotion in her even if her voice is cold. Shane couldn’t figure out where her head was at. He didn’t see why she couldn’t just be happy and save the drama and bitch face for later. Rick was handling things well. He hadn’t freaked out, hadn’t gone about slinging accusations and blame, hadn’t said a word about any of it even after having to smell what Shane and Lori had done. Shane knew there was no way Rick was just okay with everything but assumed Rick wanted to focus on reconnecting and enjoying that for a time before diving in to what had happened between them while he was gone. Shane assumed Rick could only be so calm if he understood what had happened and why. He knew Lori would blame herself and him even if Rick wasn’t but he couldn’t help but wish she could hold off for one night before making this about her. Rick was back and he didn't need Lori reminding him of what he was choosing to ignore. Rick didn’t deserve to have to smell the evidence of what they’d been up to on Lori’s skin and in the bedding. The bedding Shane could understand but Lori refusing to get in the water and wash the evidence off was just low especially as it was something they were doing together as a pack. They’d sex just that morning and Rick didn’t deserve having to smell it on her and being reminded of all the things that happened which put them in a position to do what they did.

Shane eyed Lori in silence until she stopped what she was doing to actually look at him. “Just wanted to check on you. Carl was worried when you didn’t come back to join us. What with this being the first chance we’ve had to really be a pack since Rick was shot,” he lied, wanting cause her a little hurt for abandoning what was an important nesting for their pack. Almost as important as the first time they’d nested with Carl. Rick was back and they needed to give him a proper welcome which didn’t include skipping out on pack bounding like she’d done at the quarry and with the tent.

Lori broke eye contact. “Well, I’m sorry Carl worried but there are things to see to. I wouldn’t be setting a good example I skipped out on my share of the work.”

The others had noticed the tension between them and we paying intent attention to their conversation. Shane didn’t care for it. He ground his teeth as he considered his next words, trying to find a balance between what he wanted to say and what should be said in front of others.

In the end he decided it was better to keep their business as private as they could manage in a camp like theirs.

“Will dinner be ready soon?”

“Soon enough,” Lori replied.

“You’ll bring it back to the tent,” Shane asked.

Lori hesitated before nodding.

Shane turned his attention from her to speak to the group at large. “Does anyone have any bandages left? Antibiotic ointment?”

“I think we’ve got a few bandaids left in our things,” Andrea offered having brought more firewood over. “Did Carl get a scrap or something?”

Shane shook his head and looked to Lori. “I forgot to ask,” she defended. Shane didn’t feel that needed defending. The fact that she hadn’t spoken up when Ed had been talking shit about Rick to tell him and everyone else that Rick was more man than Ed to have fought his way back to them still wounded is what mattered to Shane.

“Ask about what,” Amy said looking between them.

Shane reluctantly looked away from Lori to Amy. “Rick’s gunshot wound still hasn’t healed yet. It’s almost there but I was hoping we had something to keep it under wraps until its where it needs to be.”

“He’s still got a gunshot wound,” Amy asked sounding shocked.

“It’s not really a gunshot wound anymore,” Lori corrected.

Shane nodded in agreement. “It’s superficial now but it still needs looking after.”

Amy looked to Andrea expecting her to provide help. 

“We’ve only got whatever was in the bottom of my purse,” Andrea said raising her hands defensively. “And that’s only a few bandaids for paper cuts and maybe some antibiotic cream left. It isn’t much but if you need it what we’ve got is yours.”

Amy looked satisfied.

“What have you got that Shane needs,” Dale asked coming over and situating himself slightly in front of Andrea and Amy, placing himself between Shane and the girls.

Andrea rolled her eyes. “Rick needs bandages and some antibiotic cream,” she explained.

Dale relaxed his defensive posture a bit. “I think most of those supplies have been used up already son.”

Shane nodded with a huff. He knew the odds were slim.

“I’ll keep an ear out for anyone who still has a first aid pack or something you can use,” Dale added at the look.

The others nearby nodded in agreement.

“Thank you,” Shane said.

“Yes, really, thank you all,” Lori added.

He looked back at Lori. “You’ll bring dinner,” he checked again. She pursed her lips at him like he’d said something outrageous. Shane raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’ll bring dinner,” she told him.

Shane left her to it and headed back for the tent.

Shane took a breath and pushed the world away choosing instead to focus on the good. Rick was back, for all intensive purposes back from the dead as far as Shane’s heart was concerned.  Things hadn’t been easy with Rick in a coma, with Shane having to live knowing he should have been able to stop it and that he should have been able to get Rick out. Things had been almost unbearable thinking Rick was dead because twice over Shane hadn’t been able to save him.  He still had plenty of guilt in his heart over things. Having Rick back and having Rick forgive him wasn’t enough to allow him to forget how he had failed.  He hadn’t been able to stop Rick from being shot the first time.  He hadn’t gotten Rick out.  Then there was the guilt over how things had developed between himself and Lori while Rick wasn’t there. Still the guilt he was feeling was nothing compared to what he’d woken up with that morning and lived with the day before and every day since Rick had been shot. What he was living with was something bearable because it was something he could make amends for. It wasn’t the lead weight bringing down his every step that he’d felt before.  Knowing that Rick was alive and there with them made everything easier to live with.

When Shane entered the tent he found a large lump covered by the largest blanket they had. When he lifted the corner a wave a warm air heavy with scent hit him. Carl and Rick had created a little oven that was saturating the air with their scent and backing that scent into their skin and the items they have stacked and mounded around them under the blanket, perfect for making scenting items for later use even if it meant baring with the extra heat.

Rick and Carl had changed positions while they were gone with Rick moving onto his side and Carl laying with his back to his fathers chest. Rick smiled up at Shane unperturbed while Carl was frowning at Shane for unsealing them and letting fresh air in and all their scent out. Shane understood his annoyance. Carl was right to covet that scent. Having air so concentrated with the smell of pack rising up to his nose had Shane feeling content and loose. He forgot all about the problems outside the tent just as he’d wanted.

“Room for one more,” Shane asked. Both grimes boys hmmed in agreement. Shane abandoned his shoes and gun but tossed his shirt in ahead of him before taking a behind Rick. He pulled the blanket back into place and settled in to scent and sweat.

Shane wondered how Ed might reaction to seeing them together like that and snorted. Rick looked back at him curiously but Shane dismissed the silent question with a shake of his head feeling they didn’t need to bring talk of Ed and his judgments into pack time. The moment was too right to ruin with by letting Ed into it. The only person beyond the three of them that had any business being there was Lori and the fact that she wasn’t bothered him. It wasn’t just anger or irritation. It was upset as well. Lori was the last piece of the puzzle that would have made things perfect in the way it had been when the Grime’s household had always smelled like pack, like a perfect blend of the four of them. Her scent was there but it wasn’t the same as if she was there in person and was quickly being drowned out by Rick, Carl, and Shane’s scents.

Still it was as close to perfect as things had been in a long time and it was easy for Shane to get lost in matching his breathing to Rick and Carl’s, loosing himself in the sound of their inhales and exhales and the scent he pulled in with every drawl.

The quiet lingered long enough for Shane to feel almost loopy, until Carl broke it.

“I missed you dad.”

Shane felt his heart give a squeeze at that.

Rick stopped breathing for a moment before pulling Carl in closer. He hummed into Carl’s hair but doesn’t say anything to comfort the boy. Shane didn’t understand why until Carl started to speak again. This was why Shane couldn’t take Rick’s place. Rick just understood Carl better than Shane could.

“I missed you and I don’t want you to go tomorrow… but I know you have to and I know you’ll come back. Nothings managed to get you yet so… it’s okay. I know you’ll come back.”

Shane’s arms tightened reflexively around Rick. He mourned what little hope he had of keeping Rick from heading back into the city. Carl would have been the one thing to change Shane could use to change Rick’s mind and he knew that having the boys permission would make arguing for Rick to stay pointless. 

“Thank you,” Rick whispered against Carl’s hair.

Shane heard Lori coming but choosing not to react. Instead he held on more tightly to Rick while he could and shut his eyes to the world.

“Dinner,” Lori declared throwing their blanket to the side.

Shane shivered at the cooler air coming in across his skin and feels Rick do the same.

Shane listened as Carl whined at having their oven nest opened again before reluctantly getting up per his mothers request. Shane stayed where he is besides Rick planning on getting whatever time he can before Rick answers the call of food.

“Rick,” Lori said.

He rolled over towards Shane with a stretch. “I’m not all that hungry,” Rick told her settling back down into the bedding.

Shane would have accepted it if he hadn’t taken the time to thing and remember that Rick hadn’t mentioned eating anything since that morning before he set out for the city.

“Got to eat man,” Shane said forcing himself to sit up. “Food the way it is we can’t waste it.”

Rick sighed but nodded his agreement before following after Shane.

Conversation was stale as they all focused on their food. Lori sat a bit of a ways from everyone and that only increased the tension.

Finally the silence became too much for Lori and she spoke. “Everyone is going to be gathering around the fires tonight. There really isn’t much else we can do once the sun goes down but its warm and there’s light.”

Rick made a noncommittal noise, focusing on poking at his beans.

Lori kept her head angled at her plate but Shane could tell she was watching Rick through her lashes. He felt like he was back home at Rick and Lori’s table enduring an awkward conversation between the two with him and Carl sat between them, eating and staying out of it.

“It would be good if we joined. Give you a chance to meet everyone one and for them to meet you… They… They don’t know much about you,” she admitted sheepishly. Shane could see her trying to swallow down some emotion before continuing. He feels a pang in his heart for the swell in her voice. “Talking about you when you were… gone. It was hard. We mostly shared memories when we were alone. All everyone really knows about you is that you were a police officer and that you had died… that we thought you had died.”

Her voice wavered at the end and she was lose to tears. Shane wished it wasn’t so unwelcome because all he wanted in that moment was to go wrap her up in his arms and let her know he was there. Shane knew it wasn’t wanted however so he couldn’t do it. He looked to Rick and sees him hesitating. He looks to Carl and sees him watching his father as well.

After a moment Rick put aside his plate and moved over to Lori’s side. He sat himself down beside her and put an arm around her small frame. That was all the invitation Lori needed to abandon what remained of her own dinner and bury herself in his side. She didn’t sob or cry aloud but Lori’s tears were usually silent and Shane knew it didn’t mean she was feeling any less for making less of a display. As Rick rubbed her back Shane relaxed in seeing that while he wasn’t allowed to comfort her at the moment it didn’t mean she had to go without comfort.

Carl abandoned his dinner as well to join his father at his mother’s side.

“Tonight is for pack,” Rick declared, his tone neutral. “Right now, I need my pack. Having other people around will just… Tonight is for pack.”

He sighed. He looked down at Lori’s head, studying her hair, before seeming to come to some conclusion. Slowly he leaned forward and placed his nose against her head. Shane realized then that it was the first time he’d seen Rick actually scenting Lori since he got back. Shane could watch some of the tension ease out of Rick as he breathed in his wife’s scent but he didn’t relax fully. Shane held back from cringing, imagining what Rick was smelling on Lori since she hadn’t bathed. Shane knew being around her, smelling of him and sex had to be hard. He respected Rick all the more for putting it aside to be there for her.

“In the morning,” Rick said after he’d had time to just breath, “I’ll put on my uniform and go out and get to know the neighbors. I’ll do a better job after a full nights rest besides.”

He hesitated, then kissed the top of Lori’s head.

“Alright?”

Lori nodded against him without pulling back or allowing any extra space between them.

“Hey bud,” Shane said when it appeared none of the Grimes had plans to go anywhere. He ignored Lori tensing. He held Rick’s plate out to Carl. “Give this to your dad.”

When Rick made a face he told him, “You need to keep your strength up.”

Rick nodded and freed an arm from around Lori to take his plate from Carl who played go between. 

Lori freed herself up an arm as well but staying mostly plastered to Rick’s side as she started back in on her own meal which Carl dutifully collected for her.

The silence was more companionable as they finished their meal. 

“We need to get the plates back for washing,” Lori said without making any move to leave. 

Shane didn’t want to go anywhere. The tent smelled of pack and home and it did more to relax him than sex ever cool. It felt like something deep in his core had been turned to steel for a long time and was finally becoming soft and human again. Lori looked happy though and the longer Rick held her the more content he seem to be to do so, so Shane volunteered. “I’ll take them out and let everyone know we’re settling in for the night.”

Shane lingered wondering if Lori was going to try and suggest he sleep in his own tent. Shane had set it up in the beginning more in the interest of claiming space than anything else. He had been surprised when Lori actually expected him to sleep there. Carl had been surprised even more surprised then Shane and with a bit of panic had told her that he wanted Shane around. When Lori tried to explain to Carl that “it wasn’t appropriate” Shane had interrupted asking Carl to give them a minute alone. Shane had then done his best to calmly remind Lori that her omega son had just lost his father and as an omega in distress he needed the security of having what was left of his pack with him and that there was nothing wrong about that. She tried to ask him what people would think about it but all he had to do was ask her who she cared about more, Carl or people and that argument died. “As for appropriate,” Shane had added. “Are you forgetting how many times we’ve spent the night in pack piles. Hell, we’ve done it in this tent at least a dozen times!”

“That was different,” Lori had insisted.

“How,” Shane had asked exasperated.

“Rick was there,” was Lori’s reasoning and Shane considered it a piss pore reason. He pointed out to her that yes Rick was there but it shouldn’t matter that he wasn’t unless Lori was going to try and push him out of the pack now that Rick was gone. There was a clear warning as to Shane’s feelings on that notion in his tone.

Lori shook her head. “I won’t do that to Carl,” she defended crossing her arms and scowling at him. It hurt Shane, what he heard in those words. To know that if Carl wasn’t a factor Lori wouldn’t have considered him pack. To know she would have left him with nothing and all alone once Rick was gone. His hurt made him a bit more aggressive.

“Then why’s it matter,” Shane growled at her.

Lori didn’t say anything and just looked away. 

Shane studies her and snorted. “Your worried people will think we’re sleeping together?”

Lori didn’t say anything but her jaw flexed.

“God woman,” Shane said laughing a bit cruelly at her.

“What,” Lori asked having finally looked back at him when she heard the mockery in his laugh.

Shane smiled at her. “How many times did you and Rick ever get busy in your bed after Carl spent the night?”

“That is none of your business,” Lori hissed his way, looking around as though she expected someone to have appeared just to hear that question. 

Shane ignored that and continued on to his point. “I’m gonna tell ya incase you don’t actually know but the answers none. If you actually bothered to think before coming up with ideas to fill that pretty little head you’d remember that kids are the best libido killer around for our kind. You may be able to get randy with him around but it isn’t going to happen for me and everyone in camp will likely know that and if they don’t that’s all you have to say and they’ll all stop questioning your virtue.”

Lori studied him with pursed lips. Shane could see she knew she’d been stupid but he wasn’t expecting her to fess up to it. Not in this. Not when Rick spent so much time complaining to her that she didn’t make the effort to remember she was a cis woman in a pack of Omegas and an Alpha.

“So you think I’m pretty,” Lori asked juvenilely, her own version of an apology designed to break the tension.

It worked. Shane snorted. “Always said Rick got one of the prettiest girls in town and I’m not in the habit of saying things I don’t mean,” he’d told her. “But if you need your ego stroked I can go on a bit.”

He smirked at her and this time it was full of commodore and teasing. It was Lori’s turn to roll her eyes. She punch him in the arm and they’d gotten on with things.

Shane still kept his tent though. It served as a space to get away or for Carl to play with Sophia and the other kids in a neutral place that wasn’t marked with the scent of any one pack. Lori had tried to get him to have sex in there a few times as, like Shane had reminded her, kids kill sex drive and the main tent smelled to thickly of Carl for Shane to do anything in there. Shane hadn’t wanted to subject the kids to the smell though. Carl was handling them being together well but having to smell sex on them was one thing and having him play with his friends in a tent that smelled of them and sex was another. Shane didn’t want to put him through the embarrassment so instead they had always gone off into the woods.

Given the things they did in the woods that Lori seemed keen to blame Shane for with Rick back, Shane was half expecting Lori to suggest he sleep in his own tent.

Lori held her peace however so Shane gathered their plates and headed out of the tent after making himself presentable, again. Shane rolled his eyes at the thought presentability. They had seen walkers going around half dressed with their innards on display as well as all manner of other bits of their person but a man going around without his shirt on, on a hundred degree day was too much. The one time Merle had tried Lori and the others had gotten all in a tizzy and Shane had been disappointed that this was not going to be something they just started doing. He missed air-conditioning and backyards where if you wore a shirt it was your own business. There was nothing like having the freedom to engage in skin to skin comfort with pack. Getting the smell of pack on your clothes was one thing but skin was best.

Most of the camp had already finished dinner and settled in at the fire. Glenn however was seeing to a pile of dishes. Shane would feel sorry for Glenn getting left with the work if he hadn’t been planning on adding their lot to the pile. 

Glenn eyed the dishes despondently and sighed. He paused though and took a deep breath. Shane watched Glenn close his eyes and tilt his nose in Shane’s direction tracking the scent. When he opened his eyes he looked wistful.

“Reacquainting going well,” Glenn asked and Shane nodded.

No matter what Glenn might have said about not needing a pack he had just proven to Shane that he wanted one and had been longing for a long time. Shane didn’t even smell like Glenn’s pack but just the smell of pack on him and knowing they were complete with Rick back and imagining that for himself had Glenn all stirred up inside and it showed. 

Shane didn’t know what he could do for Glenn. As useful as Glenn was he wasn’t pack and Shane couldn’t see that changing. Their pack was rather set after all those years without anything changing. Even making a place for some of Shane’s more serious exes had proven impossible which made it happening for Glenn pretty damn unlikely as far as Shane could see. Their pack was more a family unit which didn’t really allow for opening doors to strangers. The only one Shane had notices with an interest in packing up was Dale but he had his eyes on Andrea and Amy even if the two cis girls didn’t seem to understand fully what Dale was trying to offer them. Jumping a lot of the steps between point a and point b Dale already saw those girls as daughters. Dale saw those girls as pack even if no official offers or steps had been taken. With all his focus on those two Shane couldn’t see Dale making room for Glenn anymore than he could see it happening in his own pack. Carol and Sophia probably wouldn’t have minded as eager as they seemed for new people but there was no way Ed would allow it as he was a “family man”. The last in the camp were the Dixon’s and they’d always seemed the type to be a pack onto themselves, the same as Shane and Rick had been before Lori. Shane had figured the only way anyone was getting into that pack was to be born in or mate in given the way they were. If Merle didn’t make it back maybe Daryl would let someone help to fill the void but Shane honestly doubted it. With no one left in camp that Glenn would remain alone unless he wanted to go out looking but with the group providing just enough of what he needed and a hope of finding a place Shane couldn’t see Glenn taking on the danger leaving would put him in on the small chance of finding something better

Shane felt bad for Glenn. As far as he could tell Glenn would have been an asset to any pack. He really can’t see why it didn’t work out for him in the past and wished for the kids sake it had worked out in camp. At least he seemed to have a good friend in T-Dog.

“We’re gonna spend the rest of the night just pack,” Shane told Glenn.

“Do you want me to cover your shift on watch,” Glenn offered.

Shane had honestly forgotten about what. He smiled at Glenn and accepted the offer with his thanks.

Glenn smiled back at him. “No problem. After so long apart you’d probably be to distracted if we pull you away anyhow.”

Shane didn’t argue with that. Just returning the dishes made his skin start to itch. “‘Anyhow?’ You’ve been spending too much time with Dale.”

Glenn smile turned mischievous and he shrugged. “If you're looking to than k me next time I’ve got the last watch before breakfast you can take it and I’ll sleep in.”

“Deal,” Shane told him and they nodded to one another with Glenn looking pleased.

Shane turned away from Glenn just in time to watch Ed add another log to his fire and felt his eyes tighten. The man knew better than that. He had agreed to it along with everyone else that the light wasn’t worth the risk. They had been doing without for weeks but suddenly Ed had decided he deserved different?

Shane started making his way over to the Peletiers' fire to talk to Ed about going against the rules. Like usual Ed didn’t give Shane any real trouble. There was a lot Shane could contribute as to why but he felt most of it boiled down to Ed knowing Shane had the camp behind him and Ed just didn’t. Besides, he had agreed to how many logs could go on the fire same as everyone else.

Shane’s jaw clenched when Ed forced Carl to take the log off the fire after he’d been able enough to get up to put it on. He made a point of talking with the girls and making squatting down to be level with them which was a curtesy he certainly wouldn’t have extended to Ed. As always Carol was polite and Sophia didn’t speak unless spoke to.

Shane left them heading back to the packs tent. As he wove through the fires he said his goodnights and inevitably got pulled to stop for a minute to talk to this one or answer that ones questions. He listened and spoke with only half a mind to the conversation thinking instead about Ed behind him who he could feel looking hard at his back.

Shane had known since they’d first put down stakes at the quarry that one day Ed would make too much trouble of himself and something would have to be done. In the mean time his wife wasn’t letting Shane put a foot down in her stead and everyone else preferred to keep the peace which left Shane feeling frustrated at not being able to do little more than he was already doing.

In the time Shane was away Lori had gotten ready for bed and settled herself at Rick’s side away from the tent flap in the little Ring Carl and Rick had made. There was a place left for Shane on Rick’s freeside and Carl had positioned himself along the top so he could reach everyone. His head was stations towards Lori and his feet towards Shane because Shane always got his feet anyway. With Rick gone Carl had slept between Shane and Lori. It had been a hard reminder of Rick not being there, laying together without him. The one good thing, the one thing Shane didn’t miss about Rick being there, was finally sleeping as a pack without waking up at least once a night to one of Carl’s feet in his face and/or neck. With Rick back their would be feet again but there was also Rick, so Shane could live with it.

Shane smiled at everyone in the nest. Rick and Carl smiled back.

Rick watched him gather his toothpaste and toothbrush then go outside to take care of his business. When he came back he stripped down, got the lights, and got into the spot left for him settling in on his side facing Rick wit his nose on Rick’s shoulder.

Carl grabbed the blanket and threw it out over their nest to seal them in before settling in himself, reaching out a hand for his dad to take. Carl made a happy noise above them which Rick and Shane echoed.

“Goodnight,” Carl said and they all echoed the sentiment back to him.

No one was quick to fall asleep but no one talked either. Instead they stayed in the dark together while they all thought about the things they wanted or needed to be thinking about.

As time passed Rick slipped into a state where he was half awake but half asleep. He was left feeling more aware than he really was as things got fussy. Half asleep as he was, he was grateful that their little nest was amplifying scent enough for him to scent his pack more easily as he was starting to pick up Shane and Lori and Carl even without his nosed pressed in close in search of it. He was to out of it to realize that while the nest was helping it was his sense of smell sliding back into overdrive that he had to thank. He didn’t try to piece out what he was smelling as his tired mind felt it was too much work and there for unnecessary. Even if he wasn’t putting in the conscious work to identify it that didn’t mean his hind brain wasn’t receiving and cataloging everything. It was in that cataloging that his brain picked up on something that wasn’t normal. If it had been alarming he would have woken up but his hindbrain didn’t register it as alarming, just unusual, unknown. He started breathing in more deeply and using each breath to note a different aspect of what he was smelling. When he’d identified all the parts he was able to let go of that last tether to the waking world.

He’d been too out of it to care about things beyond getting rid of the obstacles keeping him awake. But once he was sleep his unconscious mind registered what he’d discovered and started trying to assimilate it while he had to continue breathing it in on through the night even if it did ebb and flow in intensity along with his sense of smell.

He dreams of Lori and Shane together. In one dream when he tried to ask them what they were doing they ignored him. In another when he asked them why they would do this to him they asked him why they would have to involve him at all. The dreams went on and on but all ended up at the same place. The all ended with Lori’s stomach swelled in pregnancy carrying a pup that wasn’t his. Scent didn't lie. Lori was pregnant and the pup wasn’t his. But given what else his nose had picked up there was clear evidence as to who the sire that had mated his wife could be and he was sleeping right next to Rick the same as Lori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it wasn’t clear. Alphas and Omegas, if their nose is good enough, can use their superior sense of smell to scent sex on people. Shane can smell it on himself and Lori and as Rick’s nose is supposed to be better than Shane’s he should be able to. At least normally he could but because of Rick’s faulty nose and Lori keeping her distance he hasn’t been able to pick up on it since he got back. When they go bed they are all together and in bedding that Shane and Lori left sex scent on when they returned from activities even if it is faint. Rick’s nose goes into hyperdrive and he picks up on it. Alpha/Omegas can also smell pregnancy even if they can’t always identity or notice what they are smelling. Rick is paying attention though and knows what Lori smells like pregnant so he knows she’s pregnant and can take the educated leap that he’s not the father.
> 
> So Rick came back to camp unable to smell it but Shane assumed he could because he doesn’t know Rick’s nose isn’t working. Shane assumes Rick knew from the first hug that Shane and Lori had been sleeping together or at least slept together but since Rick didn’t react Shane assumed that Rick didn’t want to make a big deal of it for the moment. Meanwhile it is only as he’s falling asleep that Rick actually becomes aware of it. And Lori, well we don’t know what she is thinking yet.
> 
> I have a comment to make about Lori wanting them to go out to the campfire.  I feel like this is a good example of Lori’s problems with her pack.  Right now Rick and Carl and Shane need to be together.  They need pack time and to nest and scent to help their nerves and to start some of their phycological trauma healing. Lori knows they will “want” time together but isn’t thinking of their needs as Alpha’s and omegas. Lori wants Rick to go to the fire to show Ed and others that Rick is a strong good man and to publicly show her support of him after the shit Ed’s been throwing around.  She isn’t understanding the need for pack time but she isn’t just blithely suggesting they should go out for appearances sake or because she wants to.  But since this part is from Shane’s perspective we don’t know that because Lori doesn’t say why she wants what she wants.  Not fully anyway.


	5. A Not So Peaceful Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick presents himself to everyone and picks up some recruits while they wait for Daryl to arrive. When Daryl gets there they have to tell him about Merle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Warning!!! Warning!!! Warning!!!  
>  I really have no idea how to explain this without spoilers.  
> At one point a character falls down a thought spiral of what ifs.  They worry about another character being raped.  They end up thinking about it a lot but it isn’t a fantasy.  They are terrified of the thoughts they are having.  There is nothing explicit but some of the things they think of that horrify them might upset you.

Rick just wanted out. He lay in their nest surrounded by his pack and all he wanted was to get away. The night before he’d been so relieved to be there, the morning before he would have given anything to be there, but in that moment he just wanted out. There was no getting away thouhj. He was at the heart of their pack pile and if he tried to extract himself he would wake at least one of the others. They wouldn’t accept that he just wanted time alone. There should have been no possible reason for him to want time alone now that he was back with his pack. Only he did have one very big reason to want to away.

It was still dark out but Rick didn’t have any idea what the time actually was. He had no idea how long he’d have to lay in the tent surrounded by the scents that reminded him over and over that Lori and Shane had been together and as a result she was pregnant with what Rick felt had to be Shane’s child.

The day before all he wanted was his pack. He’d resented and been fearful as his sense of smell strengthen and weakened and for long stretches of time almost vanished completely. Laying in the nest all he wanted was to have his sense of smell cut off entirely, maybe not forever but at least for a time. As it was he’d been trapped for hours remembering the smell of it when he couldn’t scent and then being taunted by it when he could.

It gave Rick too much time to think and stew and get more worked up. He tried to meditate and then just to outright not think but it didn’t work. There was a storm of thoughts in his head that whipped of a clash of emotions in him. There was an irritated itch that came from being trapped, there was a part of him that was angry for what had happened, there was part of him that was resentful for having to deal with this at all, but more than anything else what was dominating Rick’s emotional landscape was grief and rejection.

He told himself it was foolish to feel as though his pack didn’t want him, didn’t need him. He knew it was but that didn’t stop him feeling as if he’d lost so much. He told himself to be logical. He could see clearly how things had probably happened. Lori and Shane had thought he was dead. Lori was someone who liked to have a partner, to have support. Shane was someone who used sex for stress relief, and bonding, and all manor of other things. It could be it was just sex, Rick told himself but he couldn’t believe it in his heart and the longer he went on having to lay there the easier it was to listen to the dark thoughts in his head.

How long had they been attracted to each other? Was this something they’d been wanting and acted on as soon as he was gone? If that was the case why hadn’t they talked to him about it? He wouldn’t have liked it but they could have talk? Or maybe it really was something that came after from the stress of things? Rick and Lori had been having problems so what if she’d found she was happier with Shane? If they had each other why would they need him? How were they going to be with this in their lives? Would everything change or would this just hang over their heads? What if Shane was a better husband, a better father than Rick?

Thoughts got darker still by the time dawn approached.

What if they didn’t actually want him back? What if he was going to mess it all up? He nearly got himself killed how many times and he’d only been awake two days? What if he got them killed? What if he wasn’t good enough? What if he don’t deserve to be pack?

Then there were all the thoughts about the baby as well and how that would effect things and what it would mean for them as a pack.

“Rick,” Shane’s soft voice called him out of his own head.

Numbly he turned to face Shane, Shane who was still blinking away the sleep from his eyes and looking at Rick with concern. Shane who swallowed trying to clear his throat before asking, “How long have you been up?”

Shane who tried to reach out to cup Rick’s face but Rick moved out from under his hand.

“A few hours,” Rick whispered back bringing a hand up to rub over his face since Shane being awake had freed him up to move on that side. He’s been waiting hours to be able to move but was a greater relief to move away from Shane. In a perfect world he felt he would be able move away from Lori too.

Shane scowled studying him consideringly. “Nightmares,” he asked.

Rick nodded and Shane sighed.

“I figured.”

When Rick looked at him confused Shane explained, “You were fidgety all night. Distressed. I tried to settle you but nothing worked so I figured it was something you needed to work out.”

Rick snorted without humor. “Yeah, it was.”

Rick stared at the ceiling again and swallowed down his pain and tears.

“Rick,” Shane whisperer full of sympathetic pain. He reached out again for Rick’s face and this time Rick forced himself to stay still under Shane’s touch. He closed his eyes hoping it would help to hold back his tears. He could feel the questions at the back of his throat begging to come out so he could have answer. He fought them back telling himself he wasn’t prepared for what those answers might be.

“Dad,” Carl asked groggily.

Rick wiped the tears from his face and turned out from under Shane’s hand to give Carl a smile. “Good morning,” he told his son. More emotion than he would have liked to show managed to seep out into the words.

Carl’s brow scrunched up as he considered him.

In that moment Rick saw more of Shane in Carl than himself. It had never bothered him before how many of Shane’s mannerisms Carl had picked up over the years but in that moment it took his breath from him.

“Dad,” Carl asked confused.

“What’s happening,” Lori asked confused rolling over and looking around confused.

“Nothing,” Rick told her his voice going a bit dead in his effort to keep the emotions he didn’t want to show out of his voice. “I just have to use the john.”

Lori nodded in understanding moving away from him before nodding back off to sleep. 

Rick lift the blanket from the nest and shivered as the fresh air hit him. He slipped out as best he could then sealed the nest back in behind him ignoring both sets of eyes he could feel tracking him. He grabbed a pair of pants form a pile on the cot. They were all his and Rick only hoped they wouldn’t smell of Shane and Lori. Only when he slipped the shirt over his head he realized it very much did smell of Shane, but not sex so at least that was something.

He left the tent and headed into the woods.

Dawn was only just upon them and the night had barely managed to push through the cover the trees provided.

Rick found himself a clear stretch and started to pace. It wasn’t long until Shane found him there.

“Everything okay man,” Shane asked him wearily.

Rick gave him the most honest answer he could bare to share. “Been up for hours laying there. I just need to move.”

Shane eyed him as he made another pass. “Alright then,” he eventually declared and sat himself down at a base of a tree to watch. 

Rick did his best to ignored Shane and focus on what he was going to do. In the end he came up with only one clear answer. Nothing. He decided that for the moment Shane and Lori and their child were not important. His job for the day wasn’t with his pack or even at the camp. He was headed back to the city which had nearly killed him twice. He felt he needed to set his feelings aside and focus on what needed to be done. 

Rick thought about Merle there on that roof, thought about what he must have gone through being left there so long already, and cemented it in his mind that he needed to go back and fix that. 

He thought about the guns and ammo he’d taken from the station. Those guns could have meant the difference between life and death for Morgan and Duane on their own as they were but how many did Rick leave with them? Not many, he berated himself. And why? Because he’d selfishly wanted those guns for his family, his pack. They couldn’t do either father or son any good where they were and they weren’t doing him any good either. He’d made a selfish decision so he might as well make sure it paid out. He needed to get the guns back.

‘What else,’ he wondered, needing it all arranged in his head. After Merle would be the guns. What would come next? What would be the next thing to focus on?

He thought about the city, about what their might be to do there. 

‘What had the others been doing there’, he asked himself. Supplies. The camp needed supplies. He thought of the bags the others had brought back with them and knew that couldn’t be enough for anything more than a few days at least with a group the size of what they had at the quarry and that was if everything they brought back was food.

“What supplies does the camp need,” Rick asked.

“Huh,” Shane asked confused by the sudden question.

Rick continued to pace, not breaking stride and not stopping to look back at Shane. “You’ve got tents and wood for fires but what else do you need?”

“You planning your run into the city,” Shane asked.

Rick nodded. “If we’re going in we might as well make the most of it,” Rick said. He finally stopped and forced himself to look at Shane. He put his hands on his hips. “We’re going to be going through the store any way to get to him. So what do you need.”

“We,” Shane said giving him a pointed look, “need just about everything.”

He sighed and ran a hand over his head. He met Rick’s eye looking vulnerable. “I won’t lie man. We’ve managed this long, but we’re day to day here. Foods only ever a few days from running out. Ammo’s low which isn’t such a problem since we don’t have all that many people who have any idea what to do with a gun and with the ammo low we can’t afford to teach them. Weapons aren’t a plenty either. Pipes and sticks don’t work very well for bashing a walkers head in. And medical supplies,” Shane shook his head with a self deprecating chuckle, “man we don’t even have anything to get your wound properly seen to let alone if something more serious came up.

“We’ve been lucky so far. Making it by mostly just because the dead don’t come up this way.”

That got Rick’s attention. “No dead,” he asked.

Shane shook his head. “Not up here. Down the road, sure, but not up here by us.”

Rick nodded absently, his mind already moving away, looking towards the future, and planning things out

“You got something in mind,” Shane asks.

Rick’s eyes focused back on him. “Maybe. It will depend on how things go.”

Shane wasn’t deterred. “What are you thinking?”

Rick brought his hands up on his hips and rolled his neck. “There were other cube vans at the construction sight by the department store. We’re going to get Merle. We might as well pick up another van and fill it up. We should have the time if the walkers followed us out yesterday.”

“And if the didn’t,” Shane challenged good naturally, trying to supply Rick with a sounding board.

“Then we lure them off again.”

“How?”

“Find Glenn another joy rid… If I can get him to come,” Rick said shifting his weight.

“He’ll come,” Shane said with confidence as he leaned back against the trunk behind him. “Glenn good for that.”

Rick’s brow furrowed, not liking the implication of that but he pushed it aside choosing to focus on what needed to get done.

The sound of crunching forest floor had both Rick and Shane looking back towards camp.

Carl was making his way through the trees. He stopped and looked at them.

“You need something bud,” Shane asked.

Rick fought down the irrational response of telling Shane not to talk to his son.

Carl shrugged. “Are you not done yet,” he asked looking between the two adults.

“Actually,” Shane said making a face and shifting before getting to his feet. “No we are not.”

Carl rolled his eyes while Shane moved to find a spot to relieve himself and that triggered Rick’s own bladder to remember that he had been up for hours without doing the same. Carl rolled his eyes again at the pair of and headed back towards camp.

When they returned to the tent Rick did as he promised Lori. He put on his uniform and walked out to meet the others with his best foot forward. The day before he’d been prepared to make a good impression in the hopes of finding a lead to his pack. As he would be staying and these were the people he would be living with that good impression was needed for other things.

“God, that’s…” Shane trailed off.

“What,” Rick asked looking over at Shane who was just staring at him.

“It seems so unreal. Seeing you here, dressed like that. After so long it seems out of place.”

Rick felt his gut rolled over. What Shane said was one thing and what Rick heard was another. ‘It’s like you don’t belong anymore,’ those dark thoughts whispered.

Rick shrugged away the comment. “Have to wear something,” he said.

Shane hummed in agreement. “So after breakfast we’ll make a pitch for people to go with you on this run? Then wait for Daryl to get back.”

“That’s the plan.”

“And if Daryl doesn’t make it back from his hunt?”

“We go anyway,” Rick answered without hesitating.

Shane waited a beat. “Really?

Rick cut his eyes to Shane then went back to watching his hands work to secure his belt. “You don’t think we should?”

“Without Daryl? No. I get not liking Merle’s situation but after what happened if he comes back and finds Daryl isn’t here he is going to be an actual threat, one we can’t afford to be bringing on ourselves. Even if Daryl were just waiting back at camp you go to get him without his brother and I’m not so sure you’d be making it back.”

Rick considered that. “I can’t leave someone like that. I won’t,” he declared resolutely. 

Shane sighed. “Daryl’s capable. He’s never run into trouble he couldn’t handle on a hunt before. No reason to think he wouldn’t be coming back hours before he’s due.”

Rick nodded.

“You got any rounds left,” Shane asked noticing that Rick had forgone his holster and with it his weapon.

Rick shook his head.

“The last time we were on the gun range I’m sure a few loose rounds of your must have ended up in my bag,” Shane offered grabbing his bag to check.

Rick knew that he would normally have made a comment about Shane and his bag but he preferred not to say anything at all with he mess going on in his head. Getting the words out seemed like too much for the moment.

Shane eyed him while he searched and Rick simply waited to see what he could find.

Shane searched the bag a few times over but only come up with four rounds.

“It will have to be enough,” Rick said taking them. When his gun was loaded and holstered they headed out into the camp.

It seemed plenty of people were not yet awake but there were those that were.

“This way,” Shane said reaching out and taking Rick by the neck to steer him towards the RV. Rick couldn’t help tensing under his hand torn as he was between wanting the touch and the comfort while hating it at the same time. Shane faltered for a half a step, eying him, before taking his hand back and heading forward.

“Dale,” he called out getting the attention of the man who was keeping watch on top of RV. He looked their way before coming down to meet them.

“Dale, I’d like you to meet Rick. Rick, this is Dale Horvath.

Dale and Rick nodded to one another.

“Sir,” Rick greeted.

“Young man,” Dale returned with good humor and a smile. “I have to say what we saw yesterday, you’re getting our people back and being reunited with your pack. Well, I wouldn’t have laid odds on it but seeing that things can still work out, it gave me hope at least.”

Rick shifted, uneasy with the weight of that praise.

“Andrea… I don’t think her sister could have handled it if she hadn’t made it back. I don’t think I could have handled it either. If you need anything, you speak up. We may not have it but we’ll see what we can do.”

Rick gave Dale another nod. “The offers appreciated,” Rick said knowing that it would probably be sooner rather than later that he’d need to take him up on it.

“Don’t suppose you had any luck scrounging up bandages-” Shane started to say but Dale interrupted him.

“Got some medical tape, a gauze pad, and the very last of some neosporin. Can’t have you getting this far just to get taken out by an infection,” he added looking at Rick. He turned back to Shane. “Already handed it off to Lori.”

Shane let out a slow breath. “Thank ya Dale,” he said sincerely.

“Thank Carol,” Dale said. “She’s the one who managed to find it in their supplies and the Neosporin was at the bottom of Andrea’s purse. Just like she said it would be.” 

Shane nodded to him and Dale headed back to keep watch.

“It’s his RV isn’t it,” Rick asked trying to remember what he’d been told the day before. 

“Yeah,” Shane agreed turning his back on the RV and leading Rick over towards where a crowd had gathered around one of the fires which included Lori and Carl. “And he’s almost as possessive of it as he is of the girls. The girls won’t take kindly to being avoided but I would make sure you don’t head into the RV without his permission. Besides the girls, Jim’s the only one Dale lets near her and that’s only because Jim helps him keep that thing going.”

“Jim,” Rick asked not remembering that name from the day before.

“Mechanic,” Shane explained. “Can’t say I know much more about him then that.”

Carl left his spot next to Lori to join them. Rick smiled and hesitated a moment before petting Carl’s hair back. 

Carl’s smile faltered a bit as he looked up at Rick. 

Rick swallowed. Kids were always too observant. Thinking of the things kids picked up on reminded Rick that Carl knew what had been going on between his mother and Shane. With his nose he wouldn’t have been able to miss it. Rick wondered what he must have thought of everything.

“Hungry,” Lori moving to his side. Rick was relieved that she freed him from where he’d been locked in a staring contest with Carl but that relief died when she kissed his cheek.

Lori eyed him when she pulled back and Rick considered that maybe Carl didn’t have to be so observant to have picked up that something was wrong with him. He considered that maybe he was really being that obvious.

“What are we having,” Rick asked casually, hoping they would move on. Rick wasn’t actually hungry but he doubted he’d be allowed to get away with just a cup of coffee. If they even had coffee.

Rick minded his manors through breakfast and did his best with his introductions and to make a good impression all around. Lori kept to his side and worked to present him in his best light. Rick’s boss used to joke that Rick should have gone into politics as his wife was born for it. ‘A perfect hostess and guest’ is how he described Lori.

Glenn and T-Dog arrived together as tent mates just as Rick was finishing his meal. He shared a look with Shane and Shane nodded reluctantly in return.

“Hey Rick, how are you feeling,” Glenn asked smiling at him.

“I’m good. Thank you,” Rick told him.

“Any sign of Dixon yet,” T-Dog asked looking weary but resigned. His eyes cut around camp looking for any sign of Daryl.

Rick looked to Shane knowing they weren’t likely to get a better opening then that.

Lori must have known it too as her jaw had tensed and her spine went rigid.

“Not yet,” Shane said sighing. His eyes cut to Rick again which Rick returned with a hard look. Telling Shane if he didn’t speak up, Rick would. “That’s actually something we wanted to talk to you about.”

T-Dog didn’t miss the ‘we’ in that statement. He looked between Shane and Rick. “You come up with a plan to deal with him when he gets back? You planning on pulling out another set of cuffs cause I can’t see that going well officers.”

Shane rolled his eyes and Rick spoke up. “It was more a plan for dealing with Merle.”

“Dealing with Merle,” T-Dog parroted confused.

“Is Merle back,” Glenn asked disbelieving but he still looked around the camp.

“No, he’s not back,” Shane said.

“But Rick wants to go get him back,” Lori said standing up and inserting herself into the conversation. She crossed her arms and looked at Rick. “It’s that right.”

Rick didn’t say anything to her. Instead he focused on the two he was hoping could be persuaded to come along with him. He felt he’d argued enough with Lori the day before and it had gotten them nowhere. Lori wasn’t going to change his mind and he wasn’t going to change hers. There was still a chance of getting T-Dog and Glenn on his side so he was going to focus on them.

Glenn was looking at him with shock but T-Dog had perked up and looked hopeful which made Rick feel better about his odds.

Rick nodded to T-Dog. “I’m just waiting for Daryl to get back. Then I’m going back to get him.”

T-Dog stood up a bit straighter while Glenn leaned in towards Rick. “Do you have a death wish,” he asked his voice going high. “You do remember that I had to save your ass right?”

“And then he paid back the favor,” T-Dog reminded Glenn.

“I’m not denying that,” Glenn told him before turning back Rick. “But… Do you really want to go back in there? You found your pack. They’re here. They’re safe. Do you really want to go take that risk. For Merle.”

Rick could feel Shane and Lori and everyone else looking at him but he focused on Glenn.

“He has to,” Carl said breaking the tension and coming to stand by his father. He reached out for Rick’s hand and Rick took it glad to have his son’s support. He used his grip to pull Carl into his chest and hook his chin over Carl’s shoulder.

“We need supplies, we need those guns, and I can’t leave a man like that. I can’t leave a man to die like that and I won’t have Daryl dying to get his pack back because he had no one watching his back. You’re right Glenn. I would have died out there without you. I never would have made it back to my pack if others hadn’t stepped up to help me. You said you did it hoping someone would step in if you ever needed it. After what you did, do I really have the right to stand back and let Daryl do this alone,” Rick asked.

Glenn stared at them looking back and forth between father and son with growing distress. Rick could see that Glenn knew where this was leading. Glenn wasn’t the kind of man to let Rick go without him, not when it could mean his life. He may not like what they were going to do but his heart was decided.

Rick put his face down on Carl’s shoulder and exhaled with relief that he would not have to go off without Glenn’s support.

“I’m sorry,” Andrea said speaking up. “But what guns.”

Shane stepped in, listing of the various guns and ammo that had been left behind in the city.

“Where did you get all of that,” Andrea asked looking at Rick.

“Our station, Rick answered. “Some things were missing but what was still there I took.”

“I’m in,” T-Dog said with conviction. “Guns or not. I dropped the key. I’m the reason Merle got left behind. If you’re going back then I’m going with you.”

Rick nodded to T-Dog with respect. “Thank you.”

Glenn looked away from Rick but caught Shane’s eye who was looking at him pleadingly. “Please Glenn. We can’t both go. One of us needs to stay here with Lori and Carl and Rick… Rick’s decided he needs to be the one to do this. I’d feel better if he had you to watch his back. You’re the one who always gets in and always gets out.”

“We almost didn’t get out yesterday,” Glenn reminded him.

“But Rick got you out and he’ll get you out again if you’re there to watch his back.”

Shane leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and held Glenn’s eye with intense certainty. “I know this man. All he needs is the right people backing him up and he’ll get it done. Please. I can’t be there for him so be there for him.”

The silence that followed was weighted as the group waited to hear what Glenn would say to that.

Rick, had a hard time hearing Shane say something that went so against what he was feeling about himself. He focused on analyzing the effect the words had on Glenn rather than the effect they had on him.

Glenn sighed, finally giving in. “I’ll get him back,” he promised sounding as defeated as he looked.

Shane got up and walked over into Glenn space. He ducked down to force Glenn to meet his eye again. “Thank you,” Shane told him sincerely.

Carl went over and stood besides Shane. “Thank you,” he told Glenn.

Glenn’s lips twitched towards a smile and he nodded. “I’ll get him back little man,” he told Carl with more life in his voice.

“And I’ll repay the favor,” Rick said to him. He looked to T-Dog. “For both of you.”

T-Dog smiled at him. “So what is the plan?”

They spent the rest of the meal gathered round and discussing how things would go with the others speaking up and trying to add what they could to help. Jacqui and Glenn got into things a bit going over where they might have the best luck looking for supplies if their goal was filling more than just backpacks. Morales cut in to as a fellow native to the city before everything went wrong. People’s weariness for the plan fell away as their enthusiasm for the thought of supplies grew.

“We’re gonna need bolt cutters to get past that chain,” T-Dog said looking over to Dale who looked from T-Dog to Rick. He sighed in defeat.

“I suppose I did promise if you needed anything,” Dale agreed. His expression hardened up. “But if I’m sending you off with more of my tools I expect the ones that got left behind to be brought back with you,” he said giving T-Dog a pointed look.

“I think we’d also like a part off that cube van when you bring it back,” Jim said speaking up from besides Dale.

Rick looked to Shane who didn’t seem to care which told Rick that the van wasn’t something their pack needed there at camp.

“When we get back you and anyone else who can make use of it can strip it down to the bare metal,” Rick promised.

Dale looked satisfied but Jim only managed a small smile for him when Dale looked to him.

As time wore on people began to break off to see to the work that had to be done as they had the daylight hours to see to it and that was all.

Glenn was sulky about the Challenger getting scrapped for parts. Rick promised him they could keep an eye out for something else on their trip into the city. “Might not be the same but I’m sure we can find something.” It didn’t help Glenn any as he grumbled that it would probably get the same treatment from the camps vultures. Rick knew it was more than the car that had Glenn so tense. He wished he could at least reach out a hand in comfort but Glenn wasn’t pack. It wouldn’t be right. That Rick had the impulse at all told him that it was more than his honor compelling him to find a way to make up the debt he owed to Glenn. Normally Rick, like most of his and the Alpha dynamic avoided touching those who weren’t pack not out of some rule of social nicety but for something more primal. Rick wanting to reach out, to initiate touch with Glenn was something far outside of Rick’s norm. It showed his respect and care for the other omega and had circumstances it could have been the start towards Rick making overtures toward Glenn becoming pack. 

Everyone started going their separate ways claiming the various tasks that needed to be seen to. Rick tried to volunteer but Shane told him the only thing he needed to be doing at the moment was seeing to his wound. Rick chose not to argue. He got the supplies from Lori giving his thanks to Andrea and Carol. Jim promised to have a look at the van before they left to be sure it wouldn’t give them trouble for which Rick thanked him. Glenn promised he’d gather up what supplies they needed and load the van. He received Rick’s thanks as well.

Rick paused when he heard Carl asking Lori if he could go with dad. After getting her agreement, he moved over to Rick and together they headed for the tent. He watched Rick strip out of his shirt and eyed what would soon be little more than a scar on his side. Rick watched him and waited for him to ask. It only took a few seconds for his need to get the best of him.

“Dad, can I,” he asked gesturing to Rick’s side. 

Rick hummed his permission.

Carl reached out from where he’d perched himself on the cot. He touched with just the barest hints of his finger tips. “Does it hurt,” he asked.

Rick shrugged. “Its tender,” he admitted, “but I wouldn’t say it hurts. At least not today.”

Carl continued to stare transfixed that the spot.

“When you were shot…”

Rick waited but Carl didn’t seem to be able to bring himself to say anything more. He reached up and took his son’s hand.

“When I was shot,” he encouraged.

Carl tried but he couldn’t bring himself to say what he was thinking. He made a series of faces before shrugging it off. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Carl,” Rick started to say but they were interrupted.

“How’s it looking,” Shane asked from the entrance of the tent.

“Better,” Carl said nodding as he got up and slipped past Shane out of the tent.

Rick watched him go, his jaw clenching in annoyance with Shane for stepping in on his time with Carl and that Carl hadn’t gotten to say something he may have needed to say.

Shane watched Carl go but then his attention was back on Rick specifically on Rick’s side. For the first time in his life Rick felt self-conscious of Shane seeing him in a state of undress. He felt ashamed of his wound. He was ashamed that he hadn’t been able to protect himself and for all the consequences that spawned from his failure.

Shane tried to come forward to inspect his wound just as he had done the day before but Rick turned away from him shielding it from view.

Shane looked at him incredulous, almost amused and tried to move around Rick to see.

“Shane stop,” Rick ordered. Shane froze as commanded, used to Rick only using that tone out in the field where they needed to listen to each other without hesitating. His face dropped in confusion and irritation.

“Man, what-”

“I don’t need to be babied,” Rick said as he quickly took care of seeing to the wound which was already looking much better than it had the day before having lost what little heat had marked the infection which had been creeping in when Morgan saw to it.

“Since when is my showing concern babying you,” Shane asked.

Rick shrugged. “We have things to do. We don’t both need to be taking the time.”

Shane crossed his arms. “As far as I know you don’t have anything to be seeing to until Dixon comes back. And even then…”

“Even then what,” Rick asked feeling himself fall back on the defensive.

Shane shrugged and looked off to the side thumbing his nose. “Even then you might end up reconsidering,” he said like it was a casual thing, something of little importance.

Rick stared at him disbelieving.

Shane looked back at Rick, his face earnest. “I get you want to go and you’ve got good reasons but… I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you doing this. Not when I can’t go with you. I can’t stand it. Thinking about you out there without me there to watch your back. It’s almost as bad as thinking of Carl and Lori here left alone. I hate it.”

Rick bristled. “So everything you said back there. That was what? Bullshit? You don’t actually think I can get this done.”

“Man that’s not what I’m saying,” Shane tried to defend.

“I can take care of myself,” Rick told him angrily. He grabbed his shirt and started putting it back on. “I got myself here. I’ll make sure I get back. You just have to have some faith in me.”

“This isn’t about faith. It doesn’t matter how skilled you are. This world kills, period.”

Rick tried to leave but Shane blocked his path. Shane got in his space and tried to reach out, to grab Rick’s neck but Rick swatted the hand away. Shane looked hurt and as was his way hurt turned to anger. All Rick could think was ‘good’.

“Man, even you have to see it was only luck being on your side that got you here. There is no guarantee of it staying with you for this run.”

That landed a deep blow to Rick. Rick couldn’t dismiss what he had been thinking himself just the day before. Luck was the only reason he was standing there and he hated that.

“I won’t be alone,” Rick reminded Shane. “Even if luck doesn’t hold I’ll have people to help watch my back.”

His sense of smell started to return again. Rick knew he couldn’t handle being in the tent when it got to full strength and he was able to pick up nuisances of the scent in the tent. He started to feel trapped. He didn’t let Shane stop him again. He moved past him and out of the tent. Once he was free he found he couldn’t face heading back to the hub of camp where Lori was surely waiting. He didn’t know where else he could go. He didn’t know if there was anywhere else to go in the camp. With no destination in mind he simply headed off into the woods telling himself he would patrol, acquaint himself with there surroundings.

“Yeah, but they won’t be me. It won’t be pack with you,” Shane reasoned reasoned falling into step behind him having to work to keep up with the hard pace Rick had set himself.

“We’ll be fine,” Rick insisted.

“There is no promising that. Not with things the way they are. Rick…Rick,” Shane tried again hoping to get Rick to stop and have a conversation with him, to give him his attention. “Would you just stop!”

But Rick wasn’t having it. He kept going. Shane reached out trying to grab Rick’s arm and force him.

“Would you look at me,” he demanded.

Rick wasn’t having it though. The second Shane was touching him he wrenched his arm free and used the momentum to turn on Shane baring his teeth in warning. A warning that Shane ignored. When he tried to move forward Rick growled at him. It wasn’t playful. It wasn’t aggravated. It was a pure aggressive warning and Shane didn’t know what to do with that. They were never that way with each other. Ever. They were rarely that way with anyone. Even the drunks and assholes on the job. They’d been trained to stay in their head and on point rather than giving into anything as base as that.

Shane blinked at Rick in surprise. This was behavior he would have expected to show up when Rick first got back. His face fell as he considered that maybe having to spend the night smelling Lori stinking of sex had gotten to Rick and he was ready to have it out. Shane really couldn’t blame him. It was more Shane’s go to move than Rick’s but if it was what Rick wanted, and to Shane it seemed to be, than that was what Shane would do.

“Hey now,” he warned, his tone matching Rick’s level of aggression even if he was using his words. With two deliberate strides he pushed up into Rick’s space knowing that it was the exact wrong thing to deescalate the situation. 

“Back off Shane,” Rick warned him.

Only he didn’t. He pushed forward another step which caused Rick take a step back. His face twitched with displeasure at being intimidated, at giving up ground.

“Shane,” Rick warned again. But again Shane pushed. He took a step forward and this time instead of stepping back Rick matched him, stepping forward into Shane and raises his hands to shove him back out of his space. Shane caught Rick’s arm and used the hold to pull him with as he fell back. Things devolved from there.

They struggled and tussled with neither of them looking to do any real harm. There was no goal to either of the movements. They were just acting and reacting back and forth in turns, until they end up with Shane on Rick’s back trying to pin him. Suddenly Rick wasn’t content to just tussle. He started fighting Shane off with more force and less care for injury which just caused Shane to slip as well. Shane became intent that he would pin Rick down and that once he had this would be over. Rick fights him ever step of the way, intent on seeing that not happen.

Giving up on pinning his hands Shane tried instead to just snake his arms around Rick, trap him in the more violent cousin of a hug until he calmed the hell down. He got his arms into place with one of Rick’s trapped at his side and holds on tight with his palms laid flat on Rick’s chest and stomach not willing to risk a fist pressed into Rick’s wound in the struggle. He’s ready for this to be done.

“Enough,” Shane declares but Rick only fights him harder.

Shane clamped his legs on either side of Rick’s constricting his movement further, and pushed his hips down forcing them both flat down into the dirt but Rick continues to struggle and move.

The signals in Shane’s body switch over. The anger simmers off leaving something else in its place. Shane almost moans with frustrations as arousal and desire start pumping through his body. They are pack and instinct would rather have them fucking away whatever problems they were having then coming to blows and risking injury. Once Shane had stopped wanting the fight his body tried to set him up with an alternative. He can feel himself getting hard almost painfully fast. Normally he wouldn’t have cared but as he saw it, his cock and his sex drive were the instigators for the problems they were having and because of that it was something he would have rather not have Rick attention drawn to. But he way Rick was pressed in close and… wriggling against him wasn’t helping matters so Shane resolved himself that it was just something they were going to have to deal with along with everything else.

Shane could feel the moment Rick became aware of the erection pressing into his backside. He could feel Rick still as he took note of it. He wasn’t expecting Rick to make much of it. He was expecting Rick to stay still or make a comment or just huff. It was hardly the first time such a thing has happened and it wasn’t as though it hadn’t happened to Rick in the past. Ever since their first heats it would happen on the occasions where they would tousle or cuddle or just get too close. Neither of them had ever made a big deal about it. Shane used to tease, back before Lori, asking if Rick wanted a hand or if they should just keep going. Though the tease was only ever in his voice. He’d always hoped Rick would say yes. He’d always hoped that it would be different and this time Rick would tell him yes. Than Lori came into the picture and it wasn’t appropriate to hope for that any longer. After that on the rare occasions they roughhoused they stop once their bodies started getting ideas and separate to cool off.

Shane was expecting Rick to call uncle so they could do just that. What he was not expecting at all was for Rick to let loose with a completely feral snarl.

Shane didn’t have time to process that, time to switch gears in his head before Rick was fighting him in earnest not caring whether he hurt Shane or himself and in fact aiming to do damage if it would get him free. He was just fighting like a beast to get Shane off and Shane knew better than to hold on against that. Not unless he actually wanted Rick hurt or wanted to end up with his friend sinking teeth into him out of desperation. As it was Rick got a good scratch out of Shane before Shane could let go of him and put distance between them.

Rick took advantage of Shane’s releasing him to help shove him back. As that was already the direction Shane was going Rick’s shove sent him a good ways until his back collided with a young tree that snapped with the force of impact.  
Shane didn’t care about that. What he cared about was Rick who was staring at him with dilated eyes as he sucked down big lungfuls of air through his nose before huffing them out his mouth. His stance screamed that all it would take was one wrong move and he’d go back on the attack. Shane had seen it and been faced with it before but never from Rick. They’d had plenty of people turn feral on them when they were out in the field but Shane had never seen Rick loose his cool in this way and he didn’t know what do to with it. If it had been anyone else he would know. He was a trained professional. They’d been trained in how to deal with it after all, but it was Rick in front of them and that put Shane at a loss. They weren’t just trained to deal with others going feral but to deal with themselves so they never got into this state despite the stress and danger they might find themselves in. Shane could not think what about their situation could have caused Rick to loose control so completely. That hadn’t even happened after he was shot.

Shane would always handle someone who’d gone feral with caution but knowing there was something important he was missing in that moment he was not just going to act with caution. He was feeling genuinely cautious, maybe even a bit scared. The hair on his arms and the back of his neck was standing on end. There was no denying that Rick was a predator staring down Shane as a threat in that moment. Shane had known and respected that Rick was capable for years but it wasn’t until that moment that he realized Rick could be dangerous.

His heart pounding like hammer Shane raised his hands and bore his neck to Rick in slow telegraphed movements as he settled on his knees and splayed them wide putting himself in a position to be less balanced and less ready to attack. He felt the strain on his inner thigh at the stretch but he pushed through. The whole time he made a point of holding Rick’s eye to show he wasn’t up to anything shifty. He did his best to project what he was feeling through his face and gaze so Rick might understand that Shane understood he’d gone too far and wasn’t looking to push any longer.

Once he was in place he waited to see how Rick would react but he didn’t mark any change. He didn’t see any sign that Rick felt the situation was deescalating. Shane started to freak out wondering what was happening,what he was missing.

“Rick,” he asked voice gentle with concern.  

Rick didn’t seem to hear him though.  Or at least, he didn’t hear anything beyond noise with no care for the tone.

“Brother,” he tries instead the word bittersweet on his tongue as it always was.

That got a reaction from Rick. He twitched and his posture started to relax just a bit as his face softened enough for his lips to slide back down over his teeth

“Brother where you at,” Shane asked. He couldn’t think what in their situation could cause Rick to react the way he did so he became certain it had to be something else, something that either wasn’t there or that perhaps Rick wasn’t there, having traveled off into his head, into a memory or nightmare. Rick had told them about the hallucinations he’d had on the road. Shane wondered if it had been more than just the stress and if Rick was seeing something else.

“Rick, you’re here,” he tried. “I’m here. Just talk to me man.”

Rick didn’t talk though. He was calming down slowly and surely but Shane could see he was struggling with it, fighting against the instinct that said he needed to stay on guard.

Shane took the time Rick was fighting with himself to try and figure out what might be happening. He questioned his hallucination theory. Rick’s eyes were focused on him clearly and he hadn’t been surprised by Shane’s voice so Shane thought that Rick must know he was there, must be seeing him. If it wasn’t a hallucination Shane wasn’t sure what the trigger could be. He worked his way back through what had happened. As far as he knew Rick had no reason to react the way he did. The aggression at the start Shane could understand as he acknowledged Rick’s right to be unhappy with him. It was the true desire for violence that came later that Shane couldn’t understand. He played it through step by step in his head trying to remember when exactly Rick had started working with the aim to hurt him. It seemed to Shane that Rick had been reacting normally until Shane was on his back and Rick couldn’t get him off. He would understand reacting that way if Rick had a history of sexual assault. They had seen survivors react that way in the past when faced with the right trigger. But Shane had been with Rick almost their entire lives and he felt certain their was no part of Rick’s history he didn’t know and he knew Rick had never been assaulted. If he had Shane would have killed the filth that dared and Shane had never had to do that.   
Only, once he thought about it Shane remembered that while it might have been true before Rick was shot, there were months where they hadn’t been able to account for one another. Shane was no longer certain he could say that Rick had never been assaulted and once he allowed himself acknowledge there was a possibility of it a buzzing started in his ears. His head suddenly felt over full as horrible scenes played out in his head, too real after years of experience on the force. 

He couldn’t help but question if Rick had told them everything about what had happened to him since he’d woken up or if he’d found some evidence to expect something had been… done to him while he was alone, abandoned in the hospital.

Shane thought about the mysterious stranger who had taken care of Rick, kept him alive. The day before he was simply grateful they had but suddenly all he could think was ‘Why?’ Why would they waste time and supplies, to take the risk? Why would they step up for a stranger? Or maybe it wasn’t a stranger? Shane wasn’t sure which thought was worse. People were selfish. Shane knew that as a selfish person himself. So why would someone do something when they could expect nothing in return unless there had been something they wanted which Shane had not considered the day before. What if they’d found Rick and realized they had a body to use without having to worry about the punishments for acting without consent and without having to worry about him fighting back. What if they kept Rick alive not out of kindness but as an investment in a sex toy, a pet?

Shane’s mouth salivated with the desire to rip someones throat out. His hands clenched into fists. His heart filled with venom at the thought of someone daring to do that to Rick. And Rick, Rick was a cop like Shane. Shane reasoned that when he’d woken up if there was evidence to find he would have put it together. Shane felt there was no way Rick would tell him, knowing that Shane would have a desire to avenge him and no way of seeing it done.

The images in Shane’s head changed as he fell back to his other thought. What if it hadn’t been a stranger?

Rick was an attractive man, an attractive unavailable out of reach man. What if someone had been watching from afar and come across Rick in the hospital and seen it as their chance? Shane thought of every person he’d ever caught looking at Rick with desire and seeing their faces in his head put over a body that came into Rick’s room, touching him as he slept. It fueled Shane’s anger as his mind forced him to indure it over and over until the faces cycled through to a nurse. There had been a nurse on staff on Rick’s ward that Shane had remembered from a career day at the school. She’d flirted with Rick despite his wedding ring and clear lack of interest. Shane had started flirting with her just to run interference for Rick and to show her what she was doing by flirting when it was clear the person didn’t want you. She’d worked on Rick’s floor in the hospital. Shane had seen her, noted her, but never really cared. She had known Rick was there. She would have had to have known how to keep Rick alive. Shane saw it in his head so clearly. She’d have survived the fall of the hospital and found Rick there alive. He could see her taking care of him, innocently at first until one day the innocence slipped and then one day at a time she progressed further down the rabbit hole.

He didn’t even know if she’d actually done anything to Rick or if this was all his paranoia but it didn’t stop Shane from wanting to hunt her down and tear her apart for what he could see her doing in his head.

A growl pulled Shane out of his head. Rick teeth were bared at him again and what calm he had gained seemed to be crumbling. Shane winced realizing it was his fault as what was going on his head was showing up in his body language but he couldn’t make it stop. As he looked at Rick growling and fierce he couldn’t bare the thought of him being taken advantage of when he was helpless, when he couldn’t fight back. The images in his head shifted from Rick sleeping, pale, and ignorant of the world to him to awake and fierce and fighting as a group tried to get him, tried to pin him down.

Rick had been on the road to Atlanta and Shane wondered if something could have happened there. ‘Or maybe in the city?’ his mind whispered. What if Rick hadn’t ridden into the herd chasing after something but instead trying to get away? Shane couldn’t understand Rick chasing a helicopter. There were no helicopters any longer and surely the others would have heard it if there were. When Shane questioned him about it Rick had been defensive and quick to move things along. What if that was because he didn’t want what really happened coming to light. In his head he can see Rick traveling, looking for them because Shane abandoned him, because Shane wasn’t there, and along the way getting jumped. He would have been focused on the threat the walkers posed so maybe someone would have been able to get the jump on him if they had help. Someone could have gotten the jump on him, pinned him down, gotten on top of him, tried to take what they wanted. Rick would have had to fight them off. Going feral might have been the only way to fight them off and his body could have reverted to it with Shane remembering it had worked. If Rick had fought them off then nothing more would have happened. Maybe he had gotten free and got to his horse and bolted right into a herd, Shane wondered.

Even as he was thinking it Shane knew it wasn’t right. He’d scented Rick the day before enough to know that only Dixon’s scent had been on him and Rick wouldn’t be willing to go back for him if Dixon had done anything like that. Hell, Rick would have put a bullet in Dixon and kept the keys for himself instead of giving it to T-Dog rather than risk bringing that back to others.

Shane tried to shake the images out of his head telling himself that things didn’t add up and Rick would have told him but now that he’d seen it, it didn’t mattered whether it had actually happened or not. What matter was that it could. Rick could have been attacked in the hospital because Shane wasn’t there to protect him. Rick may not have been attacked on his way into the city but he could be if he left to go get Dixon.

Shane tried to force the images out of his head so he could try to regain control but he couldn’t. There had been too much in the last two days and too much strain over the last months and Shane just couldn’t.

“Rick,” Shane begged reaching out for his friend fearfully. He needed Rick. He needed Rick in so many ways and needed so much from him in that moment that he didn’t even know where to start.

He felt his eyes begin to water.

Rick didn’t move toward him. Rick didn’t answer the call. Rick just stared at him, dissecting him. His face mostly blank and vaguely puzzled and his pupil’s still blow wide.

“Rick,” he pleaded again, panic creeping in properly, panic with no threat to take it out on and or place to channel it towards.

Rick didn’t move a single step towards him. Instead he took a step back.

‘Focus,’ Shane scolded himself scrubbing at his face and hitting himself on the head with his fist. Rick wasn’t the one who had to be taking care of him. Rick was the one that needed taking care of, Shane reminded himself. He needed to pull himself together so he could help Rick swim back to the surface. What mattered wasn’t what happened or could happen but what was happening. Shane took a deep breathing smelling pack, Lori, Carl, and Rick on his skin, his clothes. He tethered himself to what needed to get done. All of the emotions were still there but he forced himself to accept them, to find his equilibrium and move forward with them as his burden. He could deal with what he was feeling later. There was work to be done.

He was about to try reaching out to Rick again when a scream wrenched through the air and followed by Carl calling out for them, for his mother. Everything in Shane turned away from Rick because that was Carl. Carl was in danger and that took precedence over everything else. Shane’s head filled with a buzz of emotion and instinct driven drive, going a bit feral himself.

He was stumbled getting his feet as he was working to move forward before he was properly there. Rick was already taking off ahead of him, moving through the trees with grace and speed. Shane was just the same moving behind him.

People in camp were panicking as they cut through. Shane only noted them enough to see they weren’t pack and to check they weren’t a threat. His pace didn’t slow until he saw Lori and Carl. Only then did he slow as he looked around trying to figure out where the threat was so he could get it. 

Rick’s growl drew his attention back to Lori and Carl who Rick was standing over protectively as his nose twitched taking in the scent of something he obviously didn’t approve of. It was only than that Shane noticed Jacqui was besides them and pointing off into the woods.

Shane could hear the others were already heading off that way and without a thought he was moving to catch up, taking his shotgun from Andrea as he went.

As he moved he could smell dead in the air, walker. It had been weeks since he scented it and it still turned his stomach the way it had before, still made everything in him rebel telling him it was wrong and to stay away. There was no staying away from it though. The dead needed to be dealt with or they’d join the dead so Shane pushed on ahead until he caught up with the others.

On a clear bit of ground the others were gathered around beating on a walker. Not far from them was a deer but the deer was dead and so Shane’s buzzing mind was quick to dismiss it. The dead bastard reared up as Shane pushed in between Glenn and Dale. Shane brought the butt of his gun down with as much force as he could manage on the things head. It wasn’t enough to take it out but it was enough to force it back. Out of the corner of his eye he saw an axe being lifted and moved aside thinking it was Dale. It wasn’t. The axe was in Rick’s hands and it was Rick who brought the axe down through the walkers head putting an end to the treat.

The buzz in Shane’s brain began to settle.

With a deft yank Rick freed the axe from the remains and the ground below where it had wedged into when the force Rick had used allowed it to pass clear through the walkers head.

Once he had the axe free Rick stood at the ready and pushed forward past the body and the deer before raising his head to scent the breeze that was coming in.

His hand flexed on the axe and Shane tensed anticipating a threat.

“Incoming,” Rick said and the other tensed as well. “Living,” he added and the others relaxed a bit while Rick fell back to stand with the line. Unable to help himself Shane moved over so he could stand shielding Rick just a hair.

The leaves rustled and a branch snapped as someone approached. The others were less alarmed as they trust Rick that whatever was coming was living but Shane had it in his mind not to trust that the living were less of a threat than the dead. He knew it was likely Daryl having gotten back but all Shane could smell was the walker and the deer and blood. He readied his gun incase he had occasion to use it.

He reluctantly lower his gun and relaxed some when Daryl emerged in front of them. Seeing Daryl was not the relief to him that it was to the others. Daryl being back meant Rick would likely be going soon.

While Daryl cussed and made his displeasure at loosing his kill known the others exchanged expectant glances, thinking of the trouble Daryl might be when the trouble was more than a walker getting to his deer first.

Daryl was quick to let it and his anger go once he’d taken it out on the walker’s corpse by kicking it repeatedly. Shane just hoped that he could let go of his anger about Merle just as easily once he realized he had the groups support in getting his brother back.

“What do you think? Think we can cut around this chewed up part right here,” Daryl asked gesturing to the damage the walker had done to the deer. He looked back at the others for their opinions.

Shane made a face, sneering up his nose as he breathed in another breath heavy with the scent of walker and wrong. 

“I would not recommend that,” Shane advised while the others held their silence. He had to judge Daryl a bit in that moment. He judged him for even being willing to touch the walker with his foot, shoed or not, to get that stink on him to have to carry around. He judged him for thinking of eating something that had been bitten into and clawed on by a walker with the smell still filling his nose. Daryl’s nose was even better than Shane’s so Shane couldn’t see how he could think of eating with that smell in the air. Shane didn’t know if he’d even be able to eat the squirrel Daryl brought back knowing it had been in the same air as a walker. As it is he was thinking they should all go for another wash down at the quarry just to be sure the smell didn’t linger on them.

Daryl left the clearing, heading back for the main part of camp calling out for his brother.

Shane eyed Rick as he tracked Daryl. He was standing still and calm and his pupils were no longer dilated.

“You back with us,” Shane asked hoping that taking care of the walker had given Rick the release he needed to find his head again.

Rick nodded. “Let’s take care of this,” Rick said barely sparing Shane a glance before following after Dixon. Shane’s hands flexed on his riffle and he followed after.

People had gathered up for the walker and were staying gathered now that they could see Daryl was back. They were expecting drama, expecting a show, and Shane held back a sneer for them not wanting Daryl to mistake it as being intended for him.

Shane stashed his gun in the jeep while Rick returned the axe to Dale and Daryl went on calling for his brother. 

“Daryl… Slow up a bit. I need to talk to you,” Shane said following after Dixon.

“About wha’,” Daryl asked. His eyes cut from Shane, casting over the women who’d gathered at the RV and the other spectators. Shane could watch him grow weary, picking up that something wasn’t right from the way everyone was looking at him.

‘Subtle people,’ Shane thought moving towards Daryl.

“About Merle. There was a… problem in Atlanta,” he settled on as he took post in front of Daryl, between him and Lori and the other women.

It was a minor change but Shane noted Daryl’s shoulders curve in. He could see Daryl going defensive in preparation for the metaphorical blow. He walked away from Shane. Shane was hoping to see him pace, not circle.

“He dead,” Daryl asked. His head was angled down but he was still looking to Shane. Not his eye but it was a good sign. There was repressed emotion in his voice but his tone was reasonable. Shane took that as a good sign.

“We’re not sure,” Shane admitted to him.

“He either is or he aint,” Daryl said his volume going up. His head came up a bit too and Shane tensed. Instead of tracking back, instead of pacing, he moved back in around Shane, circling. Shane brought his hands up to his waist and allowed himself to move, to turn, to step, to track Daryl.

He saw Rick moving forward to take a place at his side. Shane took a breath knowing Rick would keep an eye but would let him take care of the introductions. It was how they’d been trained. It was how they worked.

Shane pushed down his aggression. Daryl may have been ready for a fight but that didn’t mean Shane had to go ensuring one.

“Things in Atlanta got complicated,” Shane said happy to see that stopped Daryl from taking his next step.

Daryl’s eyes swept from Shane to Rick, who to him was a stranger, and back.

“Who’s this,” Daryl asked an arm flailing out in Rick’s direction as his eyes cut back over taking in Rick’s uniform as he scented the air. Shane could see him connecting pieces but he answered anyway.

“This is Rick. My pack, Lori’s mate, and Carl’s father,” Shane told him with a hint of warning in his tone.

“Rick,” Daryl repeated with a bit of attitude. His eyes were locked on Rick. Shane didn’t like the way Daryl was looking Rick’s way. Daryl was a good read on people and Shane didn’t know what he was picking up on from Rick but he worried it was guilt.

“Got something you want to tell me,” Daryl asked taking a step towards Rick’s space.

Shane took a breath and reminded himself that minutes before he’d been scared of what Rick could do. He told himself that between the two of them Daryl wouldn’t have a chance to do harm. But he didn’t like Daryl moving towards Rick and didn’t like that Daryl had moved himself between them and Lori.

Rick studied Daryl calmly. “If you're going to listen.”

Shane watched Daryl’s face twitch a bit with indecision before backing off a step.

“Yesterday, your brother decided it was a good idea to use during the run into the city,” Rick started, using the same voice he would have used when reporting an incident to a superior. Shane wondered if laying out the facts plainly was the best approach but he couldn’t think of what might work better with Daryl. “He was high. He started taking shots at walkers drawing more dead into what was already a precarious situation. He turned violent and measures were forced to be taken.”

Daryl’s face had crumpled a bit at the mention of drugs. He’d looked upset and a bit ashamed of what his brother had done. Shane counted that as points in Daryl’s favor. That shame however vanished quickly when he heard about the shots and violence and measures. He glared at Rick accusingly and started shifting his weight around.

“What measures?”

“He was subdued and handcuffed to a pipe. Unfortunately, things got chaotic and he got left behind in the rush to leave. He’s still there,” Rick concluded.

“Hold on. Let me process this.” Daryl was moving again. Pacing not circling which Shane took as a good sign. His voice was accessory but he was upset, emotional and Shane couldn’t blame him for that. He was getting louder too but as long as he didn’t go to act on any of that aggression Shane wasn’t going to have a problem with him,

“You're saying you left my brother, chained up… with walkers around, yeah? Is that right?”

“Yes,” Rick answered easily.

Daryl took a breath and than he had to go and cause Shane to get a problem with him.

Daryl threw his collection of squirrels at Rick intending to use the distraction to land the first punch.

There wasn’t going to be a punch though. Daryl had forgotten about Shane and Shane was not having it. He charged Daryl with his shoulder and sent him to the ground, quick to back off so Daryl didn’t continue to escalate things out of a sense that he had to.

Daryl chose to escalate things anyway.

“Watch the knife,” T-Dog warned but Shane was already very aware of the knife. His stomach dropped as he saw Daryl draw it and go for Rick.

The calm that had started to settle in after the walker was dealt with sizzled out and Shane felt a hum start to take over his brain. No one was allowed to hurt Rick. No one was allowed to threaten Rick. Rick was his and nothing was allowed to happen to what was his again. It didn’t matter that Rick had things under control. It didn’t matter that Rick was capable. Daryl had crossed a line and in Shane’s mind there was only one response.

Shane charged in and got Daryl around the neck and growled in his ear.

Rick got the knife free from Daryl’s hand and took it up himself. He signaled Shane that he was ready for Daryl to be released but Shane didn’t let up. Daryl continued to fight back against him and unlike with Rick Shane expected it and was prepared. Daryl wasn’t pack after all and having Shane in his space, the typical reaction was to get upset especially as he was distressed and had worry for a pack mate on the mind. Shane was leaving his scent on Daryl, trespassing and in doing so polluting the smell of pack on the both of them. It was right for Daryl to defend it. It was wrong for Shane to unnecessarily muddle it. But Shane didn’t care. He wanted Daryl to fight back so he had an excuse to continue on because Daryl had drawn a knife on Rick and that wasn’t okay.

A quiet voice in his head whispered it was tit for tat. Merle had gotten his scent on Rick so now Shane would get his scent on Daryl.

All Shane’s training said to let go. He and Rick had been trained to keep touch to a minimum with those of their dynamics. The world had gone to shit however and this was not an arrest. The last time anyone had drawn on Rick he’d been shot twice and everything, everything couldn’t be right since. Shane was going to use Daryl as an example to show the world why you did not threaten what was his, at least, that’s how it was in his head.

All Rick could see was an asshole alpha bully using unnecessary force.

“Shane,” he tried.

“Shane.” Still nothing.

Rick grabbed Shane’s arm. “Shane,” Rick ordered, his words a clear barked command.

Shane froze and Daryl froze with him. Slowly Shane met Rick’s eye, looking guilty as he came back to himself and realized what he was doing.

“Get the hell off him,” Rick ordered. “Now.”

Shane let Daryl go and Daryl used his freedom to shove Shane away. He put further distance between himself and both Shane and Rick but Rick did notice that he placed himself at Rick’s side viewing Shane as the true threat. Rick couldn’t blame him. He sneered with disgust at Shane who was looking ashamed.

“He drew on you man,” Shane said sounding to Rick like a child defending something foolish. “I couldn’t-”

“Walk away,” Rick ordered him.

Shane hesitated before nodding. He started to head back towards the women, towards Lori but he caught the expressions on their faces and instead headed for the jeep.

Daryl turned to track Shane. 

Rick turned so he could face Daryl setting himself up so Daryl could watch both himself and Shane with ease.

“It’s not Rick’s fault,” T-Dog said forcing Daryl to turn while try to keep all three of them in his line of sight. “I had the key. I dropped it.”

“You couldn’t pick it up?”

“Well, I dropped it in a drain.”

Daryl huffed in disbelief. “If that’s suppose to make me feel better it don’t.” He walked away from Rick and past T-dog, turning as he went to keep as many people in view as he could.

Rick followed allow not wanting T-Dog to have to stand alone if Daryl went to attack again.

“Maybe this will,” T-dog tried. “I chained the door to the roof with a padlock so the geeks couldn’t get at him.”

Daryl froze. His eyes lit up with fire again as he glared at T-Dog.

T-Dog gulped and took a step back from him.

Rick watched waiting.

Daryl’s glare slid from T-Dog to Rick. “Roof,” he spat out the word like it was something foul.

“The pipe you hooked him up to was on the roof?” His words were tense, forced out.

Rick nodded still watchful.

Daryl took a moment to process that. He had to rub at his face to force tears back. Rick however could still hear them in his voice behind the bravado. 

“Hell with all of y'all,” he shouted but after that his voice was small. “Just tell me where he is, so I can go get ‘em.”

“We don’t have to tell you anything,” Rick told him calmly. Anger flared in Daryl’s face again but Rick pushed on before it could build steam. “We’re already planning on going to get him. Cars ready. Supplies are packed. We’re were just waiting on you.”

Daryl’s face twitched in confusion and surprise as he fell back a step.

“If you’re ready just give us time to say our goodbyes and we’ll go.”

Daryl looked around at their audience then back to Rick. He nodded curtly. “I’m ready,” he declared, his voice still thick with emotion.

He stomped past Rick moving towards his crossbow.

Rick looked around to Carl and his son ran to him.

Rick knelt down and let Carl throw his arms around him. Rick stood up bringing Carl up with him.

“Are you still okay with this,” he whispered.

Carl nodded against his neck. “Come back safe,” he told him.

Rick squeezed Carl tighter. “Stay with mom and Shane and you stay safe too.”

Carl nodded again.

Rick turned to kiss Carl’s head and breath him in. He could vaguely smell Carl and almost as strongly he could smell the scent of pack that had grabbed onto him the night before.

Rick spotted Daryl looking at him. Rick kept his eye and kissed Carl’s head again before walking over towards Shane. He caught movement in the corner of his eye and saw Lori pausing mid step having expected he was coming her way.

Rick stopped in front of Shane. Shane was looking at him with eyes that begged his understanding and forgiveness but Rick didn’t have it for him in that moment.

“You understand that what just happened here is not okay.” 

It wasn’t a question but Shane nodded anyway. He ran a hand through his hair. “I know man. I know.”

“I’m trusting you to look out for him. Is your head in the right place to do that?”

Shane nodded again.

Rick turned and saw Lori had come up behind them and was listening. Rick walked over to her and put Carl down in front of her.

“I know you don’t like it but this is what is happening,” he told her, not quite able to meet her eye.

She studied him before nodding. She reached out to enfold him in her arms and Rick made a point to stay very still. “Be safe. Come back,” she told him her voice breaking a bit.

Rick forced an arm up to pat at her back as he nodded. He than pulled away from her and started heading towards the van. 

Shane chased after him and stopped him on the way when they were away from listening ears. He cupped one hand behind Rick’s head and cupped the other to his face. He pulled him in close, uncaring whether Rick was angry with him or not. He tangled his fingers in the short hair at the back of Rick’s neck and held them together, forehead to forehead.

“You come back,” Shane told him his voice breaking with emotion but kept himself quiet enough so that only the two of them could hear. “You keep yourself alive and you come back. You don’t let anything stop you. If it means you have to do some shit, you do it… Or if you have to abandon the others, you do it.”

Rick tried to pull back away from Shane not wanting to hear that, not wanting it in his head but Shane kept him close.

“You do it man. You promise me. For me. For Lori. For Carl. For the pack. You do whatever it takes to come back… Even if it means sacrificing one of them to do that. You promise me.”

Rick didn’t like it but he nodded. “I promise,” Rick told him. “I’m coming back.”

Shane’s face shifted but he could only hold a smile for a moment. He closed his eyes and breathed Rick scent in. “I love you, man.”

Rick brought his hand up and squeezed Shane’s neck, letting his thumb stroke at Shane’s throat. “I love you too,” Rick returned, the truth of the words ripping him up inside, warring with his hurt and anger and a nagging sense that he wasn’t good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did everyone think of a look into Shane and Rick giving into their instincts and hindbrain and going “feral”? I would really really like thoughts please. And for anyone who was wondering what we saw with Shane going after Daryl was pretty much what happened when his father attacked his mother. 
> 
> I think it’s clear to most that watch TWD that Rick would rather put himself into work and a task than to face things he doesn’t want to face and deal with his emotions. Rick’s now going to channel everything into this Atlanta run to escape the reality waiting for him back at the Quarry.
> 
> I wrote Glenn as being so down about helping Rick going back into the city because he’s wants what Rick’s had for years and he was there to see Rick’s pack mourn him.  He doesn’t like Rick risking something that he so wants. 
> 
> About Shane assuming Rick’s been raped.  Shane is trying to make sense of things and it leads him down the wrong path and his head gets away from him.  I think we have canonical evidence of that being a problem for Shane.  My personal head canon is that not everything Shane said was bullshit designed to manipulated.  I think Shane’s own mind was torturing him a bit with what ifs and imagining how Rick could die/get them killed until he lost touch with the fact that all of that was in his head not evidenced by real life.
> 
> What did everyone think of a look into Shane and Rick giving into their instincts and hindbrain and going “feral”? I would really really like thoughts please. And for anyone who was wondering what we saw with Shane going after Daryl was pretty much what happened when his father attacked his mother.


	6. Doing His Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stuff that happens at camp while Rick is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to be able to post a chapter on Christmas since so many people aren’t working and might have some down time but it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. Then last night I couldn’t sleep and was able get a lot done. I’ve used what free time I had today to finish it so here it is. I hope you enjoy!

As Shane watched the cube van drive away he felt as though it was pulling something in him out as it went. There was a hook in his core and a chain connecting back to Rick and once the van was out of sight there was no more slack on the chain. It pulled tight and painfully started tugging, ripping his insides out to leave a gapping wound and need behind. Shane felt that nothing would be okay again until Rick was back, and only if he came back whole and sound. He was getting lost in the feeling, in the separation anxiety until Carl came up and put his hand in Shane’s reminding Shane that, okay or not, there were still things he needed to see to. He had his part to play, his duties to see to no matter what else might be happening.

Shane ran a hand over Carl’s hair and was reminded of a promise he had to keep.

“I said we’d go frog fishing didn’t I bud,” Shane asked Carl. His eyes are still looking off in the direction Rick was headed.

Carl leaned into Shane’s side. “It’s okay if you can’t.”

“Nah bud. I was actually thinking we should do it after the water run.”

Shane can feel Carl turn his head to look up at him but Shane still couldn’t bring himself to look away from the horizon.

“Yeah?” Carl asked.

Shane took a breath then forced himself to look down and give the boy a smile. “Yeah.”

Carl smiled back at him.

“Carl,” Lori’s voice called from behind them.

Shane turned to see her watching them with a tense jaw and he just felt tired.

“Come on baby,” she said to Carl, holding her hand out.

Carl looked to Shane. 

“Go on bud,” Shane told him. “You go help your mom get things for the laundry ready and after I make the water run we can all head down together.”

Carl nodded and left Shane for Lori. 

Shane met Lori’s eye. Her expression made it clear that she’d heard him and wasn’t happy about some part of what he’d had to say.

He watched what was left of his pack walk away from him and fought the part of him that argued that he should herd them up and tuck them away until Rick got back and then they would all stay hidden and safe and ignore the rest of the world. As pleasant of a day dream as it was Shane knew that life just didn’t work like that. He may not have liked it but it was how things were. So he took a deep breath and gave the moment to give himself a good talking too.

Rick was going to come back, he told himself. Rick could take care of himself and he would come back. In the mean time Shane needed to see to his side of things. Rick had needed him to stay behind for the rest of the pack, for Carl and Lori and because Shane knew the camp and there were things to see to in the camp. So he would do his part. 

The first step was getting the water so people could start it boiling. The next step would be a quick patrol around camp just to be certain that walker was the only one who pushed so far up the mountain. Then he’d take some time away from the duties of camp to see to Carl. Shane reasoned that Carl would need distracting from Rick’s being away and seeing the walker. Catching frogs may not do much but it would keep Carl busy and give them some time away from everyone else. It would also give Shane the chance to wash the lingering stink of walker off him. It would strip him of most of the pack smell he had built up over night but his nerves were going to fizzle if he had to live with that stank following him around like it that remembering all the others times he smelled it and being constantly reminded that the treat was out there where Rick was going.

Shane took a breath and told himself that was all the time he got. A man could only stand around doing nothing for so long. So he got to work. He put out a call for the water coolers, loaded them in the jeep, and went off to get them filled up. By the time he got back the women in the camp looked to have most of the laundry gathered for washing. Shane noticed that while there were plenty of clothes present he was seeing a distinct lack of bedding. His jaw clenched.

“Carol,” Shane called out.

She looked up from where she was loading laundry. She tensed as Ed moved in behind her. Shane fought to keep his eyes from squinting into a glare over that. 

“Do you know where Lori got to,” he asked the women.

“I think she went back to get Rick’s things,” Carol explained.

Shane nodded his head to her and gave his thanks before heading to for their tent.

He found mother and son inside. Lori was crouched in front of Carl looking teary and Carl had his arms around Lori’s neck, hugging her.

Carl smiled when he saw him. “Time for frog fishing,” he asked.

Lori was quick to turn and see who he was talking to and to frown at Shane.

“Actually, I need to talk to your mama about something. Why don’t you go track Sophia down for a bit?”

Carl’s eyes cut between his mother and Shane. Shane figured Carl had an idea of what Shane wanted to talk to Lori about. The kid was too aware for them to get away with anything.

Carl nodded. “Can she join us looking for frogs,” he asked, sounding hopeful.

Shane fought off a frown. He knew that Ed wouldn’t care for Shane spending time with his kid. Ed didn’t mind Sophia and Carl playing but her spending time with a male authority figure that wasn’t him wasn’t something Ed would be okay with. Shane knew that Carl would prefer his friend to join them but he didn’t need a confrontation with Ed. Shane knew that he was close to the razor’s edge and if Ed gave him an excuse he’d dive off head first.

“I think Sophia is playing with Eliza while Carol does the laundry,” Lori told Carl.

Carl’s face dropped but he nodded. Carl and Sophia may not have been the only children in camp but they were the only non-cis children and that had caused them to be drawn in to one another.

“Actually, if you want to be a big help you can bring these over to add to the wash for us,” Shane told Carl, giving him a task to distract him. He grabbed a pile of pillows and things from the nest and handed them off to Carl. Carl frowned at them, unhappy at having them cleaned after they’d just been scent soaked but nodded.

“I really don’t think,” Lori started but stopped when Shane gave her a hard look.

“You go take this to the jeep and see about arranging things so there is room for everything else,” Shane told Carl.

Carl looked back at his mother before nodding and leaving them to their talk.

Lori crossed her arms and glared at him while Shane gathered up the bedding.

“Do you have any idea how much work it is to wash all of that? It isn’t fair to those of us who are actually left to do it to indulge you on a whim.”

Shane clenched his teeth. “Our shit needs to be washed Lori. That isn’t a whim. It’s a fact.”

“It’s fine Shane,” she insisted.

Shane threw his hands in the air. 

“Sure its fine,” he said with sarcasm. “Doesn’t matter at all that it stinks of us.”

“And here I was thinking that was the point of a nest,” Lori said sounding too superior for Shane’s liking.

“No, Lori,” Shane said like she was thick because that was what he felt she was being. Thick. 

“Us,” he said gesturing back and forth between them for emphasis. “It smells like us and sex. It’s bad enough Rick had to smell it on you and all in this tent all night but now its all tangled up in the pack smell too and that ain’t right. Rick shouldn’t have to deal with it. We have the time now to see to things while he’s gone so that’s what we’re going to do. I don’t care how much work it is. If you need the help, Carl and I will see to it but we’re getting this shit clean. All of our shit. We’re gonna have it all cleaned and ready for a fresh scenting by the time Rick gets back.”

Lori was staring at him in shock. Shane assumed over his raised tone and rolled his eyes. He got back to loading up more that needed to be washed. Unfortunately, it was going to be a lot of work as most of what he sniffed at he could caught a hint of the scent of what they’d done. He wondered if he was imagining it or not but decided it would be better safe than sorry.

Lori reached out a hand, grabbing his wrist and bringing him to a stop.

He turned to look at her and wasn’t prepared at all for the wide eyed panic on her face.

“Lori what,” he asked concerned but she interrupted him before he could get any farther.

“He could smell it,” Lori said her voice coming out hollow.

Shane would have rolled his eyes if it wasn’t for how upset Lori was. He ran a hand over his face. Of course she hadn’t realized, he mused, because she never stopped to think to realize these things. She should have known it after all the years but Lori never did seem able to remember she was married to an omega. “Why did you think I was trying to get us doing this yesterday? Trying to get you to wash up with us?”

Lori just shook her head raising a hand to cover her mouth.

“Hey,” Shane said taking her by the shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay. He’s stressed but he has every right to be. Getting rid of the smell, not waving it under his nose will help. You know how Rick is with talking. He’s gonna need time to get his words ready. But he’s handling it okay so we shouldn’t be so worried for when he’s ready to with those words, yeah?”

Lori just stared at him disbelieving and looking sick.

Shane sighed and rubbed at her arms. “I know you aren’t gonna believe it cause hell even I don’t believe it myself right now, but Lori? We did nothing wrong. We thought Rick was dead and we did what packs do. We came together. For our sake and Carl’s sake.”

Lori moved out from Shane’s hold, walking away from him. Shane let her and just kept an eye.

Lori had her arms wrapped around her looking small and fragile. She turned, taking in the things around the tent her face filled up with worry and upset and still looking vaguely ill.

Finally she looked back at Shane. “He can smell it? He’s been smelling it since he got back?”

Shane put his hands on his hips. His face falling with his own displeasure at the fact. “Yeah,” he admitted.

Lori breathed in a stuttering breath and looked at him with teary eyes. Shane hoped she wouldn’t cry. 

“He can smell it,” Lori said. “So he knows what we did?”

Shane looks at her and let a bit of his disappointment show. “Lori, even if he couldn’t smell it he’d have figured it out. He knows us and he was a cop, same as me. We were trained to keep an eye on things, to obverse.”

Lori nodded. When she blinked tears rolled down her cheek.

Shane moved in and was relieved when she let him wrap her up in a hug. He felt himself relax a little more when she clung to him, fisting his shirt in her hands. He hadn’t appreciated how much her attitude and distance since Rick got back had been effecting him until the weight lifted. For years Lori only really mattered to Shane as Rick’s wife and Carl’s mother. But they had gotten close with everything that had happened. It hadn’t just been sex. Lori had become just as important to Shane as Carl or Rick. She was no longer just pack but instead had fully a piece of his heart. Rick was the only other person that Shane had ever loved so fully in that way.

After how close they had gotten, having Lori fall back and push him away had been a blow to Shane which had hurt more than he had let himself realize as he insisted on focusing on Rick’s return.

Lori snuggled deeper into Shane’s hold and in return Shane moved his arms to hold her move securely to him.

“He, earlier and yesterday…. the distance he was keeping,” Lori asked.

“The smell,” Shane assured her. He raised a hand to stroke her hair.

“…What do we do now? How do we…” Lori trailed away and Shane disappeared into his head for a moment.

Shane had a plan of his own but he didn’t think it would do to tell Lori, especially after what had happened with Rick in the woods. Shane ignored the emotions thinking about Rick’s reaction stirred up and shoved down his fear as to what might have happened to Rick. Instead Shane focused on the plan that had been firming up in his head since he realized that it was real, that Rick was really back and would be able to forgive him.

It hadn’t been hard for Shane to figure out what he wanted. For months he’d tortured himself by dreaming about what things could have be like if Rick was there, if he’d woken up when Shane begged him, or best yet if he’d never been shot. Shane often dreamed that he’d seen the third assailant and gotten him before the guy could get Rick. And when he dreamed, he dreamed of himself and Rick and Lori, not as a couple with a third wheel but in a relationship together as a triad.

Shane had wanted Rick for a long, long time. He’d tried to let it go but he couldn’t, not fully. He tried to make room in his life for anyone else but it never felt right with Rick not being a part of things. It was even worse when Shane tried being with other men and so Shane had quickly given up on taking any male partners. Still Shane had tried his best to settle things in his heart. He told himself that he’d years of chances but he had been to much of a coward to act on them so he just had to move on. It didn’t stop him pinning but his pinning didn’t mean he wished Lori or their relationship ill. Over his years of pinning for Rick Shane had never wanted to take Rick from Lori. Shane had only ever wanted to share. He had only ever wanted Rick to be his just as much as Lori’s, if not a little bit more.

In the past, when Shane was vulnerable he would think about it. After a breakup or late on a lonely night or when he’d had a bit too much to drink, he would think about it. Sometimes if he’d had enough to drink he’d bring the idea up to Rick, the same way he’d always brought up the possibility of them being together. He’d say his hearts desire, but he’d only ever say it like a joke, like it was something to laugh about. When he was drunk enough he’d joke about giving up on finding a woman of his own and just sticking with pack, move in with Rick and Lori and let that be enough, maybe Lori would be willing to share. He’d joke but he’d watch Rick the whole time looking for a sign for hope. But Rick had always just laughed it off and told Shane that he’d be miserable and chasing after somebody in no time if he tried.

Every time after a failed chasing at hope Shane would try even harder to let it go but he couldn’t. There were plenty of other packs that worked in the way he wanted. The states were heavy with stigma against non-monogamy but it had been getting better especially in recent years as people let go of the countries religious roots and embraced other ideas. 

The packs of the past used to all be very sexually free things and still were over most of the world. Shane had grown up hearing how other less developed places were backwards for practicing relationships and sex the way they did but he’d always seen things in the states as backwards. As far as Shane could see nature had clear ideas about what people should be doing and nature encouraged sex, especially amongst Alphas and Omegas. Sex was good for the soul. Sex helped people to relax and feel good and in an ideal world sex helped people to come together and bond and express care and receive care from one another. That was how Shane saw sex. For most of his life Shane couldn’t understand anyone willing giving up such a useful way of connecting with others just for the novelty of sharing it only with one other person.

The idea of joining Lori and Rick, of finally having Rick in that way had eaten at Shane for years. When Rick and Lori started dating it made the fantasy of being with Rick more appealing, not less for Shane. With Lori there Shane felt free to imagine things going right. He imagined if Rick had Lori then Shane would not have to monogamous with Rick and then things could work out between them. In the dreams Shane had allowed himself in those year he was always a visitor, a guest. It was only ever allowed to be a good fantasy he could slip into when he really needed it. But then everything had gone to shit.

Shane’s life and then the world had fallen apart after Rick was shot. The shooting had started Lori and Shane on a path to being closer but than the dead had stopped staying dead and they had been driven closer still. Pack meant more to Shane than it ever had before and it had always been the center of Shane’s universe. Then Lori and he had started having sex, seeking comfort in each other and it didn’t take long for Shane’s feelings for Lori to change. He didn’t fight it, not a bit. He fell in love with her. What had happened between them was more than sex. What had happened between them was real. It was more than any of Shane’s past romantic relationships had ever before because it was building on an already solid foundation. Lori already meant, not just something, but something so integral to him. Lori was already a part of his life, his pack. They hadn’t been building something new. Instead they had been adding on to what was already there and in Shane’s opinion they had made it better. Shane liked the way things had changed and he didn’t want to rip down what they had built. He wanted to keep building it out. He wanted to build it out with Rick.

The same way that Shane had never resented Lori or wanted to steal Rick from her, Shane had no desire to steal Lori from Rick. The love he felt for them each made it impossible for Shane to want just one of them. He wanted them both, not only equally but also completely. He finally had some understanding of the allure of monogamy, the lure to possessing. Shane wasn’t so sure he’d be willing to share Lori and Rick with anyone else if he had them and he didn’t think he would need anyone else if he had them in that way.

He and Lori worked well together. He was good for her and she was good for him. Over the months at the quarry Shane had been sure the only way they could be better was if Rick could be standing with them. What Shane couldn’t give Lori, Rick could, what Lori couldn’t give to Rick, Shane could, and between Lori and Rick, Shane couldn’t imagine what more he could need then what they could give.

Shane had a new dream in his head. A dream where he wasn’t just a guest in Lori and Rick’s marriage but where he was a part of it; where Rick was his husband and Lori his wife and both his mates. From this new dream came a plan and Shane thought if he was patient and smart, he could make it happen. He had hope it would happen. That one day Lori would be his wife, Rick would be his husband, and both would have children that would call him father.

When Rick had reacted so calmly, that was all Shane needed to start hoping. Instead of getting angry or breaking down or trying to beat the shit out of Shane, Shane had seen Rick as accepting it and choosing to focus on what was important. The day before Shane had been sure if he stuck to the plan and took things real slow, treaded carefully, then he could get what he wanted. But then things had happened as they did with Rick that morning and Shane couldn’t help but wonder if it was wrong to hope.

Whether it was right or wrong, Shane knew he couldn’t tell Lori what he was thinking, what he was planning.

So instead he stroked Lori’s hair and searched for an answer more focused on the immediate future. So, what were they going to do?

“Now,” Shane said trying to make his voice as soothing and even as he could manage, “we gather everything up including you and get it washed and we wrangle Carl before he can find trouble.”

Lori smiled and huffed out a breath against Shane’s chest which he would feel through his shirt. He smiled.

“Then we keep him and ourselves busy until Rick gets back. And he will get back. When he does we’ll all go wash up and start fresh. We’ll do things right, the way they should have happened yesterday. We’re gonna treat it as a second chance to do it all right.”

Lori nodded against him before pulling away and rubbing at her face and eyes. Shane stopped her and more gentle wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

“Do you really think he won’t blame us for…” Lori asked trailing off, her face scrunched and that sick look returning.

“I think,” Shane said, “that as angry as he might be he’s going to understand.”

Lori nodded but didn’t look comforted. She looked around the tent and an air of determination came over her. Shane smiled at her, proud of her for stepping up.

They gathered most everything from the tent for washing and what couldn’t be washed, for airing out. Shane took a couple of items from the nest and set them aside, sealing them in zip locked bags. He told himself it wouldn’t be necessary. He told himself Rick would come back and they wouldn’t need them. But he couldn’t help but keep them. Couldn’t bare to get rid of the all the evidence that Rick had come back and they had been whole once again for however short a time but more than that… Shane didn’t want to erase all the traces of what he and Lori had done. He may have regretted the circumstances and consequences, but the actual acts, the actual loving? That he couldn’t.

Carl helped with the loading up while some of the other women watched the growing piles with deep frowns until Carol spoke up and they relaxed. For all that she seemed to ignore the truths about her situation Shane have seen Carol show herself to be an observant woman. He supposed she had figured out what was happening and clued the others who hadn’t thought to think beyond more work in as to why they were seeing to things. He didn’t like them gossiping about it but if it avoided them getting heck, as far as Shane was concerned it was worth it.

They drove down to the quarry. Shane and Carl helped to unload everything out of the jeep and get it soaking in the water. Shane promised Lori they would come back to help as soon as he fulfilled his promise of frog fishing. He said it would be good for Carl to stay busy. He would reward Carl with something fun to get his mind off of Rick and then come put him to work.

Lori gave him a smile which Shane returned looking so happy to receive just that simple smile. Lori felt a bit guilty for how she had been acting since Rick’s miraculous return. Her first reaction to realizing her husband was alive was guilt. It had been bad enough being a widow who moved on so quickly but she’d told herself that it was the circumstance. She had told herself that had things been normal than she wouldn’t have fallen into bed with Shane so quickly. She told herself if it hadn’t been for Rick being shot, for seeing the dead get up and kill friends, if it hadn’t been for watching a city burn, if it hadn’t been for having to loose everything familiar to her but her son and Shane then it would have never happened. She told herself that and she let herself fall together with Shane and it had been… easy, as easy as falling together with Rick. 

At the time she had looked back and thought it made sense. When she and Rick had gotten together it was because they wanted the same things. When she and Shane had gotten together they had both wanted comfort and to feel some good in all the bad and beyond the sex, they both wanted to keep their family together and alive and safe. She’d asked herself at the time how could they not come together when they were walking the same path.

When Rick came back, when it was revealed he was alive, everything that had seemed reasonable and right about it turned sour. 

After what her mother had done to her father, to their family, she had sworn to herself she would never be that kind of woman. She had sworn to herself she would never be her mothers daughter and instead be like her grandmother. Her grandmother who had loved and been with only her husband, who gave everything she was to her family and their home, and whom had raised her when her mother ran away with her lover. She had sworn to herself she would prove deserving of the care her grandmother had given her and done her best to live up to it. Rick being alive meant she had failed in perhaps one of the worst of ways.

She was an adulterer and it made her sick.

For only a moment, when she realized Rick was really there, she didn’t want him to be. It was only that moment but she hated herself for thinking it at all. Lori was sure she would feel guilt for that moment of weakness the rest of her life, the same as she would for the thought that came after. Because once she’d accepted that Rick was there and scolded herself for wishing he wasn’t, she couldn’t help but wonder how he was there and for one wild moment she’d wondered if Shane had lied about Rick being dead and if everything that had happened had been his plan. But then she looked at him staring at Rick. She saw the naked love and relief and guilt. She knew thinking Shane could do that to Rick was the worst, most absurd thing she could accuse Shane of. Almost, perhaps worse than accusing Rick of not loving them the day he was shot. Shane was Rick’s family through and through. He had grieved as Lori had. He loved Rick and could never hurt him that way. He could never hurt himself the way he had by leaving Rick behind. Any lingering doubt she had was smothered when Shane never looked away from Rick. He never looked to Lori in fear of what he would be loosing. He only looked at Rick with utter gratitude over getting back what he’d thought was lost.

Lori had been angry. She was angry at herself for thinking what she did. She was angry at herself for what she did. She was angry at Shane that she couldn’t say it was all his fault. She was angry at Shane for leaving Rick behind in the first place. She was angry that he hadn’t put a stop to things. She was angry at him for having been there to temp her, for being so kind, for being so supportive, for pushing back against her, for being so good with Carl, and for not being Rick.

In her anger she’d put herself against him. She’d realized later that it was for the best, or at least she thought it was. She told herself that she would need to keep a distance from Shane, to make a clean cut to prove that with Rick back she didn’t need Shane. She thought it would be best as well if they spent time apart as if they were together it was more likely something would slip and Rick would find out about what they had done.

She had been so relieved to think Rick never have to know. She knew the pain it would cause him if he knew. Rick cared about the sanctity of their marriage as much as Lori did. From the day they were engaged Rick stopped looking at other people. Lori… struggled but she and many others said there was nothing wrong in the looking but in the wanting to possess. While Lori did look, she had never wanted to act on anything. She just appreciated the view. Rick wasn’t like that though. Once they were together Rick’s eyes never strayed. Even while they were dating he had rarely looked away. 

They’d been on a double date once with one of some new neighbors. It had just been a dinner out but things had turned awkward when husband and wife started arguing about her husband’s wondering eye. They had pulled Lori and Rick into things. Lori had revealed that Rick didn’t look at others and the husband had pushed trying to insist Rick had to. Rick told him that he didn’t look. When sarcastically asked ‘how; Rick said he just lost any desire to. Lori had tried to break the tension and said that it was probably because Rick was an Omega. This had introduced a whole new tension into the meal as it turned out that the wife had dated an OmegaMale before getting together with her husband. She declared that yes, Omegas seemed to have no problem being loyal. Things had only gotten worse from there.

Rick had been unhappy with her. When the night was over he had pointed out that he wasn’t his entire sex anymore than she was and it wasn’t fair of her to dismiss his attributes as being “just because he’s an omega” especially as it inherently provided an excuse and judgment that all CisMales just had a wondering eye. Lori had insisted that wasn’t what she had been doing. When she’d talked with some of the other mom’s the next day waiting to pick the kids up most had agreed with her but a few spoke up in Rick’s favor. It hadn’t escaped Lori’s notice that those who agreed with Lori were the ones with no real personal experience with either Alphas or Omegas.

The new neighbors were divorcing and moving out within a year. Lori had quickly forgotten their names and most everything about them, except for that dinner. Her remembering that dinner had very little to do with those people and everything to do with her own relationship. That night she’d realized that on some level she resented Rick for never looking. She realized then that it made her feel bad about herself because she couldn’t help but look. She told herself looking was natural the same as that husband had done but there her husband had been, above it all and there the other wife had been saying it wasn’t right, saying it spoke of disloyalty. Her words had been for her husband but they had struck Lori more than they seemed to do him. They made her start thinking about things and she didn’t like what she what she’d realized when she’d been thinking. That night put doubts in her head for years to come.

It started by realizing that her father had been like Rick. Lori couldn’t remember his ever looking at any woman who wasn’t her mother, even after her mother had left him. It seemed to Lori that her father hadn’t been able to love anyone but her and her grandmother once her mother had broken her heart.

She’d never seen much of her father in Rick before. They were both hard working and good men but beyond that Lori had always believed them to be very different from each other. After that dinner the differences seemed much more superficial and the similarities were… upsetting. 

Once Lori started comparing Rick to her father she couldn’t help but compare herself to her mother. She had believed that while she may have inherited her mothers looks that she had grown into a woman far removed from who her mother had been. Once she took a second look she realized that she wasn’t so different from her mother. Once she admitted that to herself she hadn’t been able to push away the doubts and she hadn’t been able to stop questioning herself.

Was she really with happy with her life? Was she happy being a house wife? Her mother hadn’t been. Was being a mother enough for her? It hadn’t been enough for her mother. As loving as she had been with Lori before she left, she had told Lori years later when reaching out that being a mother simply wasn’t enough for her. As happy as Lori was being a mom what if one day it wasn’t enough? Was she happy with Rick? At first that question was easy to answer but with time it became harder and harder. She started pushing him. She wasn’t even entirely sure why. It just felt like something she needed to do. So she pushed and pushed and pushed but every time he proved to be above it, above her, not taking the bait and so she would push harder.

The day he was shot she pushed the hardest yet but he still hadn’t blown up at her. Instead he’d left. Quiet, hurt, and angry he had gone off and gotten shot and in the hospital bed beside him Lori had known with bone aching certainty that she didn’t deserve him. She’d promised herself she would do better. She promised she would start pushing herself instead of pushing him. She promised herself she’d let go of her fears of being her mother and live to prove she wasn’t. Only she had failed. She’d broken those promises.

She was her mother. She had cheated on Rick with his best friend. She had told herself that Rick could never know because he was better than her. Lori could know and hate herself but she believed Rick would forgive her and she didn’t want that. She knew she didn’t deserve it because Rick would forgive her but she was certain he would never be able to let the pain and betrayal go. She told herself if he did forgive her it wouldn’t stop it from always being there to burden him and be between them. She was certain he would turn in it on himself instead of turning on her. She told herself she would have to keep her silence, for his sake. She was ready to do whatever it would take to make sure Rick never knew what she’d done. She was ready to go to war with Shane over it, certain he would want to tell. 

She was determined and set in her path only to discover that there was no point. Rick already knew and there was never any chance of her keeping it from him. The fact that she should have known that only made her feel guiltier, feel even less deserving.

She went over Rick’s interactions with her the day before. She’d noticed the distance in him and told herself it was in her head. What she had seen that morning she couldn’t right off as being her imagination but she told herself it was because he was expecting a fight about his leaving and she’d played right down to his expectations. He had only wanted to do the right thing and yet again Lori had moved to defend a selfish position. It was just another thing for her to hate herself for. Her husband had left once again without her support behind him. The last time that had happened he had been shot. Hadn’t she made promises that things would be different? She berated herself that Rick was back and she had her chance but she was so busy thinking about how she’d already failed that she had allowed herself to fail again in a possibly worse way. When Lori had slept with Shane she’d fully believed Rick was dead. That morning Lori had known Rick was going to leave and put himself into danger but she’d still allowed herself to pick a fight instead of giving him her support.

Lori scrubbed more aggressively at the blanket she washing. ‘No more’, she told herself. ‘No more.’ It didn’t matter how much of her mother was in her. She was her father’s daughter as well which meant her grandmother’s strength ran through her blood. It didn’t matter who or what she was. What she did was what mattered because what she would do was her choice. She promised herself she would make better choices going forward. She couldn’t change what she had done but as Shane had said, they could at least work to make it less of a burden on Rick.

The one advantage Lori believed they did have in everything was that no one else knew. Lori thought that a few probably suspected something was developing between herself and Shane but she felt certain it wasn’t known. As Shane had reminded her several times, he was pack, and she was sure that was all people saw between them. She was grateful at least that she and Rick and Shane wouldn’t have to live under everyone’s microscope the way they would have if everyone knew what mistakes had been made and what problems they were going to have to deal with going forward.

Lori had worried the day before when Ed was talking to her that he knew. He had said several times about how life with Shane had to feel more right than life with Rick leading things. She had worried he knew what was going on and would reveal it to everyone so she’d held her piece and waited for him to finish, hoping that the sooner he finished the less risk there would be of his saying something that would ruin everything. Ed had shown himself to be a man of little discretion during their time at camp and when he didn’t use her relationship with Shane to further his argument Lori had forced herself to relax and convinced herself that Ed didn’t know and was merely speaking of living with Shane as pack, not as a romantic partner.

“You’re going to scrub a hole into that,” Amy teased her.

Lori moved the blanket and started on a new spot. She had no idea how long she’d been scrubbing but Amy was probably right. She gave the girl a smile she wasn’t feeling at all and made an excuse about being lost in her own head.

Amy’s smile faltered. She told Lori she was sure Rick would be back though she didn’t sound very assured of it which did nothing to lessen Lori’s worry.

“He will be,” Lori said with confidence, reminding herself that was her job. She was Rick’s wife and she needed to be supportive of him. Everyone else could doubt him but she could never show her own doubts. Their son didn’t doubt his father. He was confident he’d never been given reason too. She would follow Carl’s example. She wouldn’t let herself doubt Rick.

“Of course he will,” Andrea said smiling softly at her.

Lori’s face twitched as she fought off the reaction it want to show to what she was sure was some concealed condescension in Andrea’s tone.

She gave Andrea a smile before turning away from her. She raised a hand to cover her eyes so she could better watched Shane and Carl play in the water. They both looked to be having fun with big bright smiles on their faces and it made her own smile go wide and genuine to match.

Shane had always been good with Carl, always been willing to step up but she had never really appreciated that fully for what it was until everything had fallen apart. She may have known and said that Shane was “pack” but in her mind she had always equated him as Rick’s friend rather than family. She had never had any friends she’d felt the same for as she did her blood and she hadn’t been able to understand. She was disappointed in herself that it took stripping everything away for her to see that Shane really did love her son as though he was blood, that he truly did see not just Rick but them as family.

“Can someone explain to me how the women ended up doing all the Hattie McDaniel work,” Jacqui ask having deposited another load for them to start on.

Lori didn’t find that to be fair at all. She felt that while it may not have been the most satisfy of things to do it was necessary the same way all the work in the camp was necessary. There was little thanks or glory in it and it was frustrating that no matter how much they did that day there would always be more waiting the next morning but there were plenty of jobs in camp that were the same.

What she really didn’t appreciate was the censure she felt was being directed Shane’s way for giving Carl some time and attention and a little bit of joy and laughter. The world was dark enough and they needed that laughter to remind them why it was important to go on living.

“The world ended didn’t you get the memo,” Amy replied in good humor.

Lori wasn’t sure if the blanket was clean enough, if the scent was fully gone, but seeing the laundry that was left to be done she balled it up and set it aside deciding that Shane could check things over to be sure.

“It’s just the way it is,” Carol said and Lori was happy to know she didn’t stand alone.

“It needs to get done, so we do it,” Lori said in agreement.

Jacqui hummed but it didn’t sound like agreement to Lori’s ears. She tossed the shirt she was working on down onto the water. It hit with a loud whap. She then forced herself to pick it back up as though she’d merely dropped it.

“Things will go faster when Shane and Carl come over to help,” she added by way of an apology. She understood not liking the work as she herself didn’t care for it. She reminded herself that she had complained to Shane that it was all well and good him expecting things cleaned when he wasn’t the one to do it. The other deserved to know that things weren’t that way, that they weren’t alone in things just because they were women.

“And they look so eager for that,” Andrea said her condescension clear to more than Lori that time.

“Shane made a promise to Carl. Shane doesn’t make a habit of breaking promises,” Lori defended.

She could feel the others sharing looks even though she was focused on the shirt in her hands.

“They will be over and they will help,” Lori insisted.

“,,,It will be good to have the help,” Carol said. Lori was grateful to have her support.

The silence ruled them long enough for the tension to fade and allow things to be amicable again.

While thy all worked Carol told them, “I do miss my Maytag,” which was something they could all agree with.

“I miss my Benz,” Andrea said. “And my sat nav.” That wasn’t something Lori could relate to at all though she could relate to missing what they might represent. She understood missing the ability to just get up and go places and having them be there and not having to worrying about the safety of leaving.

“I miss my coffee maker with that gold drip filter and built in grinder, honey,” Jacqui said making it sound better than sex. Lori could understand that better than missing a car. 

She made a noise of agreement. There were plenty of mornings where she thought about all the times she had sat in her kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee and having the quiet all to herself and wished she could have that back just one more time.

“My computer…” Amy started as she thought it over. “Texting.”

Lori smiled at that and her smile only grew wider when Andrea added, “I miss my vibrator.”

They all got a laugh out of that and it only got worse when Carol admitted to the same.

“What’s so funny,” Ed said coming over, smoking his cigarette.

Andrea answered him with ease. “Just swapping war stories Ed.”

Their humor was fading from the moment he spoke up and the last of it died quickly when Ed continued to move in amongst them, eyeing them as they worked and stinking up the air. Lori didn’t know how he or Carol or Sophia could handle having to smell that but supposed they must have gotten use to it with time. She knew Carl complained about it every time anyone in camp indulged in their bad habit.

“Problem Ed,” Andrea asked while Lori worked and kept watch from the corner of her eye.

“None that concerns you. You ought to focus on your work. This ain’t no comedy club.”

Andrea huffed in disbelief but none of them said anything against his words as they did simply continue on with the work.

Lori looked over to Shane and Carl and noticed that they looked to be wrapping things up. Lori was willing to admit to herself that she would feel more comfortable having Shane around if Ed was going to be loitering.

They continued to work under Ed’s watchful eye and it grated at Lori’s nerves. She assumed Andrea had less tolerance than she did for it as when got she got up to put one of the laundered shirts in the basket to be hung she ended up confronting Ed instead.

“Ed, tell you what,” Andrea said. “You don’t like how your laundry’s done you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. 

Lori just knew that was going to the start of trouble. She knew from Andrea’s tone on the first words she spoke. 

Lori turned to look for Shane and saw him coming over with Carl. 

Lori left the shirt she was working on and turned to focus properly on what was about to happen, knowing Shane was on his way and they wouldn’t have to deal with Ed alone. Ed may not have respected them as woman but he grudgingly respected Shane.

“Here,” Andrea said tossing the wet shirt to Ed. 

Ed threw the shirt back as soon as it was in his hand, throwing with far more force then Andrea had used when she tossed it his way.

“It ain’t my job missy.”

Lori looked over to Shane and saw he’d moved to pick up his pace.

Shane had talked to her, told her he was worried about the time a confrontation with Ed would come about. He had said it was a matter of when, not if. Lori thought that when had become a concern of now.

Lori looked over to Carol and saw that she wasn’t watching what was happening between Andrea and her husband. She was just sitting, waiting, listening. She looked tired, expectant, resigned. Lori caught her eye and looked at her pleadingly, hoping it would remind her that she didn’t have to stand alone, of the offers both Lori and Shane had made to her. Carol closed her eyes blocking Lori out.

Meanwhile Amy had the sense to try to talk Andrea down but Andrea wasn’t backing off.

“What is your job Ed,” she asked moving in closer which didn’t seem wise to Lori. “Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?”

“Well it sure as hell isn’t listening to some uppity, smart mouthed bitch. Tell you what,” Ed said still with that damn cigarette. Lori looked and Shane was near. He was keeping his distance, watchful but near. He’d put Carl in the jeep and she hoped he would stay there. She hoped Ed wouldn’t give Shane a reason to come over.

“Come on. Lets go,” Ed told Carol and Carol responded as ordered. Lori got to her feet and followed Carol.

“I don’t think she needs to go anywhere with you, Ed,” Andrea said. 

“And I don’t think its any of your business.”

Andrea tried to stop Carol from going but Carol told her, whisper soft as a mouse. “Please, it doesn’t matter.”

Lori could see how things were going and she found she agreed with Andrea. Enough was enough. It was time for this to happen. It was time for things to change. 

She stepped forward and took Carol’s arm. She laced their fingers and used her grip to hold her back.

“Yes, it does,” she told her, squeezing her hand, trying to lend her strength as Andrea turned back to Ed who was pushing further in towards them.

“Don’t think I won’t knock you on your ass,” Ed threatened Andrea. 

Lori cut her eyes back over to Shane. He shifted on his weight as he took in Lori’s face with concern. He started taking slow measured steps towards them while he eyes skipped between Ed and the rest of them. Carl, thankfully, stayed in the jeep. 

Ed was still moving in as he finished his threat. “Just because you’re some college educated cooze, all right?”

Andrea had moved out of Ed’s path probably just not wanting it him close and not having realized she’d cleared his path to Carol. He held out a hand, gesturing towards his wife.

“Now you come on now, or you’re gonna regret it later,” he said as though it was a casual thing to threaten his wife in front of them all.

Jacqui chose to speak up before Carol could go with him. “So she can show up with fresh bruises later, Ed.”

Ed chuckled. He actually threw his head back as he chuckled dismissively to the accusation like it was just some silly thing some silly woman said. Lori’s anger grew. She held firm in place as Carol tried to move away to follow Ed’s orders. Carol looked back at her pleadingly but for Carol’s and Sophia’s sakes Lori did not let herself be moved. She’d given in too many times before because Carol had asked but she wasn’t doing it again.

“Yeah, we’ve seen them,” Jacqui said but Lori didn’t think Ed would actually care about that.

“Stay out of it,” Ed told her. 

“Now come on,” he barked at Carol but Lori wasn’t letting her go.

“You know what this ain’t none of you alls business. You all don’t wanna gonna keep prodding the bull here, okay,” he said going back to his casual tone, casual threats Lori expected he was completely capable of following through with.

Shane, Lori noted had paused again, holding his distance as he watched. When she caught his eye he started moving in again. Slow and quiet.

“Now I am done talkin’,” Ed said raising his voice. “Come on,” he said grabbing Carol’s free arm. 

“No,” Andrea told him, looking up defiantly. 

“No, no,” Amy added the fear in her voice making it clear it was move for concern for Carol than defying Ed.

Ed yanked Carol forward and Lori gave up ground not wanting to hurt Carol in holding her back against the violent move.

“No, Carol,” Andrea said reaching out to secure Carol’s other arm just above Ed’s hand in an effort to help her resist his strength.

“Carol, you don’t have to go,” Jacqui told her adding her voice to theirs.

“Let her go,” Andrea told Ed her tone reasonable, the lawyer in her coming through Lori imagined. Ed was not a reasonable man though. All the ideas and prejudice he make clear should have told Andrea that as clearly as it had Lori.

Ed didn’t explode at her though. He didn’t finally loose his temper and yell at Andrea.

All it took was one quiet “Ed” from Carol amongst the choir of voices and Ed was shouting at her despite that fact that none of it was her fault. Despite the fact that Carol was trying to listen it was her he chose to blame.

“You don’t tell me what. I tell you what!”

Without holding back he slapped her across the face, snapping her head around. Lori was ready to catch her but her eyes weren’t on Carol. Instead they were on Shane as he came up behind Ed punching him in the side of the head. Ed went down and his grip slackened enough for Lori to tear Carol’s arm free. Somebody gasped while Lori stayed focused on Ed and Shane as she drug Carol back some steps into the water and away from the fight. The others were backing off as well.

When Carol turned around to see what she’d missed it was just in time to see Shane hauling Ed up and dragging him further up on shore and away from them.

“No,” Carol said reaching out and trying to follow but Lori held on to her, turning her grip into a hug as she held her back. Amy joined her as they wrapped Carol up and kept her back out of things.

“He was warned,” Lori reminded her. 

Carol sobbed while Amy gave Lori a confused look.

Once Ed started to regain his footing Shane tossed him ahead and placed himself between Ed and both the women and the jeep. Lori looked and saw that Carl had moved standing just outside the jeep and was staring grim faced in the direction of Shane and Ed.

“Carl,” she called. When he looked to her she held out an arm and he came running to her side.

Ed tried to get back up but Shane punched him again. 

“No,” Carol cried.

“It’s okay,” Andrea tried to comfort her.

“Unless you want me to beat you bloody like you deserve then you’ll stay down,” Shane warned Ed pointing a finger at him.

“Fuck you,” Ed said and Shane punched him again before stepping back. He stood tall with his hands on his hips to watch what Ed would do.

Ed stayed down.

“We’ve had talks before you and I, about what was okay and what was not. I told you very plain that even though the world had changed I was still a cop and there were things I was not going to let stand. I warned you not to touch Sophia. I warned you not to touch Carol. You may have left off Sophia but you didn’t leave off Carol did ya? And when I didn’t do anything you probably thought that meant you were getting away with it. But you never got away with it. I’ve known every time you’ve done it but every time Carol would defend you. She would tell me you were a good man, a good father, and this only started because of the stress of things. She would beg me to leave it be.”

Shane squatted down to Ed’s level.

“Now I’m not calling her a liar, but I think she expected me to assume the stress she was talking about was the same stress we’ve all be having to deal with. The thing is though, I have training. And I know behavior like yours and the way she reacts to it and the way that little girl is? That is something that comes with time. I may not know how long the ‘stress’ has been getting to you, but I know it’s sure as hell been longer than a few months.”

Shane looked back at Carol who had gone quiet and still. She turned away from meeting his gaze.

The others were watching and listening. ‘Good’ Shane thought. He didn’t want any confusion in camp about the law he was laying down.

“In the old days there would be more I could do to you. There was law and prisons, amongst other things. But we don’t have that now. Since the warnings aren’t working that means we’re just going to have to make sure, all of us, that Carol and Sophia are kept safe from you.”

He glared down at Ed knowing the bully in front of him wasn’t going to be able to accept his terms, that he wouldn’t listen, but it was at least something Shane could do and he had to try and when Ed stopped didn’t listen, Shane could stop being reasonable.

“You are not to be alone with your family again until we see some real effort on your part to stop being the ass you are. You will not carry a weapon until long after that. Right now, today, we’re moving the girls and anything of theirs and they are going to be staying right next to us so we’ll know they are safe. You will not enter their tent. You go against any of this and I will beat you and I’ll keep going until I think I’ve given you even a fraction of what you’ve given your wife. Maybe then you’ll come to have some sympathy for what you’ve put her through.”

“You have no right,” Ed said starting to get up but when Shane took a step forward he stopped.

“I have every right. Not just a right but a responsibility,” Shane growled out but soon he was unable to hold himself back from yelling the words. “Children are everything. It is our job to protect them and build them up, not abuse them and break them down until they are scared of their own shadow! It is not right to treat a child that way! It is not right to abuse your mate. Packs are meant to be thing of love and support but you’ve made yours one of intimidation and fear!”

Shane took a breath and reigned himself in.

“Something in you ain’t right, Ed Peletier. I don’t know if something broke you or if you were born broken but something in you doesn’t work in like it should. I shouldn’t have to be telling you any of this. I shouldn’t have to tell you that its everyone’s responsibility to protect a child from an abusive fuck especially when their abuser is the one that’s meant to protect them. But here we are,” Shane said gesturing with his arms out besides him.

“Here we are. So let me be very clear encase you started getting ideas. You do not go around them. You do not try to get them alone. You do not try to leave camp. You do not try to make them leave camp with you. You do not try to retaliate against me or anyone else in this camp for doing what is right. If you put a hand to anyone in this camp or so much as make a single threat than I will raise my hand against you and maybe if I start I do not stop. Do you hear me?”

Ed didn’t say anything.

“Do you hear me,” Shane demanded, shouting out.

Ed hesitated but then he nodded.

Shane sneered at him. He pointed a finger at the piece of shit alpha at his feet. “You stay there,” Shane warned him, “until I tell you otherwise.”

Ed nodded again.

Shane left him. He turned to see the group watching him. All except Carol who couldn’t meet anyone’s eye.

He walker forward to her, right into the water not caring that his shoes were getting wet.

“Carol,” he enticed softly. 

She wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Carol,” he tried with more authority.

She turned her head towards him but wouldn’t meet his eye.

Shane made a face at the blood and the discoloration to her skin he could already see from Ed’s slap.

“Carol. It isn’t enough for Ed to agree. I need to know that you understand and you agree. I need to know your gonna help us keep you and your little girl safe.”

Carol twitched at the mention of Sophia. “He’s never hurt her,” she defended. “Not on purpose.”

“He may not have touched her,” Shane conceded, not at all convinced that was true, “but he has hurt her and he’s hurt you.”

“This isn’t necessary,” Carol tried.

Shane laid it out for her plainly. “If I had seen what I’d seen and reported it either you would have left had to leave him or for her own good, Sophia would have been taken away from the both of you to keep her safe.”

That got Carol’s attention. That made her look him in the eye.

“You may have been able to hide it before, but it’s not hidden now and he isn’t bothering to hide it. If he’d willing to lay a hand on you in front of all of us, what do you think he would do to Sophia when you’re not there?”

Shane could see he was getting to Carol. He could see he’d touched on some sore spots, some worries of hers.

“Do you honestly think Sophia would tell you,” Shane asked and he couldn’t help but think of Rick and what Rick might keep from him ‘for his own good’. “She’s had to live with this. She’s had to see you endure and put up with this. Do you really think she would tell you? What if you tried to stand up for her and he hit you? To a little girls mind that would be on her. Or what if she told you and you did nothing? What if you just felt it was another thing to deal with?”

Carol was angry, angry at the implication in that last question. Shane could see it and he was happy for it. Anger could be strength and he needed Carol to stop cowering and stand strong. Despite his satisfaction he kept his tone the same, soft and enticing.

“Think about it Carol. She’s seen you never stand up for yourself. You have to wonder if there isn’t a part of her that is scared you won’t stand up for her. If all she ever sees is you taking it and backing down how can she expect different? How is she ever gonna learn to stand up for herself? She isn’t. All she’s gonna learn is to take abuse or to cower from it. That was a bad enough thing the way things were before but in this world it could get her killed. That is why this is not just right, but necessary. That girl needs to see you be strong so she can learn to be strong for herself or this world… It’s going to eat her up,” Shane said, deliberately choosing a metaphor that would call to mind biting and with it walkers. He wanted Carol reminded that there were bigger, scarier threats out there than Ed.

“I don’t want to see that,” Shane told her, his voice thickening with emotion he didn’t have to fake as he imagined Sophia in the hands of a walker and all to easily replacing her with Carl. “I couldn’t bare to see that anymore than I can bare to see this continue on. I tried to give you time to do it on your own terms but the time’s up. You may love him but that man is not a good husband, not a proper mate, and while he may have sired her he’s been no kind of father to that girl.”

Carol looked away breaking eye contact and Shane was believing less and less that Ed had never done anything to hurt Sophia. She didn’t react well at all whenever Shane stressed Ed’s relationship to his daughter.

“Be honest with me Carol. Be one hundred percent honest with me. If you can tell me it and make me believe I will back down and admit I was wrong,” Shane offered her.

Carol looked back to him, meeting his eye. He could see she was weary but hopeful she’d be able to give him the answer he wanted and make it all go away. Shane’s frustration with her stirred. He had to remind himself that she was as much a victim as Sophia.

“Tell me. Do you trust Ed with Sophia?”

Carol opened her mouth ready to give an automatic response. It wouldn’t come out though. She couldn’t say it. Shane gave her time bit the words wouldn’t come.

She broke eye contract again.

Shane sighed.

“Do you understand why this is happening,” he asked.

“Yes,” Carol said her voice a bit dead and shaky.

“Do you agree with what is happening,” he asked.

It took Carol a moment to answer. “…Yes.”

“Why are you agreeing to this?”

Carol tensed.

“Shane,” Lori asked unsure. He held up a hand to her. Carol needed to say it. Shane needed her to own the decision in some way or Shane wouldn’t trust her to stick to it. If Carol was working against them they wouldn’t be able to see anything done.

“Because…” Fresh tears fell down Carol’s cheek. She met Shane’s eyes as she cried. “Because he’s not safe to be around my little girl.”

Carol shook her head. 

“Cause it isn’t right how he treats me and it isn’t right that she had to see it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut tight and let out a little sob.

“Becomes she’s my child and she comes first,” she said nodding along with the words.   
She opened her eyes and stared at Shane beseechingly. “I know that. I swear I do.”

Shane gave her nothing. She started to break and cry harder.

“It was always for her. I never put her as less then first,” Carol insisted. “I always told myself I was… that…”

Carol broke down sobbing properly and Lori held her tight and tried to give her words of comfort. 

Shane tensed and clenched his jaw at that. Lori should have known better. Lori should have known not to impose her scent on Carol in a time of distress. She should have been reminded that it was unwelcome by the way Carol was tensing.

“Lori,” Shane said distracting her. She looked to him confused at being called on in that moment. “How much longer for that laundry to get done?”

“Awhile. Why,” she asked dumbfounded.

Shane looked from Lori to everyone else. “I know it’s not far to ask but if you ladies could get this done while I talk to Carl I would appreciate it.”

He looked down at Carl.

“You’ll help, right bud?”

Carl nodded solemnly. 

The others looked uncertain until Carol moved out of Lori’s hold and went to stand by Shane. “Why don’t you go wait at the jeep,” he asked, his voice soft again. 

She nodded and walked off. 

Lori tried to follow looking at Shane with a clear question on her face. 

Shane grabbed her when she walked past. “No touching,” he whispered the reminder to her.

Lori looked at him disbelieving. “Shane she needs support right now. Just because you're feeling possessive-”

“You're slipping again Lori,” Shane warned cutting her off. “You ain’t thinking about things. You ain’t thinking about the fact that not everyone isn’t you. Carol isn’t a Cis like you. She’s an omega and as an omega she has her own needs that aren’t yours. What Carol needs right now is her scent and Sophia’s. Not yours marking her up. What she needs right now is for us to do what supports her, not just say pretty words or offer her a shoulder to cry on. Go back to the laundry. Get it done so we can get on with getting her and Sophia situated.”

Lori studied him before her rigid posture deflated a bit. Shane let her go and she continue on her way after Carol. Shane watched her go up and talked to Carol but noted she did not try to touch again. Shane took that as a sign she was minding him and went over to Ed who had sat himself up.

“You go,” Shane informed him. “You go and walk over to those rocks where they don’t have to see you. You go and you sit and after we leave then you can walk your own sorry ass back to camp.”

“You're putting me in time out,” Ed sneered.

“You just do as I say,” Shane warned him.

“That’s my jeep,” Ed told him but Shane heard ‘they are mine’.

Shane leaned into Ed’s face. He spoke very softly. “Let me make one thing clear to you Ed. I’m not going to beat you to death. Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t need the trouble at camp and I don’t need Sophia and Carol having to live with it. No, I won’t beat you to death. But if you fuck up this chance I will make you disappear. There are a lot of ways of doing it. Some would bring more suspicion than others but they’d all get it done. So I suggest you behave or I will see you dead.”

It was clear Ed took the threat seriously. He’d be a fool not to. It was also clear that Shane had scared him.

Shane bared his teeth at Ed. “Now move,” he ordered.

He stayed leaning down which forced Ed to scramble back before getting to his feet. Shane knew it was petty but he didn’t care.

He stoop with his hands on his hips while he watched Ed go do as he was told.

“What did you say to him,” Lori asked falling in besides him.

Shane shrugged.

“What are you going to say to her,” Lori asked.

Shane sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna talk to her about how she wants things to go, how she wants to do this.”

He looked over at Lori to see her looking back at him. She wasn’t being overly expressive about it but he could see she approved. 

“We’ll get the laundry done in the mean time,” she told him. She laid a hand on his arm before she left.

Shane watched her make her way back to the water and Carl, then checked on Ed’s progress before joining Carol.

“Hey,” he greeted her and they started going over how things were to go. Carol decided she’d rather leave Ed with their tent, admitting that Sophia would actually sleep better in a place that didn’t smell of him. In Shane’s opinion that should have been one hell of a clear enough warning to know it wasn’t safe to have Sophia around Ed. Carol accepted Shane’s offer of the use of his tent.

The discussed how things were to be handled and then Carol stayed to collect the toiletries from the jeep while Shane went over to discuss the plan with the others.

While he and Carl helped with the wash Carol cleaned herself up a ways from them. She kept her clothes off but worked thoroughly to wash Ed’s scent from her.

With laundry and Carol were seen to Shane asked the other’s to see to come back up in Ed’s jeep and took Carol with him, Lori, and Carl

When they got back to camp Carol collected Sophia and went to Shane’s tent to explain what was happening while Shane called everyone together.

He explained to them that Ed had hit Carol and made threats down at the water. He explained that Carol had asked for help for herself and her girl and that they were going to give it to them. He made it clear what was going to happen. Not everyone seemed happy about it.

Jim spoke up and asked if they as strangers should really be getting involved with their marriage.

Shane gave him a speech about complicity he’d heard from a teacher once. He then went over things for Jim and everyone else the same way he had for Ed and Carol about why it was their responsibility to get involved and most especially when asked.

“You are all being asked,” Shane said making eye contract with as many of the people in the group as possible. “And if you don’t step up then you’re no better than the dead. Just heartless monsters.”

Once he was done people dispersed back to the work that needed doing. Lori and the other women that had been down at the water went off to find Carol and help get her and Sophia moved into their new tent while Dale came up to Shane wanting to know what “really happened” down there.

Shane laid it out for him making a point to emphasize Andrea’s confrontation and proximity to Ed as well as Amy’s distress. By the time he was done he had a firm supporter in Dale for what he was trying to do. Shane also put Dale in charge of watching over Ed’s gun, of hiding it in his RV to make sure the man didn’t get his hands on it. Dale agreed but sighed complaining that now they would all have to take over Ed’s share of the watch.

“It isn’t as though he kept a good watch,” Shane consoled him.

Dale considered that and seemed to agree if his expression was anything to go by.

Shane grabbed some laundry and started hanging it up. Dale asked to join him and together they set to work with Dale avoiding any laundry of Shane’s pack.

The women, minus Carol and Lori and the kids, all seemed surprised when they came back to find the wash being seen to.

“Well looks who’s helping out,” Andrea said.

Dale smiled at her confused. “You say that like its something unheard of.”

Amy looked at Andrea obviously not wanting her to started anything new after how it had gone the last time.

Andrea shrugged. “I’m just surprised. You guys don’t help out with that share of the chores anymore.”

“Well you girls don’t ask for the help,” Dale volleyed back his tone not nearly as edged as Andrea’s. He continued to hang laundry. “My wife use to like things a certain way and had very clear rules about what I was and was not allowed to play a part in. Laundry was on the list of things I was not something I was to interfere with. I assumed that you girls had everything under control and I wasn’t going to go sticking my self in to get in the way of things when I wasn’t asked. But if that isn’t right, I’m happy to help.”

By their expressions that got Dale knew he was missing something but he didn’t know what.

“Carol moved,” Shane asked.

Andrea nodded. “She didn’t have much.”

“Shane,” Dale said drawing his attention and redirecting it over to the path up from the water where Ed had finally made his way up to join them. He glared their way before heading in the direction of his tent.

“I better get back on watch,” Dale said eying Ed suspiciously.

“That would be a good idea,” Shane agreed.

Dale gave a nod and started making his way towards the RV.

“Dale,” Andrea said following after him with Amy trailing behind her.

Dale stopped and let them catch up.

“I’m sorry about…” Andrea tilted her head back at the clothes. Dale smiled at her fondly.

“No harm,” Dale told her.

He carefully looked them over. “Are you girls okay? Ed didn’t do anything to you did he,” he asked looking back and forth between the girls.

“It was just Carol we were worried about,” Amy answered. “But Shane took care of it.”

Despite her words Dale thought Amy looked shaken up. When he looked at Andrea he decided she looked torn.

“Well, if Carol’s willing to take the help it’s our job to help her.”

Andrea looked at him, still looking torn. It took her a moment to nod. Dale looked to Amy and saw her looking off towards the tents. He knew he was missing something and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Dale,” Andrea asked changing the subject. “You have any fishing gear to go with that canoe?”

Dale nodded. “Not that I’ve ever used any of it. I got it off a friend. I had it in my mind to start fishing but I never got around to it.”

Dale saw a light in Andrea’s eye.

“Why? Do you have something in mind?” 

Andrea smiled.

It wasn’t long until Dale was watching the girls, down in the quarry, out in the canoe, presumably fishing. He smiled down at them. They were only a little dot on the water but he imagined they were happy, enjoying their time together just the two of them. Andrea had seemed excited to go fishing. To “do something other than laundry and gathering wood for a change” and so in turn Dale was excited for her. He had no idea if they would actually get anything but he was hoping they would enjoy themselves all the same. A bit of peace and quite after the confrontation with Ed would be good for them he believed. 

He forced himself to get back to keeping watch. He couldn’t hear anything amiss or spot anything with his naked eye but when he did raise his binoculars and had a look around he noticed Jim, digging.

He had seen Jim go off with a shovel but hadn’t an idea what the man was going to use it for. Dale still couldn’t think what Jim was doing. He decided to keep an eye on him. He was working hard and it was a hot day. Out in the sun as way he was it would be far to easy for him to do himself harm. Dale resolved to keep one eye on Jim and another on the time.

An hour passed then an hour more and Dale was growing concerned. He asked one of the others to take his post. He collected some water to bring along with him, sure that Jim would need it.

He found Jim working on the latest in what appeared to be many holes.

He tried to talk to him. He tried to get him to drink. But Jim continued on as though Dale wasn’t there, as though he hadn’t heard him speak.

Dale left, heading back towards camp to get reinforcements.

“Hey Dale,” Andrea greeted him. “When was the last time you oiled those line reels? They are a disgrace,” she teased smiling at him.

For a second Dale forgot all about Jim. Andrea was smiling, Amy was smiling, and Morales was holding an impressive number of fish that could be no one else’s work but theirs. In that moment Dale was filled with such happiness for them.

He beamed. “Well, would you look at that.”

Both girls smiled wide with pride.

“It seems that gear’s finally been put to good use. Well done,” he congratulated them.

Morales hoisted the fish higher. “Tonight we feast,” he declared and smiled at the girls.

“Just so long as I don’t have to clean them,” Amy said making a face.

Shane stood up from where he was sitting by Lori and Carl and came over to inspect the fish. “I’ll take care of that,” he offered. “It’s only right since you girls did the work.”

Amy looked relieved and Andrea looked pleased.

“What do you say kids,” he asked looking to Carl and Sophia. “Want to learn to clean a fish?”

“Yeah,” Carl declared. Sophia didn’t look as charmed with the idea but she smiled at Carl when he turned to her looking to share in the excitement.

“Shane,” Dale said stopping Shane before he could take the fish as he was about to do. As happy as they were Dale couldn’t bare to ruin Amy and Andrea’s moment. “Could I talk to you for a moment?”

Despite his attempt at tact several faces fell in concern.

“Is something wrong,” Shane asked.

Dale shook his head. “No, just something on my mind I want to run by you.”

Shane nodded and started off towards the RV.

Dale smiled at the girls who looked back at him with concern.

“Dale,” Andrea prompted weary.

“Everything's fine,” Dale assured her, laying a hand on her arm. He looked back at the fish and congratulated them again. “Well done.”

Shane was waiting for him by the rear of the RV.

“I don’t want to alarm the others,” Dale told him and watched Shane come to attention. “But we may have a bit of a problem on our hands.”

“Another one,” Shane asked voice tense.

Dale nodded.

“I don’t think Jim is doing well at the moment.”

Shane’s brow scrunched up with confusion. “He’s sick?”

Dale shook his head. “He’s digging.”

That caused Shane’s brow to lift. “He’s digging,” he repeated incredulously.

“Many holes for a couple of hours now. He’s sunburn and as far as I know he’s had nothing to drink.”

“Why is he digging,” Shane asked confused.

“I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. He acted as though I wasn’t there,” Dale informed him.

Shane’s face showed his concern. “Where,” he asked shifting his weight.

Dale directed him in the right direction.

“If we go right over there it’s going to draw attention. It’s going to get people concerned,” Shane said.

“Then what do you suggest? We can’t leave him,” Dale replied.

“And I’m not suggesting we do.”

Dale could see Shane fighting not to look of towards Jim or back to the others, rolling his shoulders as he resisted.

“I’ll get started on the fish. People see I’m not concerned maybe they’ll settle. While I’m at it you go talk to Jim. Just go be with him. Let him know your there and concerned. Anything changes, he gets swooning or aggressive, you give a holler or you come get me. Try to get him to drink something if you can. Don’t be discouraged. Just go be there.”

“And you’ll come when you can?”

“And I’ll come when I can,” Shane agreed.

Dale nodded to him.

Shane returned to the others smiling. “Time to learn about fish,” he declared to the kids. 

Dale saw some of the adults looking his way. He just smiled and went about puttering around the RV until people were grew distracted. Once they were, he headed back towards Jim.

Dale eyed the other man as he worked with no idea where to start.

He settled himself down on the ground dropping his legs into one of the holes Jim had dug so it would be easier to get up.

He fell back on a familiar and cherished topic of conversation. “You know my wife,” Dale began. He talked about his wife and how he’d nearly killed himself working out in the yard when they were first married when he had fallen off a ladder while trimming the big tree in their yard.

“What are you doing Dale,” Jim interrupted, finally pausing in his work to look at him.

“I’m keeping an eye on you,” Dale admitted. “We’ve lost enough people. We don’t need you dying of heatstroke.”

Jim studied him and Dale held out the water. Reluctantly Jim came over and drank some. Then, after considering, pored some over his head. He went back to work and Dale was a little less concerned. He went back to talking about his wife and some of the things that had happened over their many long years of marriage until Shane came. He paused at the edge of the vegetation to look between Dale and Jim. He raised a brow questioningly at Dale and Dale could only shrug.

“I wondered where you two got to,” Shane said jovially as he came forward.

Jim barely spared a glance.

Shane came to a stop by Dale. “Jim, what are you doing? Digging for China,” Shane questioned amusedly.

Jim didn’t answer.

“Jim,” Shane asked letting some of the facade fall away to make room for some concern.

“I’m just digging,” Jim said defensively. “It’s not like I’m hurting anyone.”

Shane looked around. “No, it doesn’t look like you are. Seems there might be a better time to be doing this though. It’s damn hot out today and it looks like your already starting to burn up.”

Shane gestured a hand over his own face and neck.

“You getting red their man.”

Jim paused for only a moment. He rubbed at his face then winced before getting back to work.

Shane exchanged a look with Dale. “What are you digging for anyway,” Shane asked.

Jim shrugged.

Shane studied him.

Jim kept digging.

“You need help,” Shane asked.

Jim stopped and looked at him blankly.

Dale looked up at Shane and found his expression to be open and genuine.

“Tell you what,” Shane said coming over to Jim and getting in beside him in the hole he was working on. “We’ll take it in turns. Less likely to wear ourselves out that way.”

He looked around at all the other holes.

“It looks like you’ve already done a good share so why don’t you take a rest by Dale, have a drink, and I’ll finished this up,” he offered.

Jim hesitated but in the face of Shane’s open expression he caved. He watched wearily as he handed Shane the shovel but all Shane did was take it and get to digging.

Jim just watched Shane dig until Dale called out to him.

“Best you come over here,” Dale suggested. “You won’t want to get in his way.”

He held the bottle of water out to Jim and slowly Jim made his way over. 

He stepped down into Dale’s hole, taking the bottle, before plopping himself down next to Dale. While he slipped at the bottle they watched Shane dig.

After a time Shane paused to wipe the sweat off his brow. “That’s almost cathartic,” he said. He held his hand out for the bottle. Jim sealed it and tossed it over. Shane took a sip and tossed it back. “Is that why you started? Trying to work off some steam?”

Jim shook his head and went back to sipping at the bottle.

Shane pursed his lips and nodded, looking around. “How many holes we gonna need then?”

Jim looked confused.

“If it wasn’t to blow off steam you’ve got to have a reason. If there’s a reason there’s got to be a number. So how many holes do we need?”

Jim blinked and looked to fall deep into thought. Shane waited.

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted.

Shane’s eyes flickered to Dale and back. “You don’t know,” Shane repeated lightly, without judgment.

Jim stared blankly ahead. “I had a dream,” he admitted. “I can’t remember what it was about but… there was a reason. We needed holes. I… can’t remember why.”

Shane hummed and looked around. “Well, if you can’t remember the reason it might be we have enough holes, huh? Why don’t I finish this one and then we head back to camp? We can get you settled in your tent to have a rest, and maybe the number will come back to you. Maybe by the then the sun will have gone down a bit more and you’ll be rested so we can come out here and get it done. What do you say?”

Dale looked to Jim hopefully.

Jim looked around then to Shane and Dale and back to Shane. He nodded slowly and took another sip.

Shane got back to work and in no time at all had the hole looking about to size with the others.

“What do you think,” he asked stepping out and back onto level ground. “Look alright?”

Jim nodded.

“Let’s get back to camp then,” Shane said. He held out a hand to Dale. Dale wasn’t eager to take it and he could see Shane wasn’t eager to give it, both alphas as they were, but they were leading by example for the moment so Dale allowed Shane to help him up to his feet then out of the hole. Shane then held the same hand out to Jim who reluctantly took it and got to his feet so they could all walk back to camp together.

A few people eyed them on their return.

“Why don’t we go get you settled,” Dale said, resting a hand on Jim’s shoulder. Jim nodded and lead them on. Dale looked back to Shane and gave him a nod of gratitude and Shane nodded in return.

As Dale turned away to focus on Jim, Carl came up to Shane’s side. Lori wasn’t far behind him, looking worried. “Is everything alright,” she asked.

“The heat just got to Jim a bit. Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Shane assured her as he whipped his hand against his pants. “So how’s that fish fry coming?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lori really doesn’t think beyond the step in front of her.  She doesn’t think things out to their end.  She didn’t think about Rick being about to smell it and she hasn’t realized that she gets close enough to people that have good enough noses that the other non-cis might have picked up on it.  Instead of thinking about the implications of Rick being about to smell it (which means other people can too, like Carl) she immediately focuses on the fact that Rick knows.  Lori really does believe that no one knows she’s been sleeping with Shane.  Obviously the same as Shane’s gotten some stuff wrong Lori has gotten that VERY wrong.
> 
> Lori also has very good intention. Its easy to tell yourself to do something but its harder to live up to it.  Also I think Lori on the show may not have said much but had to be pretty hard on herself.  This Lori is going to be even harder on herself as she doesn’t have Shane being the villain as the distraction.  
> 
> I really doubt Lori on the show has this backstory.  This is not my headcanon.  This backstory was made to suit her and her decisions in this story but I’m hoping people like it none the less.
> 
> Shane using his manipulation powers for the good of making Carol put Sophia over Ed was so satisfying to write!  As was showing him actually be semi clever in his handling of Jim.  I’m hoping I got it across that his concern was more for his pack then actually for Jim but Dale wants to see the good.


	7. Getting It Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and gang during the return trip to Atlanta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn’t the best. My sleep has been crap and I’m really not in the best head space and I think its reflected in this but then again I keep saying things aren’t good and people tell me I’m being too harsh on myself so maybe it is okay?

The ride to Atlanta was tense. Daryl wasn’t willing to make conversation with any of them and in return none of them felt comfortable breaking the silence. Rick was glad for it. He didn’t feel much like talking himself. He was doing his best to keep his mind blank of everything but the tasks ahead of them.

Even though they weren’t talking, Rick could feel Daryl’s eyes on him. Rick assumed Daryl had questions. Unlike the others he hadn’t heard Rick’s story. All he knew was that Rick was one of the ones responsible for his brother being left behind and was apparently pack to some of the people in his camp. He had to have questions as to how all that actually happened. But Daryl kept his questions to himself and just watched Rick.

Rick kept waiting for his sense of smell to disappear again but it never happened. It still was inconsistent, rearing up just to tamper off again, but it never went away completely. He tried to remember the last time it had and found he couldn’t pin it down. He tried to tell himself that was no guarantee that it wouldn’t happen. Still, it was much easier to handle being trapped in the van with others when he could actually scent them. To know Glenn was there and be able to smell that he was an unattached OmegaMale. To know T-Dog was there and be able to scent that he was an unattached CisMale. To be able to scent Daryl and know he was the OmegaMale that he had scented on Merle. He knew where he stood with the people around him. He knew how things should be handled and stripped some of the stress of things away for Rick.

It was only when their drive was about to end that Daryl found something he felt was worth breaking his silence. When he finally did speak it was with more calm then he had managed back at camp which Rick was relieved to hear.

“He better be okay. That’s my only word on the matter,” Daryl told T-dog.

Rick looked back and saw the two men eyeing each other. 

“I told you, the geeks can’t get at him,” T-dog insisted. “The only thing that’s gonna get through that door is us.”

Rick didn’t want to contradict T-Dog but he wished the man hadn’t been so resolute. They had no idea what they were going to find and he didn’t want Daryl set up with false expectations. If something had gone wrong, it would only make things worse.

Glenn brought the van to a stop. “We walk from here,” he said his nerves clear in his voice.

Rick grabbed the axe he had gotten from Dale and left the van.

There weren’t any walkers around but Rick had learned his lesson from the day before. He scented the air. The smell of death made his nose twitch. He took another breath and tried to get some nuisance from it. He decided that what he was smelling wasn’t the scent of a walker near by but rather the prevailing scent of the city as whole. He remembered his grandfather talking about the war and how placed could eventually start to smell of death until there was no where you could escape it. He hadn’t expected to ever become familiar with the phenomenon himself. He wondered how he hadn’t picked up on it the day before because surely this wasn’t something that had happened over night.

Glenn lead them further into the city. Rick and Daryl fell in behind him and T-Dog took up the rear. There was a hole in a fence along the train tracks that Glenn had guided them to. Rick wondered whether Glenn had found it or cut it himself.

“Merle first,” Rick asked Glenn as the other’s made there way through.

Daryl glared at Glenn as if daring him to say different.

Glenn didn’t need any time to consider. “Merle’s closest. The guns would mean doubling back. Merle first,” he reasoned.

Rick nodded in agreement. “This is your show,” Rick reminded Glenn.

They made there way through the city with Glenn leading them through back allies, around corners, through and over buildings getting them safely to the department store without any more trouble then a few walkers here and there along the way.  
Rick looked around at the street outside the department store. There were only a few walkers on the street. Most were staggering about without any drive.

“Looks like most of the walkers got cleared off,” T-dog commented.

“They could have pushed into the building,” Glenn pointed out.

“If they have, we’ll figure it out,” Rick assured them watching as Daryl abandoned them, making his way across the street to the store front where the walkers had broken the doors away.

With little choice in the matter the rest of them moved to follow him, avoiding the attention of the walkers on the street.

The moved through the building smoothly with little trouble. What walkers they came across they allowed Daryl to see to with his crossbow as he didn’t have to take the risk of moving in close. Rick was feeling the strain of carrying the heavy axe with him but after the day before he did not wish to be without a quiet alternative to his gun.

As they moved Rick looked around the store with new eye, taking in everything that was there and imaging how it might be of use back at camp. It all looked to Rick like something they might need or make use of. As they took the stairs up Rick was making plans on how they could get it all back to camp until the door to the roof came into site and he forced himself to put his mind back on Merle.

Rick realized later that they should have known Merle wouldn’t be waiting on the roof when they got to the top of the stairwell. There weren’t any walkers waiting there when they arrived despite evidence of them on the floor and walls and signs they had been there pushing on the door at some point. But the walkers weren’t there. They had gone. The only reason they would have left was if there was nothing to entice them on the other side. It was only later that Rick realized this. In the moment all he was thinking about was getting through the door and to Merle.

It was T-dog who cut the chain he had put into place.

Daryl had no patience left. As soon as the chain was cut he was kicking the door open and hollering for his brother. T-dog was almost as eager, falling in behind him. 

It only took a few steps out onto the roof for Rick to see that Merle was gone. He was confused. He couldn’t see how Merle would have gotten out of the cuffs unless T-Dog had been lying. He couldn’t see T-Dog lying about what had happened however but he couldn’t think how Merle would have been able to escape given the position he was left in.

It wasn’t until they were almost at the stairs that lead down onto the roof proper that Rick saw and understood how Merle had escaped. Merle had sawed his hand off. Like an animal caught in a trap he’d sacrificed the limp to get free.

The “No” Daryl howled out at the world was so full of his grief and denial it nearly broke Rick’s heat. His greatest fear had always been that pain, that grief that could only come from something happening to a member of one’s pack. He’d already experienced it twice in loosing his mother and then again with his father. He never wanted to experience it again but it almost felt as though he was as Daryl’s emotions stirred the memories and the fear up in him.

“No…no!” Daryl went on as he paced. He turned and glared up at T-dog, close to tears and accusation. It lasted only a moment before he was back to looking at the bloodied saw and his brothers hand on the ground and having to face it had him returning to crying out his denial while the rest of them made there way down the stairs for a closer look. Though getting closer it didn’t show them anything more than what they were already seeing.

Daryl made his way through denial and on to vengeance in a breath. He drew his crossbow on T-dog and Rick drew his gun on Daryl only a hair behind him. As Daryl thrust his crossbow in T-dog’s face Rick rested the barrel of his gun against Daryl’s shoulder, simply as a way of reminding him that Rick was carrying and there would be consequences if he followed through with that threat he was making

Rick gave him a moment for the reality of hi situation to fully process through his mind before speaking.

“I know you are a hurting right now. I know it’s easier to lash out than to feel it. But this isn’t going to help anything,” Rick told him, his voice coming out thicker with emotion then he intended as it was impossible for him not to empathize with what Daryl was going through. Even as he glared at T-dog and held that crossbow to the man’s face he was holding back tears. “Your brother is out there, injured. Time and the dead are the enemy right now. For all we know he’s bleeding out somewhere near by. Do you really want to waste time on this?”

Daryl blinked and faltered. Rick dropped his gun and Daryl followed his lead dropping his crossbow still blinking back tears.

“You got a do-rag or something,” Daryl asked T-Dog his voice soft and small, his shoulder were curved in and his head tilted down with his chin tucked into his chest. In that moment Rick could clearly see Daryl as a young child, hurt and weary. He remembered the suspicions Shane had shared about the Dixons' upbringing. Rick hurt even more thinking about what it might really mean for Daryl if they didn’t find Merle.

Daryl collected Merle’s hand, the task seeming to help him center himself as he tucked the wounded side of himself away

“I guess the saw blade was too dull for the handcuffs,” he said as he picked up his brothers hand. He examined the hand. “Ain’t that a bitch.”

With care Daryl wrapped the hand up then stored it in Glenn’s backpack. 

Glenn had been looking at Daryl with open sympathy and accepted what Daryl was doing without fuss even if he did make a face about it when Daryl was behind him and couldn’t see.

“He must have used a tourniquet. Maybe his belt. There’d be much more blood if he didn’t,” Daryl said falling into the task at hand. Rick eyed the blood on the ground and nodded his agreement.

Daryl started following the blood and Rick followed him.

“Is your nose good enough to track him if we loose the trail,” Rick asked.

Daryl nodded.

“Let’s go then,” Rick said.

He looked back at T-dog and gestured towards Dale’s tools. T-dog eyed Daryl but got to collecting them. Rick then gestured to Glenn to hang back with T-dog, preferring there be a bit more room between Daryl and the other two if whatever they might find turned him back to violence again. By the time Rick turned back around Daryl was already following the trail of blood off down another stairwell Rick hadn’t noticed the day before.

They came across one walker along the way which Daryl dealt with without fanfare and then two bodies laid out on the ground which by the look of things had been walkers not so long before.

“Had enough in him to take care of these two son a’ bitches,” Daryl commented when they came upon two dead walkers. “One handed.”

While Daryl reloaded his crossbow and continued to speak. Rick wondered if he was usually this chatty or if he was trying to distract himself. 

“Toughest asshole I ever met my brother. Feed him a hammer he could crap out nails.”

Rick didn’t want to try to break Daryl of his hope completely but he wanted him to be realistic about things. “Let’s hope the worse he’s found is a hammer then,” he said trying to keep his voice neutral.

Daryl sneered at him. “Already know he found a saw.”

Rick ignored the comment and continued on the trail which lead them to a kitchen. Rick couldn’t help but keep an eye out for food knowing that was a need back at camp which everyone had stressed. He didn’t see much of anything they could eat but still saw things he could make use of. As they pushed further into the kitchen they found Merle’s belt which appeared to have indeed been used for a tourniquet. Besides the belt were several cans lit and burning of sterno, and a steak weight.

Rick picked up the weight to examine it.

“What’s that burned stuff,” Glenn asked pressing in behind him.

“Skin,” Rick admitted reluctantly. He looked at Daryl. “He cauterized the stump.”

Daryl took a moment to swallow down some emotion as he stared at the weight in Rick’s hand. Only once he had his emotions under control did he speak.

“Told you he was tough. Nobody can kill Merle but Merle.”

Again, Rick was torn. He didn’t like how Daryl kept falling back on the idea that Merle was invincible and he didn’t want to strip Daryl of his hope, not when he could remember so clearly the day before when hope was all that he had to keep himself moving while he was separated from his own pack, not knowing if he would ever get them back. The same situation Daryl was living with as they searched for Merle. So Rick simply nodded. “Do you have a scent trail to follow?”

“Don’t need one,” Daryl said. He gestured off and led the way over to a broken window.

“He left the building,” Glenn said disbelieving as Daryl examined the broken window pane. “Why the hell would he do that?”

Daryl pulled back from the window with a shrug. “Why wouldn’t he? He’s out there alone as far as he knows.”

That confused Rick. “Wouldn’t he be expecting you to come?”

Daryl went quiet, shifting uncomfortably for a beat with his face pinched in thought before he shrugged off his emotions and glared a Rick defensively. “Didn’t really have a reason to trust you bastards to tell me now did he? Left him behind so why not lie.”

Rick ignored that in favor of looking out the window to see what there was too see.

His expression turned thoughtful. “Your brother,” Rick asked. Daryl tensed, his expression still radiating defensive energy. “When he uses, is he prone to giving in to feral state?”

Daryl’s eyes tightened further. “What’s that matter?”

“Profiling,” Rick answered honestly. “What a man will do when he’s acting with his head can be very different than when he’s not. The more you make a habit of handing yourself over to your instincts the more likely it becomes that you’ll fall back on them in times of stress.”

Rick scrubbed a hand up the back of his head, thinking over what he’d learned in training.

“He’s injured, alone, and without his pack. The smart thing for a man to do would be to either stayed hold up where he’s safe or to get somewhere that is. The animal in a man though? That might have different priorities. Could be something in him says to run instead of hide or it could be he has pack on the brain. If that’s the case, whether his body can take it or not he may try to push to get back to camp, back to you. Like you said, as far as he’s concerned he was just abandoned. It could be he sees us as a threat and if he sees us as a threat then his priority could be getting revenge or getting to you so you aren’t left alone with that threat. I know I wouldn’t be trusting of leaving my pack with people I saw as the enemy,” Rick admitted.

Daryl shifted, considering. 

He looked back out the window as he spoke. “With Merle, it always depends on what he’s using… but even then its hard to say what he’ll do. With the drugs in his system and the blood lose…” 

Daryl shrugged. 

“He’d either be out for revenge or out to take the pain away,” Daryl said with a hint of shame. He shrugged again. “The drugs bring the selfishness out in him. When he’s high he’s not thinking about anything but Merle.”

“Well he shouldn’t be high now,” Rick said.

Daryl looked at him questioningly.

“I confiscated his stash and through it to the walkers,” Rick admitted without shame.

Daryl snorted. “Whatever you found’s just what he took for the day. His stash is still back at camp. Ain’t no way of carrying that without someone noticing.”

Rick tensed. “So if he’s looking to get high he knows it could be there waiting for him back at camp. Back where you are. Back where the drugs are. Back where the people he’d be looking to get revenge against would be.”

Daryl couldn’t meet Rick’s eye and shrugged.

“So most likely if he’s got a goal in mind its camp,” Rick pressed.

Daryl gave it some thought before shaking his head and looking out the window. “He lost a lot of blood and with those still burning,” he gestured to the sterno on the stove, “he didn’t get off the roof all that long ago. “Even if he wanted to get to camp Merle’s not stupid. He knows he’s gonna need looking after and cauterized or not his arms gonna need care.”

Rick looked out the window as well. “No matter how tuff a man is he’s lost a lot of blood and the city isn’t safe. Chances are he didn’t make it very far.”

He turned back to Daryl. “Do you think you’d be able to smell anything,” Rick asked tilting his head back towards the window and the route they knew Merle to have gone.

Daryl grimaced and shook his head. “Not enough to track him. The trails too old and the air out there smells more of dead bastard then anything no matter how fresh.”

Rick nodded. “We’re going to have to set up a search then. Check the neighboring blocks. See what we can find.”

Daryl just studied Rick as Rick turned to T-dog and Glenn to see if he’d have there support.

Glenn looked at him disbelievingly but when he looked at Daryl his expression became one of sympathy before he hung his head with his internal conflict playing out over his face.

T-Dog didn’t appear nearly as conflicted over the idea. “Only if we get those guns first,” he said. “I’m not strolling the streets of Atlanta with just my good intentions, okay.”

Rick looked back at Daryl. “If Merle’s in trouble, boxed in, could be we need those guns,” he enticed.

Daryl squinted at Rick before nodding.

Rick looked to back to Glenn for his answer. The young man sighed. “Are we still doing this my way,” he asked Rick.

“It’s your show,” Rick promised.

But Daryl had his doubts.

The kid explained his plan but all the rest of them could here was unnecessary risk.

The kid insisted his plan would work. He lead them out of the kitchen and back to an office where he grabbed himself a marker and started drawing out a grid on the floor. It took a couple of seconds for Daryl to mark it as city blocks as the kid finished the grid and grabbed a few random bits from one of the nearby desks. Daryl couldn’t see a visual aid making a difference to his buying into the kids plan but he didn’t say anything. instead he sat back and let the kid try to justify the risk, thinking maybe if he said it out load he’d see it wasn’t worth it. While Daryl settled himself back against a desk he watched the new officer in town as the man paced. It seemed to Daryl the guy was genuinely concerned about what the kid was suggesting which was a change to the usual attitude of the people back at camp.

“You’re not doing this alone,” the officer insisted to the kid.

“Even I think it’s a bad idea and I don’t even like you much,” Daryl added. Truth was he didn’t really care for the kid at all but he did respect him. Other than Daryl he was the only one willing to go out there alone and wonders of wonders, the kid always did make it back. Daryl saw how much shit the kid brought in for the camp and he also saw time and again where the others took advantage of how eager he was to please. Merle had found it hilarious and pathetic what the kid put up with but it just made Daryl’s skin itch the way people expected the kid to take the risk and be their gofer.

“It’s a good idea. Okay? If you just hear me out,” the kid insisted looking at them pleadingly.

The officer kneeled down to listen while Daryl gave the kid his attention as well not expecting it to make any difference at all.

“If we go out there in a group we’re slow, drawing attention. If I’m alone, I can move fast. Look,” he started placing his random bits onto the little map he’d made using them to explain where everything was and how he wanted it this thing to go.

“Why me,” Daryl asked when the kid said he wanted Daryl watching his back.

“Your crossbow is quieter than his gun,” the kid said reasonably and Daryl found he couldn’t argue against it. His crossbow was quieter than a gun. Took longer to reload though. But if the boy wanted quiet it was the better choice.

The kid finished explaining his plan which consisted mostly of the kid making a run for it and hoping not to many walkers took notice of him while Daryl hung back waiting on him.

“But you’ve got us elsewhere,” the officer asked as that bit of information had been left out of the kid’s explanation.

“You and T-dog, right. You’ll be in this ally here.” The kid grabbed another random piece of crap to represent those two. He placed it some ways over from the markers that represented Daryl and the tank and the guns. 

“Two blocks away? Why,” the officer asked.

“I may not be able to come back the same way. Walkers might cut me off. If that happens I won’t go back to Daryl. I’ll go forward instead. All the way around to that ally where you guys are. Whichever direction I go I’ve got you in both places to cover me. Afterwards we’ll all meet back here.”

The officer studied the map and the pieces laid out while Daryl studied the kid.

Daryl’s respect for him had grown. It was a good plan. It was thought out. It made sense. He could see now how the kid kept making it back and it wasn’t all on luck as Daryl had suspected before.

“Hey kid, what’d you do before all this,” he asked. He was expecting to head the kid had been going to school for something brainy, something far beyond Daryl. Engineering or some shit like it. Daryl could picture the kid as that brand of egghead.

“Delivered pizzas…why,” the kid answered confused.

Pizza delivery. Even though it wasn’t what he expected, there was no judgment on Daryl’s part. His brother was smart, smart in a way Daryl felt he just wasn’t, but it didn’t mean Merle’d ever managed to make anything more of himself than Daryl had. Daryl wondered if he’d confused good common sense with book smarts. Just because the kids used to deliver pizza’s didn’t mean his plan made any less sense.

The kid had won them over on his plan so while the others went to their position two blocks away, Daryl followed Glenn to the ally where he was to wait while the kid made the run.

“You’ve got some balls for a china man,” Daryl told Glenn as he prepared to run out from the cover of the ally.

“I’m Korean,” the kid shot back insulted.

Daryl didn’t get why he had to argue instead of taking the compliment. “Whatever,” he dismissed eyes on the mouth of the ally. The kid made his run and was quickly out of Daryl’s sight and on his own.

Daryl squatted down between the dumpsters while he waited, listening to either hear Glenn coming back or to hear a cry for help.

What he heard instead were footsteps coming down the ally from the direction that was meant to be cleared. Daryl waited for the footfalls to get closer before leaving his cover. He came out ready to shoot expecting some dead fuck but found a kid instead, younger than even their kid, still in his teens by the look of it. He had on a jewelry and a wife beater and pants down over his ass, making a fashion statement even with the world gone to shit.

“Woah, don’t shoot me,” the kid was quick to say holding out a hand defensively. “What do you want?!”

Daryl didn’t lower his crossbow just because it was a kid. Kids could be just as dangerous as other folks. He’d learned that lesson back when he still was one. Besides, Daryl reasoned, if the kid had been creeping around it could be he had information Daryl needed.

“I’m looking for my brother. He’s hurt real bad. Ya seen him,” Daryl asked not realizing how aggressive he sounded.

The kid didn’t even hesitate. He started screaming out in Spanish. Daryl hadn’t a clue what he was saying but he took it as a sign of quilt. He couldn’t see the kid screaming out instead of answering him unless he knew something, something he thought would push Daryl to hurting him.

“Shut up! You’re gonna bring the geeks down on us,” Daryl warned the anger in his voice clear as he pressed in closer to the kid. “Answer me!”

“Answer me,” he ordered again but the kid just went back to screaming, calling the dead and possibly others down on them. Other who Daryl felt could have done something to his brother.

The kid wasn’t shutting up so Daryl hit him across the face with his crossbow. He wanted answers and he was sure the kid had them but more than answers was knowing that sound was no good in the city. You needed crossbows, not guns with so many dead around. He knew he needed to shit the kid up. In that moment he forgot about answers, he forgot about Glenn, and he forgot to keep an eye on the mouth of the ally behind him.

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up,” he told the kid as he knelt down to cover the little shits mouth and force the quiet they needed.

Daryl turned at the sound of footsteps coming from the street side but there wasn’t time for him to do anything before a foot was slamming into his side sending him flying. He lost his crossbow along the way and before he could retrieve it there were two thug types kicking and wailing on him. He curled in on himself to take it. It wasn’t the first time he’d been in that position. Merle made it a habit of attracting trouble and Daryl ended up taking a lot of beatings because of his big brother. He was prepared to let them have at it until an opening presented itself.

Only the opening that presented itself was the two thugs abandoning him to go after Glenn. Glenn who had frozen at the mouth of the ally and only tried to run when one of them was already practically on him.

“That’s it. That’s the bag, Vato,” one of the thugs said. “Take it.”

With them distracted Daryl was able to get to his crossbow and line up a shot as the two brought Glenn to the ground. He bore his teeth as he fired, sending an arrow off into the ass of the shit who’d been kicking his ass.

Daryl was loading another arrow as a car pulled up. In that moment he wished he’d had a gun or that Glenn hadn’t been so smart and picked Rick to watch his back instead. The crossbow was quiet but it wasn’t fast. His crossbow was good for dealing with the dead but less who when dealing with the living. With a gun he could have taken the two out. He didn’t want to kill but he could have. With a gun he could have laid down cover on the car while Glenn got out. But he didn’t have a gun. He had a crossbow and who knew what they were carrying in that car. He was out manned and possibly outgunned.

Glenn cried for him and Daryl forced himself to get up to his feet, having to use his crossbow to leverage himself up. It wasn’t enough though. He wasn’t fast enough. He didn’t get there in time to stop them dragging Glenn off. He didn’t get there in time to stop them as they loaded Glenn up while the dead crowded round the car and the noise dragged all the walkers from the street their way.

Daryl slammed into the fencing and watched the car drive away. “Get back here you son of a bitches,” Daryl shouted impudently after them, drawing the walkers his way forcing him to pull the gate closed to keep the dead out as they cut off the route the car had taken down the road.

Once it was secure Daryl turned to find the kid had gotten to his feet, the kid who’d brought his friends down on them, who had gotten Glenn taken. Daryl snarled as he charged him and threw the kid against the wall.

It was only a minor relief to see T-dog and Rick coming his way, to know he wasn’t alone. It was hard to feel much more than his anger, anger at the kid, at the kids friends, at Glenn for not running sooner, and at himself for his failure.

“Whoa. Whoa.” Rick placed himself between Daryl and the kid raising his gun as Daryl went to charge in on the kid again. Daryl almost expected Rick to aim the gun at him, to think Daryl had lost his temper again. But Rick didn’t. Rick aimed his gun the kids way while holding his free hand out towards Daryl in a placating gesture. 

T-Dog was standing to the side with Rick’s axe raised at the ready eyes passing from the kid and the walkers that were thrashed against the fence trying to get at them.

Daryl wasn’t used to people who weren’t Merle taking his side and standing with him. He felt viscous satisfaction at having the people who were with him actually stand on his side war with his anger and his feelings of guilt at failing to protect Glenn which had been his only job in this mess.

“What happened,” Rick asked, his voice quiet in the dangerous kind of way. He was tensed for the kill and clearly pissed. His head was turned towards Daryl but his eyes stayed locked on the kid.

“Where’s Glenn,” he growled.

“They took him,” Daryl growled back. “This little bastard and his bastard homie friends.”

Rick’s arm that was meant to be holding Daryl back, dropped. Daryl took advantage to charge forward to shove his crossbow into the kids face and Rick didn’t stop him.

“Guys, the walkers,” T-dog said worriedly.

Rick spared the walkers only a glance. “Get to the ladder. Go,” Rick ordered.

T-Dog took off running.

“Go,” Rick growled at the boy, gesturing with his gun for him to follow T-dog his gun. The kid gulped and was frozen for a second but one look at the walkers had him defrosting and got him moving after T-dog. 

Daryl went to follow after the kid to keep an eye on him and stop him from trying to pull anything on T-dog but stopped when he didn’t hear Rick coming behind him.

He’d almost forgotten about the guns but Rick hadn’t. Rick moved closer to the fence, to the walkers to get the bag Glenn had risked his life for. Daryl waited keeping one eye on the kid following T-dog and the other on Rick. Rick got the bag over his shoulder before pausing. Daryl eyed the walkers and was about ready to tell Rick to get a move on when the man leaned down to pick up a hat. Daryl supposed it looked like the kind of thing that went with his uniform so it must be his. He figured since he hadn’t see it before Glenn must have grabbed it along with the bag.

When Rick turned around with the hat in his hand he looked ready for murder. That was an attitude Daryl could work with since he wasn’t feeling much better

Rick stalked towards the ladder. Daryl brought up the rear.

The kid was smart enough not to try to run. He moved along, eyeing them all as they lead him back to the office where they had all been meant to meet up again so they could start the search for Merle. But Daryl was resigned that Merle would have to wait some time.

The kid flopped down in a chair while the others spread out around him.

Daryl had expected Rick to speak up, to take charge but Rick was just standing, staring hard his hat as he turned it over in his hands.

The kids eyes cut away from Daryl and his crossbow to Rick then back again to Daryl. 

Daryl waited, his patience waining for Rick to say something, do anything, but he didn’t. 

“What the hell happened back there,” T-dog asked bending over against a desk.

Daryl circled the kid. “I told you. This little turd and his douchebag friends came out of no where and jumped me.”

The kid twitched uncomfortable at having Daryl behind him but he still scoffed, all petulant little shit attitude. “You’re the one who jumped me puto.”

Daryl looked up and saw Rick had finally looked away from his hat and was eyeing Daryl then the kid, his face stone cold.

The kid must have noticed it too because his next words were for Rick. “Screaming about trying to find his brother like it’s my fault.”

Rick was looking at him again. Daryl felt defensive under his eye, his feelings of failure flaring up. He spoke not only to explain himself to Rick but to convince himself. “They took Glenn. Could have taken Merle too.”

“Merle,” the kid repeated with disgust and judgment. “What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn’t name my dog Merle.”

Daryl went in and kicked the kid. He was only to get in that one good kick before T-dog was moving and calling for him to back off.

Daryl noticed that Rick, officer of the law, was silent in this and turned to see him.

Rick wasn’t looking back him though. Rick only had eyes for the kid and judging from the look in those eyes Rick was ready to take a piece of him if that was what it took. The kid looked between them, finally displaying some common sense by showing some real fear. Daryl though that maybe the kid had expected things to go a certain way because of Rick’s uniform. Maybe he thought it was any everyday interrogation the way it would have been if the cops had brought him in before. That’s certainly what Daryl had been expecting from Rick as they made their way back but that wasn’t what they were getting.

Rick had asked if Merle had a tendency towards going feral when he used. The truth was the drugs usually just brought out the asshole in the his brother. But alcohol, alcohol was a different story. If Merle ever went deep into his glass without fail he would go feral. He didn’t get mean though. No, when Merle drank he gave into his desire for touch and affection and pack. All the times Merle went feral Daryl couldn’t get him off with a tire iron. It was all touch, and cuddling, and wordless sounds of affection. The only time Merle ever gave into a proper pack pile was when he’d been drinking. Which was exactly why Merle rarely drank despite how often he looked to break out of his right mind. Merle didn’t like that side of himself. Merle didn’t like that his animal side was a cuddle teddy bear instead of a feral beast. He didn’t like what it said about the man he was either, that he didn’t come by all the gruffness and hate in him naturally but let it govern his life anyway. And Daryl, while he craved the attention Merle would give him in those times didn’t always know what to do with it, as unaccustomed as he was. So as much as he craved it he preferred that Merle didn’t drink as well so he didn’t have to be reminded to what he had to do without when Merle was sober again.

But the thing was, even though Daryl had never seen Merle violent when feral and just because Merle didn’t get feral on his drugs, it didn’t mean other people Merle brought around didn’t. Society may have had a lot to say about giving into your more primitive side but it wasn’t as though the people they associated with gave a shit what society thought of them.

Daryl had seen plenty of people go feral over the years and when he looked back at Rick, that’s what he saw. He watched Rick loosing control or maybe even handing it off. After seeing Shane loosing it earlier Daryl would have expected that from him but not from Rick.

Daryl ducked in on himself and slowly moved himself aside. He’d seen what happened to people and things that got in the way of someone gone feral before and he wanted no part of it. He was relieved when Rick’s eyes stayed on the kid not them as he moved, taking T-dog with him. Once he was firmly out of Rick’s way felt safe enough to look at the others in the room. T-dog looked confused. Daryl figured he’d never seen what they were seeing to recognize it for what it was. In the movies and on tv they always made it bigger than it usually was. They showed the people who handed themselves over to their instincts as huffing and puffing and damn near foaming at the mouth, sometimes even thrashing about like they were trying to fight off madness. When Daryl looked at the kid it was obvious he recognized what he was seeing. He may have been Cis but he must have spent enough time around their kind to know the signs because while just looked confused with some growing concern, the kid looked rightfully terrified to have a feral omega staring him down with that level of anger. 

And in his fear, he fucked up. He stumbled up out of his chair and tried to put distance between himself and Rick which to a primitive eye…would just look like he was trying to run.

 

A growl rumbled out of Rick as he stalked towards the kid. His terror made the kid clumsy while Rick did not have that problem. The kid tried to run but Rick caught him easily, caught him by the back of the neck and slammed him up into a wall.

T-dog tried to move forward to stop Rick as he’d stopped Daryl but Daryl held him back.

The kid tried to fight, tried to scramble away and likely for him Rick didn’t get violent in return. Rick didn’t lay another hand on the kid. Just leaned in, trapping the kid with his body and snarled right into his ear. The kid froze. From where he was across the room Daryl could smell piss.

The room was tense and everyone still as Rick contained to stand there, holding the kid against the wall. 

A minute passed by before Rick shocked Daryl by speaking. While there was a grumble in his voice, his words were perfectly articulated and measured. Daryl had to give the man credit as Rick had gotten himself under control quicker than Daryl ever seen anyone do it before.

“I owe a debt to the man that was taken. I owe him my life.” Rick stressed that, the burden of it. “I want him back.”

Rick let go of the kid and the kid fell curling up on the floor. Rick followed him down, crouching in front of him.

“I am going to ask you questions and you are going to answer them,” Rick said, a bit of a question in his tone laced a bit of a threat. It was clear bad things would happen if the kid chose not to answer Rick’s question.

Wisely, the kid nodded like a bobble head and what followed was more in line with the interrogation Daryl had bee anticipating. Rick lead, asking his questions and getting his answers while Daryl and T-Dog hung back. They learned all about the little shit and his little friends and where they were hiding out. They learned about the leader, and how they work, and about the old folk they were trying to protect.

When Rick was satisfied he got the kid up and moving. He gave out his orders and they were followed as neither T-dog or Daryl questioned his plan.

They made there way across the city in silence with Daryl in the lead, T-dog at the read, and Rick by the kids side, his presence assuring the kids good behavior.

Rick saw T-Dog to his post while Daryl watched the boy with his new gun in hand, given to him by Rick, from his bag, to supplement his crossbow.

The kid had been silent since Rick had finished with him and hesitant to meet anyone’s eye. Daryl would have given him an extra threat to make sure he behaved and stuck to his part in things but figured it wasn’t necessary after seeing Rick like that so he held his tongue. He didn’t feel much like talking anyway.

When Rick returned they moved on till they reached a broken window led into the remains of the old building beyond where the kid insisted they would find his people. There was no sign of anything the kid had talked about beyond the basic structure and lay out. It seemed all his people were inside.

Rick turned to face the kid and he took an involuntary step back. Rick’s face was calm though. There was no sign of his feral state from before. This was all man rather than beast.

Rick tilted his head down, forcing the kid to meet his eye. “You know what we want, and it isn’t trouble. So you’ll help us see this happens the right way,” Rick said nodding along with the last words, encouraging the kid to agree.

The kid held Rick’s eye and gave a single curt nod.

“Then lets get this done,” Rick said gesturing for the kid to go through first.

The kid relaxed a bit as they moved farther into his turf. Daryl tensed hoping they weren’t walking into a trap.

They weren’t left long before the double set of doors the kid led them to opened and some of the kids boys were waiting to greet them.

Daryl twitched wanting to raise his crossbow. But Rick had been clear that they would be setting the tone for this encounter and they were not to go to go in looking like they were ready for a shoot out. Not after what the kid had told them.

“You okay, little man,” the only one of the guys to leave the protection of the building asked.

The kid nodded. “I’m okay, carnal.” 

He looked back at Rick and Daryl. 

Daryl tensed knowing this would be the moment when they saw if the kid would keep his word.

The kid turned back to the man in front of him. “It was just a misunderstanding. They aren’t looking for trouble. They just want their guy back, G. If you give them their guy, they’ll go,” Miguel said, standing by his word. 

Daryl relaxed only a fraction. 

“Is that so,” the guy, the leader said looking past Miguel and taking his time to give both Rick and Daryl a once over.

Then a familiar face made his way out of the building. According to the kid it was his cousin. His cousin who had one hand clutching his ass with gun drawn in the other. A gun that was aimed at Daryl. Daryl tried to raise his crossbow against the threat but Rick reached out a hand which he used to keep Daryl’s weapon down. Daryl looked at him with disbelief but Rick only raised an eyebrow at him. Daryl huffed and stopped fighting against Rick’s hand, letting his crossbow stay aimed at the ground.

While this had been happening the asshole Daryl had shout in the ally ran his mouth. “Hey, that’s that bato right there, homes. He shot me in the ass with an arrow. What’s up, homes, huh,” he asked still moving forward towards them with that gun drawn.

“Chill, ese, chill. Chill,” the leader said getting his man to lower his weapon same as Rick had, only he never took his eye off of Rick as he did it. The guy was the picture of calm. He barely blinked at his boy’s actions or at having two armed strangers in front of him.

“Is what Miguel says true,” he asked still calm. It grated on Daryl’s nerves. “You’re not looking for trouble? Because jumping a kid, beating on him, shooting a man in the ass, and then rolling up in here armed? That doesn’t seem like the actions of someone who isn’t looking for trouble.”

“Mistakes were made, on bother sides,” Rick said his voice more cool than calm.

‘G’ didn’t seem impressed with that. For the first time a bit of something tried to get out on his face past his mask.

“Is that right.”

Rick took a moment before responding. 

“We have a man missing,” he explained honestly. “A man whose hurt. He’s Daryl’s brother and only pack. When the boy came up on him he asked if he’d seen his brother. Instead of answering, Miguel called out for others. Daryl thought he knew something. Thought he might have done something to his brother. He didn’t stop to think if it was something different. The same as your man didn’t stop to think about what he saw. He saw his little cousin getting jumped instead of seeing Daryl trying to stop him screaming out and bringing the dead down on them.”

“Mistakes were made, on both sides,” Rick reiterated. 

It was completely honest. More honest than Daryl felt they needed to be with strangers but if the kid wasn’t lying than these guys had stepped up to do the right thing while the rest of the world went to hell. They didn’t run away. They stayed to take care of those who couldn’t take care of themselves. Daryl could respect that even if he thought they were doomed to fail. Doomed to fail or not he didn’t want their blood on his hands.

Rick moved forward a step to stand in line with the kid. “We brought Miguel back. Now all we want is our own man and we’ll be on our way. One of yours for one of mine and this is settled.”

Daryl could see before Rick even finished the offer that G was going to reject it.

“This doesn’t sound so easily settled to me,” the guy said.

“G,” Miguel tried then looking at Rick worriedly before looking to his leader again. His voice got a little shaky. “Come on man.”

G ignored his plea focusing on Rick. “My people got attacked. Where’s the compensation for their pain and suffering. More to the point, where’s my bag of guns?”

Rick studied the guy and G studied him back looking like his calm was slipping.

“Are you going to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about,” he asked when Rick kept his silence. “The bag Miguel saw in the street. The bag Felipe and Jorge were going back to get. That bag of guns.”

“…My bag, with my guns,” Rick said slow and measured. He turned and looked up at T-dog in his perch. G followed his gaze. “Are right up there. With my men, where they are going to stay.”

G looked back at Rick. He made a face and dismissively declared, “That bag was in the street. Anybody could come around and say it was theirs. I’m supposed to take your word.”

Daryl didn’t let himself look away from the guys they were facing off against to see how Rick was going to react to that.

“What’s to stop my people from unloading on you right here and now and I take what’s mine,” G threatened.

Daryl couldn’t stop himself. At the threat he raised his crossbow and aimed it at the asshole across from him, feeling the weight of the gun tucked into his pants and thinking it would have been the better option.

“Besides the fact that my man has a rifle trained on you,” Rick asked his voice still controlled to Daryl’s ear.

“G, please,” Miguel tried.

Again G ignored the kid. Instead he smirked. Daryl did not like the look of it on his face. Especially when he looked up and called out to someone.

Daryl followed G’s gaze and his stomach dropped as three bodies appeared at the edge of the roof. Two were obviously some of G’s boys and the third was obviously a prisoner with his hands restrained and a bag over his head.

They walked Glenn to the very edge before pulling the bag off his head so they could see him staring down at them and the long drop before him with clear panic. The thing was that Daryl was pretty sure a drop from that height would kill Glenn, but not quickly. They were threatening to put the kid through a hell of a brutal death, risking their own lives and Miguel in the process, all for what? Some guns? Guns may have been worth more than gold with the way the world had become, but Daryl didn’t get it, not with what Miguel had told them about these guys. Daryl hadn’t a clue if they were playing bad little gangsters or if they meant to follow through on their threats and he didn’t like it.

He looked over to Rick and found the officer’s own calm mask was slipping. As Rick looked up at Glenn, Daryl could see him warring to stay in control of himself, to stay in his right mind and not hand over control to his hindbrain. Daryl couldn’t help but wonder why Glenn would mean enough to Rick for him to keep loosing his hold on himself the way he was. Even Daryl had managed to hold on to himself when they had found Merle’s hand, and that was his brother. Rick had been fine when Daryl had drawn a knife on him so what was it about Glenn? He wasn’t pack. He definitely wasn’t blood. Why would Rick be this effected over loosing this one man, Daryl wondered. It was another thing that day that Daryl just wasn’t getting. It just seemed it wasn’t his day all around.

“G,” Miguel tried only to be plowed over again.

“I see two options,” G told Rick but Rick still only had eyes for Glenn. G didn’t seem to notice Rick’s current struggle but Felipe did if the way he was shifting and looking between Rick and his “baby cousin” was anything to go by.

“You come back with Miguel and my bag of guns… everybody walks. Or you come back locked and loaded and we’ll see which side spills more blood.”

Felipe looked to his leader and it looked as though this wasn’t a decision he was happy with.

G looked up to T-dog. He smirked unimpressed and looked back to Rick, all cool calm confidence again. He tried to walk away, but Rick finally raised his gun. All the Vatos tensed and Daryl didn’t miss the hint of unease come to G’s eyes as he froze.

“You’re the dumbest son of a bitch I’ve ever met,” Rick said with some humor on the top and a lot of anger simmering underneath.

G went to talk but Rick wouldn’t let him.

“You have a building full of people depending on you, young and old a like and this is the call you make? Risking the trouble a fire fight might bring down on you? Risking what kind of retribution our people might bring down on you? Felipe’s you're only medical staff and you’re really willing to risk his life on a power play?”

Daryl could see that those present across from them were not liking what they were hearing from Rick. They looked between him and their leader uneasily.

“Seems like you’ve been doing a lot of talking little man,” G said to Miguel with his eyes still on Rick.

Miguel scrunched back but Rick defended him.

“And a good thing he did or I would have left here and when I came back I would have taken option two.”

Daryl saw G’s face twitch with worry.

“But I do know. So I’m going to present you with option three,” Rick said gun still aimed at G and Daryl’s crossbow still aimed at Filipe.

“…And what is option three,” G asked.

Daryl was curious to find out himself.

“Option three is you take a moment and I tell you about my last couple of days.”

That offer confused Daryl and everyone else all around it seemed.

“I’m sorry,” G asked.

“You’re mad at Miguel for talking so I’m give you a fair trade,” Rick offered like it was the most reasonable thing in the world. “He told us about you so I’m going to tell you about me. Maybe then we’ll all find ourselves with a better understanding of the situation we find ourselves in?”

Rick waited while G considered, the two men studying each other. Eventually G gave a nod of acceptance.

Rick did not lower his gun.

“Three days ago,” Rick said, “I woke up in my home, in my bed. I woke up, I showered, I got dressed, and my wife and I had a fight. We fought but it didn’t change that I needed to see my son off to school and get myself off to work.”

That…confused the hell out of everyone even more than Rick’s offer to tell them about his day. That confusion distracted them enough that all faltered, lowering their weapons a bit, still held at the ready but not properly aimed. He certainly had their attention.

“So I took my son to school and I went to work and it was a normal day. Until we got a call, which we answer. Me and my partner, a man I’ve known my whole life, pack went out to answer that call and while we were doing our duty I was shot. I took one in the vest but the second? The second didn’t get the vest. It got me. I went down and everything got… disjointed. I feel asleep. To me it was only hours but to everyone else, it was months. Months in which the world went to shit.”

Daryl’s eye went wide as he finally understood what Rick was saying.

“I was in a coma. A coma I only woke up out of two days ago.”

Rick paused, letting everyone take that in. His voice became less restrained and more heavy with emotion. His teeth were bared as he said forced out his words. 

“I woke up alone in a hospital that had been ripped apart with no idea what was happening or where my pack was. I ran, I made my way home but there were no answers there. No pack. I thought I was dreaming. I wanted to be. I thought I was in hell. But I wasn’t.”

Rick took a breath to calm himself and focus his eye back on G.

“A man found me, a man and his son, and they gave me hope. They told me that when things went bad people came to Atlanta. Told me I might find my pack there. So I got up. I went into work. I went and collected every gun and round that got left behind and I put them in my bag, a bag that clearly says Sheriff which is how you can know it is mine,” Rick stressed.

G looked a little chastised, like a kid told off in class.

“I collected ever gun there and I left my home behind just on the hope I might be able to find my family, find my pack. As you can imagine I wasn’t prepared at all for this.”

Rick gestured around them, at the world they were in.

“I ran myself right into trouble, completely alone, with no way out. But that man you’re threatening?”

He gestured up at Glenn.

“That man, he took the risk. He didn’t have to but he took the risk, he saved my life, and when I asked him why he said he did it on the hope that if someday he was ever in need of help someone would step up for him. He saved me and when he was done doing that he told me about his people. He offered me a place and when he took me out of the city and back to his camp… there was my pack. Not in the city but so close. So close but I never would have been able to find them. Not on my own.”

Rick shook his head.

“I survived and I found my son, my wife, my partner, my pack because of that man.”

Rick’s face became even more grim.

“But now here we are, and you are threatening the man who allowed all that to happen. You are the threatening the man who not only saved my life but delivered me to my reason for living.”

Rick tilted his head and looked at G down the barrel of his gun.

“How exactly do you think I’m going to take that?”

G didn’t say anything. No one did. No one but Rick.

“…You asked what was to keep you from shooting us up. And I suppose if its how you want this to go down then nothing could stop you. But you should know I have my pack waiting and amongst them is my partner. My partner whose a trained officer as well. My partner, an alpha, who had to watch me be shot, who had to live thinking I was dead. He is not going to be willing to just accept that after we got a miracle I never made it back to them today. He’s not going to be able to accept it anymore than I can just walk away from Glenn.

“If you take us out, he will come. He’ll come and he will wiped you all out. He won’t come to talk to you about it. He won’t show up at your front door. He’ll be smart about it, quiet, because he’ll know he has to get back to our pack and raise my son and protect my wife in my stead. He’ll know I expect that from him, but he’ll need his revenge. He will not let you go on breathing if I’m not. He will not leave the people who killed me to going on living in this world, to be a possible threat to my son, our pack. So if all the other reasons to rethink how you want this to go aren’t enough, consider that.”

G studied Rick all through his speech and Rick did not falter.

Daryl tried to process what Rick had said and instead chose to shove it aside. There were other things they had to focus on. He fixed his sights on Felipe incase this did come to violence.

“…Lower your guns,” G ordered the others. They hesitated but compiled. 

G looked at Rick expectantly but Rick’s gun didn’t move.

“Get my man off the roof,” Rick growled out, patience thin.

G called up to his men in Spanish. Daryl tensed not certain what exactly he had ordered, fearful they were about to see Glenn fly. He waited and watched as Glenn was pulled away from the edge of the roof and let out a sigh of relief.

“Daryl,” Rick asked.

Daryl looked over and realized Rick hadn’t let himself look away from G to see what was happening on the roof.

“They moved him back,” Daryl told him.

“Can I assumed that we’re on the same page now,” Rick asked G.

G pursed his lips but nodded.

Rick lowered his gun and Daryl forced himself to follow Rick’s lead.

“You really are the stupidest son of a bitch I ever met,” Rick said. “Were you looking to make sure we had no choice but to kill ever last one of you? Because giving you the guns to use against us would never have been an option.”

“Which is the same reason I couldn’t leave the guns with you,” G countered. “We don’t know you. We don’t know what you might do to us if you came back later with those guns still in hand. We’ve had others attack. Scavengers of the worst kind coming after the food and the medicine thinking that anyone who was left behind wouldn’t be able to defend themselves. This was about more than my not wanting to spill some blood or getting Miguel back.”

Daryl shifted. He could understand what the guy was saying and he wasn’t sure where it would leave them. Would Rick’s story be enough for the guy to trust they weren’t coming back or would they try something when their backs were turned to leave.

“They aren’t like the Guillermo,” Miguel defended them.

Daryl couldn’t see how the kid would know that given what he’d done to him.

Guillermo still kept his eyes on Rick. “Let’s hope not little man.”

“I just want Glenn,” Rick said. “Then we can part ways. We have other things to be dealing with that aren’t you.”

“Speaking of,” Daryl said, shifting forward because he couldn’t not ask. “The kid said you didn’t. But my brother?”

Guillermo looked over to Filipe.

“You’re the only white boys we saw in the city today,” Filipe said looking sympathetic.

Daryl fought back the feelings that brought forward. “What about last night,” he challenged. 

The men in front of him looked confused.

Rick stepped in. “Daryl’s brother got left behind as we were leaving the city yesterday. There’s a chance he tried heading out on his own then.”

Filipe shook his head.

Guillermo spoke for him. “The boys don’t go out that way often. Only reason they were around was Miguel spotting the bag as they were passing through. Use to be that part of the city was too heavy with walkers to get around but the numbers have been thinning out and we’ve started pushing that way. If my guys didn’t see him this morning, then none of them have seen your brother,” he explained.

Daryl wanted to call him a liar and say he didn’t believe him but he found he couldn’t. He nodded and backed down.

Silence held as they waited for Glenn. When Daryl looked to Rick he could see the officer was thinking about something.

Glenn arrived, free of bag, free of duck tape over his mouth, and his hands untied.

“A fair trade,” Guillermo asked.

Rick nodded. He looked to Miguel and tilted his head towards the boy’s cousin. Miguel was quick to make his way over once permission had been given and Filipe was quick to pull his little cousin into his arms for a hug.

Guillermo nodded to Glenn with the same permission. Glenn moved quickly to take up a position behind Daryl. 

With that their hostages were each back where they belonged and attention focused back on Rick.

“So our business is concluded here,” Guillermo asked.

Daryl was surprised to feel Glenn draw the gun Rick had given him from the back of Daryl’s pants. Daryl went on edge but Glenn didn’t do anything with the gun, just kept it in his hand. Daryl wondered if the kid even realized the safety was on but he respected the kid for arming up instead of just cowering and letting others handle things.

“Maybe not yet,” Rick said his voice considering and putting everyone on alert.

Daryl looked and saw a fever in Rick’s eye. He’d come up with some change to the plan that he obviously liked. Daryl was leery. He’d had bad experiences in the past when it came to others deciding to spontaneously changing plans when things were going right.

“The men you’ve got out here in the front. They’ve got the only guns you’ve got,” Rick guessed allow putting Guillermo on the spot.

The vatos shifted giving the answer away. 

Guillermo nodded.

“But you do have more men who can shoot,” Rick asked.

“Is there a point you’re trying to make,” Guillermo shot back defensively.

But Rick was looking Daryl’s way.

“Daryl,” he asked his gun still down and not looking at all like he was trying to make trouble.

Daryl grunted in acknowledgement not liking that they were going off plan.

“Your brother, is he worth a few guns?”

Daryl didn’t know where Rick was going with this but he nodded anyway because yes, to him Merle would be worth everything, even guns.

“So if we find him, you’ll talk him down. You’ll keep him from being a threat to the group, make him take part to make up the debt,” Rick asked.

Daryl nodded still confused as to where Rick was going with this but knowing he’d do whatever he had to if it meant getting Merle back and keeping them a part of the group. That day had proven to him that despite what Merle had been saying, they would not survive without the group to back them up because the said truth was, while Merle was his brother, his pack, Daryl couldn’t trust him to have his back and if something happened to Daryl then there would be no one to watch out for Merle. 

Daryl nodded again with more conviction. He would make Merle see.

Rick turned back to Guillermo.

“Our man whose missing,” he explained, “he’s injured and he needs to be found but we don’t have a trail to follow which means we’re going to have to search. But our people back at camp, there are supplies they need. We can’t do both at once. Then there is the issue of what to do for Merle when we find him. We don’t have anyone with us who knows medicine.”

Daryl was finally able to see where Rick was going with this. He felt it was risky but for Merle he didn’t have any problem taking the risk.

Rick shrugged. “You have men who can help with the search. You have a man who might be able to fix ours up. You said you hadn’t been able to get to the side of the city where your boys came across us, but Glenn has and he knows of a couple of places with supplies for the taking. He’s scoped them out. He knows how to get in and how to get out and what’s there for the taking. It seems to me that while we may not need each other, we could be of use to one another.”

“… I’m listening,” Guillermo said.

Rick smiled. “The deal is simple. Daryl and I need to be out there looking for Merle. Going alone wouldn’t be safe, but if we have some of your man to help watch our backs we could afford to leave Glenn and out other man free to gather supplies. Something that would go much faster with extra hands. For helping us with the search for Merle I will give you a few guns and some ammo. You help with the supplies and two-thirds of it is yours. I know that may not sound fair but you’re getting a guide who can show you where the supplies are which means less danger for your men and less time wasted. Besides, you’ll have an easier time coming back for what gets left behind today then we will. We also have our eye on some trucks near by. Trucks with fuel and parts your boys could probably use as much as we could. Neither of us have gotten what we wanted out of today. So why don’t we help each other make something of it,” Rick asked.

He stepped forward and held a hand out to Guillermo. “What do you say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m sorry this chapter isn’t the best but it actually turned out better than I thought it would when I went back through it? 
> 
> I was originally enthusiastic about it and looking forward to it but with where me head is at, once I got working I just wanted it done so I could move on. :( There was originally suppose to be more to it but in the end I decided to just end it where I did and not show the rest of the Atlanta trip.
> 
> I tried to do a thing with Daryl’s perspective where he tries to distance himself from people by not using their names. It’s only when they really prove themselves or he slips in keeping up boundaries that their names come out. That’s why Glenn’s the kid till things go wrong and why Rick’s the officer until he takes Daryl’s side without needing to asked what was happening, and why Miguel was “the kid” until he kept his word and told Guillermo not to escalate things. Guillermo is G until he explains why getting the guns meant so much and Felipe is a guy until he shows care for his cousin. I’m not sure if it worked or not? So please let me know your opinion for the future when I use Daryl’s perspective again.
> 
> I know Daryl isn’t as combative in this as in canon. Part of that is actually knowing why his brother was cuffed. He’s got experience with Merle when he’s high. He knows how his brother can be and he can’t deny that in that state his brother could have behaved recklessly enough to have put them all in danger. Part of it is that he didn’t have to see anyone be convinced to come along or shoot down the idea. All he saw was the camp supporting them going after Merle. Also Rick stood in his corner against a pack mate and that means something in this world.
> 
> Also I don’t know if anyone noticed but Rick bluffs a couple of times with G about his numbers. He says “men” when referring to T-dog, and sort of implies his pack is more than just Shane, Lori, and Carl. That was on purpose not typos.


	8. Fish Fry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think if you are part of this fandom you remember what happened next in canon so you can probably guess what’s about to happen by the title of the chapter.  
> Along with the big stuff we’ll also get some Glenn backstory, some character building for Dale, and we see some of our the first big consequences of things diverging from canon which are just going to cause even bigger divergences later on.

Dale could hear someone going around in his RV but couldn’t get a look at them through the windows. He worried it was Ed come looking for his gun and approached the door with caution. He scented the air while he was still out of sight of whomever was inside and relaxed as the smell of himself and the girls and the smell of the RV came into his noise. It was a mix that he was quickly coming to associate with pack and the scent he was getting then was free of Ed and all the others of camp.

He stepped up into the RV to find Andrea searching through his cabinets and drawers. “Wrapping paper, color tissue, anything,” she asked before he could wonder what it was she was looking for.

“Serious,” Dale ask nonplus, setting his gun aside as there was no threat to deal with for the moment.

Andrea continued her search. “How can you not have any?”

“Had I been informed of the impending apocalypse, I’d have stalked up,” Dale said still confused as to why Andrea might need such a thing.

Andrea stopped in her search to really talk to him. 

“It’s Amy’s birthday tomorrow. I’ve been marking days on the calendar just to make sure,” Andrea said presenting him with a bit of jewelry. Dale put his glasses on and took the necklace from Andrea to examine it. He ran his finger gently over the mermaid pendant and the delicate gold chain.

“You don’t give a gift unwrapped,” Andrea explained.

Dale had to smile.

It had been years since he had cause to celebrate a birthday. Since his wife’s passing he had used his own as a time for reflection. With the world the way it was life had become more precious than ever and celebrating it seemed just the thing, especially as the life they were celebrating was Amy’s.

“Deep breath,” Dale told Andrea returning the necklace. He covered her hands in his enjoying the contact. It had been such a long time since Dale felt comfortable touching anyone, in letting their scent on him. After his wife he just couldn’t bare that it wasn’t her.

“I’m sure I’ll find something here,” he promised Andrea and went in search.

Dale went into the back of the trailer and had a think. “Gift wrap or tissue paper huh,” he asked looking back at Andrea. She gave him a small smile.

Dale looked around his trailer. He wasn’t sure he actually had anything like what Andrea was looking for but after giving it a think his mind turned to the jewelry box of his wife’s things he kept stored away. He hadn’t let himself look at it in some time, not since he had stopped smelling of her, but this image of it was clear in his mind all the same.

Carefully he retrieved the box where he kept it tucked in amongst his clothes. It was a small thing. His wife’s jewelry collection had always been modest. He picked up the lid and put it aside. On top was her wedding ring and besides it was the gold chain. Together they were the only pieces his wife wore regularly, almost every day of their married life in fact. There were a few other pieces in the box, presents from people who didn’t know her well enough to understand she’d never wear them. Dale carefully took out each piece and the ring box she kept her earrings in until there was nothing left but the red tissue paper his wife had used to line the bottom of the box. Dale took a breath, and let himself focus on the good memories instead of his grief. He then carefully removed the tissue paper and reluctantly put the box down besides its contents

He put on a smile for Andrea and turned back to her with the square of folded tissue paper in the air. “Success,” he proclaimed. For Dale, the dazzling smile he got in return made it worth dragging up that old pain and giving away something of his wife’s.

Andrea kissed him on the cheek as she took the paper. “Thank you Dale,” she told him as Dale continued to smile back. Dale watched as she wrapped the necklace and stored it away in her pocket.

“Thank you,” Andrea said again.

Dale kept on smiling at her. “You girls deserve some happiness,” he told her meaning it full heart and soul.

Andrea’s smile shifted becoming a bit uncomfortable. “I’ll see you at dinner,” she told him before heading out of the RV.

Dale kept his smile in place until she was gone.

He sighed. His wife’s things still needed dealing with. He could feel their presence like a specter at his back. He made his way back to them, holding off another sigh.

He was just as careful in putting everything away as he had been in removing them. It hurt to see them changed, to see everything in its place on a only bare wood instead of the familiar red. When he picked up her box of earrings Dale couldn’t stop himself from looking inside. The collection was evenly split between pierced and screw on. The screw on his wife had inherited from her mother but the pierced were her own. His wife had never really cared for earrings however preferring to only wear them on special occasions.

Dale found his eye drawn to a small pair of gold studs shaped like star fish. He was certain they had been a gift because he could never remember his wife having worn them. He wondered if they might be something Amy would like to go along with her necklace. Once upon a time the thought of giving something of his wife’s to someone else to see them use and wear would have been unthinkable, but when Dale thought of Amy wearing them he couldn’t help but smile. He decided he would give them to Amy and when the time was right give another pair to Andrea. For the night he would keep them in the box, keep them safe until the time came to actually give them to Amy came.

He finished putting away his wife’s things then headed back out to into the camp.

He looked up on top o the RV where Shane and Carl were keeping watch.

“Anything,” Dale called up to them.

Carl looked down and shook his head, his face long with worry. Shane ran a comforting hand through the boys hair and met Dale’s eye over him as Carl turned to lean into Shane’s side. Dale could see the preemptive grief in the other man’s eyes. He looked out at the empty road leading in to the quarry and told himself there was still time.

He left boy and man to their watch and went to join the others in setting things up for dinner, a proper fish fry thanks to Amy and Andrea.

Carol was sitting off to the side keeping Sophia close to her side, eyes straying off in the direction of their old tent where Ed had been hiding out since he’d returned to camp.

Carol noticed Dale looking at her. He gave her a smile but she could only return it for a second before looking away.

Lori didn’t appear to be doing much better with one eye on top of the RV and the other on the road.

Morales broke the tension trying to make conversation about the fire pits and building up the rocks.

“Excuse me,” Lori said leaving them to head towards the RV.

The two man exchanged a look.

“Do you think they’ll make it back,” Morale’s asked him.

Dale looked off at the family, the pack on top of his RV that had gathered together as they waited for the piece that would make them whole.

“We can only hope,” Dale said.

And their hope dared fruit. It seemed to Dale that Rick Grimes was a man of miracles for as the sun was setting, they could hear Carl cry out. “It’s them! It’s them!”

Dale along with most of the others rushed over towards the edge of the quarry.

“It’s not the same truck,” Shane declared looking through the binoculars, “but its looks like it must have come from the same site.”

Carl was full of happiness as he rushed down off the RV but Shane and Lori couldn’t let themselves be so certain just yet. They exchanged a look, both knowing there was a chance Rick wasn’t with in that truck, that Rick had gotten left behind like Merle or worse.

“Mom, Shane, are you coming,” Carl called up to them just as eager.

Lori looked away and headed for the ladder after Carl. Shane looked at the truck that was heading there way before following.

When he’d caught up to the pair of them he scooped Carl up, putting him on his hip to keep him from running off. Lori came in on that side wrapping one arm around Shane’s waist while she pressed her face into Carl’s back keeping an eye on the road. 

Carl brought an arm up around his mother. “He’s okay,” the boy told them with certainty. “He’s back.”

Shane didn’t say anything. He placed a kiss on the boys head and kept an eye on the truck.

The truck grew close enough for Shane to mark the figures inside. He nearly sobbed in relief. He could recognize the familiar form of Rick behind the wheel in uniform, hat and all. Shane’s whole body sagged and got a bit weak with the euphoria of knowing Rick was alright and back with them.

Shane’s face was consumed by a smile. Rick could see it from his place in the truck. He tried to be equally happy but he found he couldn’t. His family was in front of him. It was a beautiful picture but he couldn’t see a place where he belonged in it. He couldn’t see a gap he was meant to be filling. They all looked so perfect together, like something unattainable he wasn’t meant to have. He wondered if he’d ever looked so right with Carl in his arms and Lori by his side. He tried to tell himself he had. He called to mind pictures that had been taken of the three of them together but when he tried to call them to mind he just saw Shane in his place and a new baby in the picture. One with Lori’s hair and Shane’s eyes.

Rick did his best to push those insecurities to the side as he pulled the truck to a stop behind the other vehicles. Daryl was next to him in the front seat with T-Dog and Glenn packed in behind them with all the supplies they’d gathered.

Daryl hadn’t said much since they’d given up the search for Merle. While Rick had wanted to push on, for Daryl if nothing else, they had simply run out of time. They had to leave the city if they didn’t want to be trapped out on the road after dark which was something the others insisted they didn’t want to have happen. Daryl hadn’t actually fought them on the decision. They’d searched all the surrounding buildings and most of the streets even farther out but they didn’t have a trail to continue on the search. While did find some dead bodies but nothing that could lead them to Merle.

Rick had told Daryl he was sorry they couldn’t do more but Daryl had admitted that it was probably more than anyone else would have done. 

“Is there anything we can do for you,” Rick asked looking away from his pack to face Daryl who was glaring off at the camp ahead.

“Yeah, you can all leave me the hell alone,” he declared, grabbing his crossbow and storming out of the truck.

Rick looked into the back at the others and saw what he was seeing reflected in their faces. He felt bad for Daryl but couldn’t find too much disappointment in himself that they weren’t bringing Merle back to camp with them. Daryl might have promised that he could make Merle okay with things but Rick had trouble believing that Merle would have been able to let things go.

Rick looked past the men to take in all the supplies they had brought back and felt slightly better. They had really packed everything in leaving only enough room for T-Dog and Glenn. They had thought about bringing another vehicle but decided it was safer if they traveled together.

They hadn’t gotten as much food as Rick would have liked but they’d picked up plenty of other supplies. 

Carl and Shane were waiting for Rick at his door when he turned back around.

Shane got a look at Rick’s face and his own smile faltered as he opened the door.

Carl didn’t wait for Rick to get out of the cab. He climbed right up onto Rick’s lap and clamped his arms around his father. Rick felt as though he was claiming something he didn’t deserve as he wrapped his son up in a hug and buried his face in Carl’s shoulder. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to take a moment to experience having his son in his arms. But when he breathed in Carl’s scent he couldn’t help but notice he didn’t smell of pack the way Rick was expecting. After the night before Rick had expected Carl to smell of the pack but Carl mostly smelled of himself and Rick didn’t understand why.

A hand cupped the back of Rick’s head and scratched at his scalp. He didn’t have to look to know it was Shane.

“No Merle,” Shane asked letting his hand settle in to cup the back of Rick’s neck.

Rick pulled his face up to look at Shane but kept it pressed into Carl’s hair.

“He was gone when we got there,” he explained giving Shane a look that told him not to ask and letting his eyes flicker to Carl as an explanation as to why. Rick could see Shane’s curiosity but he looked to Carl as well and nodded in acceptance that the answers weren’t coming for the moment.

“At least all of ya made it back,” Shane said clearly relieved.

Rick nodded distractedly as he thought about the promise Shane had made Rick give him before leaving for Atlanta. He couldn’t help but wonder if Shane would have been all right with things however they turned out as long as Rick had made it back.

“Well, dinner’s almost ready,” Shane said. “You can tell us all about your adventure while we eat.”

Rick nodded. “We were able to get some things while we were out. We should see what we can get out to add to tonights meal,” he said.

Shane looked surprised and Rick felt satisfied that he was providing, that he had impressed Shane. What they had managed to get wouldn’t last them long, maybe a week or so Rick assumed, but that was still a week where no one would go hungry.

“What did you get,” Carl asked looking eagerly into the back.

“Wow,” the boy imparted as he took in the crowded back with it’s collection of boxes and things behind them. Shane tried to get a look but couldn’t see much from where he stood outside the truck.

“Come on,” Rick said petting Carl’s hair back. “I’ll show you.”

He was swinging his legs around to get out of the truck when Shane reached out to take Carl from him. Taking his son and set him down on the ground. As Carl ran off to the back of the truck Rick resisted the urge to snap at Shane for taking his son from him. Instead he watched Lori smile at him before heading after Carl. Once his son was no longer in view Rick grabbed the bag of guns, slinging it onto his back, and then grabbed a second smaller bag.

Shane looked relieved to see the guns and curious as to what else Rick had found but didn’t ask as they headed around to the back of the truck.

Lori and Carl where their, part of a crowed that had gathered there. Glen and T-dog had apparently they had been waiting on Rick because once he was on sight they pushed open the back of the truck to reveal their haul. There were excited murmurs all around.

“Tampons!” Amy exclaimed excitedly spotting the boxes stacked on top of the pill. She looked momentarily embarrassed as she realized how loud she had been but then turned defiant under the attention.

“No one mentioned it this morning but I figured we could always use more for our supplies.”

Rick was used to being the one to think of such things. When Rick had swept some of the buildings the were searching he’d made a point of keeping an eye out. Considering it was her body and not Rick’s Lori was always forgetting to keep track of what she was going to need until she was down to her last. Filipe and his people hadn’t needed any of those particular supplies back at their base so they’d allowed them to take it all without a problem. Seeing Glenn and T-dog shift uncomfortably as things were loading up had amused Rick greatly and reminded him of Shane when he made those trips with Rick in the early days of Rick’s marriage. Shane had gotten over it with time and Rick assumed everyone else would to now that it was a part of life that couldn’t be hidden away entirely.

Andrea brought an arm around her sister smiling at T-dog and Glenn’s obvious embarrassment which had returned at Amy’s excited declaration. “Every girls dream,” she said.

Glenn played at with his hat as he tried to change the subject. “We got a lot of other stuff too.”

“Yeah,” T-dog agreed, hauling out a box of spam. “Tonight, we feast.”

“Already have a feast cooking,” Dale spoke up before T-dog could go unloading too much. “But that just means we can save yours for another day.”

Glenn and T-dog looked surprised and Rick confused. “Feast,” he asked seeing Dale beam at Amy and Andrea with pride while they smiled with satisfaction.

Shane threw an arm over Rick’s shoulder. “Tonight my friend we are having ourselves a fish fry.”

Before Rick could ask where the fish had come from Carl was telling him excitedly about Andrea and Amy knowing how to fish and how much they had caught and how they had promised to teach him. He then went on to tell Rick all about cleaning the fish with Shane and how it had been gross but cool. Rick tried not to resent the women for what they’d done. A part of him felt undercut that they would be putting food on his family’s table rather than himself, but he told himself that what he had brought back was food for another day, that there providing didn’t take away from his own offerings.

“Do you think Daryl would teach me how to do it with a squirrel,” Carl asked considering.

Rick pet back Carl’s hair again. “I think you’ll have to wait some days to ask,” he said his tone filled with sympathy for the other man.

Carl nodded in understanding knowing loss himself even if he’d gotten his father back.

“Well if fish is for dinner at least we bought desert,” T-dog said. People looked to him expectantly.

When Carl looked at him with big questioning eyes Rick lowered the bag in his hand and held it out for his son’s inspection. Carl looked inside. “Chocolate,” he exclaimed.

“Chocolate,” Rick agreed.

“And not the cheap stuff either,” T-dog added. That had people looking to Rick expectantly. He reached in and pulled out some of the bars they had found, holding them up for display.

“Now that’s really every girls dream,” Andrea added laughing when she noticed how intently Amy was looking at the bag. Amy gave Andrea a shove.

People started to disperse and chatter.

“Come on,” Shane said to Rick. “Let’s go get you washed up.”

Rick shook his head. “I’m good,” he insisted. “I might go take a nap before dinner,” he added wanting some time alone where he didn’t have to engage with others. Only then he thought about the tent and the smell that was waiting for him and regretted that suggestion.

When he came out of his head he noticed the looks Carl and Shane were giving him. Rick’s face scrunched up self consciously in response.

Shane was looking at him disbelieving. “Man, I didn’t think it was possible to get numb to the smell of it but you must if you don’t realize.”

When Rick continued to look confused Shane explain.

“You reek of the dead, Rick.”

“I didn’t even get close to any of them,” Rick explained confused.

Shane shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Just being in the city, being around them. It clings to you. It’s going to have the rest of us on edge all night if we don’t get it washed off.”

“Beside,” Shane said reaching out to brush the back of his fingers down Rick’s cheek over the stumble of growth that had come in there. “You’ve got a days worth of this prickly shit to deal with.”

Rick swatted Shane’s hand away with sigh. “I’ll take care of it,” he promised speaking of both the shave and the scent. He thought at least it would give him some time away from the tent and the others.

Shane was watching him. “We all figured we’d go down for a wash together once you got back.”

“From the smell of it you already did,” Rick said noting that Shane’s scent carried the same muted essence of pack as Carl. “No point in you washing twice.”

“We went frog hunting,” Carl explained.

“Frog hunting,” Rick repeated incredulously.

Carl nodded. A he pulled Rick off towards the jeep with Lori and Shane following behind he told Rick all about frog fishing and the laundry and Ed. Rick wasn’t happy with what he was hearing.

“And you think he’s going to accept this,” Rick asked looking at Shane.

“He’s just going to have to,” Shane said faux casually but Rick could hear the threat in it. 

Rick nodded in understanding to what Shane wasn’t saying.

A situation like they found themselves in was exactly what he’d been leery of when thinking of bringing Merle being back at camp and had been a point both Shane and Lori argued against going to get Merle. Living with a ticking time bomb wasn’t something Rick relished.

When they got down to the water Rick looked around for signs of the violent altercation he’d been told about but what evidence that remained was lost to Rick’s eye in the dying light.

Rick watched Shane strip as Carl ran the basket full of supplies to the waters edge. When he turned away he saw Lori was changing into a loose oversized shirt using the jeep to help shield her from view of those up at camp. Rick was surprised after the day before to see that Lori intended to join them.

“You all really don’t have to come in with me,” Rick said.

“It’s bonding time,” Lori said with conviction coming over to his side. Rick thought about pointing out that it hadn’t stopped her from sitting out the day before but thought better of it.

Lori hesitated at his side before putting a hand on his chest. She looked at him and smiled, looking shy and uncertain. Rick wasn’t used to Lori looking that way and especially at him. Not since the very early days when they first started being intimate with each other.

“Are you coming,” Carl called out from the water having left his clothes in a pile on the shore.

Rick looked away from Lori and nodded to Carl.

Lori gave him the space he needed to strip himself down. Rick stripped everything but his undershirt and boxers on before heading went into the water. When Shane looked at him questioning, Rick shrugged and said that they were going to be wash the shirt anyway.

When Shane brought up Rick’s wound and tried to take a look Rick wouldn’t let him insisting he could do it himself.

The easy energy that had been between them the day before was absent. There was much less focus on fun and bonding and more on just getting it done. While the adults remained silent Carl told Rick some more about his day.

They were almost finished when Rick noticed a figure making his way down to them with a hand up to block the water from view. Rick smiled in amusement at Glenn.

“Incoming,” he announced so the other’s wouldn’t be surprised.

Lori’s head snapped to attention and started to look around. Once she noticed Glenn Rick watched unhappily as she moved behind Shane to block herself from view.

Glenn almost walked into the jeep in his effort not to spot anything he shouldn’t.

“Glenn,” Rick called out in warning.

Glenn turned his head to look without thinking, but turned right into his hand so everything stayed out of view.

“Ah, hi,” he called out.

Shane shifted in front of Lori. “You need something man,” he called back sounding a bit abrasive.

“Um, yeah, its just, well we’re loosing the light and I smell like walker?”

Rick chuckled. “Just give us a minute Glenn. Then its all yours.”

Glenn nodded and turned so his back was to the water.

Rick was nearly done anyway so he finished quickly and headed in.

When he looked back he could see Lori looking between Glenn and back up at camp unwilling to leave the water.

Rick walked up to the basket and collected a towel which he unfolded and held out as a shield for Lori to walk into. 

“Glenn,” Rick called startling the other man. “Lori’s coming out now. Once she does you can go in but could you keep your back to shore?”

Glenn nodded vigorously. “Yeah. Yeah I can do that.”

Lori eyed Glenn the entire time as she left, wrapped tightly in her towel, and ran up for the jeep.

Rick followed after and went to Glenn’s side.

His hand fell on Glenn’s shoulder good naturally. It was only there for a moment. He completely missed the looked of surprise from Glenn and Shane and Carl for the move having not realized what he did, nor the implication of it.

“You’re all good now,” Rick promised Glenn as he took his hand away.

Glenn was frozen.

“Right,” he managed to get out almost stammering and having to clear his throat. He was unable to believe that Rick had initiated contact with him.

Rick nodded and set about changing paying Glenn little mind.

Glenn cut a look to Shane without thinking, wanting to see how the alpha was reacting to a member of his pack literally reaching out to Glenn. He wanted to know if this was an unthinking mistake or the first act for overtures to invite Glenn to join their pack. Glenn’s heart was beating painfully with hope that finally, maybe a pack he would want to be a part of might want him back.

Unfortunately when he looked to Shane he caught a brief glance of Lori striping out of her shirt and had to look away quickly. The small glimpse of Shane’s face he had gotten didn’t tell him much. He thought Shane looked anger but Glenn felt Shane looked angry a most of the time if you didn’t really take the time to study his face.

Glenn rushed for the water choosing to ignore Rick’s touching him for the moment.

He’d already ditched his shoes by the jeep but the rest of what he was wearing still needed to be taken off. He was down to his boxers when he realized he’s left his soap back at the jeep.

“Um,” he called out. He was going to ask for it when the bar sailed past him to thunk in the water. He felt himself flush with both embarrassment and a bit of resentment.

“Feel free to use any of our things if you need it,” Rick offered kindly from the jeep and Glenn assumed it was either Shane or Lori who had thrown his soap and thought to remember that for later.

Glenn nodded jerkingly and gathered his clothes to bring them into the water with him.

He could hear the pack behind him talking at the jeep but he couldn’t make out the words. He had been hoping they would be willing to wait and give him a lift back up to camp as the quarry was well and truly dark by that point but he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

Glenn,” Rick called out again sounding exasperated.

Glenn tensed, positive he was about to hear that they were abandoning him to head back to camp.

“Do you mind sharing the water so I can shave? Lori and Shane are pretty insistent on it.”

Glenn relaxed. “Sure,” he called back feeling weird about not looking at someone while responding to them.

He could hear some more talk and then what he assumed was Rick coming to the water. There was light coming out onto the water where there hadn’t been before.

“It’s safe to turn around now,” Rick said at a more conversational volume.

Glenn hesitated but then did just that. He could see Lori, Carl, and Shane heading up back to camp with a flashlight. Another flashlight was sitting on the hood of the jeep, lighting the water where he stood and Rick was shaving.

Feeling more confident Glenn moved further in towards shore.

He cleared his throat before trying to make conversation with Rick.

“So, today was good… except for Merle,” Glenn said trying to get things started.

Rick looked at him disbelievingly and Glenn tried not to wilt. “I’m surprised to hear you say that considering…”

Glenn continued to try not to wilt.

“You were kidnapped,” Rick said.

Glenn shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad,” he said trying to play it off. “It’s not like there haven’t been close called before. The cities not a safe place these days. Not that anywhere really is.”

“…What kind of close calls,” Rick asked, calm but with an undercurrent Glenn didn’t know him well enough to read from voice alone. Glenn could feel Rick focused on him but didn’t look to see what Rick’s face might have to say.

Glenn shrugged. “Well walkers, obviously but usually I just have to run faster to get out of that kind of trouble… Had some trouble with of the buildings I went into. The bombings and the fire did damage but sometimes its been hard to tell what’s safe and was isn’t but the buildings near where they dropped the bombs tend to be less picked over.”

Rick didn’t say anything to that and eventually Glenn forced himself to look up just enough to look. He tried to be discreet however and kept his head down while he continued to wash his arms that he’d already been washing for several minutes.

But once he caught Rick’s eye he found he couldn’t look away. His head raised to better give Rick his focus and his washing came to a stop.

“Thank you,” Rick said, everything about him screaming with sincerity for the statement. “Thank you for taking those risks to keep this camp going.”

Glenn swallowed. He’d gotten a lot of thanks and “good jobs” from people in camp for the supplies he brought back from the city but those thanks were always focused on the stuff, not on the risked he had taken to get them. None of their thanks had ever been so heavy with gratitude, like Glenn had done something so important, like it was life or death the way Rick was treating it in that moment. Intellectually Glenn knew that it was a matter of life and death, both for the risk to himself and what would happen at camp without the supplies but once he was back it never felt as though he had done anything so dangerous. It was a risk but Glenn was fast on his feet and everything had always been okay before so it never felt so bad. It felt good to get something like praise even if he didn’t feel it was so deserved.

Glenn realized he was standing their like a dope and quickly moved to nod in acknowledgment of Rick’s words. 

“At least there shouldn’t we shouldn’t need to make another run for a while,” Glenn said trying to move them along to other things.

He watched Rick’s eyes squint and go a bit distant with thought. It was hard for Glenn to read his face with the shadows cast from the flashlight.

“How long do you think those supplies will last us,” Rick asked still thinking hard.

Glenn ran a hand over his head. “Well it isn’t like we’ll use everything up right away. Some of it will last us but things like the food? That always runs out quicker than it should expect. People just…forget that its limited when we’ve got it. It’s only when we get low that rationing starts up again.”

Rick nodded. “We’re going to have to fix that.” 

Glenn shrugged. “It’s hard to tell the kids they can’t have a second helping or someone like Ed, he isn’t entitled to take what he wants.”

Rick shook his head. “I think Ed’s going to be learning quick that he isn’t just going to get what he wants in this camp anymore.”

Glenn’s brow scrunched up. “What do you mean?”

Glenn got distracted from what he was actually meant to be doing as Rick told him about what had happened that day while they were away, or at least what he knew of it. It was only when he started to shiver that Glenn remembered he was practically naked in the water. He was quick to finish up after that as Rick finished up his story and started talking about supplies and plans for the camp with Glenn.

As they both got dressed Rick seemed happy to go on talking to Glenn and making conversation. Glenn was eager for the attention, asking questions and prompting Rick to keep things going just a little bit longer. He knew the rest of Rick’s pack and dinner were waiting for them back at camp but he wasn’t willing to let go of some one on one time with someone who could possibly be a potential pack mate.

Glenn thought himself pathetic and desperate for thinking of Rick and the others that way but he couldn’t help it. As a kid, everyone else dreamed of being superheroes, or astronauts, and later a success in their careers, in getting a partner or having kids. For Glenn the dream had always been to have a pack.

It wasn’t that he didn’t have a family. He grew up in a good family. His parents never beat them and they never went hungry or without the basic necessities but Glenn was always left wanting. He had omega relatives on both his mother and fathers side but he had never met them. Everyone in his immediate family was cis. His father was cis, his mother was cis, and all his sisters were cis. While he believed his family did love him, he never really felt it. Not one of them was big on touch or expressing emotion and affection in the ways that Glenn needed as an Omega. The issues Glenn developed over time were only made worse by how competitive his sisters were. 

There were some stereotypes that had a base in reality. Glenn’s parents had lived up to several stereotypes about asian parents. They pushed all their children to do their best and to succeed. All his sisters found their own talents and the areas in with they could thrive but Glenn never did. He didn’t do poorly in school but he never stood out as exceptional in any of his classes and he never found a talent in any of the extracurriculars either. By the time Glenn was ready to leave home his confidence had suffered greatly. He never felt like he really belonged and part of him said that was because he wasn’t good enough. He decided to get a fresh start somewhere new, applying only to colleges out of state. He was so ready for that fresh start but unfortunately when he moved to Atlanta he had brought all his old baggage with him.

Glenn tried hard to let things happen naturally, to meet people and make friends and find a pack an organic way. And it worked… to a point. Glenn made friends but they were all cis and none really understood Omegas/Alphas well enough to serve as pack. None of the packs or unattached Omegas/Alphas he met showed any interest in getting to know him and giving him a chance as a potential pack mate. In the end Glenn had resorted to social networking to find himself a pack. He joined a few apps and went to a few events designed to help people to find packs and packs to find new people. After a month of a few meetings with potential but no real success Glenn quickly went to from trying to restrain himself to bellyflopping into the deep end. He got all the apps and starting jumping at every opportunity he had that might possibly help him find a pack. He became desperate and he quickly fell into a cycle that just made everything worse.

The less success he had the more desperate he became. The more desperate he became the more the lack of success hurt. The more he hurt the more his confidence suffered. The more his confidence suffered the harder it became to have anything like success both in his pursuit for a pack and his efforts in everything else. The more he continued to fail, the more desperate he became.

It was at a social designed to introduce unattached Alphas and Omegas to established packs that Glenn overheard a pack talking about him. He had really like them and tried it best to make a good impression. He knew he shouldn’t listen but he couldn’t help but stick around. It was all his worst fears about himself being said allowed by other people. They commented on how desperate he was, how it was almost pathetic. They commented on his race. They remarked on his prospects. They asked what he could even bring to a pack. It just went on and on until they were distracted and moved on.

Glenn left the event feeling cut open and carved out for display. He never really recovered from the experience. 

His depression only got worse. His grades tanked. But he couldn’t stop himself from using the apps and still going to events. He couldn’t let himself stop trying.

By the end of the school year he had no choice but to drop out.

Becoming a drop out did nothing to help Glenn’s self esteem or his desperation.

Things dragged on like that for a year before finally Glenn told himself ‘enough’. He made himself stop focusing on finding a pack and start focusing on himself. He told himself he couldn’t be a part of a pack until he was someone he himself liked. So he’d starting working to build himself up and to pull himself out of the ditch he’d dug for himself. He deleted all the apps. He stopped going to any of the socials. He focused on himself and making enough money to keep a roof over his head and food on the table.

After a lot of hard work he’d gotten himself to a place where he was okay. He wasn’t great but he was okay. He had been thinking about trying for another move, a real fresh start where he would actually leave his baggage behind. He’d been considering it more and more seriously. His lease was going to be up for renewal in a few weeks time and he was looking at the cost of apartments in other cities rather than signing it. It was around that time that the news reports started showing up. By the time it came for his lease to be renewed no one cared about leases anymore. The world ending hadn’t been the new start Glenn had imagined but things had definitely changed for Glenn far more than they would have from a simple move.

Being at the camp was… painful at times. With so many Alphas and Omegas around Glenn couldn’t help but hope he’d find a pack. He’d tried reaching out to Dale in the beginning as they were the only two unattached. While Dale was kind about it, he rejected all of Glenn’s overtures plainly and had eventually ask Glenn to stop trying. He’d told Glenn about his wife and how she was all the pack he would ever want. He’d apologized to Glenn and… Glenn had been able to take it. It seemed to him that Dale really meant what he said so Glenn didn’t take it as hard as he had taken rejections of the past, but then as the weeks went on and Glenn had to watch as Dale connected with and reach out to Andrea and Amy. All he could think was “why not me” and the familiar desperation started to push up. It didn’t help that Andrea and Amy were cis and didn’t seem to want what Dale was offering. Dale wanted to give them everything that Glenn had ever wanted but they didn’t want it and that messed with Glenn’s head even more as along with the desperation a new resentment grew.

Seeing the packs in camp was almost worse.

Glenn hated Ed and what he made his pack into. Glenn just wanted the man to disappear so Carol and Sophia could be free of him and could find something good, with each other… and as much as he hated himself for it, he thought maybe he could be a part of their new start as well. He felt sympathy for both mother and daughter and he was angry at himself for it every time he caught himself thinking ‘I understand’ or ‘they’re like me’. He’d berate himself every time he realized that was where his mind had gone. ‘No,’ he would tell himself, ‘you don’t understand. You were never abused like they were. You had it so much better then them.’

Glenn hadn’t concisely chosen to, but for his own sanity he had taken to avoiding the Peletiers.

Daryl and Merle were a problem as well. Learning that they weren’t only pack but family made Glenn think of his own family and that always led him back to the fact that when the world went to hell he wasn’t just in another state but hadn’t talked to any of his own family since his birthday months before. In the early days when things had first started falling apart he’d called and called and called but never heard back from any of them. Each time he thought about it a new wave over depression would come from having to hope that they all weren’t dead, but had just not cared enough to call.

 

The brothers attitude towards him didn’t help either. Daryl didn’t say much to or about him but Merle definitely did and none of what he had to say was civil let along kind. Some of it was ridiculous and racist and easy for Glenn to dismiss but much of it was too close to Glenn’s own thoughts for him to reject.

Then there had been Shane, Lori, and Carl. Their grief had almost made Glenn grateful not to have pack, to not have to hurt like that. Even when they were happy and sociable it was clear something was missing, that something wasn’t right. Glenn had watched them try to heal and all he could do was try to help as he could. He hadn’t let himself hope that they would want him. He couldn’t see anyone opening themselves up for more pain when they already were suffering.

But now that pain was gone.

Glenn hadn’t been able to believe Rick wasn’t willing to leave his pack to go back in the city for Merle. He could respect him wanting to fix a mistake and for caring about a man’s life but he had a pack, a pack that had been grieving for him. Glenn was insulted on their behave the Rick was willing to leave for a stranger and risk what might happen when he did.

But things had worked out and time in the city had allowed Glenn to let go of those feelings.

Rick was an easy man to come to like and Glenn had found respect for him when he’d gotten them out of the city. That respect had only ground after what had happened that day.

It seemed to Glenn that Rick respected him as well. He seemed to care, to want to get to know him. That wasn’t something Glenn was used to and he couldn’t help to hope what it could mean. 

Rick and his pack were exactly the kind of pack Glenn had always wanted. The kind where saying pack and family were interchangeable. The kind of pack where everyone was close and supported each other. The kind of pack where you were always a part of the greater whole and the greater whole was always there for you. Glenn wanted it so badly and it looked like for once it might not be foolish to hope so though the hope hurt, he couldn’t help himself.

Rick had finally noticed how much time had passed and sighed, saying they should head back to camp. Glenn nodded a bit disappointed but accepted it. He told himself there would be time and opportunity to talk to Rick later.

They had loaded everything up and getting in the jeep to head for camp when the a scream filled the night quickly followed by more of the same and then gunfire ringing out.

Rick didn’t even have time to fight what was happening as instinct took over.

He’d said it to Daryl after all. The more often someone gave in the more automatic it became that in times of stress they would surrender to instinct. Since waking up Rick had been fighting his hindbrain very little and instead relying on it over and over again.

Fear ceased to exist for Rick. Panic vanished as well. There was only one thing that mattered to in that moment and it getting to Carl. Lori, Shane, himself, and everyone else, none of them matter in that moment the way Carl did. He had a son, a child in his pack and what mattered was finding Carl. Once he found Carl then he could focus on other things, other people but until he did nothing else could be allowed to matter to Rick. 

With such a clear goal in mind there was moment of indecision or uncertainty. He got in continued into the jeep and got it started. Glenn got into the passenger seat in time but if he hadn’t Rick would have left without him. 

While Rick focused on the driving Glenn retrieved the bag of guns from the back seat and brought it into the front. Rick felt a small twinge at being reminded that if the bag was with them it meant they were without in the camp but that was quickly drown out by the thrum in his head by the need to go faster. He pushed the jeep to its limits while reaching out with one hand to grab an extra gun for himself. Glenn had already retrieved one of the rifles and had it at the ready.

When Rick saw the first walker he did not fire. He knew if he left the walker it could be that it killed someone but that was pushed aside as all he could think was the bullets he spend then might be bullets he would need for Carl later. Glenn was not so sparing with his ammo and took the walker down and then quickly the next and then camp was in view and their were too many in view but still Glenn lined up his targets and took them. Rick noted absently that Glenn was actually a fair shot but it wasn’t until later, when he looked back at things that he was impressed and felt better knowing he’d had Glenn there to watch his back.

Rick came to a stop at the edge of camp all he could see was chaos. He didn’t bother turning off the jeep. He just got out and strode into the breech. He didn’t call out. All he wanted to do was call out for his son but he couldn’t let himself do it. He imagined Carl running into the arms of a walker trying to get to him and it killed any desire he had to call out for his son or any of his pack. He fell in line with what his instincts and with that concession fell a little deeper into a feral state. Everything was much easier when he did.

Later Rick could remember every moment as clear as if it had been filmed. He remembered every kill and every shot, every step, and everyone he’d seen dying around him, and how he just hadn’t cared beyond knowing he had to find Carl and make sure something like that didn’t happen to him.

“Rick,” came Shane’s voice. Shane was pack and as pack his priorities were in line with Rick’s which meant there was a good chance of finding Carl with Shane. So Rick looked away from the threat and the camp in the direction of Shane’s voice. 

Shane was standing in front of the door to the RV. The door was open and Shane was standing in defense of it, shooting down walkers and calling for others to push towards him. Carl was no where in sight but all Rick needed was to see Shane to know where Carl was. Shane wasn’t in the middle of everything and he pushing out to get to Rick. The only reason he would stay would be to because what was there was more important to protect. He wasn’t calling Rick forward to take his place either. He was calling Rick to joined. Rick saw and he knew Carl and Lori were in the RV. He knew Shane had gotten them there and had left the door open so if worst came to worst, he could get inside and get them out. Even if it meant abandoning the others and the camp.

Rick saw and he knew with certainly and so his focus shifted between one breath and another. He’d found Carl and Carl was with the pack so Rick’s job was clear. Protect the pack.

Rick finally allowed himself to fire on the walkers around them rather then only the ones who were a direct threat to himself as he worked his way over RV.

“I’m almost out,” Shane called out with concern.

Rick looked around for Glenn and saw that the other omega was at his back.

“Go,” Rick ordered Glenn and Glenn didn’t hesitate. Glenn ran while Rick covered him and Shane used the last of his amo to do the same. When Glenn was in reach Shane was quick to strip him of the bag and grab a new weapon. New gun in hand he looked first to Rick, looking to provide him with cover as he pushed in but Rick was already there moving in besides Shane and facing out at the threat.

“Dad,” he heard Carl sob behind him. He turned to look and saw his run running for him with Lori just behind but no threat so he turned back to the threat.

He felt Carl collide into his legs and grip into his shirt.

“Lori, get him in the back inside,” he yelled.

He felt Lori pull Carl away, heard whine his displeasure but he stayed focused on what needed to be done.

He stood with Glenn at his side and Shane in front of them as they worked to take down walkers and what people they had left gathered at the RV. Shane started pushing out more and more as the number of dead thinned and the threats weren’t as close or clear. Glenn moved as well putting himself in front of the group while Rick guarded the door. Morales grabbed a gun from the bag and joined him ushering his family into the RV. With his head the way it was Rick didn’t want him there. He didn’t want non-pack with his own but he didn’t fight Morales on it as the greater threat was very clear.

The occasional gun shot filled the air as Shane worked to clear the camp. Rick could see Jim going around with a pick working as well. The gunfire and the screams died off but the crying continued. Rick could not let himself relax until he saw Shane coming back and gave Rick a nod to tell him that the worst was over.

The buzz in Rick’s head started to tamper off. He was able to think and feel more freely again. Free to care about comforting Carl as well as keeping him safe but not much more than that just yet.

He opened to door to the RV and stepped in. Lori was at the top of the stair with tears in her eyes as she held Carl who was crying and already reaching out for his father. “Carl,” he said his voice breaking he held an arm out to him as he stepped forward. Lori let him go and Carl fell into his father’s arms. Rick held him close and offered what comfort he could while Morale’s own children and wife pushed past out of the RV. Once they were through Lori came forward and wrapped her arms around them while Rick whispered comfort into Carl’s ear. “I’m here.” “It’s okay.” “I’m here and we’re okay.” “I’m sorry.”

“Rick?” Shane called out from outside the RV.

“Stay close,” he warned as he put Carl down.

He lead the way out ready to shot and send them back inside if he had to.

Rick was finally able to care who had survived beyond his own people. He looked at those clustered around the RV and it wasn’t much.

The sound of movement above him caused Rick to turn. He was happen to see Daryl, alive, up on the RV with his crossbow on his in hand loaded and at the ready.

“Daryl,” he called out. Daryl looked down at him. “What do you see?”

Daryl looked back out. “It looks clear,” he said.

Shane’s hand settled on his neck and Rick turned his attention back to those on the ground with him.

“You good man,” Shane asked with a hint of panic in his voice while his hands traveled over Rick looking for injuring.

“We’re good,” Rick assured him.

“Were you bit,” Shane asked concerned. “Did anything touch you? Scratch you?”

Rick shook his head. Shane sighed in relief. Nodding he pulled Rick into a hug. Rick let himself hug back. Not caring if he was deserving of it in that moment or about what complications existed between himself and Shane.

Over Shane’s shoulder Rick looked out at all the bodies. He felt the first pangs of grief and sense of having failed bubble up.

He tried to focus on who had survived even as he took in the bodies. He remembered seeing T-dog and Jacqui standing with them at the RV. Then there was Dale, Andrea, and Amy. Only as he thought about them he remembered that Andrea and Amy had been on the ground, that Amy had been in her arms while Dale stood in defense of them and he remembered the walker that had been besides them, put down by an arrow to the head. He was finally able to think about what that meant.

Rick let got of Shane and forced him back to look over to where Andrea was sobbing.

Dale was no longer standing guard. He had crouched himself on the ground and was staring at Amy in Andrea’s arms looking panicked. Rick could see him holding Amy’s arm in his hands and he could see blood, but the rest was blocked from view. He felt his heart go out to them for their lose and forced himself to go forward and face it for himself. Only as he moved forward what he saw was not what he expecting. Amy’s eyes were wide and unblinking but not the eyes of the dead. No, her eyes were of a young girl who was terrified as she stared down at the bite which had ripped away flesh from her arm letting out pants of distress that were drown out but the sounds of Andrea’s sobbing. Dale had removed his belt and fastened it as a tourniquet on Amy’s arm and was doing his best to put pressure on the wound to stem the blood flow.

Rick stared on not knowing what to do.

He looked around at the others expecting to see someone move into action. He stare dumbly at them all when they just stood there all having different reactions none of which was towards action. Some looked fearful, some upset, some unable to look away, and others unable to look at all. But no one did anything, not even Shane. Instead Shane looked resigned all ready to what was happening. He hung his head, ran a hand through his hair, and then turned his back on them, looking to his pack instead. His eyes passed over Carl, then Lori, then Rick. He moved in to Rick’s side and reached up to cup Rick’s neck and rested his forehead on Rick’s shoulder. Rick could feel Shane to relax some as he took in Rick’s scent and he couldn’t understand how Shane was able to relax when there were still things to do.

Rick tangled his fingers into Shane’s hair and used the hold to pull Shane head back. Shane wasn’t happy about it but he allowed Rick to manipulate him. His expression opened from displeasure to concern as he took Rick looking at Shane. Rick could feel how lost he must look, uncle to hold it back, unable to understand why no one was doing anything for Amy but Dale.

“What do we do,” he asked Shane as turned to look back over to Amy.

Glenn came forward and presented Dale with his shirt to press against the wound. Dale snatched it without looking at Glenn and pressed it into place, covering the wound from sight. It was something but Rick knew it wasn’t going to be enough.

Shane squeezed his neck “There is nothing we can do,” Shane said his voice hard, insistent.

“There has to be something we can do,” Rick said unable to take his eyes off the people, the pack in front of him. He couldn’t look away from Andrea’s heartbreak, or Amy’s horror, or desperation on Dale’s face. It reminded Rick was his own father, as he held the hand of his mothers corpse unwilling to let her go.

When Shane didn’t say anything Rick forced himself to look away, to look at Shane. He found Shane looking at him with pitying eyes. 

Shane shook his head. “Rick, I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.”

Rick couldn’t take that. Rick couldn’t accept that. There had to be something, he was sure of it. There had to be something because if there wasn’t…. What if it was Carl there and not Amy? What if it had been Rick or Shane or Lori? Carl needed his pack, all of his pack if he was going to have any chance with the world the way it was and Rick didn’t want Carl living with the pain of that kind of lose again. Rick didn’t want to any of them experiencing that kind of pain again. So there had to be something or what hope was there. That they always stayed lucky? That things always worked out? There had to be something because that wasn’t enough.

Rick stared at Amy’s arm, at her bite, and tried to think of something. He tried so hard to think of something his head filled up with need, a desperate desire. Rick’s head became a buzz with that need with the thought that they needed something and from that buzzing his mind found him inspiration.

‘What do you think? Think we can cut around this chewed up part,’ he remembered Daryl asking. He thought of Merle, having amputated his own hand, all on his own but still able to push on, to take out walkers, to keep moving. He remembered Morgan explaining that a bite would kill, how his wife had fallen to the fever. ‘What do you think? Think we can cut around this chewed up part?’

“What happens if we just cut off the arm,” Rick asked his voice carrying clearly over the gathered group.

Rick looked from Amy to Shane to Lori then to all the others but no one seemed to have an answer to his question.

When no one said anything he pressed, “The bite is what kills so what happens if you cut off the limb?”

People started looking to each other the same as he was looking for someone who might have an answer.

“Has anyone tried amputating a bite,” he asked knowing that if he had thought of it someone must have tried but wanting to know if any in their group had experienced it. Surely someone had thought to try? Surely someone had to know?

“Has anyone seen it? Has any one tried,” he asked a desperate edge coming to his voice.

Several people were shaking there heads.

“Maybe…maybe it could work,” Dale said still focused on Daryl’s Amy’s arm.

Daryl spoke up having come down to join them. “Wouldn’t hurt to try… It at least would give her a chance,” he said surprising Rick with his optimism.

“But…” Andrea said through her tears looking fearful.

“I don’t want to die,” Amy sobbed finally speaking, finally making a noise louder than a mouse. She shook her head wildly and clutched with her good arm at Andrea’s hand. “I don’t want to die,” she repeated.

Dale cupped her face, and gave her a smile before a look of resolve falling over him. “Then we try,” he said looking off at the group as though daring them to challenge him.

Rick felt his resolve harden along with Dale’s. The girl didn’t want to die. She shouldn’t have to die. So they would do all they could to make sure she lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I gave Glenn some backstory. I’m hoping people are okay with it. I’m also hoping you’ll leave comments with your thoughts as it helps me feel more secure and I spend less time having anxiety about this fic and more time working on it.
> 
> Also yes, Amy didn’t die like in canon. Daryl came back to the main camp to get dinner and was there to stop the walker from getting a second bite of her thanks to her scream getting his attention. She did however get bit, the gang barely had bandages and things for Rick let alone to deal with an amputation, and then there are all the other problems stacked against her. Just a reminder, this is not a fix it fic. Bad things are going to happen, just maybe not the same bad things as canon. Some characters might live past their canon deaths and others might die sooner. I’m not guaranteeing Amy survives but I’m not saying she dies either. If you want answers you can leave a comment and I will spoil for you.


	9. Dr Edwin Jenner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Dr Edwin Jenner. He’s a MaleOmega, widower, and last man standing at the CDC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Following chapters will discusses suicide in line with the things canon showed and discussed happening at the CDC. I will place this warning on all chapters that deal with these themes for those who would like to skip to the chapters that will be dealing with this. When the warnings cease to appear, you are safe.
> 
> Something to note:  
> When it comes to the time line with Jenner I’m changing things a bit. It’s supposed to be day 63 when Jenner has his lab accident but in this fic it happens on day 60. See end notes for more information as to why.

Edwin hadn’t been able to put his wife down. He stayed with her through the fever. He stayed till her last breath, but he couldn’t be there for the what came after. He left the room before her body could resurrect. He left the room and left the duty of putting an end to it to someone else.

His wife had been magnificent. She had a mind many, including Edwin had never been able to equal. She’d been his wife, his partner, his alpha, and a leader in her field. Edwin had loved her so completely. She’d been his light, his guide. They had met in when they were in collage and he’d found it hard to believe that he had gotten so lucky as to get her attention. But once he had her by his side Edwin never wanted to let go. It would have been their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, the silver year, had she lived. She hadn’t of course. No matter what she meant to Edwin and to their work the bite wasn’t going to spare her. Once she was bit it was only a matter of time before the fever took away all that she was and left a body, memories, and Edwin’s pain to mark the space she had filled in the world.

Even though he had left the room Edwin still witnessed the end. The scanners were going through it all so allowing him to watch over and over again as the fever took his wife from this world, watch her body exist without her in peace for a time until resurrection and her body coming back online without her before a bullet put an end to it.

The man who had done it wasn’t a stranger but a colleague of theirs. Someone who had known them for years, had known her and respected her. He killed himself only two days later. In his suicide note he’d said there was no point in going on without Candace. Without her, he said, they had no hope of achieving anything of worth. Edwin agreed but he’d made a promise, so he had to try. Even when he was the only one left to try. Even when he lost contact with every other facility that was meant to be carrying on the work. Even when time was running out. He kept trying, even when he knew in his heart it was fruitless.

Time gets… tricky, when your underground with no schedule to keep and no one else to help measure the passing hours with. As a doctor Jenner knew all about the effect living without sunlight and the cycle of day to night could have on a person. At first he made a point of taking the stairs up everyday to the topside to make sure he was getting two hours of sun, even if it was only through the windows. The exercise was good for his body and saved him wasting what fuel they had on the elevator and the sun at least did him some good. But when he was there he couldn’t help looking out the windows and seeing the world beyond. One day he decided continuing his work was more important then going up and seeing that. He had intended it to only be for that day but then the next day came, and the next and on and he still didn’t go topside again.

Days blurred. Night. Day. AM. PM. They ceased to mean what they should. He started to disassociate. Sometime’s he wasn’t sure if he was awake. He dreamed of working and would wake to find the work not down and wonder if he was truly awake, if it still needed doing or not. It got harder and harder to get a good night’s sleep. There were sleep meds available to him but when he tried using them he became too tempted to down the bottle so he’d locked them all away weeks before.

He kept only one constant to his life. Every morning he sent out a transmission reporting, probably to no one, his progress or lack there of. He’d programed Vi to alert him everyday when it was time to deliver that transmission. Everyday she would remind him and everyday he would report to big room without fail to send out his report.

Day 191 since wildfire was declared, sixty days since the disease went global, the last of Edwin’s motivation died.

It was a simple lab accident, a simple mistake. 

He had been working on yet another test that brought him no closer to a solution. In a moment of inattention he had knocked over the wrong vile triggering the decontamination protocols to the lab and once decontamination protocols were enacted they were always carried out. The last of the samples that had been taken from his wife were destroyed, gone in a breath of flame. He’d promised her he’d keep going, keep trying, but what could he do with the samples gone? What could he do on his own with only days worth of fuel left?

Edwin left the lab feeling numb. 

He thought about going back to the big room and reporting what had happened.

He thought about finding a bottle of something and getting himself drunk. Then finding many more bottle so he could keep himself that way until decontamination could claim him to.

He did neither. Instead he went back to her office. In his wife’s desk there were two drawers of sealed, airtight parcels which contained precious scenting items. Some smelled only of his wife but most were taken from nesting materials used by their pack. The pack was gone now, if not dead then at least certainly lost to him…just like his wife.

Edwin had been sparing in his use of those parcels. Once they were unsealed it was only a matter of time before the scent was either corrupted or gone entirely but given what had happened that day, what had been lost, he decided it was no longer a time to be frugal. He removed two of the parcels from his limited supply. One was a pillowcase that had been used by his wife. The other was a blanket that had been used as nesting material for a pack gathering.

Edwin laid out on the couch in his wife’s office sealing himself under the blanket and holding the pillow case to his face. He held his breath as he settled in. It was only once he was covered and hidden away that he allowed himself to breath. He shuddered when the combined scents hit him. It had been too long. The scent worked both to fill a need within him and to make the longing worse.

It took some minutes for the shock to wear away. Since his wife’s passing he’d become numb to many of his emotions, to his own grief. The ache was always present but he forced it down in favor of keeping to his word. He had been telling himself he’d made a promise and there was no option but to keep it and that helped him to put his own feelings aside to see to what needed doing. But after that morning, with no way to go on fulfilling that promise, and surrounded by the scent of all he’d lost Edwin could not hold the pain back any longer.

The tears came first.

Then the sobs.

Then the wails of despair tore him up on there way out in a desperate attempt to expel the pain from in him so it couldn’t eat him whole.

***

Jenner wasn’t sure exactly when he woke up, if he was even awake at all. All he knew was that he’d been lying in the dark, sweating under the warmth of a blanket that after a night’s used smelled primarily of himself with the scent of pack faded and hidden underneath. 

He was lying on the couch with no ambition to move or think or be when Vi informed him that it was time for his morning transmission. He listened to her out of habit.

Slowly he rose from the couch. Carefully he folded the spent scenting items. The blanket he placed on the arm of the couch. The pillowcase he tucked into the collar of his shirt so what was left of her scent he could bring with him. He needed a shower. His teeth felt disgusting against his tongue and his mouth was foul. He needed water. He needed to eat. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about any of it.

He left his wife’s office and made his way to the big room to see to his report. He walked past empty stations with there darkened monitors. He took a seat and stared at the one active monitor, shining, burning up energy, waiting for him to give his report. 

‘What’s the point,’ he thought. Sitting there lifelessly he stared at the screen.

As he came back to himself he realized at some point he’d fallen asleep sitting there. It didn’t bother him. What else was there to do with the time he had left? At least sleep might bring some lack of awareness.

It was a soft beeping that had awoken him. As he blinked away lethargy the alert became less soft and more insistent.

He looked at the screen confused. It was a proximity alert. The sensors were picking up movement outside. Edwin brought up the video feed. Every other time the sensor had been trigger it had been by the dead. But the group that showed up on his screen were very much living.

Edwin didn’t realized it but he rose from his seat. Leaning in toward towards the screen he braced himself on the desk as he took in the only living people he had seen in a month’s time. They looked haggard, dirty, bloody. If it hadn’t been for the way they moved, the protective way they gravitated around one another, he might have been able to convince himself that they were of the dead and stop the feed, to ignore it and look away, but he couldn’t.

He watched them come to the doors. He watched their hope die.

There was one man in particular. He’d been helping to cover another as they carried a girl with them to the building. The girl was obviously injured and unconscious. The man’s reaction to finding the building the building lock down and seemingly abandoned was the most pronounced of any of them. While the others seemed upset and even devastated to find no safe harbor at this door, this man was the one most unable to accept it. He screamed and shouted and banged on the shielding.

Edwin couldn’t help himself. He turned on the audio to go along the visual feed.

“You have to let us in,” the man begged. “There has to be someone in there. You have to let us in. Please.”

“Dale,” a boy tried coming up to the man’s side.

The older man, Dale, bared his teeth at the boy.

‘An alpha or omega then,’ Edwin thought falling into his seat. He wondered if he was looking at a pack. He wondered if he was seeing a pack that had somehow stayed together through everything.

The old man turned away from the boy and away from the building to stare at the pale girl the other man were carrying. His fury built back up. He turned his back on the girl returning to banging on the shielding and shouting, begging.

Edwin wondered if the girl was just pack or something more. His daughter perhaps? Granddaughter? One of the woman there looked like the girl. She was standing clutching the girls hand eyes only for her. Maybe it was the girl’s sister, or her mother? The pain on her face was almost as hard for Edwin to face as Dale’s but he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t help but wonder who the girl was, what her injury was, if he could even be of any help?

He looked off at the clock, the clock that ticked down marking how much time the facility and with it he himself had left. There were 60 odd hours left on the clock. With increased fuel consumption maybe they could get two days…

Edwin's mind went on ahead of itself, speeding from one thought to another so quickly he couldn’t consciously register the nuances them but the bigger picture they were forming was clear.

Could he…?

There was no more good he could do as a scientist for the world but maybe there was some good he could do as a man.

“Dale, we need to leave,” one of the other men called out to Dale. The man was fit, alert, and armed with a shot gun. His attention was out on the world not on Dale or the others in the group.

Dale didn’t take his eyes off the building. “No! Amy needs this place. She needs help now!”

Another man came up to Dale’s side. He was dressed in a sheriff’s uniform. Hat, the pressed pants, and everything. “We’ll go to Guillermo and his people,” the man promised. Jenner couldn’t help his surprise at that, reacting with a jolt. They knew other survivors? It was more then just them, he marveled. His mind changed course still charging forward.

If they knew other survivors then maybe…

“They have their man there, a nurse. He’ll see to Amy,” the second man promised.

“Walker,” one of the others cried, near hysteric in her tone.

A man with a crossbow took care of the resurrected body…the ‘walker,’ putting it down. 

“Amy needs help now,” Dale insisted while this was going on.

“Guys,” the boy who had first come up said anxiously looking out at the space around them.

“Rick we’ve got to go,” the first man said to the uniformed man, to Rick.

Rick pushed in closer to Dale. “You’re right,” he told Dale with compassion. “Amy needs help now. She’s made it through the night but with an amputation-”

Amputation? Edwin latched on to that. Not a bite then. With a bite there was nothing he could offer but a comfortable place to wait for death and drugs to help with the pain or to help death along. But with an amputation? There wasn’t much he could do but there was some and if they knew someone who they could go to after then they could get her care even when the facility fell. They could leave with drugs that would otherwise burn and for the time they were there, for his last days he could do some good. He wouldn’t have to be alone.

“She needs care and it can’t wait.” Rick looked up at the CDC with pain. “We aren’t going to find the help she needs here. We need to get her to help Dale. We can’t wait around here. She’s going to need more than what we have. Those antibiotics and pain meds of Merle’s aren’t going to get her far,” Rick insisted, tone tense but trying to be kind. Dale didn’t seem to be listening.

Edwin zoomed in. He could see Dale’s pupils dilating, could note several other physical changes as well marking a shifting to a “feral” state of mind. He wondered if that would help the group or hurt them.

As he pulled the camera back he realized both Rick and Dale were frozen, staring back at him. He swallowed as their eyes bore into him.

“Rick we have to go,” the first man, who’s name Edwin still didn’t know, was pacing in front of the group herding them all back and together and putting himself between them and the danger, looking ready to charge forward for the fight if need be. An Alpha, Edwin was willing to bet. He couldn’t help thinking of his own wife. She hadn’t been able to help herself in the moment. She hadn’t been able to help herself charging at the threat, trying to take it out before it could get to him. It was just instinct. Omegas fought with some distance, darting in and darting out, but Alphas had always preferred close courters. They always preferred the treat focus on them. It had been those instincts that had gotten her killed in the end.

“Rick,” one of the woman tried clutching a child tight to her.

Edwin could see the group was starting to panic.

“We need to get back to the car,” the Alpha said. “We need to get moving.”

The others looked eager to listen.

“The camera, it moved,” Rick called out to the others still standing locked at Dale’s side.

“I saw it too,” Dale said. Anger filled his face. He bared his teeth at the camera. 

“I know your in there,” he shouted. “You need to let us in. If you have any kind of care in your heart you’ll let us in.” Dale banged his gun against the shielding over the main entrance.

The Alpha had stopped pacing, moving instead to Rick’s side. He put a hand behind Rick’s head and used it to reel him in and make Rick face him. “Rick, man even if it did…,” he said while Dale continued to shout.

“We have injured. We have women and children.” Dale banged his gun on the shielding again.

The man’s focus was only on Rick. He was undisturbed by the Dale as he continued to try dissuading Rick. “It’s an automated device, man.”

“We need your help.” 

Should he…?

“It’s gears, okay.”

Should he…?

“She needs you.”

Should he…?

“They’re just winding down.”

Could he…? 

“Please don’t send her off to die,” Dale begged, his voice breaking and his eyes filling with tears that washed the anger away leaving him looking weary and small. “Not when she’s made it this far.”

“Now come on, man,” the Alpha said trying to pull Rick back, starting to sound desperate himself. 

The others were speaking up in the background but Edwin couldn’t hear them clearly, couldn’t make out the individual voices with their words.

Rick wasn’t to be moved. Rick only had eyes for the camera. The Alpha tried to move to block the view. He placed his forearm across Rick’s chest grabbing a hold of his shirt and tried to push him back by that grip. “You need to listen to me. We need to go Rick,” the Alpha insisted.

“Rick, lets just get out of here,” the woman with the boy called out again.

Dale’s anger may have faded but Rick’s was growing. Edwin could feel the accusation in Rick’s eyes down to his soul. 

To do nothing was to be complicit in the consequences.

Could he?

“I know you can hear me,” Rick said adding his voice to Dale’s. 

“Please,” Rick added, filling the word with so much emotion.

Edwin slumped back into his chair. 

Was he really going to do this?

Yes, he decided, he was.

“Vi,” Edwin ordered, “Unseal the main entrance then shut the power to ground level back down.”

On the screen he could see Vi following the command as the shielding rose up and the group staggered back in surprise. He watched Dale close his eyes and sag in relief. He watch the Alpha bring Rick behind him as he turned a gun on the door and Edwin’s heart hurt. Certainly an Alpha. He wondered what Rick’s aspect was; cis, alpha, or omega? He wondered if the man was Rick’s partner or husband or possibly his mate. He looked back at the boy the woman was forcing to stay at her side and thought that he could be Rick’s son. Edwin supposed he’d find out soon enough.

“Vi,” he called again. 

“Take all measures to cut down unnecessary power use from areas that aren’t in use use,” he requested rising to his feet. Above him the overhead lights went dark and the emergency lighting came on. The screen n front of him glowed all the more brightly in the dark. He watched the group move into the sanctuary of the facility had to offer. 

The sanctuary couldn’t last for long. When the generators ran out of fuel, when the power ran out facility wide decontamination would be carried out. The air would be set on fire. The building would be destroyed along with everything and everyone still inside and in the blast radius when the time came.

‘Who knows,’ Edwin thought. ‘Maybe they’ll decide to stay.’ 

Maybe he wouldn’t have to die alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the opening notes, I know in canon the accident happens on day 63. The change was not a mistake but a choice. Having the accident happen on day 63 would still have put him within about 24 hours of the CDC burning up when it happened…I can’t see him being at 24 hours left and still having the samples and not mentioning it in his report. I get as a writer not wanting to spoil the “CDC is going to explode” surprise, but I can’t see him not mentioning it in his morning report like “I only have so much time left” and then after losing the samples something like “the samples are lost…but does it really matter? What was I going to be able to accomplish with the time I have left when I haven’t managed anything in months.” That seems more realistic to me. 
> 
> Also he has this line where he says “Tomorrow I might blow my brains out…I haven’t decided”. If he had more than 24 hours it would make more sense for him to end it early rather than waiting for things to blow up. So I just generally don’t approve of the canon timeline.
> 
> Though I do know that Jenner would have had more fuel before the gang showed up and started using power the clock in the background looks like it only says about 18 hours (to me anyway) before he lets them in. So while he looses several hours to them he didn’t loose days so about 24 hours seems right unless decontaminating the lab took that much.
> 
> For the sake of this story Jenner’s going to have lost the samples about two/three days earlier then canon. So yeah, I know the show says its day 63 but I’m changing it because I don’t believe it makes sense and it works better for the timeline of this story.
> 
> …Also, how did they get their “best” brain samples when they shot Jenner’s wife in the head? As scientists wouldn’t it have made more sense to cut her head open and remove the brain with walker her restrained and gagged if they wanted a truly fresh sample and since they had time to prepare and were in the lab anyway wouldn’t that have been something they could afford to do? I would get Jenner not being a part of that but there were other scientists around who should have presumably been able to do it. They ended up having to cut the cadaver open to get the samples anyway so why not leave her walkerfied and get like the truly freshest sample possible from the part of the brain that seems to be the control center instead of destroying that part of the brain and salvaging what they could? Any thoughts on this? Obviously I have strong feelings.


	10. Welcome to the CDC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Atlanta group have left the camp behind, coming to Atlanta in search of care for Amy. The doors to the CDC open and a hand of help is being extended to them but how much help will they actually get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Following chapter will discuss suicide in line with the things canon showed and discussed happening at the CDC. I will place this warning on all chapters that deal with these themes. For those who would like to skip to the chapters that will be dealing with this, when the warnings cease to appear, you are safe.
> 
> AND Just as a reminder. Because of people doing things differently the group has two days until the cdc goes boom. See end notes for timeline specifics.

They’d worked through the night.

Dale had been tetchy about people having been in his RV. Shane had been ready to pick a fight but then Rick had laid a hand on his chest and once he had Shane’s eye his face said ‘don’t disappointment me’. Shane was helpless but to obey.

Since Dale wasn’t letting anyone back in his RV beyond Amy and Andrea they had the kids sleep in the cars with their mothers with them keeping watch. The rest of what remained of their number worked together to clear the camp, making sure their dead would stay dead and gathering up what supplies they could salvage in the dark. Some things were so covered in gore they simply left them behind. They had started stacking what supplies they wished to take with them outside the RV to be packed later. The bodies they left out amongst the camp. It wasn’t safe to be moving them in the dark and there were living to be focusing on. They worked as a group, moving out into the camp to scavenge then retreating back to the RV.

Once they had gathered what they could they started making trips down into the quarry for water and set it to boiling as Glenn reminded them that as they were leaving the quarry water wasn’t likely to be as plentiful as they’d grown accustomed to.

They used the extra water to start cleaning the supplies they were planning to bring with. It was tedious work that never seemed to end. Blood really did get everywhere and even when something looked clean, with so many sensitive noses around they couldn’t ignore that it didn’t smell it.

Carol came out to talk to them once Sophia was asleep.

She crossed her arms hiding her shaking hands and asked tersely, “Ed,” before staring them all down.

Shane hesitated before shaking his head. That was all the answer Carol needed. She looked away from him blinking back tears. 

“I want to see him,” she told them, the steel gone from her voice as emotion pushed in.

“I’ll take you,” Glenn volunteered softly.

As the two headed off T-dog fell in behind them. Shane was content in that and so turned back to the task at hand. As he did so he caught Rick looking at Daryl askance. Curious, Shane looked back and forth between the two until Daryl rolled his eyes and nodded. Grabbing his crossbow he follow after the other three watching their backs. 

After a time they all return. Shane didn’t know what had happened. If Carol had just needed to see the body or what. As long as it wasn’t going to cause any problems he didn’t care. Frankly, he was relieved that Ed was dead and felt that if anyone deserved death by walker then Ed probably did.

Jim found some tasks of his own to see to. It started with taking the hose from the truck Rick had brought back and fitting it to the RV. Shane hadn’t been happy. When he saw what Jim was doing he had tried to stop him but Rick stopped Shane first. They had argued about it but Rick insisted that he’d made a deal and deals needed to be honored. Shane was less concerned with deals and more concerned with what they would do with all of the supplies in the truck if the truck couldn’t run. Rick had risked his life to get those supplies and it was things they would need. What would they do? Leave them behind? Shane wasn’t having that. He wasn’t okay with that. Jim insisted the majority could be loaded onto the RV while the rest they could spread out through the other vehicles. Rick said that sounded like a plan. Shane felt it was work they shouldn’t have to do all in the name of Dale’s precious RV. He grumbled but in the end he went along with ‘the plan’. However having that matter settled only led to more questions, more particulars that they needed to figure out and settle on before they could move out. Everyone gathered up, the mom’s as well. They discussed exactly what needed doing and what would be done. Once the larger plan was more firmly flushed out they went back to the work, doing the best they could in the dark.

Time passed. Some of the others tried to rest when the urge took them. They tried to maybe get some sleep. Shane couldn’t stop though, and neither could Rick. The only time they took a break was when someone forced them. It usually didn’t last for long as neither could bare to be still. 

Jim was another who didn’t get any rest. Once he had seen to the RV he started checking over the other vehicles they would be bringing. When that could occupy him any longer he moved on to salvaged what he could from the cars they intended to leave behind. Glenn took to helping him and together they collected parts and syphoned fuel while Shane, Rick, T-dog, Jacqui, and Morales worked on packing up the supplies with Daryl atop the RV keeping watch. Everyone who knew anything about guns was armed from Rick’s collection but it didn’t do much to make them feel secure.

Dale had eventually left the RV and taken over watch. Shane would have been worried about Dale being too distracted for the job if it hadn’t been so clear that instinct was driving the move. With Amy in Andrea’s care what Dale was focused on was keeping them safe until dawn came. Shane may not trust Dale’s sense but he trusted an Alpha’s instinct to keep him vigilant in his watch for threats.

They had agreed as they saw to Amy that when the morning came they would try for the CDC. If there was no luck there then they would try for Guillermo and his people to trade some of their supplies for seeing to Amy. Shane didn’t believe it would do any good but he was supporting the plan for Rick’s sake. As Shane saw it Rick hadn’t seen enough of how the world was to fully understand yet. He was still thinking like things were how they used to be and Shane knew that meant Rick had to try, or he’d never be able to let the go of the guilt and what if’s. Shane figured Amy’s death would be a learning experience. A hard lesson to learn but one Rick would need if he was going to survive.

Shane wasn’t surprised when they got to the CDC only to find the doors sealed shut, with bodies all around. As far as he was concerned this was to be expected. Part one of the lesson was learned and it was time to move on. He’d planned on being more controlled about things. He’d planned on being Rick’s rock. He’d planned to be patient. But the plan went out the window when the scent at the CDC pushed in and got to Shane’s head. Things smelled too heavily of death, of wrong, the way only walkers and the bodies they left behind could. It put him on edge as every instinct told him it wasn’t safe, that he needed to get his pack away from this place, from the city.  
He’d been trying to do just that. He’d been ready to leave it behind only for the doors of the CDC to open letting out a draft or cool clean air to push back the scent of death and beckoned them into the unknown.

Shane may have been expecting the CDC to be a dud but he wasn’t going to turn away when opportunity presented itself.

“Daryl, Glenn with me,” Shane ordered. He didn’t need to ask to know that Rick would stay with Carl and Lori while Shane checked ahead. He still shot a look back though just to check. Sure enough Rick had fallen back to put himself in front of the pair while the rest gathered around T-Dog and Andrea who were supporting Amy except for Dale who invited himself along and pushed into the building with them. 

Inside things were still and sterile. Shane couldn’t hear or smell anything but themselves and the ventilating system. It was almost like the place had been abandoned and left untouched by the chaos outside. But the door had opened, so surely that wasn’t right.

“Shane,” Rick called from where the rest waited.

Shane looked around one more time just to check.

He looked to the others and saw them nodded showing that the doorways and areas they checked were good.

“We’re clear,” Shane called back because he couldn’t find any evidence they weren’t. That didn’t stop him from feeling that it wasn’t safe, that things were too perfect, too clean.

The others made there way inside with Rick bringing up the rear.

“Where are the doctors,” Andrea asked panicked, looking around with wide eyes

“It doesn’t look much like anyone’s home,” T-dog said looking around suspiciously taking on most of Amy’s dead weight himself.

“Someone had to open the door,” Dale rebuked defensively.

They waited, tense. “What should we do,” Glenn asked. “Just go looking or… what?”

Shane and Rick were looking to each other, both tense and unsettled.

The sound of an elevator arriving distracted them.

“This way,” a voice called urgently.

Shane and Dale pushed forward to check it out while the others held back. All but Andrea who was trying to move ahead with Amy, only to be held back by T-dog.

There was a man in a rumpled lab coat holding the elevator door open. He looked like shit but he had a medical bag with him and the lab coat and that was enough for Dale.

“Bring Amy,” Dale called back to the others while Shane studied the man and the man studied him back. Whoever the guy was Shane could see he was warn down, and exhausted. Given the shape of things it wasn’t hard for Shane to imagine why.

When the others came around and into sight the man’s attention left Shane for them.

“This way,” he said beckoning to the elevator. “Quickly.”

No one needed to be told twice. Once Amy was inside the man gave her only a cursory look. When everyone was crowded in he used a code to close the elevator and start it traveling down before turning to Amy with any kind of intention. “What happened,” he asked.

“She was bit,” Dale confessed. 

Shane could see the man’s confusion. He could see the way he sagged in defeat. Shane knew right than that there was no cure there to be found. He felt vindicated to have doubted the wisdom in coming to the CDC.

The man was going to speak, no doubt to deliver the bad news but Dale was pushing on with his explanation.

“We didn’t know what else to do so we cut off the limb,” he explained lifting the blanket they wrapped around Amy to show they stumble they’d wrapped up in clean linens in place of proper bandages.

Some of the defeat left the doctor’s face. “How long after the bite did you take the arm off,” he asked.

Dale looked around at the others.

“About fifteen minutes,” Lori answered. She looked around at the others and they nodded before looking back to the man. “It was probably that.”

“And where was the bite,” he asked.

“It was about here,” Dale said gesturing to the approximate spot on his forearm.

The man looked to be in his own head, considering what he’d been told. “And you took it off above or bellow the elbow.

“At the elbow,” Dale said sounding unhappy about it which caught the man’s attention.

“We weren’t sure what was best,” Rick said speaking up. “We didn’t want to take too much but we didn’t want to risk not taking enough either…”

There had been a lot of debate about it at the time but in the end they’d been forced to just act. Or rather Daryl had. Of all of them Daryl had the most experience dealing with a body and breaking it down, cutting with intent, and not making a mess of things. Daryl’s experience may have been in the dead bodies of animals but it was more experience then the rest of them had. Shane hadn’t seen the act himself. He’d kept watch while the work was seen to.

“Was that the right thing to do,” Andrea said speaking up, her voice sounding more firm then it had all night. She stared the man down hard. “Did we do the right thing?”

The man was lost in his thoughts again but he came out of them long enough to meet her eye. “You gave her a chance,” he said. A few seconds later the elevator doors opened.

“This way,” he said as he guided them down one set of halls then another. He opened a double set of glass doors by presenting his id and punching in a code into a keypad before waving them on through to what Shane thought was another hallway but saw that it was in fact a suit of what looked something like hospital rooms with glass walls and doors lining the hall on either side. A quick check showed all the rooms to be empty. Shane noticed that most all the lights were cut with only emergency lighting in place. It had been the same since the elevator. He also noticed that the only way out was the way he they had come in. Before he could say anything about it the rest of the group had followed inside and the doors were sealing shut. The only comfort Shane had is that the man was sealed in with them.

“Vi,” the man said seemingly to no one in particular. “Bring power on up on suite one of quarantine ward B.”

At his command the lights in one of the first rooms closest to the door came on along with the monitors and equipment. The man used card and key code to open that door as well. Andrea and T-dog were quick to get Amy in and lay her out on the bed. The room was large and many of the group followed in after including Shane. Doctor or not Shane didn’t know this stranger and there for did not trust to keep him on a long leash and Shane was assuming that man was a doctor by the familiar way he moved about the door retrieving equipment and the questions he was asking and the way he was asking them. But even if he was just a nurse it wasn’t like Amy could afford to be picky.

Most of the questions were about Amy but that last was for the group as a whole.

“Was anyone else bit or scratched,” he asked.

Rick was already giving a denial when Jim raised his hand. “I was bit,” he confessed as several people backed away, looking at him with fear and betrayal. The Doctor l though, looked at him with pity. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But for just now there’s nothing I can do for you.”

Rick turned from Jim to the man. “What do you mean? Don’t you have a cure here? There has to be something you can do for him.”

“You want answers,” the man said. “Its understandable. But right now I need to see to her. Once I have then you’ll get you’re answers.”

No one was very happy with that dismissal but as he simply went back to working on Amy it was hard to press as it would mean distracting him from his work.

Dale stepped forward. “What do you need,” he asked. “How can we help?”

“Is there someone else we should go get,” Lori asked, speaking up from her place just in the door with Carl.

The man shook his head. “I need someone calm to serve as my extra hands and the rest of you to wait in the hall until we’re done.”

Jacqui volunteered to stay with while the rest of them filed out to settle themselves in the hall. Andrea sat herself on the floor, leaning against the glass wall that separated her from her sister and just watched the doctor work while Dale passed her every few seconds as he paced the length of the wall outside Amy’s room.

The rest of them found their own spots to settle down or at least to lean their weight against something to get some rest.

“Why do you think he won’t let us get anyone else,” Shane asked staring hard at the man through the glass.

“Maybe no one else wants to take the risk of being around us when we might be infected,” T-dog suggested with a shrug from his place on the floor.

Shane’s eyes cut wearily to the exits. His voice quite he asked, “How much any of you want to bet we can’t get out of this area without him and his code and his card.” He looked over at where Jenner was working behind the glass and at the door with its keypad and red “locked” indicating light. “Both of which are behind that door where can’t get past either.”

Those that heard Shane’s suspicion tensed as they took in their surroundings with Shane’s words in mind. All very aware that they were trapped in a small space with someone who was bitten and could turn at any point. Jim had placed himself by the door on the floor, distanced from everyone but Dale when he paced by. Distanced didn’t mean he wasn’t a threat though. Everyone who was bit was a threat.

“He did say this was the quarantine section,” Rick said. Shane knew that tone. It was the one Rick used when he wanted to be hopeful but knew it wasn’t pragmatic to be.

T-dog nodded. “Like I said. They probably don’t want to take the risk with new people.”

Shane was surprised to see Daryl nod. “Yeah, could be someone is bit and doesn’t say so,” he said glaring Jim’s way.

Daryl had certainly been loud enough to be heard by all but Jim did not respond, instead focusing on the Doctor as he worked. Daryl snorted at the lack of response and started pacing himself taking the rest of the hallway away from Jim and Dale.

Shane looked to Rick and could see the tension in him. Shane wasn’t feeling much better about their situation.

“I don’t like this man,” Shane said to Rick.

He wasn’t expecting the cold look Rick sent his way. He wasn’t expecting the judgment he saw there. Shane’s confusion distracted him from his suspicion and uneasiness about their situation.

“We haven’t been given any reason to think there is anything wrong here,” Rick insisted still eyeing Shane.

Shane didn't know how to respond. He didn’t know what to do with the vibes Rick was sending his way.

“…He’s omega,” Daryl volunteered, breaking the tension. “Thought he was unattached but could smell something on him but it was….”

“Stale,” Rick supplied sounding uncertain.

Daryl nodded. “You could smell it too?”

Rick shook his head.

Glenn spoke up. “I could, but I don’t know what makes a scent like that,” Glenn said looking to the others for answers.

Rick looked to Shane. An understanding formed between them without any need to speak.

Shane ran a hand over his hair before explaining. “If you nest with old scenting items and really bake in with them you can get something like it. They do it…” Shane stretched his head to the side and rolled his shoulders before correcting himself. “They used to do it with trauma victims to bring some comfort and to make them feel secure when they had to keep them separate from their pack or… in cases where the pack wasn’t available.”

“Not available how,” Glenn asked.

Daryl stopped his pacing. “No available like if they died,” he asked.

Shane nodded.

Silence took the group as they considered that.

“They did it in the hospital with you,” Carl said in a small voice, looking up at his father from Rick’s side.

Rick reached out and pulled Carl into close.

“Yeah, they did,” Shane agreed, nodding and eyeing Rick for his reaction. “They wanted you to have scent to make sure you knew you weren’t alone even when we couldn’t be there… incase it reached you on some level they wanted to make sure you knew you had something to wake up for.”

Rick didn’t look at him, didn’t look at anyone. He just continued stroking Carl’s hair.

“So this guy probably lost his pack,” Glenn asked trailing off.

“His entire pack or just someone from it,” Rick confirmed.

“Whole pack seems more likely if you couldn’t pick up any fresh scents on him,” Shane said feeling sick as he thought about having to go on living after loosing everyone. 

Rick rolled his shoulders.

Carl pressed harder into his father. 

Glenn shivered.

Daryl was looking off in the distance.

A lone surviver, it was always an unsettling thought. To loose a member of your pack was horrific enough, but to loose it all… that was unthinkable. Loosing Rick had been bad enough but to have lost Lori and Carl too? Shane didn’t think he would have been able to go on living.

Shane looked over to Daryl skeptically. He was reminded that it had only been a day since the omega had lost his brother, his only pack. Lost him because of Rick and T-Dog and the others. Shane couldn’t imagine the man wasn’t entertaining some thoughts of revenge. Shane reminded himself that he’d be wise to keep an eye on Daryl. So far he hadn’t shown any sign he was making designed to actually do anything and he seem to be holding himself together well but that had been when there was something for him to do. Now that it seemed they had somewhere safe or at least somewhere they had a moment to breath Shane wasn’t sure it could last.

Shane looked away from Daryl and over to Carol and Sophia where they were huddled together nearby watching the conversation. ‘At least they still have each other,’ Shane thought. Shane couldn’t help but feel that the lose of Ed was no real lose at all. He had a feeling both Carol and Sophia would have been better off losing him many years sooner.

Beyond Carol and Sophia the Morales family were gathered on the floor at the end of the hall with husband and wife seated side by side with the kids on their laps. As Shane gave them a cursory look he realize Morales and his kids were asleep. Only Miranda was awake and keeping a watchful eye while her family slept. Despite how exhausted they all were Shane didn’t know how they managed sleep in that moment.

When Shane looked away, he noticed Rick studying the Morales family as well. The expression on his face was one Shane had never seen on Rick before and he couldn’t piece out exact what feelings were behind it. It disturbed him. It had been a very long time since Rick was anything like a mystery to Shane and it seemed to him that suddenly Rick had become nothing but a mystery since waking up in their tent the day before.

Rick caught Shane watching him but when faced with Shane’s questioning gaze simply look away. Shane was hurt and angry. He wanted to know what was going on. He had to hold himself back from doing anything as revealing as pacing. He’d spotted several security camera and they didn’t know who was watching. He didn’t want to give anything more than he could help if there was a chance it could be used against them.

“There’s nothing we can do right now but wait,” Rick said to the group at large.

Daryl gave Rick a dirty look at that. “No shit,” he said scornfully.

While Shane could agree with the sentiment still there wasn’t a choice for him but to defend Rick. He gave Daryl a dirty look and shifted himself between Daryl and Rick but Daryl had already moved on. Returning to his pacing he covered a short span of the hall back and forth.

“Emotions are high,” Rick said placing a hand on Shane’s shoulder. He used the grip to force Shane out of his defensive position to stand beside him. “It’s been a stressful 24 hours and none of us are rested. We’ve done what we can for Amy. We got her here and for now, we aren’t going anywhere. Maybe it’s for the best that we all try to remain and get rest.”

“Yeah. Rest, trapped in a box with someone who might stop breathing any time now then go for our throats,” Daryl said with a sneer on his face. He rolled his eyes and his shoulder while eyeing Jim wearily. Jim appeared to ignore him but their was a stiffness to how he held himself that told Shane he was very aware he was being talked about. 

“You go ahead and rest,” Daryl added after a moments silence. He gestured off at Jim. “I’ll be keeping an eye to make sure old Jim boy here doesn’t go eating your face.”

“Appreciated,” Rick said with a bit of growl in his voice.

Shane was surprised to see Daryl pause, or more like freeze and slide his eyes over to Rick. Shane looked at Rick as well and saw a face as cold as stone. He looked back at Daryl who had duck his head looking cowed.

Glen was looking around at everyone nervously.

“Rest sounds good,” he said trying to break the tension. He lowered himself down on to the ground next to T-dog who’d already shut his eyes and looked close to sleep himself. It didn’t escape Shane’s notice that Glenn went out of his way to sit himself down on T-dogs far side, placing himself between his friend and Jim.

When Shane looked back Lori had Rick’s attention. She had her hand on his arm and was studying his face intently. Shane didn’t know what she was getting from Rick. All he could see was Rick shrugging and the disappointment on her face as she was dismissed. Rick moved out from under Lori’s hand moving down the hall to a blank stretch of wall to settle himself on the floor. He laid his gun down beside him then his hat before settling back against the wall and beaconing to Carl who promptly settled himself in his father’s lap. Once Carl was in place, Rick settled his hat on Carl’s head in such a way as to block the light. Carl looked up to smile at his father before settling his head back on Rick’s chest and adjusting the hat to block more of his face. While he did, Rick retrieved his gun.

Lori hesitated a moment before moving to join them. She sat herself down at Rick’s side then curled into him, draping an arm over both husband and son. Carl moved into his mother but Rick didn’t react at all.

Shane wanted to move to join them, to be with his pack but his attention was drawn into the room was Amy was being worked on. It bothered Shane that two members of their group were in that room, unarmed, with a man whose name they did not know and intentions they couldn’t be sure of. Worse yet was the knowledge that they couldn’t get in to them any more than any of them could get out from where they have been brought.

Shane watched as the man and Jacqui worked. The two large screens in the room were on and putting out a display. The things were the size of a TV and far bigger then what Shane had gotten used to seeing while Rick was in the hospital. The whole room was like that. Things were similar to the equipment he’d grown familiar with from his time in the hospital visiting Rick but it was all noticeably different. It was all bigger or at least better. It was clear from a glance that the CDC was on a whole other level than their hospital had been. Shane wondered if maybe Rick wouldn’t have woken up sooner if he’d bene in a place with half the resources of the CDC. The doctor’s had all insisted that it was on Rick to wake up but what if that wasn’t true. What if they just hadn’t been willing to admit that Rick would do better under someone else’s care? If Shane had pushed, if Shane had gotten Rick into a place as nice and…advanced as what he was looking at would Rick have woken up before the world went to shit? Shane couldn’t help but wonder.

On the display over Amy’s bed was a collection of graphs and lines and numbers and a small rectangle that showed a video feed aimed down at the bed and Amy. Shane recognized some of what he was seeing from the long hours he’d stared uncomprehending at Rick’s monitors. But just because he recognized it didn’t mean he understood it any better than he did then. Lori had been the one to ask questions, to try and learn and understand what was too wrong to make any sense.

Shane forced his eyes away from that screen and looked to the other. He’d thought maybe it would be more of the same but the second screen seemed to be showing pages of text with graphics and video all collaged together to fit in the space together. Shane took a minute to take it all in and came to the conclusion that it was all information about amputation. When he looked back at the man and Jacqui he could see both were reading from the screen and talking to one another. With the glass blocking out their voices Shane couldn’t know what they were saying. He tried to read their lips but had no luck. It made him anxious that the man had to be looking this shit up. Wasn’t he supposed to have the answers already? Wasn’t he supposed to help? Shane took a deep breath and talked himself down. He asked himself how many amputees he knew before then asked himself how likely it was that the average doctor had to deal with a fresh amputation down at home rather than in surgery. He reminded himself that Amy was lucky to have any kind of medical professional at all. He reminded himself that there next option at a nurse who specialized in taking care of the elderly, dispensing meds and giving sponge baths.

“Shane.” Lori’s voice pulled him away from the room and brought his focus back to the hall.

He gave his pack only a glance before checking on Jim. After finding the man just the same as he’d last seen him, he turned back to focus on Lori. She gave him an expectant look. Shane knew exactly what she wanting from him. He could read her expression as easily as recognizing his own name. She wanted him to sit down and play that everything was fine so Carl and Rick and everyone else could calm down and relax even if he couldn’t.   
Shane looked to Rick whose head was tilted back. His eyes were resting, staring without seeing. His was set. His jaw clenched and his brow furrowed. While he was still, he was definitely not a man at relaxed. Shane could guess what was going on in Rick’s head. He could guess why Rick wasn’t able to really settle, but he didn’t know. He didn’t intrinsically know what was going on in Rick’s head the way he always did and it was like a scratch in his brain and the second he let himself think about the not knowing he couldn’t help but wonder what else he didn’t know and the fears from the morning before started trying to claw there way forward. But Shane forced them back. He told himself there was nothing he could do about them for the moment so his concerns would have to be ignored just a little while longer. He forced them to the back of his mind as he moved to join his pack. It left the man out of sight but Shane told himself that the women in their were not his pack and their for not his priority.

He settled himself on the floor next to Rick with himself between his pack and the potential threat Jim posed. Carol and Sophia was across from them. Shane gave Carol a nod and Sophia a smile as he brought his legs up and rested his shot gun between them.

The floor under his ass and the wall at his back were cold and hard. He had to hold back a shiver. The cold air was a hard enough adjustment after months in the summer heat without air conditioning but pressing his body up against cold glass and floor to leech heat from his body was far worse. Without thinking he moved in tighter to Rick, pressing himself all along Rick’s side, and rested his head down on Rick’s shoulder seeking heat and comfort. 

After a minute or so had passed Rick moved his arm disturbing Shane. Shane lifted his head confused. His eyes cut to Jim then Carl and Lori taking in the others as he did and finding nothing changed. Rick wasn’t rousing him for action though. This became as Rick used Shane’s pulling back to lift his arm so he could drape it over Shane’s shoulders before pulling Shane more securely against his side. It was only then that Shane thought to wonder why Rick hadn’t done that in the first place, why he hadn’t pulled him in from the start. That itch in Shane’s brain stirred up and he forced it back aside. He forced himself not to think about it. Instead he let himself relax and lean back into Rick, returning his head to Rick’s shoulder. 

Once he was settled Rick brought his hand up to scratch at Shane’s scalp and run his fingers through his hair. Shane hummed softly. He wanted to turn his face into Rick’s shoulder but he chose to refrain. At the moment they all smelled of death. Even though they had cleaned themselves off all the air in the camp had smelled of death the same as the city. It clung to all of them and their things. It wasn’t helping any of the Alphas and Omegas in their number to calm down but the fresh air that was constantly circulating in did help some.

They waited. All who couldn’t sleep got restless with time. Even those who could sleep could only take being seated on the cold floor for so long. Shane wished he’d had a blanket or even his jacket to put under his ass or a thermostat in sight to raise the temperature in their little cell block because the longer they were there the more Shane started to see it this way.

Daryl was the first who couldn’t stand to be still any longer. He returned to pacing until Carol asking him to stop as his nervous energy was feeding hers. Others followed after him including Shane as most needed to stretch their legs. Every time someone started Carol would tense the enter time and for a while after.

“Are you okay,” Lori had asked her.

Carol’s whole face was tight. She shot a look down at Sophia and smiled at her daughter who was looking up at her with concern. Carol stroked her hair and laid a kiss on her head. 

“I just don’t like being under ground,” Carol explained to Lori trying and failing to sound unconcerned about it. “I suppose I’m a bit claustrophobic.”

“No body like’s feeling trapped,” Shane said feeling sympathetic but his words came out with an edge to them. Now that Carol had mentioned it Shane couldn’t help but think of exactly how far down they were and how many more obstacles there might be between them and freedom.

Shane wondered exactly how long they’d been trapped there already. He wanted to asked Dale to check his watch, as the only one there who bothered with such things anymore, but looking at the man Shane thought it better not to disturb him. Dale had stopped his passing, having exhausted himself. He kept switching between leaning against the glass to sitting beside Andrea. Unable to stick to one or the other for any substantial length of time. His face was warn and it seemed the man had aged years over night. The dirt and blood that still marked him didn’t help matters.

Andrea wasn’t looking much better. Like Dale she was marked with blood and dirt as nether had washed before they headed out of the quarry. But along with the dirt and grime Andrea’s face was marked with tears. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying all night. Thankfully for her sake she’d managed to fall asleep and was getting some rest slumped over on the floor.

Whether his legs and ass were bothering him or not Jim stayed to his place and Shane was happy for him to stay there.

Shane passed most of the time doing his best not to think or worry or stress, choosing instead to focus on the scents and sounds of the hall. However when he stretched his legs he couldn’t help but look in on Amy, Jacqui, and the man and every time he checked he couldn’t help but worry and think and plan for the worst.

Of all the stats the screen provided about Amy about the only one Shane was certain of was that she was running a temperature and it was growing ever higher. He had known that Amy started running a temperature at some point during the night only because Andrea had reported as much to the doctor when prompted. There was always a chance the fever was just a normal fever. It wasn’t as if fevers were uncommon in life before. Shane knew there was a chance Amy’s fever was the result of the trauma and not evidence that the bite would take her, with or without her arm. Shane believed it was the bite. He wanted to believe there was some way of fighting against what would happen if any of his pack was bit, but he couldn’t let himself hope. In his guy shane believed they would be waiting not for Amy to recover, but for Amy to turn. Help or not.

Jacqui and the man seemed to be talking through most of their work whenever Shane checked in on them. There were several points where Jacqui had been crying but Shane knew her to be a caring women. With Amy on the table, after the stress of the night before, and what had happened in the city he tried not to be suspicious of her tears but he couldn’t help to wander if it was because of whatever the two were discussing. 

Shane was back sitting with the back when the door to Amy’s ‘suite’ opened. Not expecting it he startled going for his gun but stopped him as the man came out to the hall.

With his arrival the group started to stir and rise to their feet.

The man looked around at all of them before settling on Jim. “You were bit at the same time as the girl,” he asked. 

Jim nodded.

“Fever,” the man asked obviously already knowing the answer.

Jim nodded.

“Hallucinations?”

Jim shook his head.

“Then you still have some time before it takes you. I don’t know if that news is a comfort or not… but you should know if you don’t want to wait it out there’s things we can do… You can opt out.”

Jim stared at him looking leery of the offer. Shane supposed Jim was wondering if that was really an offer or a choice he was expected to make. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jim said and the man nodded.

“Can we see her now,” Andrea said voice confused and groggy, having only just been awoken by Dale.

The man nodded to her looking sympathetic.

Dale helped Andrea to her feet but once she was stable she shook him off and headed inside. Dale didn’t hesitate despite the brush off to follow at her heel. Andrea tensed seeing him in her peripheral as he came up on the other side of the bed forcing Jacqui back as he inserted himself into her place. Dale didn’t notice Andrea’s reaction but Shane did.

“Can I just have a moment with her,” Andrea asked putting her eyes back on Amy and keeping them there as she stroked her sisters hair. 

“Of course sweetie,” Jacqui said moving out to the door. Their voices were faint to Shane from his place by the door but as close as he was Dale shouldn’t have had a problem hearing them. He wasn’t moving though. Instead his hand reached out for Amy.

“Dale,” Andrea said her voice coming out more firm. That was enough to pull Dale out of himself. “I’d like a minute alone with my sister.”

Dale looked conflicted, turning between the two sisters. But in the end he nodded his understanding before heading back out to the hall. 

Once Dale was through the man closed the door to give Andrea some privacy. Dale placed him self directly next to the door, looking in at the two girls he considered pack but weren’t really. 

There was a reason there were meant to be overtures and courting behavior when packs were being formed. Amongst other things these little bits of ceremony allowed it to be clear to everyone what was happening and voice their consent or assent before bonds were became set. Dale had allowed himself to take the girls into his heart as pack without consulting them on the matter first. Shane didn’t know what had been going thought the old man’s head. Maybe he had thought that things should just be clear and he didn’t need to explain. If he had spoken up about it, Shane could have told him that was sheer stupidity. Even amongst Alphas and Omegas things weren’t always so clear and with something as important as pack it was always best to ask. As far as Shane was concerned it was only common sense. You wouldn’t sleep with someone without clear consent and bringing someone into pack was far more intimate and lasting then simple sex. To make matters worse Amy and Andrea were both cis and didn’t seem to understand at all what was happening. Shane thought they had at first or he would have intervened. Hell, he’d assumed for almost a month that Dale had talked to them before some conversations about pack around the fire made it clear no such conversation had taken place. As far as Shane was concerned the conflict Dale was dealing with between what his heart knew and the reality he had to live with was his own fault for jumping the gun.

Andrea took her time brushing Amy’s hair and talking to her. Shane wandered if part of it wasn’t wanting to be a bit spiteful to Dale. Eventually however she stood up and wiped at the tears on her eyes before looking out at the crowd that had gathered in front of the room. 

While the others filed into the room Shane turned to the man and asked, “What’s your name anyway,” a bit more confrontationally then he intended. 

The man blinked at him. Shane wouldn’t call the expression facing him surprised. The emotion wasn’t strong enough for that. Shane thought back and tried to think if this guy had shown one strong emotion since their arrival but couldn’t recall any. Shane didn’t like that.

Rick reached out to grip the back of Shane’s neck trying to encourage calm rather than aggression and giving a little warning squeeze. Shane resisted the long established reflex to relax under the touch. He wasn’t yet convinced that calm was what the situation called for. Rick must have felt this resistance for the next thing Shane knew Carl was being held out him, the kid wrapping his arms around Shane’s neck. Carl, who didn’t fight it at all. Shane figured, knowing Carl the way he did, that the kid knew exactly why his father was handing him over and what purpose he was to serve. His wrapping his small arms around Shane’s neck and pushing his face into Shane’s neck instead of watching proceedings seemed to prove that for Shane. There was no resisting as Shane responded, taking Carl automatically, without a thought or hesitation. He shot Rick a dirty look as his partner took his gun from him. 

Unarmed and with Carl latched on to him Shane couldn’t help but to have his temper calm. He couldn’t go picking fights when Carl was between him and the threat. Instinct rebelled against the very idea. With Carl in his arms Shane couldn’t help but fall back and let Rick take the lead and Shane hated it. He knew being in the front, in the lead wouldn’t necessarily make a difference. He’d been closer to the threat then Rick on the day Rick was shot and it obviously hadn’t made a difference… but it was instinct. Shane hated that Rick was pushing forward while he hung back. It didn’t feel right at all.

The man was studying them. Taking in their interaction and likely picking up on far more about their dynamic and personalities then Shane would have liked. As an omega the man would know they were pack. There was no helping that but Shane feared that everything the man knew, was something he could use against them.

“Rick Grimes,” Rick offered to the man with a nod, distracting him from his observations much to Shane’s releif.

“Doctor Edwin Jenner,” the man supplied in return.

Neither man offered the other a hand. As both were Omegas they knew neither would take offense to it so there wasn’t a need. Shane’s least favorite part of police work was being expected to shake hands with Cis who couldn’t know what he was from scent alone. It was why he’d taken to where gloves and how Rick had learned to not touch his face or any part of himself unnecessarily. As a kid Rick had been fidgety. Always touching his face or rubbing his hand on his pants but as an officer Rick had quickly broken the habit when it meant rubbing someone’s scent who wasn’t pack over himself.

Andrea broke the stand off as Rick and the Doctor studied on another.

Anxious for answers she asked, “Is she going to be okay?” Her eyes were tearing up again just saying the words but their was a wild edge to her words that Shane didn’t like.

Dale tried to step up to give her comfort but Andrea shrugged him off. Her focus didn’t leave the Doctor to even blink.

Jenner looked from Amy to Andrea then back to Amy again.

“There is a fever and signs that an infection has set in. With some blood work and test I’ll be able to tell you if it’s the bite or something else. Unfortunately while cauterizing does work to stop blood flow, it leaves the wound more susceptible to infection. Thankfully,” he said gesturing around them, “infections what this place was made for. I should be able to get her set up with what she’ll need to fight it as long as it isn’t the bite.”

“If it’s the bite… “ Jenner’s eyes cut over to Jim. “I’m afraid there is nothing I can do to stop it things from taking their course.”

“How can that be,” Shane asked, accusingly. “You, the other doctor, aren’t you supposed to be figuring this thing out? Isn’t that your job? How can you not know how to help someone who’s bit?”

Carl squeezed his arms around Shane’s neck. He felt sick saying the words, drawing attention but he had to speak up, he had to say.

The good doctor looked unimpressed. “I know,” he started his tone measured with just a taste of snark to match up against Shane’s own accessory tone, “that at other facilities in cases where people survived the initial attack amputation was administered in a hope of saving the patient.” His voice lost its edge quickly, like he was too tired to keep it up.

“You said we gave her a chance,” Andrea remembered. “So…it worked. For those patients?”

Jenner looked at her. “For some it did, yes. But not all.”

Andrea blinked back tears.

“What are her odds,” Dale asked his tone firm, strong, even as tears came to his own eyes.

Jenner didn’t look at Dale. Instead his eyes were on Andrea. “There weren’t enough cases to say. With the cases that were reported the circumstances varied greatly… In all honesty it shouldn’t work at all given how quickly blood circulates through the human body. But somehow it does. Unfortunately that is about the extent of our understanding of this disease as well. We don’t know the whys or the how. We don’t know what it is or how to combat it. All the answers we were able to get, are as to what it does.”

As Jenner made his way further into the room with the rest who lingered in the hall followed behind not wanting to miss what answers the man had to give. Shane was relieved to see Daryl hold the door without having to ask. With Daryl there they didn’t have to worry about being locked in. Shane was less relieved when Jim moved in past Daryl to join them.

Jenner had made his way to the far wall to take the screen from off the wall using the arm mount it was anchored to angled it so the room could all see.

“Vi,” Jenner called, “give me a playback of TS-19.”

Shane looked around as a female voice from on high responded, “Playback of TS-19.”

Both screens in Amy’s room changed to show the same display. Most of it Shane couldn’t make sense of. Four of the images were clear enough though, even to him. They were scans of someone’s brain. His stomach rolled over just seeing them. He couldn’t help recall all the test they’d put Rick through and the subsequent results that had been shown to both himself and Lori as the Doctors tried to explain what they showed.

“Is that a brain,” Carl asked. Shane noticed that all the kids were particularly interested in what they were seeing. The adults were interested as well but more leery then fascinated.

“An extraordinary one,” Jenner answered, his eyes locked on the screen. He seemed to get lost in himself while he looked at the display.

“Who is it,” Morales asked.

It took Jenner a beat before he answered. “Test Subject 19… Someone who was bitten and infected, and volunteered to have us… record the process.”

Jenner seemed to struggle to say anything more. He looked away from the screen to the floor and tried to compose himself.

“She was my wife, my partner,” he admitted with trouble. Having managed the confession he looked back up at the screen. He stared at it for some time. Not even Shane had the heart to push him. He gave the man his time as he looked up at the screen with new eyes, realizing that even though he couldn’t see the face, they were looking at Jenner’s wife, his partner, a member of his pack. Jenner had said this was a recording of the process, a process with only one inevitable conclusion, death. Shane couldn’t imagine having to watch it back. But in a perverse way, he knew that if he had footage of Rick getting shot that day he’d have watched it over and over. He wouldn’t have been able to help himself. He would have watched again and again no matter how much it would have destroyed him. The same as scenting Rick’s items until there was almost none of Rick’s scent left to them. As much as it had hurt him, he couldn’t stop because stopping would have meant letting go. 

“Dr. Candace Jenner… She truly was extraordinary. She was a loss to the world. In our field she was an Einstein. She ran this place. She was the one you wanted here, to carry on the work,” Jenner said staring at the screen entranced. “Of all of us, she was the one that could have done something about this.”

He shook his head his eyes going distant before turning back to the screen.

“But it didn’t matter in the end. This was the last contribution she was able to make and only a very few people ever got to see it.”

Jenner swallowed.

“Vi, take us in for EIV,” Jenner said his tone mostly back to lacking emotion, almost business like.

“Enhanced internal view,” ‘Vi’ answered.

One of the images on the screens expanded, pushing the others aside to be prominently on display. Once the image had most of the screen to itself the view started to move in until it looked to Shane to be more like abstract art then something you were meant to identify. “What are those lights,” he asked.

“That’s a person’s life,” Jenner said and went on to explain about memories and experiences and synapses but in the end it was the first thing that mattered more than the rest. Lights meant life and the lacking meant death.

“Vi, scan forward to the first event,” Jenner instructed and the view pulled back again. The image was definitely changed from what they had first seen. Shane may not have understood exactly what the doctor was saying but he got the picture. Whatever it was, whatever came from the bite, it invaded the brain. Took it over, making things go wrong. The body shut down, and then death was inevitable. You died. You were gone. All the lights were out.

Shane couldn’t help but look at Amy and then at Jim while he thought about what they were being told and those he’d seen who had died from a bite. He wasn’t the only one who couldn’t help but look.

“That’s what it will be for me then,” Jim said facing straight on, not looking at anything while his jaw twitched and his eyes watered.

“I’m afraid so,” Jenner said. “I can help with the pain, I can made things a bit more peaceful, but I can’t do anything to stop it.”

“I still don’t get it,” Glenn said. “How can you and the other doctors not have found anything? How can there be nothing,” he continued looking at Jim with sympathy and guilt. That was Glenn’s problem, Shane mused. Glenn was just too good, to eager to help, and it was going to get him killed on day. That goodness had gotten them Rick back though, so Shane would just have to do his best to pay that debt by keeping Glenn alive as long as he could without risking his pack.

Silence took the room. Shane looked back at Jenner. He wasn’t meeting anyone’s eye but rather than looking distracted or lost as he had before, this time the move looked evasive. Shane’s eyes tightened in suspicion.

Jacqui stepped up next to Jenner’s side.

“He’s the last,” she said and Jenner looked at her with gratitude. “There are no other doctors. This place may have given us what Amy needed, but it wasn’t what we were hoping for.”

“What does she mean,” Rick asked Jenner, stress apparent in his voice.

Shane’s arms were full of Carl but Lori reached out for Rick, both seeking to give comfort and seeking support for herself.

Shane watched Jenner watch Rick as he answered the question. 

“When things got bad a lot of people just left. They wanted to be with their families, their packs. I would have been among them. I wanted us to leave,” he admitted. “But my wife was resolved that we would stay. She wanted us to try. Even on her deathbed she made me promise to keep trying… When the military cordon was over run, that’s when she was bit. As the cordon fell most ran but some retreated back into the building. With everything happening, all the panic, procedure wasn’t followed. Someone slipped through, down to the lower levels with a bite. He must have bled out… He turned in the halls. We came on him…”

Edwin shook his head and focused on the world around him trying to fight off the memory. He let himself turn away from personal matters and focus on what these people would need to know.

“With the cordon gone and with the lose of Candace’s leadership morale was extinguished. Everything fell apart. People bolted or tried to anyway. Many didn’t make it past the dead at our door. Those that stayed behind only stayed because they couldn’t face going out the door. A rash of suicide’s followed. That was a bad time… One by one they opted out. Until it was just me.”

Edwin didn’t tell them how much he struggled to hold on. He didn’t tell them how much he’d wanted to leave with the others on the hope of finding some part of his pack. It had been weeks before he stopped feeling the desire to leave, to find them as the truth settled in for him that it would be hopeless. His pack was either dead or scattered to the wind far from his reach. It was once he’d excepted that truth that the suicidal thoughts started in earnest. The struggle of wanting to leave as replaced with a struggle against the desire to end it all. His promise to Candace was the only thing that allowed him to go on trying for as long as he had.

“But there have to be other facilities,” Rick pushed.

Edwin looked at him. The man was of their sect as he had suspected watching the video feed. He had been wrong though in thinking he was dealing with one pack. Still, that any pack, any family, had managed to stay together with the world the way it was an astounding thing to Jenner. He’d been wrong in thinking the Alpha was Rick’s mate. Seeing the man with his wife and mate, with their son and their marriage bands was hard but Jenner couldn’t help feeling a sense of kinship with Rick. Their circumstances, their lives were so different, but still he felt it all the same.

So he tried to be gentle.

“There may be some,” Edwin admitted, trying to put believable hope into his voice. Somehow saying it made him feel better. He’d let himself wallow. He hadn’t let himself acknowledge the possibility that just because their power ran out or their feed went dead, that someone wasn’t still trying. Maybe there were people out there with more will or more reason them him to find a way.

“There could be others, people like me,” he said with more conviction, almost able to believe it.

“But you don’t know? How can you not know,” Rick asked disbelieving.

“Everything went down. Communications, directives, leadership fell or failed. The other facilities all had their own problems. Some almost exactly what happened here. The last I heard from were the French. They thought they were close to a solution…”

He saw Rick’s attention perk and he felt bad for instilling a hope he was going to have to crush. They would be able to handle it better, going back out into it all, if they didn’t know. Jenner had no doubts that most would be leaving. Those with pack at least. Rick would go. He would have to. For the sake of the child and his pack he would have to try, to keep himself and them alive. It was just the nature of who they were.

“But their last transmission was a month ago and it’s been dark ever since,” Edwin convinced. Rick didn’t appear as disheartened by the news as Edwin feared by there were certainly others who were shook.

“What do you think happened to them,” Jacqui asked. This wasn’t part of what Edwin had told her when they were alone treating Amy. It hadn’t been anything that she was interested in. It was what was happening in the facility that interested her…and in Edwin’s plans. Edwin thought by her interest that while Rick would certainly leave with his pack there was a good chance he wouldn’t be taking all his people with him.

Edwin kept his eye on her as he explained knowing her reaction would be easier to take as she already knew what was happening, what would be happening. “They ran out of power. The same as we are here.”

That got the groups attention keenly.

“The world runs on fossil fuel, and our supply is almost up,” he explained. “We only have a couple of days left and once its gone, the facility goes with it.”

“What does that mean,” the alpha asked, the aggression back in his voice. “The building looses power. So what?”

Edwin found that ignorance ridiculous. They were underground. How did the man think they would be able to breath without the power to bring them air amongst other difficulties. Still he didn’t bother correcting him. Air wasn’t what was important. Anyone left behind wouldn’t be given the chance to suffocate.

Edwin took a breath. “There were security measures put into place incase of a catastrophic power failure like we’re facing now. The fuel reserves we had were only meant to last so long. The military had to constantly resupply us while they were still here to do it. And once they were gone… It was only because it was just me here that things lasted this long. More people means more of a strain on the power supply which means time runs out more quickly.”

“And how much time will be left with use here,” another man, one Edwin didn’t know the name of spoke. He was cis but his voice and face had taken on a similar aggressive edge to the alphas. After all defense of family, mates and offspring wasn’t something specific to Alphas and omegas and the man was standing with his family, a wife and two children.

“If we’re careful… Two and a half days,” Edwin admitted taking in everyone’s reactions. People tensed, were unhappy, but the time wasn’t so pressing as to cause a panic.

“We could get you more fuel,” Rick offered.

Dale nodded. “We have more up at the vehicles and we can drain them of what they have.”

Edwin shook his head. “You wouldn’t be able to sustain it. Trust me. The facility just takes too much to run. You’d use up what time you could get out of it looking for more. And what’s in your vehicles you're going to need to get out of here when the time comes.”

“When the time comes for what,” Rick asked.

“There were security measures put into place incase of a loss of power,” Edwin tried again, hoping this time to stay on subject and still keeping in mind the need to be gentle. “We worked with some very nasty stuff here. Weaponized smallpox. Ebola strains that could wide out half the country. Stuff we needed to be sure wouldn’t get out if things went wrong. Not ever. So in the event of a catastrophic power failure the facility is programed to ensure those thing can’t get out. When the power runs out, the building will self-destruct and there is nothing you or I or anyone that’s left can do to stop it. All we can do is make use of what time we have while it’s still standing.”

That news got the reaction Edwin felt it was probably owed if you still cared about staying alive. People were on the edge of panic or anger depending on their disposition. Edwin did his best to distract them.

“The computer is capable of keeping track of precisely how much time there is left from what fuel we have. It will be able to give you all plenty of warning to get out and make it safely clear of the building before that happens. There is food here, medicine, weapons, supplies, all of which you’ll be free to take with you when you go. In the mean time I can look after the girl and see she gets the treatment she needs while all of you will have a chance to get some rest and make use of the amenities the facility has to offer while you're here. The housing section is shut down and we can’t afford the power it would take to open it up but the couches in the offices are comfortable and there are cots as well. The cafeteria will allow you to make some food up for yourselves without using up very much power and then there are the showers as well as long as everyone’s aware of how much hot water they're using.”

The group stayed silent as they tried to process all he’d told them. The idea of food and rest and hot water had gone a long way to calming them down. Even if it wasn’t permeant, it was more than then had been on offer anywhere else for a long time.

“I know you’re saying it won’t take up so much fuel but I can’t see how showers and hot water won’t burn up our supply. Wouldn’t it be better to conserve all the energy we have and use to the most packing up what you have here to take with us. I’m more concerned that my children have food to eat and time to rest safely before we leave again,” the family man said.

Edwin studied the man and wondered how he could be so blind. But he supposed the focus of his study and life did make him more sensitive to and aware of the necessity of hygiene in the times and conditions they found themselves.

Edwin reminded himself to be gentle, persuasive. It had never been his strong suit. 

“I may not have been out there,” Edwin admitted, “but I can’t imagine you’ve had much time to breath. Once you’re out there again you don’t know how long until you’ll have the chance again and from what Jacqui’s said you’ve been up all night already. As a doctor I’m asking you take at least the rest of the afternoon to rest and eat and recover. Do some work this evening if you have to then get more rest tonight. Maybe get back to full strength to push tomorrow.”

“Bodies under strain are bodies with weakened immune systems,” he added. He gestured to the screen which still showed Candace’s scan. If they were going to survive there were things they were going to have to understand. “It’s more than just this you have to worry about now. Without modern medicine you’re going to have to look after yourselves. That means getting rest and sleep and not pushing yourself so hard you can’t recover. You’re going to have to do your best to make sure you're not just eating but getting the nutrition your body needs. Small cuts and injuries can and will become a bigger problem if they are treated properly. You will have to see to staying clean and cutting down what risks you can through proper hygiene. Washing hands, washing food, washing plates and utensils and making sure the water you use isn’t contaminated as well. Cleanliness might just keep you alive as much as a gun will. All those stories from the past about disease and how it affected people, how many people it killed? Without all the advances we made that reality is going to come back and having dead bodies traveling around and having to interact with them is only going to exasperate the problem. Living bodies are the carriers for all kinds of things but a dead body can be even worse.” 

“Right now I can smell the dead on you. On the chance that more than the smell is lingering and while you have the resources available it is certainly worth the fuel to avoid the risk,” Edwin stressed. He could see several people in the group shifting their weight uncomfortably. Edwin imagined they were now very aware of their skin and what might be one them. As far as he was concerned that meant he’d done his job.

“I suppose it’s a good thing we’ll have a doctor with us then,” Dale said trying to joke.

Edwin wished he hadn’t said that. “I’m afraid you won’t, which is all the more reason to be careful.”

“You have somewhere else you're planning to go,” the Alpha asked. Edwin imagined that he was thinking anywhere Edwin had to fall back to would be better for his pack then looking for somewhere else.

“I’ll be staying here when the time comes,” Edwin explained. “I promised my wife I would try as long as I could but with her gone and my pack as well… When the facility falls I won’t have a way to continue my work. I’ll have fulfilled my promise.”

Dale and several of the others looked gobsmacked.

“So you're opting out,” Andrea said with less judgement then he was expecting from her.

He looked at her and saw the same understanding in her eyes he’d seen in Jacqui’s. With Jacqui he could understand. She’d lost everything and while she had formed connections with the group, none were family. No one there was enough to make her stay. Andrea had someone. She had her sister. Edwin couldn’t understand why she would be accepting of the idea especially when he was the only doctor her sister was likely to find.

“I am,” Edwin said, still considering Andrea.

Andrea nodded and looked away to focus on Amy, her expression considering.

Jenner stepped in closer to Andrea. “I’ll do everything I can for her while she’s here and I’ll send you with what medicine she might need. Jacqui says you know someone, a nurse who will be able to help her. I’ll send what information I have along incase he needs it. But this was never my field of study. He’s probably going to know as much as me when it comes to helping her. Maybe more,” Jenner tried to offer her.

Andrea nodded and gave him a small smile but her voice was numb. “Thank you,” she said before sitting herself down beside her sister to resume stroking her hair.

Edwin didn’t know what else to do there. He looked up from Andrea to the screen intending to check Amy’s vitals only to see familiar footage and remember the playback of Candace’s scan was still up for display moving on in real time. 

“What about me,” Jim asked distracting Edwin and breaking the silence. “You said you knew what was going to happen to me. You said you understood that at least.”

Jenner stared at the screen as it slowly playing out Candace’s last gift to the world. He needed it finished and Jim had given him reason enough to continue.

“Vi, scan to the second event,” Edwin ordered.

“How long it takes for the bite to kill you varies greatly depending on the person and the nature of the bite. The longest we have reports of anyone lasting was three days. Most seem to only make it two however if the damage wasn’t too severe. However the violence of the bite tends to lead to complications which severally cut down that time.”

They had made it to the second event.

“Resurrection times vary widely. We have reports of it happening in as little as three minutes. The longest heard of was eight hours.”

Edwin almost told them how long it had take for Candace but he decided against it. It felt far to personal of a thing to share when they knew he was speaking of his wife.

Silence held the room while they took in the small read flares of light that started to fire off where once they had been a blaze a brilliant ribbons of beautiful light.

“But you said…,” someone started but Jenner didn’t care enough to note who. As much as he’d missed people the last several hours had taken everything out of him after so long alone and after telling them what he hadn’t had to tell to another living person before.

“It restarts the brain,” another person asked.

Edwin didn’t take his eyes off the screen. “No, just the brain stem. Basically it gets them up and moving.”

“But they’re not alive,” another voice asked.

Edwin stared at the screen his eyes twitching to follow the little flares of light that pushed out the farthest. “You tell me,” he said wanting to be done talking.

“It’s nothing like before. Most of that brain is dark,” Rick observed.

Shane thought about what Jenner had said. About light being life. If light was life than what he was seeing certainly didn’t look all that alive.

They watched as the body on display started to move, its jaw already working hungrily.

“Vi, pause playback and move to it to the big room,” the doctor called his voice shaky. 

The image went away before they could see anything more. One of the screens went blank. The other went back to showing Amy and all her vitals.

“If we’re all alone here who exactly are ya you keep giving orders too,” Daryl asked. 

“Vi is the interface for the computer that runs the facility. Vi, say hello to our guest. Tell them… welcome.”

“Hello quests,” the voice from on high said. “Welcome.”

“If you have any questions later on and I’m not around, Vi can probably answer them. As long as you phrase the question right,” Jenner added.

“For now we should go get you all washed up, get you something to eat, and settled in so I can get back to my patients,” the doctor said turning and moving towards the door where Daryl moved back out of his space instinctively. 

Jenner caught the door before it could close gestured them all out.

As the Morales family moved out Jenner looked to Jim. “I can set you up in another room now. Give you a chance to lay down. Set you up with some meds to help with the pain.”

Jim nodded but didn’t make a move to leave. 

“The rest of you,” Jenner continued. “I’ll get a quick blood sample to give you a basic check, make sure everything’s all right, and then we can move on.”

As the rest of them nodded and move along Andrea stayed behind at Amy’s bedside and Dale stood in the doorway keeping the door from falling shut.

Jenner lead Jim to the room across the hall from Amy. He took some blood and set it aside on a tray heading back out to the hall 

“Doc,” Jim called after him from the bed Jenner had put him in. “I’d prefer if the door could stay open.”

Jenner nodded and moved a prop into place to keep the door from closing fully.

Shane was disappointed in him asking and Jenner listening. He would have preferred to have Jim and the threat he posed sealed away.

Jenner then lead them to another room where he put on a fresh set of gloves and asked them to come in to get their blood drawn. They moved in as packs and families and singles. Reluctantly Dale left Amy’s room to give his own sample but Andrea won’t budge so Jenner came to her.

“Why don’t you go get showered and have something to eat,” Jacqui told Andrea rubbing her arm. “I’ll stay with her while you do and go see to myself once you’re back.”

Andrea shook her head. “I’m happy here.”

“We’ll stay,” Dale told Jacqui, back to standing guard of the door.

Jacqui looked between the two uncertain.

“You should go Dale,” Andrea said, her tone not leaving room for argument. 

Dale looked hurt. “Someone has to stay to look after you,” Dale insists.

“It will only be Jim, Amy, and I,” Andrea reminded him. “And I do have a gun.”

Dale didn’t seem convinced. 

“If anything comes up or goes wrong you can ask Vi to send a message to us,” Jenner offered. Andrea nodded. 

Dale sighed in defeat.

“It’s all well and good, getting showered when the only clothes we have with us are libel to be as dirty as we are,” Dale complained to Jenner, unhappy with being made to leave.

“Until you can get back out to get your own things we have some clothes here that should fit all of you,” Jenner said.

Jenner lead them out of quarantine and on to a hall of office suits he offered for their use. Dale didn’t waste anytime heading off for a shower, eager to get clean and get back to his girls.

Not everyone was so uninhibited as several of them couldn’t help but check again that the shower wouldn’t eat up too much power. Jenner assured them that as long as they kept things within a reasonable limit it wouldn’t be a problem. Rick asked if it wouldn’t be better to wash in the sink as that would save water. Jenner insisted it would be fine. T-dog suggested that a hot shower might be what they all needed if they were going to get any sleep. Jenner spoke up explaining that he did have sleep meds to help anyone sleep if they needed it. Daryl commented that he’d rather get shit faced drunk and pass out. Shane told him that he could get shit faced once what needed doing was done. Daryl studied him but did in the end nod in acceptance. 

Jenner asked them all to stay in that area until he got back to guide them on to the cafeteria.

Everyone divided up, some having to double up due to the number of offices available. Shane waited and watched to see where everyone would go. The Morales family divided, daughter with mother and father with son. Carol and took Sophia with her the same and Rick took Carl allowing Lori some time to herself. 

“Don’t forget to lock your door,” Shane told Lori as she went past him.

She stopped to look at him confused.

“We don’t know Jenner. If you’re going to be alone, lock your door.”

Lori took a moment to consider that, her eyes going distant before they focused back on Shane. She nodded.

Shane stayed where he was, watching her go and seeing her door close then listening for the lock. He stayed listening as showers turned on all along the hall. He could barely hear it through the closed doors but it was enough to know that most had gotten started. He thought about remaining out in the hall for Jenner’s return but the chance to talk with Rick alone without the others around was too great for him to change his plans.

Shane made his way over to the room Rick had claimed for Carl and himself. He opened the door to the office beyond and found Rick, looking his way alert with his hand on his gun. He relaxed some when he saw who it was that had entered without knocking but he didn’t relax as much as he should have. Shane’s eyes tightened in irritation.

Shane closed and locked the door behind him. He could hear the shower going, He was suer they had some time to themselves as Carl was only a child and there for not the best at regulating himself. Shane couldn’t see the boy bringing himself out of his first hot shower in months any time sooner than then fifteen minutes.

“Hey man,” Shane greeted Rick moving further into the room. He wanted to go right up to him. He wanted to take a place by Rick’s side. He wanted to wrap Rick up in his arms. He wanted to grab hold of Rick by his hair and shake him until he spilled out whatever was causing his attitude… He wanted to hold on. He wanted to rub his face into Rick’s neck, to leave kisses there and ask Rick to let it go and let him in. But it didn’t matter what he want. He forced himself to swallow and push his desire down and his wants aside. Rick was clearly eyeing him as he moved and even if Shane didn’t know what was going on in Rick’s head he knew he wasn’t welcome at Rick’s side for the moment, despite the closeness they had shared in the hall and that he’d always been welcomed before.

Shane settled himself against the wall across from where Rick was perked on the desk.

“How are you doing,” Shane asked his partner.

“Should be asking you that,” Rick asked, eyes still tracking him, still evaluating. Shane didn’t like it.

He shrugged. “It’s not what we were hoping for but it gives us a safe enough place for the night.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Rick said. “First you went after Daryl. Then Ed. Now you're looking to push forward with aggression here as well. Am I going to have to spend my time watching to break up whatever trouble you start while we’re here.”

Shane’s face fell. “It’s not like that man.”

Rick’s face didn’t change. “…Then tell me what its like.”

Shane stepped forward towards Rick feeling defensive and wronged. “How about you tell me something first?”

Rick rolled his eyes and stood up. “I don’t want to play any games right now Shane.”

“Not trying to play any games right now, Rick,” Shane countered. “You want me calm? You don’t want me going off being over protective? Then there’s something I’ve got to know.”

Rick was studying him with more concern in his expression. Shane felt satisfied at seeing it instead of Rick’s blank look.

When Rick didn’t say anything Shane continued. “Did you tell me everything, about waking up and what came after?”

Rick just looked confused. “What do you mean?”

Shane ran a hand over his hair and took a deep breath. Rick seemed sincere enough to Shane but Shane couldn’t risk backing off and being wrong. So he put his hands on his hips and widened his stance. He ducked down his head a bit as his shoulders hunched forward and he caught Rick’s eye.

“Yesterday in the woods the way you reacted to me… you ain’t ever done that before.”

Shane watch Rick’s face slowly becoming blank. His own jaw clenched in response to it. 

Shane pushed on.

“So that got me thinking that maybe something happened when we were apart. Cause the thing is Rick, we’ve seen people react like you did and it was always for a good reason. So I’m asking, is there anything you’ve got to tell me?”

Rick was back to looking confused with an extra hint of frustration. ‘What are you talking about’ his face said.

“Did anything happen at the hospital or on the way into the city,” Shane pushed.

Rick still looked confused. Shane was hoping Rick wasn’t going to make him actually say it but he didn’t seem to be getting it. Shane couldn’t help hoping that was a good sign. “Did anyone go after you? Did you run into trouble?”

It took a couple of seconds before understanding came to Rick’s face then sympathy took its place. “Shane,” Rick said his voice gone soft.

Shane had already been feeling shaky but the relief made it worse. “I just… I had to be sure. When I saw you standing off against me like thst, I couldn’t help-” Shane couldn’t say it. Shane couldn’t say what he’d been thinking.

He completely missed Rick moving towards him. He was too in his own head, in his own feelings to notice until Rick’s arms came around him. He returned the embrace without hesitation, needing Rick close, needing to feel him in his arms.

“I couldn’t get it out of my head,” Shane said, voice soft and broken. “I just kept thinking that something had happened because you were alone, cause I wasn’t there.”

Rick stroked at his hair while shushing him in an attempt to comfort.

Shane squeezed him tighter. “Ya got to promise me man. Ya got to promise me nothing happened.”

He didn’t actually need the promise. He could see plainly that Rick wasn’t lying. But he needed to know what was happening and he felt this was his chance.

“I promise, Shane,” Rick said. “Nothing happened like that.”

Shane closed the trapped. “Then what’s wrong. Why did you react that way?”

He could feel Rick tense a bit against him even as he could feel it in him that he was fighting not to. Shane’s face fell into a scowl at that.

“Talk to me,” he all but demanded. He thought he knew what Rick would say and he while he wasn’t eager to talk about his sleeping with Lori, they couldn’t go on leaving it unspoken. Not if it was going to effect Rick in the way it was.

“…Since I woke-” A knock at the door interrupted Rick.

Shane glared at the door.

“Who is it,” Rick called out, detaching himself from Shane to make his way over to the door. Shane following behind him.

“It’s Doctor Jenner. I have your clothes and things.”

Shane’s glare intensified. He held Rick back to get the door himself. His hand went to rest on his gun, just incase but Rick stopped him and forced him to take a more trusting stance.

He opened the door to find Jenner with a bag of clothes. The clothes were mostly generic sweats, sweatshirts, and t-shirts that the CDC must have kept around for some reason. Shane was reminded of the stock of spare clothes the school nurse kept incase of accidents. Shane took what Jenner had to offer for himself and Rick while Rick went through the stack looking for something for Carl and Lori as he was more familiar with their sizes. Once Jenner was had moved on Rick looked to Shane and held up the bundle for Carl. “I should get this too him,” Rick said. “It’s been more than 10 minutes.”

Shane shook his head. He didn’t like that the conversation had been put on hold but Rick had reminded him they had limited time and things to do.

“Nah man. I’ll take care of Carl. You bring Lori her’s and get a shower over there. Might be the only chance for anything like privacy you two are gonna get for awhile,” Shane said honestly not thinking of anything sexual, just thinking that Rick and Lori might want some time to talk and be, just the pair of them. However by the way Rick’s face twitched Shane assumed Rick thought he was suggesting something more carnal.

Still Rick nodded and grabbed his clothes and Lori’s before going to the bathroom door. “Carl,” he called.

“I’m almost done,” Carl called back with a hint of panic.

Shane smirked while Rick rolled his eyes. 

“That’s good,” Rick said like he didn’t know Carl was fibbing. “Shane’s out here and he’s going to take the shower after you. Jenner’s dropped off some clean things so come get them from Shane when you’re done.”

“Okay,” Carl called back and Rick gave a nod before looking at Shane.

“I’ll give him two more minutes then make sure he’s out,” Shane promised.

Rick sighed and nodded again before heading out and leaving Shane alone.

True to his word he gave Carl his two minutes then insisted he be done.

Carl dressed himself while Shane showered then sat on the toilet seat while talking to Shane over the sound of the water.

“So we’re going to have to leave,” Carl said. It wasn’t a question.

“We’ll make it work,” Shane promised. 

Carl nodded even though Shane couldn’t see it. He trusted that they would. Shane had managed to “make it work” for them and keep them safe so far. Now that his Dad was back Carl was positive they could do it. What happened at camp was awful but it wasn’t their fault. Carl believed that completely. And while they had lost people… their pack had gotten through. Carl knew it probably wasn’t right to think that way but he didn’t feel bad about it. His pack and Sophia and her mom were okay and that is what mattered most to Carl and he knew being okay with that was better than how he felt about Sophia’s father dying. When Carl had found out that Mr Peletier hadn’t made it through the attack on the camp, he’d felt something he’d never felt before. He didn’t have a name for it. It wasn’t something he’d ever been taught about but it had felt good. It had filled his stomach and chest up with heat and it just felt… satisfying. 

Carl had been glad that Mr Peletier was dead. He never liked the man. Right from the start, when they’d met Sophia, her Mom, and Dad on the highway he had just not felt right about the man. It only got worse when they set up in camp. Mr Peletier wasn’t a good man. Carl wasn’t sure he knew exactly what made and disqualified you as good man but he knew Mr Peletier wasn’t one. Carl knew he hurt Sophia and his wife and he knew that wasn’t right. It had taken a couple of weeks for Sophia to trust him to talk about it but eventually did. Sophia told him it had been happening for a long time, about as long as Sophia could remember. She said that he didn’t usually do much to her but that he always hurt her mom a lot and she didn’t like it. Carl didn’t like it either. Sophia said her dad made her scared. Carl thought she was right to be scared. 

Sometimes Carl had caught Mr Peletier looking at Sophia. Carl didn’t know how to explain how her father sometimes looked at her. Carl didn’t understand what he was seeing. All he knew was down in him something understood it even if he didn’t. The omega in him saw it and knew it was wrong. Every time Carl saw Mr Peletier looking at his daughter in that way he would shiver as his scalp prickled and his hair stood on end. When it happened all he had wanted to do was take Sophia and hide her, to take Sophia back to their tent and into their nest and ask Shane to protect her.

When Shane had stepped in and protected Sophia’s mom Carl had the same feeling he had after learning Mr Peletier was dead. He’d been glad Shane had stopped him. He’d been glad Shane had hurt him. He’d wanted Shane to hurt him more.

Carl knew his teachers at school and his mom would have a lot to say about that. He knew his dad would probably say something too about it being wrong if Carl told him but   
he was pretty sure his dad would understand. He might think he needed to say it was wrong but inside, Carl was sure his father would understand. He thought Shane would probably understand too but Shane wouldn’t feel the need to say it was wrong. At least, probably not. Shane would still feel like he had to tell his dad and mom though so Carl had decided he wasn’t going to tell anyone about it. He knew how he felt and he was okay to keep it to himself. If they’d asked he’d be honest but he didn’t think anyone would ask.

“Whatcha thinking about so hard there little man,” Shane asked ruffling his hair with a towel.

Carl batted the towel away and tried to use his fingers to get his hair back in order. “Just stuff,” he answer casually while he worked on the disordered stands.

“Stuff,” Shane repeated saying the word in a kind of funny way. “What kind of stuff?”

Carl shrugged. “Just stuff.”

He looked at himself in the mirror. His mom had cut his hair the day his dad got back. His mom was always cutting his hair. She said it was easier to get it right if she only had to trim it and so every couple of weeks he’d get sit down for a cut. It was always the same cut. Carl had seen pictures from when he was younger and it was always the same cut except for the one time he’d gotten something sticky tangled in it and they’d had to cut it supper short on the sides. Carl had asked his mom a couple of times if he could do something different with his hair but she always said the same thing. “Maybe when you’re older.”

The first time his mom had cut his hair at camp Mr Peletier had said that Carl should grow his hair out, that maybe it would help him feel like a real girl. Carl felt that was all kinds of stupid. Sophia and Carol and Jacqui were all “real girls” and they had short hair. Not that it really mattered. Carl knew something like hair didn’t make you who you were just as well as he knew being an omega didn’t make him a girl anymore than anyone else’s aspect made them who they were. They had learned in school that your body didn’t always match up with who you were in your head. The teacher had said that “sex” was one thing and “gender” was another and that no mater what someone’s body might look like they should respect who that person said they were. Mr Peletier hadn’t believed that though. He didn’t respect what someone said but he didn’t trust what someone’s body said either. Instead he felt that he was the one who should decide what everyone else was and what they should do and how they should be. Carl hadn’t liked that at all and thinking about it only made him happier that the man was dead.

Shane’s hand landed on his head and rested there. “Bud?”

Carl looked away from the mirror to look up at Shane who was looking down at him with concern.

“Do you think I would look good with long hair,” Carl asked. Long hair or short hair wouldn’t change who Carl was. He would still be a boy with long hair and he found he liked the idea without Mr Peletier around to share his ideas.

Shane looked confused but relieved. “What,” he asked, laughter slipping in to his voice a bit as he smiled.

Carl shrugged. “It was just something I was thinking about.”

Shane chuckled and nudged Carl’s head. 

“Let’s get going,” he said and Carl nodded, leading the way out of the bathroom. 

As Shane followed behind he couldn’t help wishing his own thoughts could be as simple as worrying about his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments and any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. As pathetic as it may sound I suffer a lot from anxiety and simple comments make it easier to push it aside and get the work done. I know this chapter was late but doubts and real life stuff just made it impossible to get it done. Hits don’t tell me how far into the story anyone is bothering to go so even a simple “still interested” comment would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> So, in canon the Atlanta group get to the CDC as the sun sets on day 63 of the outbreak. The canon timeline is thus. Day 61, the camp is attacked. Day 62, the group spends burying the dead. Day 63, the group spends on the road before arriving at the CDC. They get the night at the CDC and then the morning of Day 64 the CDC falls. The timeline for this fic is different. In this fic the camp still falls on day 61 but instead of taking the day to morn the dead they leave for the city immediately to get help for Amy, arriving at the CDC the morning of day 62. Because of this the group will have two days and two nights before the CDC is due to explode if they use up around the same amount of energy as they did the first time. So when Jenner opens the doors it is morning and we still have time until everything explodes.


	11. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clock is ticking with only two days left until the CDC decontaminates the gang try to settle in for their short stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m finally mostly free from canon! I’m so freaking happy. Writing the non-canon parts is much easier for me. From here, while certain things that happened in canon will happen (like the CDC blowing up), things are going to start getting further and further away from canon as the ripples from the AU increase and that makes me excited.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Following chapters will discusses suicide in line with the things canon showed and discussed happening at the CDC. I will place this warning on all chapters that deal with these themes for those who would like to skip to the chapters that will be dealing with this. When the warnings cease to appear, you are safe.

Rick didn’t know what to feel. Coming to the CDC had been the right call. Amy was getting care, they were safe, and they’d be getting supplies. But it wasn’t what they had hoped for. It wasn’t what Rick had wanted. 

He knew they would need to leave. There was no opting out for him. As long as there was a chance he had to try, for his pack, but he didn’t know how to face the world as it was. He was tired and scared and it had only been days for him. He thought he understood better why Morgan hadn’t been ready to move on. Every move was a risk. Even if there was a chance of reward, there was always risk. Atlanta hadn’t been what they expected and the CDC was turning out only slightly better. 

There was a dark part of Rick which whispered that it would have been more peaceful to have stayed in his coma. If he’d never woken up, he’d never have known. That same part whispered that it wouldn’t have mattered in the end that he stayed sleeping as his pack didn’t need him anymore. They had been just fine without him, it whispered.

Rick thumped his hand against the wall of the shower and tried to banish that voice and the doubts it brought from his head.

“Rick,” Lori called from the main space of the office. He heard the nob on the door giggle. He was glad he had locked it. It didn’t want Lori in their with him.

“Has it been ten minutes,” Rick called back trying to keep his voice neutral.

“…You still have some time,” Lori called back sounding tentative. “Is everything okay in there?”

Rick turned his back against the wall and let himself rest there. “Yeah… I’ll be out in a minute,” he called back.

He spent the rest of his shower focused on what needed to be done rather than other things he couldn’t help and couldn’t control. The CDC would fall. They were on the clock. There wasn’t time for Rick to get lost in his head. There were things to be done and Rick would get them done.

When he came out of the bathroom he was dressed but felt ill prepared for what was ahead with his bare feet and sleepwear. He’d thought about holstering his gun but it felt foolish to do so over sweat pants in a place they knew to be safe. But Rick’s doubts played up. How could they be certain it was safe? They had thought the camp was safe and that had gotten people killed.

Rick was reconsidering his discussion when Lori provided a distraction. She stepped into his space to run gentle fingers over the stubble on his cheek. Rick closed his eyes the stayed perfectly still. He let himself feel it. He tried to focus on her touch, familiar and allowed. Yes, he was allowed this, he told himself. He was allowed to have to touch and be touched by his wife. But even as he focused on the feel of Lori’s skin on his, deep in his gut other feelings bubbled up, feelings of neediness and being undeserving and that he was getting something he was no longer supposed to have.

“Looks like it’s going to be harder to keep a clean shave then we thought,” Lori commented.

Rick hummed in agreement but kept his eyes shut and his body still.

Lori’s fingers stayed ad her lips came to fall against his and he let himself have it. He let himself kiss her back. They were gentle with each other. Their kisses were soft, almost chaste. Lori brought her hands to his head cradling like it was precious and Rick almost wept. It felt like a dream. It felt like something unattainable that he was never meant to have. No, it felt like coming back to his family home from college to make the final arrangements before it was sold. It felt like a bitter goodbye to something he didn’t want to part with. He was scared that if he opened his eyes it would all go away. He could barely dare to breath.

Lori used her hold on his head to bring him down so she could place butterfly kisses to his brow then his cheeks.

“Rick,” she said her voice soft with emotion.

Rick let himself open his eyes.

There were tears in Lori’s eyes but there was want there too. Hear grip turned strong as pulled him in, bringing her lips to his with force and desire.

Rick took a deep breath reaching for her waist, intending to let himself have but with that breath came the scent of Lori and intrinsically twined into her scent was the pregnancy. As his hands settled on her, his awareness was almost entirely on baby he knew was in her. A child that was hers but wasn’t his.

Rick let out a shuddering exhale as he used his grip on her waist to force her back. He rested his forehead to Lori’s as the dream and allusion fell away to leave him drowning in reality with every breath he took heavy with the unspoken truths that laid between them.

“We need to head out,” Rick said trying to sppear composed. “Carl. Shane. The others. They’ll be waiting.”

Lori nodded. She placed one last kiss on his lips before wrapping her arms around him, keeping him close.

“You’re here,” she whispered in an attempt to comfort. “You’re here. We’re here. We’re all alive and safe and that’s what matters.”

Rick felt himself shudder as tears came to his eyes. As much as wanted to believe her, he couldn’t. But while he couldn’t believe he did let himself bring his arms around her. He let himself hold her tight as Lori held him tighter in return.

“We’ll make this work,” she promised him. “We’ll get through this.”

She kissed the side of his head.

Rick reached back to grab her hand from behind his head. He unwrapped her arm from around him, pulling back to put space between them. Once there was a bit more room to breath he laid a kiss on the back of her hand. He felt the metal of her wedding band against his lips. It was a fight to hold back the hurt it cause. He wondered if Lori had been wearing her ring all this time or if she had retrieved it now that Rick was back. He wondered if Lori would prefer that Shane had given her the ring she wore rather than him. He wondered where is own ring was. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for the answers to any of the things he was thinking.

“We should get going,” Rick told her, sounding more composed then he felt. Lori nodded in agreement.

Some of the others were waiting in the hall when they made there way out. Glenn and T-dog were shinny clean and dressed similarly to Lori and himself. Daryl however looked as though he’d only barely scrubbed himself down and he was still wearing most of his own clothes. He had on a clean dry generic shirt that appeared to have been provided by Jenner but his pants and belt were his own, though wet from having been washed. 

Seeing Daryl in his boots with his crossbow at hand made Rick long for his own shoes and weapon. He reminded himself of the stories his grandfather had told him about the war. How feet needed to breath and taking the chances you got when you got them. He told himself that was what he was doing. It was like the Doctor had said. They needed to take care of themselves as there wasn’t anyone else that could. That time could be the last they had to relax and they needed to take advantage.

“I hope you're not wearing wet socks in those,” Rick pointed out to Daryl teasingly, trying to make small talk to distract himself and not wanting what little (a/n: comrodery) they had developed on their run to die and fade.

Daryl snorted and shook his head but didn’t respond. He still looked tense and uneasy in their surroundings. Rick didn’t blame him.

“Where’s Jenner,” Rick asked the group trying for a different path.

“He took Jacqui and Dale back to Andrea,” Glenn explained.

“We’ll have to make sure they get something to eat,” Lori pointed out. 

Bringing her hand to Rick’s she laced their fingers before resting her cheek to rest on his shoulder. Rick was torn between wanting it and not. Nonetheless he squeezed her hand in his.

“It was hard to drag yourselves out of that shower huh,” T-dog asked trying to make small talk.

Lori laughed and gave her agreement while Rick chuckled without feeling it. 

He and Daryl kept their peace while the others filled up the time with chatter and the hall became more crowded. Shane and Carl were the last to arrive. Rick felt better seeing Shane at least had his gun.

“Where’s Jenner,” Shane asked looking around as Carl came to press in to Lori’s side. 

“He’s not back yet,” Rick told him before explaining where exactly Jenner had gone.

Glenn shifted his weight “So, we just wait,” he asked.

“Suppose so,” Shane said sounding discontent in his agreement but Shane was never one for waiting around. Patience was a virtue Shane only had on the gun range.

Morales was looking around at the hall. “We’re planning on looking for things to take with us right? While we’re here we could check the offices. See what we find?”

Shane nodded, his posture relaxing some. “Anyone finds anything useful they bring it out into the hall. We can sort through it and make decisions on what we take and don’t later,” he suggested to which the others gave nods of approval and started splitting off.

“Why don’t we go help Carol and Sophia,” Lori suggested to Carl wanting to check in with the other mother to see how both were holding up.

Carl looked after his friend. “Yeah,” he answered with a nod before heading off to the office they had disappeared inside.

Lori looked to Rick and Shane who both gave her a nod to let her know they had heard and knew where they would be.

When she got to the office she found Carol going through the closet with the kids out of sight.

“There getting the things from the bathroom,” Carol told her as Lori looked around for signs of her child.

Lori nodded and made her way to Carol’s side. She reached out to take the clothes Carol was holding to free up the other woman’s hands. “How are you doing,” Lori asked.

Carol smiled at her looking teary then turned away to look off at the bathroom. “I’ve got my girl. She’s alive and she’s safe. That’s enough. That’s everything,” she said before returning to taking things from the closet.

“This is all men’s things,” Carol said changing the subject. “Mostly slacks and button downs but the sizes look right. They should fit a few of the guys.”

Lori could respect it if Carol didn’t want to talk about her husband. Still she placed a hand on Carol’s shoulder in an offer of comfort. “That’s good,” she said giving her a smile but Carol didn’t look her way. She simply nodded and continued with the work, so Lori took her hand back and let Carol hand things over to her.

The kids returned with their own discoveries. Lori smiled at them and encouraged them for the work then sent them out to the hall to deposit their things.

“Mom,” Carl said leaning back into the room. “Jenner’s back.”

Carol and Lori nodded. Abandoning their work they headed back out into the hall. 

As Lori was depositing the collection of clothes they’d gathered onto a pile already started by the others she noticed Jenner eyeing the things strewn around the hall and felt a wave of shame. She made her way to the doctor’s side. “I hope this is okay,” she said.

Jenner looked at her a bit blankly before trying for a smile. It fell quickly and his eyes returned to the items gathered in the hall. “It will all just burn in a few days anyway. Better you make use of it if you can.”

“Still,” Lori said, “these things belonged to your colleges.”

“And they’re dead,” Jenner interrupted his tone going cold. “They don’t need anything anymore.”

Lori studied him. “I’m sorry,” she said not entirely certain whether she was apologizing or speaking out of sympathy.

Jenner nodded but said nothing more to her. “Ready to head to the cafeteria,” he asked to the group. No one protested as they were all in need of something to eat.

“How’s Amy,” T-dog asked as they made their way down the hall.

“No change,” Jenner reporter. After a few more steps he added. “Jim’s headed back up to the surface.”

“What,” Shane demanded.

The doctor didn’t break his stride. “He’s only got a few more hours left until the fever gets to be too much. When the time come he won’t be able to go on doing anything. He said he wanted to be of use while he still could. He said he wanted to check out the trucks and other vehicles out front. See what use they could be. With the extra supplies he felt you would need them… said something about making up for a van,” Jenner concluded looking back at Rick who nodded.

“Is it a good idea. To have him roaming around,” Carol asked looking worried. She held Sophia tighter to her side.

Lori had to agree. She couldn’t help but think of Jenner’s wife who had died because someone had been walking around with a bite.

“I told Vi to alert me when anyone left or entered. He made it out. If he comes back in we’ll know,” Jenner assured her. “He said he would get some of your things, bring them into the lobby. He thought that way no one had to take the risk of being bit who wasn’t already.”

Lori was grateful that Jim was willing to work for the group even with what was happening to them. She knew the cars were fairly packed with the supplies they already had. If they were going to be taking more from the CDC they would need the extra space or their wouldn’t be room for the people.

When they reached the cafeteria Jenner showed them around letting them know what was available, which appliances would draw the most power, and how to ask Vi to turn the power on and off to the specific appliances. When the time to actually prepare a meal came there was some debate as to what they would actually make.

“We should focus on what needs to be kept cold,” Miranda said speaking up.

Her husband nodded. “The fridge in the RV isn’t all that big. Not nearly enough to take all this with us.”

“It might still be worth taking it,” Glenn said. “Guillermo and his people have generators they’ve got to have some fridges too. What we can’t use they might trade for.”

Rick nodded. “It’s something to keep in mind.”

Discussion continued as they made and ate their meal as to what they would do and what they would take and asking Jenner what the CDC had to offer them. Jenner didn’t remain long before excusing himself to go check on Amy. They sent him off with food for the others and continued on with their planning without him. Some time later, well after they’d finished their meal and had begun raiding and gathering supplies from around the cafeteria Jenner returned bringing with him sleep meds.

“It’s hard to rest when we know there’s only so much time left,” Morales explained apologetically.

“I understand that,” Jenner said. “But you need it.”

He encouraged them to take a few hours to at least get a nap and to leave the supplies for later.

T-Dog and Glenn exchanged a look. “We’ll go up. Check on Jim and see what he brought in,” T-dog offered still looking at Glenn who nodded his agreement.

“I’ll come with,” Daryl offered however unenthusiastically.

“I have the elevator shut down to conserve power,” Jenner told them. “I can turn it back on if you need it.”

“How will we let you know if we do,” T-dog asked.

“Just ask Vi to tell me,” Jenner advised

“Better you let us know,” Shane cut in. “We’ll come to help to bring things down and save the power for later when we’re bringing things up.”

They accepted Shane’s plan and headed out to get their things form Jim. Lori was looking forward to taking the time to sleep in real pajamas in something like a bed.

“Is Andrea going to get a shower,” Miranda asked Jenner.

“She doesn’t want to leave her sister,” Jenner explained. “But Jacqui was able to convince her to wash up in the sink once Jim left. She promised she’d take a proper shower later but for now… she’s where she wants to be.”

Lori made a note that they should go check on her later. With what she was going through Lori was sure she would need the support.

“You said there were cots available,” Rick asked.

Jenner nodded and led them back to the offices then to show them a store room at the end of the hall with cots and other supplies. If Jenner wasn’t there to point it out to them Lori was certain would have missed it all together.

“Where is Andrea resting,” Lori asked Jenner.

“On the bed with her sister.”

“And Dale?”

“He grabbed the stool from Jim’s room.”

“Would their be room for one of the cots there?”

The confusion that had come over Jenner’s face fell away and he nodded. 

Lori turned to Shane who’d been standing close by watching their interaction. He sighed. Running a hand over his head he nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”

Resting a hand on his arm Lori smiled at him in gratitude which Shane returned. She then went about gathering the blankets, sheets, and pillows they might need in the room. She assumed Jacqui could sleep in another room but Lori couldn’t see Dale or Andrea leaving Amy’s side.

She handed the collection to Shane which he put under one arm before grabbing hold of one of the cots.

“I’ll help you,” Jenner offered and Shane grudgingly accepted.

As they were making their way down the hall the guys returned loaded with bags of clothes from the various vehicles from their jaunt topside. Shane stopped lugging the cot to ask, “Everything all right.”

Daryl didn’t look happy. “Jim started up a couple vehicles to check em out. Drew walkers in. Had his fool self trapped in one of the trucks with the walkers pushing in.”

Shane noticed Jenner looked concerned. “How many,” the Doctor asked.

Daryl shrugged while T-dog answered. “Not so many but its not like you need many. A dozen maybe,” he said looking to the others for confirmation. They nodded.

“He’s promised not to go starting them up again. He got a couple of the trucks working and moved to just outside the doors. We should be able to carry a lot in them. They are loud though.”

Lori appeared with Carol and Rick. 

“What’s happening,” Rick asked taking in their expressions with concern while the girls unburdened the guys.

They explained the situation to him.

“Guillermo and his people took a couple of those box trucks with them. Maybe they’d be willing to trade,” Rick suggested.

“If they haven’t scrapped them for parts like we did,” T-dog countered.

“If they’re willing to trade anything at all. We’re building a lot of plans round the idea that they’re going to play ball,” Daryl said.

“They helped us before,” Glenn reminded him.

“And we promised we weren’t gonna bother them again,” Daryl reminded in return. “Could be they won’t be happy with us showing back up at their door.”

“He has a point,” Shane agreed, watching an unhappy Rick from the corner of his eye. He could see the other man forming plans in his head as clearly as he could see his jaw twitch.

“That van,” Rick said seemingly out of nowhere. His eyes focused in on T-dog. “Could we take the seats out of the back? Free up some space?”

T-dog made a face while he considered. “Could be but I wouldn’t know how.”

“But would you mind if we did?”

“Nah, I don’t mind.”

Rick looked to Shane who shrugged.

Daryl shifted his weight. “It will cut some weight. We’re gonna be taking on a lot with all we’re carrying. Weight burns fuel.”

Rick nodded. “I’ll check with everyone. See if there is anything they need that didn’t get brought down. Then I’ll head up, talk to Jim about the van.”

“I don’t like you going alone,” Shane said without taking any time to think about it.

“I’ll go with him,” Daryl offer. His eyes cut to Glenn for a moment before he shrugged. “Crossbows quieter then a gun.”

Shane didn’t like it but he nodded his assent. With that Rick went off to talk with the others about what they needed.

“Where are you going with this,” T-dog asked gesturing to the cot.

“Andrea and Dale,” Shane responded.

“Need a hand,” T-dog offered and Shane accepted. He couldn’t carry his gun along with everything else and he didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jenner and Amy when he wasn’t carrying.

Together the three of them made the trek back to quarantine to drop off the supplies.   
Things were tense in the room when they arrived. Dale thanked them for the cot and tried to tell Andrea she should get some sleep. Andrea suggested that Dale should go off with the others to rest himself. Jacqui played peacemaker, suggesting that she and Dale take the beds in the other near by rooms so they could be near by if Andrea needed them. Dale didn’t care for this arrangement at all but Andrea insisted. Jenner offered them meds but Shane was against it pointing out that with all the doors open, if Amy turned they were all at risk and even more so if they couldn’t wake up. Dale tried to insist that nothing was going to happen to Amy but Andrea interrupted, saying that Shane was right. Jenner offered that Amy could be restrained. Dale was against this as well but Andrea accepted as Amy’s sister giving Dale a hard glare as she did. Once Amy was restrained Andrea banished everyone from the room, taking the meds from Jenner as he left. Shane wasn’t expecting Andrea to be much use to them so he didn’t protest the meds a second time.

He and T-dog left the others behind to return to the office suites. Along the way T-dog tried to make conversation but Shane wasn’t really up for it. He agreed that it would be good to get some sleep but all he could think about was the time they would be missing out on to get things done. He agreed it would be nice to not be sleeping in a tent but all he could think about is where they would be sleeping once they moved on.

Shane parted ways with T-dog and started checking in to make sure the others were secure while making his way to Lori and Carl. He found them in the room at the end of the hall that Lori had used earlier. There were two cots set up side by side and a bed made on the couch. Lori was on the couch with Carl tucked into her side stroking his hair and talking to him softly about something. Both looked up when he entered. Shane gave them a smile but Lori’s face fell and so his did in turn. 

He looked around the rom then off towards the bathroom. Concerned he asked, “Where’s Rick?”

While Shane and Lori were worrying that something had happened up above Rick was safely on his way back down through the stairwell having left Daryl above to watch Jim’s back and hopefully get some sleep in the lobby.

He had intended to return to his family but when he reached the last step he found he… couldn’t.

“Vi,” he asked.

There was no response. Rick reminded himself that this wasn’t a person he was dealing with. This was a computer that needed a proper prompt.

“Vi, locate Doctor Jenner,” Rick tried.

Vi’s voice responded from over head advising Rick that Jenner was in one of the labs. It took another prompt for Rick to get directions to know where he should be going.

The lab Jenner was in was locked and sealed. Rick knocked on the glass to get the man’s attention.

Edwin startled at the noise. He hadn’t realize how sensitized being alone for so long had made him until he wasn’t alone anymore. He wasn’t used to there being noise he didn’t instigate. Rick’s knocking had nearly scared him out of his skin.

Earlier it had been the same. Being around the others had been overwhelming for him. Too many voices. Too much noise. Too many scents. He was almost overcome by the saturation of scent in the air. It had been too long since he’d scented anyone else. Scenting items didn’t come close to matching the impact of being surrounded by so many different strangers. As difficult as it was to acclimate, it also was a relief because it meant he was not alone.

Edwin had always been a social omega. He needed others. He needed his mate. He needed his pack. He needed to not be alone but he’d been alone and finally he wasn’t. It was a small kindness to come to him at the end. He’d been doing without for so long. When they’d been in the elevator he’d luxuriated in taking deep measured breathes full of the nuisances of people and life and packs and aspects. He’d been surprised when he realized the group was not one single pack particularly given the large number of non-cis in their number. The latest data Jenner had seen before everything went to hell had Alphas and Omegas taking up as high at ten percent but generally between one and two percent of the population in the states depending on region. He wandered if it was happenstance that had brought them together or something else. There were many things that weren’t understood fully about non-cis but one thing that was known, if not completely understood, was the instinct to come together, to form bigger packs in turbulent times. There was a phenomenon in times of economic hardship, war, and natural disasters where packs would grow dramatically in size. Edwin couldn’t help but to consider that this instinct had helped to bring and keep these people together. After all, in the end it was his suspecting that there were omegas and alphas out there that had compelled him to open the doors. 

“Testing the blood,” Rick asked as Jenner opened the door to him.

“Yes,” Edwin said. The tests weren’t complete yet but so far the results were as he’d come to expect. He supposed his disappointment in that meant he had allowed himself to hope for different results where none had come before.

He stood in the door waiting for Rick to say anything more but when he didn’t Edwin asked, “Do you need something?”

Rick shifted. “Do you mind if I,” he said gesturing into the room.

“Of course,” Edwin said standing to the side in invitation. As Rick stepped by Edwin couldn’t help but indulge in taking a breath, drawing in Rick’s scent. He could smell Rick’s aspect and pack. He could also smell a hint of death and it made his nose twitch.

“Did things go all right up there,” Edwin asked as Rick made his way into the lab. He collapsed down heavily onto a stool and nodded to Edwin in answer to his question.

Jenner stood, taking Rick in. The man was looking worn thin, somehow more so than even when he’d arrived despite the shower and meal and offer of rest. Edwin felt badly to have crushed the man’s hope of a safe haven. Alphas and Omega alike pushed harder than most to keep their loved ones alive. He knew the wear of it had to be getting to the man in front of him. Still that same drive would give Rick the strength to keep going. For his pack, if not himself. Edwin knew if Candace were still alive or even one member of his pack was in reach he’d go on trying for as long as he could. 

He waited for Rick to talk to him, to tell him what he needed.

It took some time for Rick to speak up. “Do you know yet… about Amy?”

Edwin nodded and saw defeat start to bloom in Rick’s face. He quickly corrected, “It’s not the bite. I got the results back a few minutes ago.”

Rick slumped forward. His eyes fell shut. “That’s good,” he said then cleared his throat.

He lifted his head and looked around at the lab taking in the equipment, the vials of blood. 

He asked, “Have you told Andrea and Dale yet.”

Edwin sat himself down, back in his seat. “Not yet. I wanted to finish things here for before shutting down power to the lab… got to shave off drain where we can,” he explained.

Rick nodded in understanding. “What are you looking for in the blood?”

Edwin’s lips pursed a bit. “Just general checks,” he lied casually.

Rick swallowed, still staring at the vials Jenner had collected from the group.

“If I asked you to check something…” He swallowed again and turned back to meet Jenner’s eye. “Could you?”

Edwin felt his face fall in on itself. He couldn’t think what Rick was planning on asking him. “It would depend what you were hoping for.”

“Doctors… You can…” Rick seemed to be struggling greatly with his words and couldn’t keep eye contact. 

Edwin felt apprehension rise up in him. 

Rick took a breath. Jenner could see him find his resolve. “Can you use the blood you took to check for pregnancy?”

Edwin felt shock take him. “You think someone in the group is pregnant,” he said a little horrified. He hadn’t been able to smell anything earlier but he didn’t know these people and he trusted that Rick wouldn’t have so much trouble coming to him if he didn’t have good reason to suspect.

“My wife,” Rick said his strength faltering. Edwin felt his gut plummet with sympathy for Rick who looked close to tears. “Lori…”

Edwin took pity on him. “You want to know if she’s pregnant?”

Rick’s breath shuddered out of him. “…I already know. I can smell it.” The admission seemed to gut him.

“If you already know…?” Edwin trailed off confused.

“Why do I want you to test?” Rick concluded for him.

Edwin nodded. Rick nodded in return, looking away.

“Lori’s not… She’ll take it better if she has real proof. She isn’t going to want to believe it. Having something she can hold in her hands, seeing lab results, having it come from you will make it easier for her to accept.”

Edwin was still confused. “Your word wouldn’t be enough,” he asked Rick not understanding.

Rick’s expression became grim. He didn’t answer for a long time.

Out in the halls Shane was feeling a bit sick to his stomach but he forced his worry down, burying it under irritation. He’d gotten back up to the surface to find Daryl laying down in the lobby. Daryl informed him that Rick had headed back down some time ago while Daryl was stay up top to keep an eye on Jim and things. “Come get us if there are any problems,” Shane told him absently as he turned to head back down but Daryl stopped him offering to come with. Shane declined the offer, assuring Daryl that it was probably nothing. Rick probably just got distracted, he dismissed. In truth he declined Daryl’s offer because with Rick putting him through this search Shane felt entitled to using the chance alone to continue their talk.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs he tried to track Rick but his nose had never been up to that kind of work. Instead he asked Vi where Rick was. Only for the computer to tell him that it didn’t know who “Rick” was. “Rick Grimes” didn’t help though Shane wasn’t really expecting it to. The computer did know where Jenner was or at least where he’d last used his keycard and that was enough for Shane. While he was making his way to the lab he caught Rick’s scent in the hall and realized that Rick must have gone looking for the doctor. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like Rick being alone with a stranger so he picked up the pace. He knew he was getting close when he could hear voices echoing down the hall from an open door. He couldn’t make out the words but as he got closer he slowed down to listen. He told himself that eavesdropping was just good sense before walking into an unknown situation.

Rick said something Shane couldn’t quite make out but Jenner’s response was clear to Shane’s ear.

“And how long has your sense of smell been impaired.” Shane could hear the words clearly but he didn’t understand. They didn’t make any sense to him. Was there someone else in the room. As far as he knew everyone else was accounted for. But Shane was certain he couldn’t be talking to Rick because Rick hadn’t said anything about something being wrong with sense of smell. Only then Shane’s suspicions about Rick keeping secrets cropped up. What if Rick hadn’t said anything? What if something was wrong? He’d thought as much hadn’t he, Shane mused.

Shane tensed in the hall as he listened to hear what Rick had been keeping from him that he would share with a stranger.

He listened as Rick told the Doctor about being shot and what had happened after. The Doctor asked questions but Rick had to apologize for not having the answers. He told the Doctor that Lori or Shane might know better what had actually happened to him. Shane knew that Lori would know better than him. He’d blocked out the Doctors most of the time as he resented their words for telling him things that were not what he wanted to hear. He did know some things though. There were some questions the Doctor asked that he could answer but Shane wasn’t willing to go in just yet. He figured the Doctor could have his answers later as for the time Shane would stay and listen and get answers of his own.

Once Jenner realized Rick didn’t have any answers to give he let Rick continue on with the story.

Rick explained how he’d found himself when he’d woken up. The doctor was surprised to hear that it had only been so recently and that Rick had found himself in as good a condition as he had. He asked about some things like, catheters, diapers, bedsores and how Rick had removed his IV, amongst other things. Shane listened, and cared, but he was impatient for things to move on. Though he was comforted to have Rick confirm again that he hadn’t found evidence that anything… untoward, as Rick’s mother would have said, had happen to him while he slept.

Then Rick got on to explaining about how he’d panicked because he couldn’t smell anything and how what he could smell was so faint it was hard to identity. He talked about how it still panicked him sometimes and made him anxious. How not being able to smell made everything feel wrong.

Early on in that explanation Shane had a realization that sent him head first into horror than panic. On numb legs he walked away from the lab. It wasn’t a thinking choose. His body was responding to some subconscious demand to get away while his head was filled with the echoing repercussions of “Rick doesn’t know”. Everything in his head in the moment revolved around that realization as it bounced around his skull like a wrecking ball.

Rick didn’t know? Rick didn’t know! Rick hadn’t known when he first came to camp? He hadn’t known. He didn’t know. So nothing that had happened since… Rick didn’t know. Rick didn’t know. Rick didn’t know! Shane had assumed Rick hadn’t said anything because he didn’t want to talk about it yet but that wasn’t it because Rick didn’t know. If Rick couldn’t smell right than he wouldn’t have been able to smell Shane and Lori on each other Shane thought with a racing heart. Rick wouldn’t have been able to smell what they’d been doing together. Shane had assumed Rick had just taken it well and he ripped into himself for that mistake. There had been no reaction, no tell. How could that make any sense? What was now clear, what made more sense, what made so much sense to Shane was that Rick hadn’t known and didn’t know. Rick didn’t know about him and Lori. Shane was sure of it. He didn’t know and that meant… that meant there was a chance that Rick wouldn’t be able to accept it. All the hope Shane had been letting grow turned to apprehension. What if Rick couldn’t accept it? What if it tore them and their pack apart?

Numbly Shane stumbled on into the bowels of the CDC, to lost in his head to be aware of his surroundings.

Back in the lab Rick finished explaining the inconsistencies in his ability to scent, the way it came and went and spiked to a level he’d never experienced before. He then started to give examples and as he went this expanded into an explanation of what had happened since he awoke.

Now that Edwin knew Rick’s story he couldn’t help but see the implications of the fact that while Rick had been away from his mate for some time, Lori’s pregnancy was far enough along for Rick to scent it but not so far along as for other’s to catch it.

“Your wife’s baby,” Edwin asked trailing off.

Rick sighed out wounded sound. One of the reasons Edwin had allowed him to continue on with his story despite how much of it was unnecessary for a diagnose was because it seemed to him that Rick needed to talk about his experiences with someone he didn’t feel he had to be strong for or whose feelings he felt obliged to protect. Given the level of emotion the man was displaying Edwin felt that had been the right call.

“It’s not mine,” Rick confessed like it had been ripped out of him. “It’s not mine.”

Edwin wanted to offer Rick some comfort but as he wasn’t pack there was nothing he could offer physically and he had no words that would suffice. So he sat in silent companion ship while Rick cried. The man was both physically and mentally exhausted and though Edwin couldn’t give him much, he felt he could at least give him was his time.

Eventually the tears ran out and Rick pulled himself together.

“It’s not mine,” he said again, this time with a steady voice.

“But it will be pack,” he added with conviction. The way he said it Edwin could almost believe that truth made the rest okay. He wondered whether that conviction was for the benefit of convincing him or if Rick trying to convince himself.

Edwin continued to hold his tongue, leaving room for Rick to fill the silence as he needed to and it seemed Rick did still have a need.

Rick told him some of his story over again, this time giving voice to the things he had glossed over the first time in an effort to avoid the truth about Lori’s pregnancy. He told Edwin about coming back to camp and then that night, as he was falling asleep, as his sense of smell kicked back on and the dreams that had come from that. He told about how when he’d first found his pack again, Lori hadn’t felt like a part of it. How things didn’t feel right only to turn. Come morning they still didn’t feel right but instead of feeling as though Lori wasn’t pack it felt to Rick that he wasn’t. He spoke of how he didn’t feel worthy of his family, like the place that used to belong to him didn’t exist anymore. It was then that he finally said in words that the baby was Shane’s. He continued on but Edwin was rather caught back on that revelation.

“Shane and Lori,” he interrupted, finally speaking.

Rick nodded. “They thought I was dead,” he says without a hint of doubt. “They thought I was dead so they… They moved on. They came together to fill the space I’d left.”

“To try to,” Edwin corrected as the rest rolled around in his head. “They may have been trying to fill the space and the numb the hurt but when you loose pack it never really heals.”

“I know that,” he admitted nodding again. “In my head I know that. Logically I know if I had actually died I’d have wanted things to go that way for them. But in my heart… I don’t know how this can work with me here.”

Edwin stared at Rick. “You never… shared? Before,” he asked.

Rick shook his head. “No. That’s not how our marriage works.”

He was silent for a few beats until he stated to explain some more things about his life and how it had been before.

With some bitterness he talked about Lori’s difficulties internalizing Rick and Carl’s aspect and Shane’s as well for that matter. He explains that despite knowing differently Lori often acted and made decisions as though they are all cis. He admitted that if Lori wasn’t cis or just seemed to understand better than prehaps he would be less worried for the future. But as things stood…

He talked about the strain his marriage had been under. He talked about the fights and the issues that came from, amongst other things, Lori’s lack of understanding. He explained how so many of the issues always seemed to come back to Lori’s mother and her upbringing and the hang ups it gave her in regard to certain things. He confessed that while he can’t be certain, he could see how things were likely to go. He believed Lori’s guilt would push her to play happy home and while she was forcing those emotions down they would fester into something worse. He suspected that she’d feel shame over the baby, that she’d see it and her relationship with Shane as a sign of failure. Rick was quick to reiterate that he doesn’t feel that way. He told Edwin how he was glad Lori and Shane took comfort in one another instead of taking their grief out on each other. He didn’t see the affair as a mark of their relationship failing. It was everything else that made him doubt the strength of their relationship.

He tells Edwin that he knows, he just knows that Lori is going to say that this baby is his and expect that they will raise it together ignoring the truth behind it because it’s a truth she will not want to acknowledge. He knew it. But that wasn’t how things could work. Sighing he said that maybe if he were cis but he’s not and Shane’s not and Carl’s not. Lori’s a part of a pack, having a child into a pack and Rick was certain she wasn’t going to like what that would mean. Everything in him said that baby was Shane’s and Shane would feel the same. It wouldn’t be something that could be ignored as much as Lori might want to. Shane had wanted a child for years but had never found anyone he felt right claiming as a mate. Now that he would be getting that child Rick said Shane wouldn’t be capable of ignoring his claiming to his child. But more than that, Rick didn’t want him to. That child was his and he deserved to claim it as such.

Edwin waited for Rick to say something more but when he didn’t Edwin prompted him. “What do you feel about the baby?”

Rick thought before answering. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed as he explained, “This probably isn’t right to say but…I resent not being asked. I resent not being there. I feel like, since I had no part in the start of things I don’t have a place going forward.”

Rick hung his head. “I feel like I’m intruding.”

After that final confession it seemed Rick had run out of things to say.

“I’ll take care of the blood work. I’ll get you a print out that’s official and clear,” Edwin told him. There wasn’t much he could do for Rick but this was something more he could give. It would use up a little extra power but it would be worth something, at least to the other man and his pack.

“Thank you,” Rick told him sincerely.

Edwin nodded and after a second of consideration realized there was something else he could give Rick, something that might do him some good to say.

“I never felt deserving of my wife, or my pack,” he confessed. “I never felt like I was good enough for them but what I felt didn’t matter. What they felt did. What they wanted matter and they wanted me… They declared me deserving and so I was.”

Rick nodded. He seemed to be pulling himself together. “Yeah,” said with a self deprecating chuckle. “I get that,” he put a hand his chest and pressed down, “but here…”

The two man sat in silence for a time. 

“Let me do some tests,” Jenner said breaking it. “I’ll look you over best I can. Maybe we’ll find some answers about your sense of smell. Then we’ll send you off to get some sleep while I do the blood.”

Rick nodded, scrubbing at his face while Edwin got a fresh pair of gloves. “Sounds good doc,” he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos, Criticism is all welcomed.
> 
>  
> 
> Seriously, please leave something even if it’s just “made it this far”. I just want opinions and to know people are reading past the first couple of chapters.


	12. Confrontation in the Rec Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s less than two days left until the CDC blows. The gang gets to work while Shane deals with his learning that Rick doesn’t know about his and Lori’s affair and lets Lori know as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Following chapters may discuss suicide in line with the things canon showed and discussed happening at the CDC. I will place this warning on all chapters that deal with these themes for those who would like to skip to the chapters that will be dealing with this. When the warnings cease to appear, you are safe.
> 
> There is a confrontation in this chapter that might be upsetting for some but its not anything as bad as canon. The title should maybe give you an idea as to who but no there is no non-con stuff here.

Carl tried to force himself to stay awake until Shane returned with his father but eventually the warmth and comfort of the couch got to him. He fell asleep and Lori left him to it while she herself remained awake, worrying as she waited for Shane to return either with Rick or with word of where her husband had gotten to.

Lori smiled at him with relief when Rick arrived though Shane wasn’t escorting him as she’d expected.

He took in Carl’s sleeping form then looked around the room. “Shane,” he asked softly.

“He went looking for you,” Lori explained coming to his side.

Rick nodded and turned ready to go off looking for his friend. 

“Don’t,” Lori told him, stopping him with a hand to his arm. “You’ll both just be wondering the halls looking for each other when you should be resting.”

The stubborn set to his face told Lori Rick wasn’t in agreement with her logic. 

“He came to check on me but he didn’t stay. I thought he’d have come back here,” he said looking worried.

Lori ran a comforting hand down his arm. “Where were you?”

Rick answered her question but his attention was out on the hall and on Shane’s absence instead. “With Jenner. I had him check out my side,” he explained.

“Your wound,” Lori asked concerned. She reached out to lay her hand over where he was shot and felt a fresh bandage under his shirt. “What did he say?”

Rick reached up, taking her hand in his and drawing it away from his side. “Its fine,” was all Rick had to say on the matter. 

Lori gave him a hard look, not believing and frustrated with his taciturn nature coming forward.

“It’s fine,” he insisted again. “Healing.”

Lori nodded, reluctantly accepting his word on the matter.

“I’m going to go look for Shane,” Rick declared releasing her hand.

“Rick,” Lori tried but he cut her off.

“I’m going to go look for Shane,” he said more sternly. With that he left.

Lori watched him leave with a frown in place. She knew Rick needed to rest. Shane as well. She didn’t like that they were wasting time running around after each other and while she was glad Rick had himself seen to, she would have preferred to be there to hear what the doctor had to say for herself. She knew there was nothing she could do about it though. Lori knew the man in her life to be stubborn, and not to be deterred from what they set themselves to.

She let herself settle onto the cot, facing with Carl as she needed him insight. She told herself that she’d just rest and stay awake until Rick and Shane returned but quickly the warmth and comfort dragged her under the same as it had her son. It seemed to her it was only the space of one breath to the next between wakefulness and Carl there in front of her bringing her back to the waking world. “Mom,” he said shaking her shoulder slightly.

Lori reached out for him reflexively. Running his hand down over his hair she asked, “Yeah, baby?”

Sounding a bit worried he asked, “Where’s Dad and Shane?”

Lori blinked away the fog that lingered from her nap as look around the room for a sign of either of the men in question only to find that it seemed neither man was a back yet. A little swell of apprehension tightened her throat and Lori swallowed against it, forcing it down for Carl’s sake.

“Your dad came back and went looking for Shane,” she told her son honestly. “They must have found something to distract them.”

“They probably started working without us,” Carl said rolling his eyes.

Realizing Carl was probably right Lori held off rolling her eyes as well. “Probably,” she agreed.

“We should go help too,” Carl said, the set of his jaw resolute.

Lori agreed. Out of all the group they had gotten the most sleep the night before. Carol and Sophia were too upset about Ed and what had happened in the camp while the Morales children worried about their father not being with them as he worked with the rest. Carl had trusted Shane to watch out for his father and with his mother near had managed to sleep well enough tucked away in the truck bed. Lori’s body had won out over her mind and she’d fallen into a restless sleep on and off through the rest of the night.

“We should go make up some food,” Lori suggested. At Carl’s scrunched up face she reasoned, “We’re going to be doing a lot of work. We aren’t going to have time to stop for meals. Best everyone has something available to keep up their strength.”

“What about Dad and Shane?”

“We’ll go find your dad and Shane after. Bring them something to eat,” she promised.

She ran a hand over his head as Carl nodded his acceptance. She smiled at him as she brushed hair back out of his face. Carl may not have been perfect but he’d always, generally been a good kid, always eager to help out and see the right thing done.

They took advantage of the presence of a bathroom while they still had one. Using the toilet, brushing their teeth, combing their hair, before getting dressed and heading out.

They found Carol was in the hall sorting through the supplies, the number of which seemed to have grow since Lori last saw them. Sophia was not in sight but Lori did notice that the door to the room the Pelters had claimed as their own was opened. She assumed by Carol’s ease that the little girl was inside.

“Find anything interesting,” Lori asked.

Carol stood, straightening out her back. Lori noticed how tired she looked and wondered if she’d gotten any sleep at all. 

“There’s some things here we could use but I’m not sure if we could use it more than the food, the medicine and guns Jenner promised us,” Carol said looking critically over the piles that lined the hall.

Lori nodded in understanding looking around as well. She saw clothes and toiletries dominated above all else.

“We’re thought we’d head to the kitchen, maybe make up some food for everyone. If you want to join,” Lori offered.

Carol looked off towards her room before looking back at Lori with an apologetic smile. “I want Sophia to sleep while she can,” she declined. “There’s so much out there to worry about. I think this is the first real sleep she’s gotten in months.”

Lori nodded in understanding. “If Rick or Shane comes by let them know where we are?”

“Of course,” Carol agreed and so Carl and Lori left for the cafeteria. 

When they got to the cafeteria Lori found herself missing her recipe books. She did her best to stick mainly the cold food as they agreed. The problem was that everything there seemed to need heating up. Ever time Lori had to ask Vi to turn something on or she had to plug something in she was aware that lost them some of the limited time they had left. More and moreLori found herself turning to what was available in the cupboards and pantry instead the frozen goods.

When they were done they gathered up most of the what they had made and headed back to the offices looking for Rick and Shane. They left the bulk of their offerings with Carol who reported that neither Rick nor Shane had been back yet. Feeling her worry creeping back Lori lead Carl towards quarantine to see if anyone there had seen them. She sighed in relief when they came on Rick along the way.

“Dad,” Carl called happily running to meet him.

“Hey,” Rick said greeted him with a smile and squatting down to Carl’s level to give him a hug when the boy reached his side.

“Is everything okay,” Lori asked as Carl asked after Shane, looking around for the man in question.

Rick was quick to assure Carl that Shane was fine before rising to his feet and explaining to Lori that Shane’s paranoia had kicked up leading him to searching the entire facility. Rick told them how he’d found Shane down with the generators checking out Jenner’s story. He then admitted that they were probably going to have to force some of Jenner’s sleep meds on Shane if he was ever going to get any rest. Lori shook her head at that knowing Rick was probably right.

“What’s that,” Rick asked tilting his head at the bags in Lori’s arms.

Together they continued to the quarantine room to deliver the food as Carl explained what they had made to Rick.

When they arrived Andrea was still sleeping. As Andrea slept Jacqui was watching over Amy while Dale and Jenner had a discussion at the end of the hall. Jacqui and Jenner seemed happy that they had arrived while Dale did not. Though all three thanked them for the food Lori noticed that none of them actually moved to eat anything, choosing to set it aside instead. She asked if they wanted something else. They assured her it was fine but still they weren’t eating so Lori was concerned but let it pass.

Rick asked about the collection of supplies they passed in the hall which they learned had been gathered by Jenner and Jacqui’s from the quarantine ward and nearby labs. They were then lead back out into the hall so Jenner could explain to them what all was there. Carl volunteered to carry some of the things off to the others. Rick agreed and escorted him back with Jenner tagging along leaving Lori alone with Jacqui. Together they worked on loading things up and compacting them down so it would be easier to transport it.

With Carl gone Lori felt free to ask for some more detail as to how Amy was doing. Jacqui sighed and confessed that she’d woken up for a short time but between the fever and the pain medication she’d been very out of it. She’d needed to hear that Andrea was okay and once she knew she was she’d fallen back to sleep. 

“Andrea won’t be happy she missed it,” Lori commented.

Jacqui agreed and told Lori that Dale had handled the news bad enough so she couldn’t imagine how Andrea would take it.

“What did he do,” Lori asked.

Jacqui, who wasn’t one to gossip seemed to hesitated before speaking. “He just railed some. He wasn’t happy we didn’t wake him up.”

Lori side-eyed Jacqui. “He isn’t taking this well is he,” she asked.

Jacqui stopped for a moment and looked off toward quarantine. “No. He’s not.”

She turned back to Lori. 

“He’s trying to persuade Jenner to come with us. It’s why we left to go through the labs. Having Dale going in on him like that about the value of life and his skills… It wasn’t doing any good. Jenner’s mind won’t be changed. This isn’t a decision he’s making lightly. And Dale pushing him with only Amy in mind.” Jacqui cut herself off shaking her head.

“He’s helping us. He didn’t need to but he his. He doesn’t deserve to paid for that kindness with a guilt trip. We’ve seen what it’s like out there. With the way things are, it’s wrong to expect him to go out their for us. The man wants peace.”

Lori was surprised to hear Jacqui say that given her religious beliefs. Lori found personally that she couldn’t agree. A man like Jenner with all his skills could mean the difference between life and death out there. Lori couldn’t help but feel Dale was right to push Jenner if there was even a chance he could get the man to change his mind. IT wasn’t just Amy they had to think about. It was Rick and Carl and all the rest of the kids and the group. For all their sakes Lori was going to hold out hope that something would change Jenner’s mind.

Lori realized those feeling must have shown on her face because Jacqui was looking at her with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow in an expression of disapproval.

“We can’t expect him to go on just for us. It isn’t fair to him. He may say he’s been living for the promise he made his wife but it isn’t true. The man’s been living on the promise of a quick painless death. We can’t promise that to him out there. We can’t tell him he’s wrong for not wanting to face it.”

Quietly she added, “I’ll admit, when he first told me about it his decision I thought I might stay myself.”

“Jacqui,” Lori pleaded. She reached out to her friend, horrified at the thought of loosing one of the few people they had left in this world.

Jacqui reached out to her in return. With a watery smile she went on. “I was tempted but the more I thought about it… When Jim said he was going to do what he could with the time he had left that decided it for me. The kids, Miranda, T, you, the others. We’re all any of us have these days. I’m not ready to go just yet. Not when there still might be something more for me to do.”

Lori shuddered with relief. Blinking back tears she reeled Jacqui in for a hug which the other woman returned.

“Who knows,” she added, “God might yet find a use for me in this world.”

Lori nodded against Jacqui’s shoulder unable to speak.

By the time the boys returned all tears had been dried and the women were back to work. They’d brought some of the others along with them including Sophia who had woken up and was sticking close to Carl. Together they transferred the supplies outside of quarantine to the cafeteria where the other’s had decided to move things as the cafeteria provided them with the space they needed as well as tables and counter tops to better sort things out.

As the offices were almost entirely cleared they set to work towards finishing things there and soon the rest of the stragglers who’d been sleep woke and joined their efforts. After Glenn had found a gun and a bottle of pain meds in a room the others had thought they’d cleared it was decided Glenn had the job of doing the final sweep on every room before marking the door with a big bold red marker they’d found in one of the offices when there was nothing more of use to find there. It became something like a challenge to sweep the room clean so their was nothing to find when Glenn did his search. When he did find something that had been left behind it poked the adults egos and pushed them to think differently and look harder. The kids found it to be a great sort of game and got a thrill from finding things the adults hadn’t and learning from Glenn where they should be looking. Once or twice they found things that even Glenn had missed simply because of the lower angle with which they viewed things. The way the kids produced this like it was hidden treasure, their childish enthusiasm was something they all but most of all the parents were happy to see.

Once the offices were finished they divided off into teams. Rick and most of the others went with Jenner to clear the rest of the labs who he could shut off power to that section of the facility and buy them some more time. The parents all vetoed the idea of bringing the kids around the chemicals and the other things they might stumble across in the labs so while the rest went off Lori, Carol, and Miranda kept the kids busy in the cafeteria with sorting and meal prep and packaging things up to take up as little space as possible.

That was where Shane found them when he finally appeared. 

Lori was sorting through clothes when Shane into the room looking almost drunk in the way he swayed and moved uncertain of his footing. Lori could see what Rick had been talking about. Shane looked beyond exhausted. His face was pale, his hair was in disarray, his eyes were wild. He waited just inside the doorway searching the room. When his eyes found Lori’s he gave her a look that told her he wanted to speak in private.

“Carl, honey,” Lori said to her son, glad he hadn’t noticed Shane yet. “I’ll be back in a bit okay?”

Carl nodded to her absently as he continued with his work.

After a quick pat to his arm and a look shared with Carol, Lori moved to Shane’s side and quickly lead him out into the hall.

Once they had some privacy Lori stopped them and asked, “Didn’t you get any rest at all?” 

Shane didn’t answer. Instead their positions changed and it became Shane leading Lori farther away from the others.

“Shane,” Lori asked concerned. There was still no reply.

“Is something wrong,” Lori tried again, confused and concerned but still Shane wasn’t saying a word. Not a word and the way his was moving, the look in his eye. She didn’t like it. She thought it couldn’t mean anything good. They already had enough going on. Lori didn’t want to hear there was anything else they had to deal with.

Shane lead them past the offices and on to the rec room. He ushered her inside ahead of him while he eyed the hallway wearily. Once satisfied he he followed her in pulling the door shut behind him with enough force that the subsequent bang startled Lori bad enough for her heart to skip.

Shane flipped the lock and Lori crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s happening,” she demanded, feeling ill. “What’s wrong?”

It seemed Shane would continue to ignore her as he started to pace the space between her and the door. He ran his hand through his hair several times in as many steps as he quickly stared to to build up speed.

“Shane,” Lori tried again this time allowing herself to raise her voice.

Finally he stopped and looked at her. It only lasted a second before he started up again. 

Lori was ready to take drastic action but was spared doing so when Shane finally spoke.

“He doesn’t know.”

Lori stared. She didn’t know what she had been expecting but it wasn’t that. Most frustrating of all it told her nothing. “What,” she asked sounding as irritated as she felt.

“He doesn’t know,” Shane repeated all teeth in a way she hadn’t been faced with since they’d settled things back in the early days of camp.

As Shane turned to walk away from her again Lori reached out, stopping him with a hand on his arm. 

When she had Shane’s attention she confessed, “I don’t understand” her voice taking on a quality that had become very familiar to them both of them during Rick’s time in the hospital. It often came forward when Lori was left to deal with the doctors and the staff. It was polite but for someone who knew her the emotions and stress tangled up and hidden underneath were clear.

For the first time since appearing in the cafeteria Shane seemed to not just look at her but to really see at her. 

“What’s wrong,” Lori tried again, this time not bothering to hold back her concern from her voice in the slightest.

Shane cringed for a moment at hearing it before composing himself. He turned into her touch, into her space, and brought his arms around her for an embrace. Hesitatingly she returned as her apprehension grew.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised holding her tighter. “… Remember that Lori. We’re going to be okay. We’ll make it work.”

She held to him tighter. “Shane,” she asked genuinely scared and needing answers.

Shane brought a hand to the back of her head cradling it gently.

“Rick doesn’t know,” he confessed softly.

This didn’t help Lori. “Rick doesn’t know what,” she said wanting Shane to get on with it.

She felt Shane’s arms flex around her. His voice wasn’t quite calm when he answered, “Rick, he doesn’t know about us.”

“…Us what,” Lori asked dumbly.

“About us, Lori.”

At first Lori truly didn’t understand what Shane was trying to tell her. When lack of understanding became denial she went impossibly still. Shane began petting her head.

“Rick doesn’t know about us Lori. Rick doesn’t know what happened when we thought…”

Lori still wasn’t quite able to accept it. “How? …You said.”

Shane shook his head. “I know what I said.”

He let her go to run a hand over his head.

“And it should have been right. But Rick didn’t tell us everything.” His resentment was clear by his tone.

As he returned to pacing he started ranting about how they should have known. 

“Rick shows up, been in a coma, been abandoned their without a care and all we think to worry about is the gun shot. We should of thought about what we couldn’t see. About what Rick would hide from us. I knew there was something but I didn’t push him enough.” 

Shane gave a scoff and roughly pulled at his hair.

“Then we let him go off. Didn’t really know what was wrong and we let him going play hero in the city alone with all those walkers. Fuck!”

“Shane,” Lori interrupted raising her voice to get his attention then softening it before continuing. “What does this have to do with… What’s wrong with Rick?”

“His sense of smell isn’t working,” Shane explained talking to her but not looking at her. His eyes were wide and wild and a million miles away. “I overheard him talking to the doc. Rick’s sense of smell hasn’t been working since he woke up.”

Lori just stared at him, trying to process the implications of this, trying to accept what he was telling her. With acceptance came a mixture of dread and profound relief.

In her silence Shane continued to pacing and was muttering things Lori wasn’t really paying attention to because Rick didn’t know. The dread of how he might feel if he learned was overpowered by the headiness of relief.

“This is good,” Lori declared making Shane pause mid step.

He turned back to stare at her. 

“What,” he asked incredulously, half expecting her to be talking about some food or something she’d found in the room, snacking on a bonbon or some shit but no, she was standing there exactly where he’d left her looking at him expectantly.

“This is good,” she reiterated dropping her arms to her side and standing straighter. 

Shane didn’t have an idea what was going through her head. “How is this good,” he asked because from where he was standing there was nothing good about this.

“Because if Rick doesn’t know, he doesn’t have to know.”

Shane just stared at her, anger bubbling up in him as the statement and the motivation behind the statement sunk in. ‘Why can’t she ever learn? Why are we always dragging her forward then the second we let go she’s stumbling back? We dealt with this yesterday. How can we be back here again already?’ The questions running through his head only served to stir up resentment which fueled his anger.

Lori shifted uneasily under his stare.

“Think about it Shane,” she said, her tone becoming a bit condescending in a way that stroked Shane’s already rilled nerves the wrong way. “Do you want to put Rick through anything more. He’s already been through so much. Do you want him to put more pain and stress on him when he doesn’t have to know.”

“No, I don’t,” Shane said forcing the words out. 

Lori nodded, mistaking what he’d said for actual agreement with her idea of what was logical.

“Then we can’t tell him. His knowing would only hurt him. Telling him would be selfish. We’d be hurting him to satisfy our own guilt. The right thing to do is to keep it to ourselves. To carry the burden ourselves.”

Lori’s gaze had wondered as she spoke while Shane was still staring at her hard with his mounting anger contorting his face. He had no words to say just yet in the face of this… ignorance. This bullshit. She may have started out trying to convince him but from the sound of it Shane thought she’d only managed to further convince herself. That she could convince herself that this was right sickened Shane.

Lori’s eyes came back to him. She grew defensive taking in his expression. He voice took back that condescending, superior edge which it had lost when she thought she had his agreement. Her arms came back up across her chest.

“It’s not as though it’s something that’s ever going to happen again,” she declared and as angry as he was Shane couldn’t help but flinch at that statement, at the denial of the future he’d ben imagining in his head. Lori saw it and a new light came to her eyes as her mouth pinched further.

“Like you said, we thought Rick was dead. But he isn’t. My husband is alive. He’s back and with us. What happened only happened because we thought he was gone. He doesn’t need to know because it isn’t something he’s going to have to worry about. Now that he’s back it’s never going to happen again.”

Shane continued to stare, still not having words for this. There were feelings though. Many feelings. It felt like his brain was swelling as his skull tingled and his entire body heated up.

“You’re going to have to keep your distance from me,” she told him. “Maybe from Rick and Carl as well. It will be harder to settle back into this… to forget some bad habits we’ve learned if we’re always around each other.”

One step forward and then right back again. She wanted to fall right back into the plan she’d had when Rick first got back. Push Shane away and ignore everything that developed between them. The idea that she wanted to lie to Rick, her husband, her mate, was bad enough but expecting Shane to do it? Shane had to fight not to growl and snarl in her face.

“So this is your plan,” Shane asked aggression clear in his tone. Lori flinched, just the smallest bit, but he didn’t care. “Pretend nothing ever happened and just hope you can keep Rick from ever finding out. Keep it all to yourself. Make me keep it in too. We never talk about it to him and never to each other. Just act like strangers in the same pack to draw off suspicion? Keep quite? Live in denial?”

“You honestly think you can keep this a secret?” Shane laughed, harsh and mocking. “And what if everyone else isn’t up to play your game?”

“Shane,” she told him warningly. “If you-”

Shane stalked closer to her and Lori fell back a step losing her word. He didn’t expect anything more of her. 

“Oh I’m not talking about me,” Shane told her now with his down dipping into condescension. “Like hell I’d keep things from Rick but say I did. Say I followed this fucked up little plan of yours. How exactly are you planning on keeping everyone else quiet about it? How are you planning on making sure Carl or Carol or Daryl or anyone else in this group for that matter don’t go spilling your secret? How are you gonna be sure that doesn’t happen. How much pain and stress to you think Rick will have when he finds out from someone else?”

The confusion that had taken over Lori’s face turned to horror. “What,” she asked sounding breathless.

Shane laughed again. This time bitterly amused. “God woman!”

Shane yanked violently on his hair to keep himself from grabbing hold of her and giving a good shake. It was like after years of living in a pack, married to an omega, raising an omega, she somehow still hadn’t ever learned anything about non-cis.

“You never stop to think, do you,” he demanded of her with venom.

“Carl knows,” she asked sounding shaky.

He smiled at her, all teeth and edge.

“Yeah he knows. Just like everyone who lived in that damn camp with us likely knew!”

“But how,” Lori said unable to understand, unable to grasp it and put the pieces together.

“The same way Rick should have known when he first got back; Fucking scent Lori.” 

She continued to stare at him with lost panicked eyes. 

Some of the anger boiled down and condensed into disgust. “Every time we got at it we covered ourselves in the scent of each other, the scent of sex. So whatever bullshit you thought about pretending nothing happened and pushing me away from my pack isn’t gonna work. You know. I know. Carl knows. Everybody but the man who most deserves to as your husband, as your mate knows. You may not have been able to smell it but I could, Carl could, the same as every god damn omega and alpha in camp could. And even then, even without scent we may have been being discreet but we weren’t being secretive. God, even if we were all cis, people didn’t need a good nose to guess what we were up to.”

“Carl,” Lori said still shaky and now with tears starting to spill over from her eyes.

Shane sneered. “Carl’s an omega, Lori. Same as his father, your husband. We’re born knowing what that smell means even before we know what sex is. He knew what was going from the first time it happened.”

“He never said,” Lori accused and Shane sneered. What did she think? That he would lie about this.

Shane started to move, circling her, eying her like someone adversarial. “Of course he did. To me. He’s been raised to know better than to bring shit like that up in public. He was to embarrassed to talk to you about it knowing how… cis you are about things. So he came to me. He came to the only other member of his pack he had to go to cause that’s what pack is. Pack is being their for each other. Pack is not letting anything come between you. Pack is everything, and you want me to keep my distance all so you could live in denial.”

Shane turned to circle back around Lori moving closer into her space progressively through the circuit.

“Have you met your husband? Do you not know the first thing about Rick? Because from what you're thinking it sure as hell don’t seem like you do,” he accused. He could see Lori was gearing up to get indignant. He was sure she would spew out some more shit to distract herself from facing the truth and having to question if she was in the wrong the way she always did with Rick, in that way of hers which always left Rick feeling tired and impudent, wrong and right and nagged by doubt and needing Shane to set him right. But Shane wasn’t Rick. Shane wasn’t having it. She didn’t get to try to make this seem like she wasn’t in the wrong in this. Not with Shane.

He charged, crowding into her space from behind, surprising her with the quick action. She stumbled forward trying to get away from him and fell into the back of the couch.

“Shane,” she reprimanded him but Shane followed right behind her trapping her in place. She was scared now. Shane could see it, hear it, feel it. As far as he was concerned she deserved it. He thought, maybe, a little fear would help to keep her from forgetting this lesson and falling back a step again. Shane really didn’t think he could handle having to get this through to her again. He loved her, but it didn’t stop him from being furious with her.

“You need to get this out of your head Lori. You need to move on,” he growled right in her face with his teeth bared and his jaw tight. “You can’t push me away or hide this from Rick just because it will be easier on you.”

“Easier on me,” Lori asked sounding insulted.

But Shane wasn’t letting her do that. He wasn’t letting her go there and disappear from what she’d been planning by making herself out to be the victim. He gave into his desire for physicality. Grabbing her by the arms he gave her a good solid shake.

“Yes, easier on you. Because Rick has been through hell and so has Carl and so have I and so have you. We need each other right now but you don’t want to face fact so you’d rather selfishly make demands that I stay away so you can keep Rick ignorant for how long that lasts.”

Shane snorted with his lip still pulled up in a sneer.

“You’d rather pretend you're a perfect idyllic housewife but news flash Lori. Your house is gone, the worlds gone to shit, and Rick would want to know about this. Rick wouldn’t want to be lied to.”

“It’s,” was all Lori got out because Shane wasn’t going to let her argue with him. He squeezed her arms tight as e roughly yanked her closer in to him. He didn’t have much height on her but he had some and his bulk. He used both to his advantage so he might tower over her and intimidate. As far as he was concerned she was going to get this through her thick skull no matter what he had to do.

“It’s not happening Lori,” he said slow and clear. His eyes felt hot with emotion and intensity with which he was trying to convey this to her.

When Lori cowered, trying to shrink away from his touch Shane didn’t feel doubt or shame. He felt satisfied.

She looked away from him, looking off to the side. “Shane, you're hurting me,” Lori tried, speaking in a reasonable measured tone.

Shane didn’t give a shit. This is what he wanted. He needed Lori brought down so she would see.

He let go of one of her arms. He could see that for a moment she thought he was letting her go. He wasn’t. He brought his freed hand up to wrap in her hair at the base of her skull. He then used that grip to force her head back with a jerk to force her to meet his eye. He wanted to hurt her just enough that she would remember this, to remember the pain and stop falling back on old habits. Words and lessons she forgot with ease. Shane thought pain, like fear would be harder to forget. At least that’s what Shane told himself. But deep down there was a part of him that was egging him on because he wanted to hurt her for the pain she’d caused him and would have caused their pack with her plan. He’d never admit to himself that this voice existed let alone that he’d acted on it with a member of his pack.

“You need to stop being this… this selfish bitch who can’t think about others Lori. You need to take the time to actually think about what others feel and need and are. You need to stop thinking about what you want your husband and everyone else to be and start accept things for how they are. Accept us for who we are. You need to wake up cause how you want things to be? It wouldn’t have worked before and it definitely doesn’t work now.”

He let that hang in the air as he stared her down. As he waited let the hand on her arm and the other in her hair gentle until her was cradling her flesh under his palm. He may have wanted to hurt her a bit but he wasn’t looking to leave bruises or do any kind of real damage.

Once he felt he’d given her enough time he continued. “Rick would want to know, so we’re going to tell him. Not now but when things are calmer, when he’s had a chance to adjust to how things are now, then we’ll tell him.”

He watched Lori, waiting. She gave a jerky nod and Shane let out a slow breath. Now that things were settled he let himself pet at her arm and head in apology for the rough treatment. Lori turned her eyes away from him but Shane didn’t mind now that she’d agreed. The lesson was learned and that helped to placate some of what he was feeling.

“It may take awhile,” he warned her. “Might be a week. Might be two. But we will sit down to talk about this as adults, not moving around it just to save you your blushes. We’re going to figure out how to move forward as a pack because this isn’t just about you and me. In fact it’s more about Rick than ether of us going forward. So we’re gonna do this for him. We’re gonna give him what he needs. He may get angry and if he is he has the right. He may forgive us. He may not. But that is his choice to make and it’s entitled to make it.”

Lori nodded still not meeting his eye. “Yes Shane,” she said her voice numb.

Shane’s eyes tightened and his hands stilled. He didn’t like that. He didn’t know if he could trust that she was agreeing for real when her voice didn’t provide any sincerity to her words. If she was just placating him he didn’t know what more he could do though to get the message to stick. The anger spiked back up a bit. He was sick of not being able to trust in what he knew of his pack.

He released her entirely and took a step back putting distance between them. He didn’t want to comfort her any longer. He didn’t want to be near her any longer. So without saying anything more he turned and left her behind. Stalking out he was determined to go find something to do. They were on a ticking clock and as far as Shane was concerned there were more important things to see to than Lori’s feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve made it this far please leave a comment or kudos.


End file.
